[MBTI General] INFP in an Extroverted Household

[Kastor]

Any other INFPs living in a family full of extroverts?

How does it make you feel/how do you cope?

I currently live with my mom, stepdad, and little sister, all who are extraverts (although my stepdad's E/I can be rather questionable).

I find that one good thing about having an extroverted family is that they're always on the go, which leaves the house empty and me happy But on the flipside, when they're all stick at home, it can drive me batshit CRAZY. A lot of times their intrusive loudness can put me in a somber/irritable mood where I'll usually withdraw and retreat to my room. Sometimes I'll have the tendency to snap at or be sarcastic towards them when they aren't really doing anything wrong, which later makes me feel like shit. I often fear that they think I hate them since I always take off for my room after dinner and don't really sit and talk with them. Which isn't the case at all, I love them, I just can't take the chaos.

I try to make up for it by consoling my mom or letting her vent to me when she's upset, and spending time with my little sister (who's 11 and most likely an ENFP like our mom) when everyone else is busy. It's actually pretty nice to be the only one in the house who's calm in a crisis, especially when my mom and sister clash or when my mom's having something of a breakdown. When my mom and sister argue it's full of angry emotional shouting and misunderstanding eachother (my mom has a tendency to get aggrivated very quickly and start shouting, resulting in my sister crying). I try to pull my mom to the side, figure out what happened, then give her the best advice I can think of to help her understand my sister. Most often I end up consoling my mom over her worries or after she's had a fight with my stepdad. Although not the most practical person myself, I try to explain the emotions and logic of the situation, and suprisingly enough, she'll actually take my advice sometimes! :O

Sorry for getting carried away XD;; Your turn!

 

[Lacey]

My house is split about 50/50:

Grandma: ESFJ
Dad: ISTP (He doesn't actually live with us anymore, but I count him anyway.)
Mom: ENFP
Me, 22: INFP
Sister, 20: ESFP
Brother, 18: ISTP
Sister, 14: ESFJ
Sister, 13 and Brother, 9: autistic

But since there are 8 people, and the autistic kids, it's still pretty crazy anyway. (And you notice how pretty much everyone is a P? hahaha) People in my family are always on the go too, but since there are more of them the house is never empty. I'm almost never alone.

It's strange though, for the most part, they don't drain me. I'm not sure why. I think it's partly because I'm so comfortable with my family, that I see them as an extension of myself. The other part is that I've just had to get used to it.

There are times when I do get overwhelmed, especially if extra people are invited over. Or if I'm tired or stressed out for some reason.

I can find alone time if I absolutely need it. Seems like everyone congregates in the same room or two, so I can find a place to be alone if I have to. Plus, being vocal about it helps too.

I don't think you should feel too bad for snapping at them or being sarcastic. (Sometimes I do these things for no good reason at all.) Everybody gets stressed out by the people they live with in one way or another, so things like that are bound to happen.

I try to make up for it by consoling my mom or letting her vent to me when she's upset, and spending time with my little sister (who's 11 and most likely an ENFP like our mom) when everyone else is busy. It's actually pretty nice to be the only one in the house who's calm in a crisis, especially when my mom and sister clash or when my mom's having something of a breakdown. When my mom and sister argue it's full of angry emotional shouting and misunderstanding eachother (my mom has a tendency to get aggrivated very quickly and start shouting, resulting in my sister crying). I try to pull my mom to the side, figure out what happened, then give her the best advice I can think of to help her understand my sister. Most often I end up consoling my mom over her worries or after she's had a fight with my stepdad. Although not the most practical person myself, I try to explain the emotions and logic of the situation, and suprisingly enough, she'll actually take my advice sometimes! :O

I relate to pretty much all of this. Wow.

My family can drive me absolutely insane (for reasons other than the extroversion, I think, haha) but I think that in the end, it's been really good for me. It's made me extremely patient, for one thing. I went to college and wasn't freaked out by having a roommate. I know how to share and how to play nice with other kids.

Man, I feel like there's more I want to say but I can't find it right now. Maybe I'll be back.

 

[INFtha14]

*raises hand slowly*

Mom: *just realizing* is a possible ESFJ who has retreated to her Si from really trying times in her life.
Neice: definitely EF LOL.

Well granted it's only two others but alot of the time I'll have other family members over *a nephew who might be E*

When all three are together there is no peace and like the OP after awhile i just need to get away from all of the commosh.

Hence the other day i went to the back of the house cause it was getting way to loud and I needed some silence.

I will talk to my mother but in bits and pieces cause she as much as I love her can have this tendency to ramble/repeat herself/ have to share every single thought with me which I guess I can understand the reason but still *XD*.

So that's usually when I either hibernate or politely excuse myself to another room when I see an opportunity if I feel like i'm getting my fill. I also find I get drained quicker having to hear details about the day to day stuff and bills/money/ the dow jones going up or down and similar topics?

Me personally I don't know if you guys do this too but as a INFP or could be a me thing heh. Whenever there something financial that I have to deal with like a car bill, I just deal with it and get it over with.

Where as my eSFJ mother would rather keep going over this bill or that here even though it won't change the outcome which with all respect seems like wasted breath.

I'll listen but again I need to retreat from it after a 5-15 minutes depending.
I usually zone out mentally after awhile *again depending on how drained i am* when I get the gist of what they are addressing.

Anywho I just notice a huge huge difference haha.
I'll get home and want to be alone for abit before i go into the
questions my mother would have for me about how was my day/if a new haircut/shirt/shoes/backpack.

" Did anybody notice?" Should of asked "did you notice if anyone noticed XD". Depends sometimes I'd say yes If I felt like explaining who, what exactly did they say and if I didn't I'd say "Nah.." and nicely go to my room to recharge.

Even at times I'd get home and wait outside if I felt I already am drained from interacting *back in MS/HS/Work/loud event* and just couldn't deal with the immediate questions right away.

It's been fairly alright, I finally at age 16ish got my own room but my when I did share a room, it wasn't bad either. *Sis that I shared with was a huuuuge E*.

This may illustrate it generally, one time I was over at my sis 1's house with my mother/two neices and nephew. All extroverts, sis 1 maybe borderline E but I most likely. I remember one time just escaping to the kitchen to get a breather from it all.

I randomly opened this pantry and saw that there they were staires that were blocked off so I sneaked inside and sat in there for abit to which I immediately felt myself give a sigh of relief.

It was just that respite from all the hub bub that was overwhelming me so it was my escape that I enjoyed very much heh. Even heard my mother asking where I was I just didn't answer cause I just didn't have it at that moment heh.

Overstimulated if you will . But in the end I love them very much and they are my family afterall but i can only take so much intrusion on my quiet time. Some ways I've coped is to wake up early, I mean 5am early just to enjoy the quiet peace of mind that will be destroyed around 7:30-8:30 am XD.

Right on Lacey I don't think Extroversion explains everything about my family either . One sister is very clearly Introverted *but very close to E* and she really can ramble.

I hope this is useful as I don't feel I organized it as well as I aimed for heh.
This is a very interesting topic Kastor and looking forward to this discussion growing possibly.

Lacey what a perfect quote in your signature regarding what I would think might motion to introversion. I think it fits almost too well for us I's.

 

[Thessaly]

I lived in a household of highly extroverted individuals this past summer. I ended up going out way more often than typically, which turned out to be not so bad. I had lots of fun, met interest people, dated more, experienced more, got outside my head a lot more. However, it certainly made me appreciate my alone time more. I think extroverts and introverts immersed together can be very positive in the way we challenge one another to develop in areas we wouldn't go without a guiding hand. Differences do need to be respected however. I can relate to the feeling of offending others with withdrawal. Not everyone will understand, but being vocal about how your energy operates helps.

 

[Lacey]

I will talk to my mother but in bits and pieces cause she as much as I love her can have this tendency to ramble/repeat herself/ have to share every single thought with me which I guess I can understand the reason but still *XD*.

My mom doesn't do this exact thing, but it reminded me of this:

My mom talks a lot. Which isn't a big deal. She usually talks about interesting stuff (and she doesn't completely dominate the conversation). But sometimes she tends to tell me stories/things I already know or have already heard...and for some reason I can't STAND that. I guess I'd just rather not waste time being re-told something? I get really impatient. So I'll say things like, "Yeah, Mom, I already know that." It makes her soooo mad. Which is understandable, because it sounds pretty snotty. haha

Even at times I'd get home and wait outside if I felt I already am drained from interacting *back in MS/HS/Work/loud event* and just couldn't deal with the immediate questions right away.

When my mom would pick me up from dance classes, she would always ask me all these questions about it. What I really wanted to do was sit in silence on the way home, because I wanted to reflect on/process what had happened in class. I couldn't really communicate that very well at the time, so I would just say things like, "It was fine," and leave it at that. It drove her crazy. My poor mother. haha

Overstimulated if you will . But in the end I love them very much and they are my family afterall but i can only take so much intrusion on my quiet time. Some ways I've coped is to wake up early, I mean 5am early just to enjoy the quiet peace of mind that will be destroyed around 7:30-8:30 am XD.

"Overstimulated" is an excellent word. And I do the opposite...I stay up really late to get extra alone time.

Lacey what a perfect quote in your signature regarding what I would think might motion to introversion. I think it fits almost too well for us I's.

I know! haha I found it randomly and absolutely fell in love with it. It's become something of a mantra to me...reminds me not to care too much about what people think.

I lived in a household of highly extroverted individuals this past summer. I ended up going out way more often than typically, which turned out to be not so bad. I had lots of fun, met interest people, dated more, experienced more, got outside my head a lot more. However, it certainly made me appreciate my alone time more. I think extroverts and introverts immersed together can be very positive in the way we challenge one another to develop in areas we wouldn't go without a guiding hand. Differences do need to be respected however. I can relate to the feeling of offending others with withdrawal. Not everyone will understand, but being vocal about how your energy operates helps.

My 3 college roommates last year were all extroverts. ENTJ, ESFJ, and ESFP are my guesses. It was a really good experience for me. I didn't necessarily get out more, but they invited a lot of people in. It did stress me out at times, but I did my best to socialize. (If I really had to, I would just hide up in my room and pretend I had a lot of homework or something.)

There was a tiny problem at first with my need to withdraw...with the ESFJ especially. (The ENTJ had lived with me for 2 years prior, so she already knew...the ESFP and I didn't really "click", we got along, but never really hung out much.) I think she was a little worried about me. I just had to explain myself, basically. "Yeah, I'm introverted, so I need a lot of alone time or I lose my mind! It's not because I don't like you!" "Oh, okay. Whenever you feel like you want company come find me." I love her; she's such a sweetheart.

 

[Kastor]

My mom doesn't understand how I'm relaxed about most things, especially school. If she confronts me about not doing well in school or something, I'll usually reply calmly, which she seems to take as carelessness. She gets worked up over EVERYTHING, I rarely get worked up at all. So I guess, in her view, if you're not getting all worked up and emotional over something, then you probably don't care. It's so absurd, like she wants to get that rise out of me.

 

[TopherRed]

Hehe, my grandma is an ESFJ and my mom an ISFJ--they do things the same way. I usually go the other direction though, and wind them up back until they get frustrated and walk away. I don't like being manipulated.

 

[Kastor]

It's awful because when I finally DO have an angry outburst she's like, 'What're you getting all worked up for?!'. Insanity.

 

[TopherRed]

It's all an Fe game that nobody should ever have to play; that's saying a lot...I'm a Fe.

 

[Kastor]

It's all an Fe game that nobody should ever have to play; that's saying a lot...I'm a Fe.

I should've made a 'The Trouble With Fe' thread instead XD

 

[INFtha14]

My mom doesn't do this exact thing, but it reminded me of this:

My mom talks a lot. Which isn't a big deal. She usually talks about interesting stuff (and she doesn't completely dominate the conversation). But sometimes she tends to tell me stories/things I already know or have already heard...and for some reason I can't STAND that. I guess I'd just rather not waste time being re-told something? I get really impatient. So I'll say things like, "Yeah, Mom, I already know that." It makes her soooo mad. Which is understandable, because it sounds pretty snotty. hahaWhen my mom would pick me up from dance classes, she would always ask me all these questions about it. What I really wanted to do was sit in silence on the way home, because I wanted to reflect on/process what had happened in class. I couldn't really communicate that very well at the time, so I would just say things like, "It was fine," and leave it at that. It drove her crazy. My poor mother. haha"Overstimulated" is an excellent word. And I do the opposite...I stay up really late to get extra alone time. I know! haha I found it randomly and absolutely fell in love with it. It's become something of a mantra to me...reminds me not to care too much about what people think.

haha I know what your talking about. The old " ooh Dots I wanted to tell you something..." and it's something she just needs to keep going over and over and over via ranting.

I understand the 20 questions, whenever she'd pick me up from school and I just wanted to just sit for a few minutes to take it all in.

I'd do the same thing "it was fine" How was your test today? " I think it went well, I don't know yet" or Did you get the results back? what were they? " Shows paper or tells just the percentage XD if I knew and If I didn't I'd say "i don't know yet".

I'll do stuff like that on like weekends after I get back from seeing my friends.
Just cause it's so nice to have that alone time.



My 3 college roommates last year were all extroverts. ENTJ, ESFJ, and ESFP are my guesses. It was a really good experience for me. I didn't necessarily get out more, but they invited a lot of people in. It did stress me out at times, but I did my best to socialize. (If I really had to, I would just hide up in my room and pretend I had a lot of homework or something.)

There was a tiny problem at first with my need to withdraw...with the ESFJ especially. (The ENTJ had lived with me for 2 years prior, so she already knew...the ESFP and I didn't really "click", we got along, but never really hung out much.) I think she was a little worried about me. I just had to explain myself, basically. "Yeah, I'm introverted, so I need a lot of alone time or I lose my mind! It's not because I don't like you!" "Oh, okay. Whenever you feel like you want company come find me." I love her; she's such a sweetheart.

You got to love healthy ESFJs, once they understand something about you and it's how you work personally. They will bend over backwards just to make sure your happy.

It's nice cause you can be yourself in a seemingly unaccepting world of introverts with balanced ESFJs.

My mom doesn't understand how I'm relaxed about most things, especially school. If she confronts me about not doing well in school or something, I'll usually reply calmly, which she seems to take as carelessness. She gets worked up over EVERYTHING, I rarely get worked up at all. So I guess, in her view, if you're not getting all worked up and emotional over something, then you probably don't care. It's so absurd, like she wants to get that rise out of me.

Oh my... I could of wrote this.

My mother is the same way *eSFJ* and boy is the overreaction ever present to anything in her sight. Personally like you I don't really get worked up over much either and I've seen at times her really just waiting in anticipation after telling me something like she's expecting a dramatic display of response.

Nah...XD. My poor mother and telling me seemingly interesting things
just to get a "cool" response of " Oh that's neat/really? or the famous " ooh..." maybe i'll ask a question or two as i'd be seriously curious at times.
But very nonchalant, all while doing so. It drives her batty cause i'm not meeting her level of expression in dramatic flair perhaps.

Nothing ticks me off faster than manipulative Fe games. That's why I prefer the healthy SFJs .

 

[Parrish]

I`m not in an extraverted household, but I did notice ALL of my close friends are E`s.Weird.

...So I guess, in her view, if you're not getting all worked up and emotional over something, then you probably don't care. It's so absurd, like she wants to get that rise out of me.

haha, I know what you mean My mom is the same way (she tested as ISTJ). She compares me to her coworkers kids, who just happen to be going to the same college as I am, but are studying all the time and doing so great and have good grades and whatnot. If I happen to mention how others did on a test she`ll say "I don`t care how others did". Talk about double standards:rolli: She thinks I don`t care, but I do, I just don`t wanna wallow in misplaced self-pity. I try to be calm about it, but sometimes she just can`t let it go and mentally pokes at me until I burst out in a sudden fit. Then she`ll tell me there`s no need to get so worked up upon which I usually storm away to hide my anger-driven tears.

Or she`ll just casually tell me to come sit beside her (and I think she`s trying to be affectionate), the minute I sit down beside her on the sofa, she`ll just drop the bomb, like "Oh, you know that girl that was in the same year as you? *sting* Well she`s already going around with a senior, listening to trials." *sting*

My dad (who tested as ESTJ) is usually the one who just sits there observing the situation unless he`s mad and is in prosecutor mode. The last time he brought up the "talk" himself was while we were driving home alone. He totally had me cornered. I give him some credit for that one.

I mean I really love them and I think I`m lucky to have such a great family, but they sure know how to push my buttons. I don`t think anyone else, not even the closest friends ever saw/made me react like that. I usually control the raw emotions and notice when my mood changes.

For instance, a common situation: My brother comes home from work;
B:heey, I`m home. (is loud)
Me: Yeah *grumble*
B:I`m hooooome. (even louder)
Me:YEAH! *annoyed*
B: (usually repeats it a few more times, but knows I heard him the first time)
B:How was your day? (really cheerfull)
Me:Okay*grumble*. How was yours?
B: Good. Hey, why are you in a bad mood?
Me: I`m not. *annoyed*
By then I usually get annoyed at myself for letting sth like that annoy me.

I totally let the hormones take control:blushing:

 

[jtanSis1]

It's like their in and out and always doing something fun, you just wish they'd take you with.

 

[Kastor]

They've tried to get me to go places with them, but it's almost always sports related, and in that I have no interest whatsoever. I'll go with them to any of my little sister's school concerts, her big basketball games, and etc. for her, but that's about it and it doesn't happen very often.

 

[BlueStone]

My family I grew up with was all Es and I was the artistic, moody, difficult one. In their words. I love them all (and I know they love me) but my stepdad and my sister-in-law are extreme Es and although I love being with them, I have to go take a breath outside now and then. I think they used to take offense. Now they know about MBTI and they understand me a lot better (and vice versa). What I used to do that helped:
--excuse myself to go for a walk. If they want to come along that's fine, I might tune them out if they're chattering.
--tell them that the chaos is hard on you, but that you love them. Just like they need you around a bit, show them that you need a bit of alone time.
--try not to get mad or frustrated. I know this is hard. Sometimes just spending ten minutes with them after dinner buys you good graces.
--because I was into creative fields, I would say "I gotta go think about a project". They'd for sure leave me alone then for a bit.
--watch movies. You do it together but you don't have to talk a lot.

hope that helps.

 

[Rebe]

My mom is the only extroverted one in my family, but believe me that is enough, for all of us. We live in a tight space too. But, she is loud and talkative and emotional enough for all four of us. My dad and brother are both ISTJ and I am INFP, my mom is ENFJ, on the unhealthy side. She explodes and we all tip-toe around her. Another extrovert and it will be a nightmare.

 

[musicnerd93]

Luckily, my family are all introverts.

Me: INFP
Dad: INTP
Mom: ISFJ

But, I am the only introvert among my friends, which does get very annoying when they all want to hang out and do things ALL THE TIME! And I just want to be left alone. They don't understand why I need to be alone to often.