[INFJ] Working the INFJ Function Yo-Yo

[Emily Wanderer]

It feels like I'm teetering on the edge of some sort of boundary in my mind...I've been extremely isolated for several months, and I feel very much alienated from society as a whole. I interact to the extent that I feel forced to, but other than that I don't feel totally engaged until I am alone in the woods.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

It feels like I'm teetering on the edge of some sort of boundary in my mind...I've been extremely isolated for several months, and I feel very much alienated from society as a whole. I interact to the extent that I feel forced to, but other than that I don't feel totally engaged until I am alone in the woods.

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

I love the woods too. They were my first love. Can you tell more about why you are isolated?

 

[Emily Wanderer]

How old are you, if you don't mind my asking?

I love the woods too. They were my first love. Can you tell more about why you are isolated?

I'm 21, and I just quit using last year. It's a positive move for me, but so many people I depended so heavily are all gone. They judge me, but I don't care. I just feel really sluggish in getting myself back out into the world.

 

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I'm 21, and I just quit using last year. It's a positive move for me, but so many people I depended so heavily are all gone. They judge me, but I don't care. I just feel really sluggish in getting myself back out into the world.

Oh, so you have been through a lot recently, and you are pretty young. That's awesome you quit. Congratulations. You might feel like they judge you, but they are watching you too. Perhaps over time, they will see that quitting can be a positive and good thing. If the woods are where you feel best, that's probably where you need to be, to heal and reassess who you are, don't you think? You have a mentor you can talk to right?

edit: Perhaps it's not time to get back into the world for you yet. I know it takes me a looong time to heal from something emotional, and that looks like withdrawing from the world for many months. And that's just something relatively minor, not quitting using.

 

[Quay]

I'm in a constant state of "epiphany", always thinking that I'm becoming aware of something really important. But if you'd ask me what it is, I'd have a hard time to explain it; because Ni is not about having concrete thoughts, but a way of perceiving the world.

I do appreciate it, because it ultimately makes my inner world more rich. But I'm worried what will happen if I enter such a period when I'll have a family and a job to take care of..

I'm currently going through this with a family and job. My brain rewired so that my kids are a part of my soul, they are not really separate from me, in a weird way. I think of a water molecule.

When I work, I always have them on my mind, which makes the process necessary.

Others folks, I pay no attention to whatsoever, just fall off the face of the planet....

 

[Skyward]

I'm currently going through this with a family and job. My brain rewired so that my kids are a part of my soul, they are not really separate from me, in a weird way. I think of a water molecule.

When I work, I always have them on my mind, which makes the process necessary.

Others folks, I pay no attention to whatsoever, just fall off the face of the planet....

Maybe that's part of Ni psychology? It has to withdraw from stimulus to blend new, important data into the scheme of things. Especially with big data, like you and your children (Its the same with my INFJ dad). I think my ENFP friend would call this 'Closed Mindedness'

Otherwise its a hardline emotional thwack to get it into gear. I can be extremely frustrated at myself the night before but the next day I feel set and ready, boom va-voom. Too bad the 'ENFP for a day' feeling lasts a few days only (if I'm so lucky).

Since I'm only in Finland for a few more months, I don't have the luxury of taking my time 'in my world' for a natural-feeling length of time. I get my alone time when I can but I would be missing way to much of the cool people I met if I decided to go on a 'introvert self discovery' adventure.

I think Ni users feel in their minds something similar to what Se users feel in the real world. Our mind, or at least mine, is very tactile and must get used to the idea of something just as an Se user gets used to the feel, and other senses, of something. We enjoy the act of thought and trying new ideas and imaginative worlds/connections while Se users enjoy new things to see, touch, taste, and smell. Where an Se user would go to a country for the food or exotic clothing, an Ni user would go for the new perspective on culture, adding a new block to balance and compare in their mind.

 

[Amagi]

Goodness, am I glad to have found this thread. I really identify with what Skyward and others (Quay, most recently) have been saying.

I start to become very alienated from reality as well if I have no social contact for a day or so. This rarely happens to me now, however, when it has happened in the past I have felt like my mind was almost floating away into a dream. I could be making myself lunch and be thinking about the most abstract, day-dreamy, symbolical ideas. I think, perhaps, for INFJ's although we enjoy/need time and space... we also need some proximity to other human life to keep us tethered to this planet.

I used to go through extremes like that as well, though they were tied to longer periods of social inactivity. Now I experience what Skyward has been talking about. I do think that those times of "indrawal" are very important for our type. It is not something to put an end to- it is an important part of who we are. But it is incredibly important that we not stay there. What one of you said about going into a period of that kind of introspection and then coming out with the necessary perspective and tools to engage the world around you was so insightful! Tycho said,

"I'm in a constant state of "epiphany", always thinking that I'm becoming aware of something really important. But if you'd ask me what it is, I'd have a hard time to explain it; because Ni is not about having concrete thoughts, but a way of perceiving the world."
...
"I feel like I'm about to leave such a Ni-dominated period for now (that lasted over 3 months and was triggered by following an intensive master class with an INFJ writer) and I start to have an active desire to contribute things to the world and be a part of it; actually, stronger than ever before, as I'm more aware of what my role in the world can be."

This is exactly my experience! I have just left a similar time period of slightly less duration and have come out of it with the necessary drive, focus, and wisdom to pursue my next tasks with vengeance.

One thing I found out about changing my mood, maybe it's related to an inferior Se, is that I tend to get out of a depression if I just turn into a caffeinated clown for a while... granted it only works if at least a couple people are amused by it. Anyone else who gives me odd looks just amuse ME then. Maybe that's what they mean about giving your inferior function what it wants so everything else can work correctly.

This is very true for me as well. After an intense Ni-dominated period of even a week I feel the need to bow to the Se and create an experience such as you describe. This works very well as it feeds my needs while also connecting with other people and serving them by entertaining them. This almost always results in very positive feedback and strong rapport between us, establishing that connection again and catering to the positive aspects of the whole "mirror" analogy you guys went over.

As I have gotten into the habit of accepting this kind of ebb and flow process, I have come to find that the Ni-dominate times can be of so much use. When used in conjunction with an eventual "coming out" that involves dialogue with the world and a passionate outpouring of self (like Tycho was saying), this process can be the most incredible, fulfilling experience.

 

[Skyward]

Goodness, am I glad to have found this thread. I really identify with what Skyward and others (Quay, most recently) have been saying.

I used to go through extremes like that as well, though they were tied to longer periods of social inactivity. Now I experience what Skyward has been talking about. I do think that those times of "indrawal" are very important for our type. It is not something to put an end to- it is an 1*important part of who we are. But it is incredibly important that we not stay there. What one of you said about going into a period of that kind of introspection and then coming out with the necessary perspective and tools to engage the world around you was so insightful! Tycho said,

2*"I'm in a constant state of "epiphany", always thinking that I'm becoming aware of something really important. But if you'd ask me what it is, I'd have a hard time to explain it; because Ni is not about having concrete thoughts, but a way of perceiving the world."
...
"I feel like I'm about to leave such a Ni-dominated period for now (that lasted over 3 months and was triggered by following an intensive master class with an INFJ writer) and I start to have an active desire to contribute things to the world and be a part of it; actually, stronger than ever before, as I'm more aware of what my role in the world can be."

This is exactly my experience! I have just left a similar time period of slightly less duration and have come out of it with the necessary drive, focus, and wisdom to pursue my next tasks with vengeance.



This is very true for me as well. After an intense Ni-dominated period of even a week I feel the need to bow to the Se and create an experience such as you describe. This works very well as it feeds my needs while also connecting with other people and serving them by entertaining them. This almost always results in very positive feedback and strong rapport between us, establishing that connection again and catering to the positive aspects of the whole "mirror" analogy you guys went over.

As I have gotten into the habit of accepting this kind of ebb and flow process, I have come to find that the Ni-dominate times can be of so much use. When used in conjunction with an eventual "coming out" that involves dialogue with the world and a passionate outpouring of self (like Tycho was saying), this process can be the most incredible, fulfilling experience.

I totally agree with this whole post; in reading it I have noticed how my recent weeks have been paralleling it. Right now I'm in the gray zone between our Introversion terms and Extroversion terms where I'm connecting ideas like crazy with Ni (Mostly in relation to a pen and paper RPG idea I'm formulating) and it seems to be like an out of control lawnmower that won't stop until it's out of fuel. Then I wonder where it will go.

One problem with these terms is that many people don't 'get' them. They don't have to go through months of seclusion then a period of crusading, and then back again to seclusion, so they look at it perplexedly. This seems especially true of S-es of all types ((I wonder if all Ns have these 'I/E Seasons' or if its connected to introversion)). With my host-family I sense a little bit of awkwardness from my almost constant seclusion which is kind of alien to them (ESTJ (?) hostdad and ISFJ hostmom) and I cannot share my ideas with them fully because their interests are more concrete than mine.



Another thing that popped into my head was something to do with focus. do you others sometimes get into a super focused state where reality becomes a dream and things you turn that focus on become somehow easier? I remember at math competitions where I would be in this semi-trance and figure out problems I would normally struggle with. There's an example with an INJ-seeming (?) rock climber / mathematician named John Gill that is seen as a zen climber who can scale large boulders that look impossibly smooth. Krakauer wrote a story about him explaining that he was a Zen practitioner that would hone is mind just as sharply as he honed his body for climbs. These things seem related.

 

[nicola.kirwan]

I wanted to bump this thread to see if anyone else had more to say about this experience. I can relate so much and am glad to finally see I'm not just a weird person (or maybe I am, but amongst a colony of others with the same unique bent ). I find Ni to be a huge labyrinthine cave that is easy to get lost in without realizing it. But the problem is, from a practical standpoint, that it doesn't feel bad to be there. It feels very gratifying. And this is the difficulty, because life calls and one must meet it.

I totally understand the feeling that the idea that is currently on one's mind is so.important and always on the cusp of clear manifestation to the extent that all else seems secondary to being present for its realization. Does anyone else get afraid that if they put the idea down for the moment that it won't be there when they get back? That they will have missed the opportunity to fully grasp it? I guess this is how extraverted sensors feel when they don't want to miss the party or whatever is happening in the moment.

My Ni-Ti yo-yo makes it a challenge to maintain balance, and a part of the reason is that it can actually be very productive--or at least feel productive. INFJs are said to alternate between monasticism and crusading which balances things in the long arc of life; but I'm also looking for more balance in the day to day.

I've also found that Fe can be pretty useless in jerking me out of this loop if it is merely serving Ni's ends. For instance, one might have this great intuition about the world and then set about making it a reality, but that still doesn't mean that you will have connected in a substantial way with other people--even if you achieve your goal. My inkling is that, though it is the inferior process, Se might be much more important to the development of INFJs as it provides actual grounding in the moment, with the people who are around you, not just politeness or judgments about how society or social relationships should be ordered.

 

[CatBalou]

I can't explain it with as much eloquence as the earlier posters, but yes, I definitely recognise that state. I'm in it at the moment and while I'd love to be able to spend my time daydreaming, I have a full-time job and kids to look after so that's not really a possibility any more I really recognise this in particular:

I totally understand the feeling that the idea that is currently on one's mind is so.important and always on the cusp of clear manifestation to the extent that all else seems secondary to being present for its realization. Does anyone else get afraid that if they put the idea down for the moment that it won't be there when they get back?

It makes it hard to focus on real life when there's so much going on in my head. It is enjoyable in its own way, but I feel guilty about not being more engaged with other people and basically just floating around in a daydream with no clear idea of what I've done all day. I think it's a necessary healing/pause to a fuller life, but not for too long.