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  1. #11
    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Dec 2008
    468 sx/sp
    EII None


    I go into that mode for awhile. I also find sensory deprivation almost essential to recovery, or being silent and in the presence of trees. The image I have of myself in those situations is like people being annihilated in a nuclear blast -- that I just crumble to ash -- I feel obliterated. Or sometimes it's a slow internal implosion.

    In the hospital, however, I am a holy terror such that I don't even recognize myself, and that's just as beyond my control as the shutting down is. Both can be very scary.

  2. #12
    in-game Gamine's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2008


    Question to the OP (Plus a big giant hug), once the episode/mode/state has passed, what is like for you?

    Is it like leaving a sensory deprevation tank and everything is experienced in more intensity?
    "Beware Those Who Are ALWAYS READING BOOKS" - Bukowski

  3. #13


    I've learned that if it gets that bad... Let it happen and meditate through it. Emotional hijacks last physically for 20 minutes. I look at the clock and tell myself, "In 22 minutes you will feel better." I lean back, close my eyes and meditate on clouds floating through the sky. I give myself time to let it sink. If I've been pushed past that point... I turn to music, but I can get stuck there. I have to pay special attention to if I've eaten and what my body is telling me.

    Daily meditation is a must to prevent it. A check list of daily basic needs helps. (3 meals a day, water goal, meditation, just think Maslow.) I have to maintain myself to be able to be a good place for other people or for that day that tosses me hardballs left and right.

    My husband is an ENTP. He has gotten quite good at grabbing my hand and taking me for a walk when I "get too still". We walk to the park and swing. He listens, reminds me of the horizon, and helps me back to the big picture.

    If I run completely out of coping mechanisms... I blow. I try not to let it get there.
    "We ascribe beauty to that which is simple; which has no superfluous parts; which exactly answers its end; which stands related to all things; which is the mean of many extremes." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

  4. #14
    can't handcuff the wind Z Buck McFate's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    5w4 sx/sp


    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    If I immediately get angry or cry, I have a chance. If not, I have no other option but to ride the ghost ship.
    Itís strange, I was thinking about this last night while trying to fall asleep (hadnít read this thread yet). I was wishing I had the capacity to get angry at things right away, the way other people seem to be able to. I only get angry after years of dealing with someoneís crap; and the feeling has to almost paralyze me before I recognize it**. I was thinking that if I had the capacity to say things in anger, like most people seem to be able to do, I might be able to avoid it. Yet the ability to articulate what makes me feel this way is one of the first things to go, like Domino wrote: it isnít that I choose not to speak, I just donít have access to the words.

    **edit: this is only with people I'm close to. I don't have much problem getting annoyed & angry at people I'm not close to.

    Quote Originally Posted by Domino View Post
    It's like all the fuses blow at once and the whole house goes as dark and dead as a mausoleum.
    This is almost exactly how Iíve described it before. It feels like Iím looking out the window of some high-rise, watching the power grid of some entire city shut down; one city block after another goes dark. And the darker it gets, the less I feel anything. It doesnít quite feel like a mausoleum to me, though. I donít feel like Iím becoming surrounded by death so much as Iím becoming surrounded by a very sound sleep. (Something about it reminds me of when I was little- Iíd be the only one in the house still awake at night, unable to fall asleep- I couldnít get myself to Ďmatchí the rest of the people in the house.) Itís like thereís at least 5 solid inches of deep sleep and fog in between me & everyone I know- even though Iím very much awake, and the people around me are also very much awake- their words have to go through this Ďdeep sleepí filter before reaching me. Ghost ship mode sucks: I can see the stuff going on around me, but Iím just not really there.

    Itís a horrible feeling, because- while I watch it happening- the only thing I can think about is how difficult it is to power everything back up again.

    Quote Originally Posted by toonia View Post
    Sometimes complete sensory deprivation helps. I will lay in a tub of warm water with the lights completely out, even covering any cracks around the door. It is best if there are no sounds or smells of bath oils. If I can't even see my hand in front of my face it is also a kind of relief.

    At other times finding a location in the forest, or on a backyard swing where I can just sit in stillness and let myself dissolve into the surroundings brings relief. I might lay against a tree, or sit on one of its branches, close my eyes, feel the bark against me, and start to imagine I am the tree and what it is like to be so still for so long and to feel the leaves grow, and then break away and fall, but then come back again.
    This helps me as well. I think putting myself in situations where I canít help but see the Ďpower gridí turn off only perpetuates the feeling and makes it worse. Iíve got to isolate myself in order to tap into the main power source and focus on it, to try to figure out how to connect the power to outside sources again.

    The only time I can be around people and it actually helps is if they are in, or can directly remember being in, that same space. Iíve got two friends who can understand it. But itís such a vague feeling; unless they (or I) have felt it recently, we canít tap into it well enough to be of much use to one another. When thatís available, itís fantastic. Itís just not always available.

    Iím hoping this all^ makes sense, that it isnít too cryptic. Itís the best I can articulate it at the moment. And anyway, back to my initial point: I was wondering just last night if learning to recognize and complain- about the small stuff that makes me angry- would help prevent the ghost ship episodes. So reading ďif I can get angry right away, then I have a chanceÖĒ has kind of struck a nerve.
    Reality is a collective hunch. -Lily Tomlin

    5w4 sx/sp Johari / Nohari

  5. #15
    eh cascadeco's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    4 sp


    Quote Originally Posted by TheMonocle View Post

    My husband is an ENTP. He has gotten quite good at grabbing my hand and taking me for a walk when I "get too still". We walk to the park and swing. He listens, reminds me of the horizon, and helps me back to the big picture.
    That is so touching and sweet. I love it!


    To the OP - I'm not sure I have gotten to that level... But I give you a for having experienced it multiple times...sounds awful. I'm sorry.

    I think it's my strong drive for self-protection, as well as high levels of introversion. I think I'm one who tends to approach things extremely preventatively, and in that sense I think that's where my 'J' is really obvious. So I'll 'plan' my weeks with downtime, I'll structure my life (sort of) such that I prevent myself from ever having to go there. Obviously there are elements of life that you can't control for and there will always be surprises and turbulence now and then; but generally speaking, I build for down time, and sort of regulate things to prevent myself from ever becoming stressed in the first place....trying to be aware of my emotional state each day, and adjusting as needed to try to keep myself balanced as much as possible.

    But sometimes, yeah, I might be really upset, hurt, perplexed, or confused over a certain relationship, or something like that, which will cause me to go into uber-hermit-mode and I'll easily go several days without desiring anything social, because I need to mull over things and figure things out.

    The other piece of this is...I never really have anyone around me to observe me when I get upset/ it's never been pointed out to me by others, I guess.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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