• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[ENFJ] ENFJs- What Types Have You Been Involved With?

TopherRed

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Just curious. I have a feeling I'm going to get a lot of INTJs...

Please provide a quick description of the relationship from start to finish (or up til now; hopefully we've all had good luck with love).
 

JoSunshine

That's my name biotch!
Joined
Dec 17, 2009
Messages
659
MBTI Type
eNfj
Enneagram
2
First boyfriend - FUBAR, possibly an ESxP...really volitile and passionate. He was a super fun guy, but I couldn't trust him as far as I could throw him...he asked me to marry him, I said yes but then thought better of it...I knew it would never work even though I was really young (started dating when I was 16).

Ex-husband - INTJ (good call Fuzz) - Very stable and dispassionate. He thought I was too emotionally and physically needy. I thought he was too cold and distant...shocking! He also had an inferiority complex and suffered from long periods of depression...so that didn't help. Overall though, this was probably the best of my relationships, it just lacked spark...we were a good team and got along really well most of the time.

Boyfriend #3 - INTP - Also really good in a lot of ways. He was definitely a more outgoing INTP. Biggest problem - it was hard to get him to think about anyone but himself or get him motivated to even take care of himself. Biggest benefit - he never raised his voice, was always calm and was surprisingly good with verbalizing how much he cared about me.

Boyfriend #4 - ESFJ - Holy sh!tshow, batman! Started off great! Total awesomeness...we flew to Paris 6 weeks after we started dating for the New Year, just 'cause we wanted to. It was fun! fun! fun! and passion...wow! We seemed very "alike" he looked like an even happier, more outgoing, more driven version of me. But ultimately we locked horns. I could NOT STAND the way he tried to control me (very possesive) and the way he would speak to me...talk about a sharp tongue! Ended in a train wreck. Breaking up with him was the hardest thing I have ever done, becuase we both still love each other.

Those are the highlights.
 

Unkindloving

Lungs & Lips Locked
Joined
Dec 10, 2009
Messages
2,963
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
4w5
ISFP
This was brief and in the days of ol' (i was 13/he was 16). He always meant well and we got along, but didn't get each other. I felt i was more mature in regard to the relationship than he was and, inevitably, he had an issue with the age difference.
Eight years later and he's kept up this introverted quest for women ha. Still a nice guy though.

INFP
A better friendship than a relationship. We could swap ideas and come close to understanding each other really well. Had a lot of the same kinds of interests (writing/computers/fitness) and were basically compassionate people. When thrown in a relationship, he got dependent and i withdrew. This turned into intense manipulation tactics from both sides whenever one of us felt threatened (frequently).
We're civil and talk infrequently.

ESTJ
Sexual chemistry (not surprising :laugh:), but no real, grounded connection. His mind worked in the black and white world, while mine floated around in gray areas. He loved attention and being viewed as 'the best' at anything, but would debase anything he wasn't good at or didn't understand.
We haven't spoken or seen each other in 4 years. He can get hit by a mac truck. :blush:

ENFP
Unhealthy rebound central. I like ENFPs, but not this one. We dated for a grand total of 3 weeks and he topped the INFP on the crazy charts. We could talk, rather, he could talk for ages. He'd discuss what he could do, but wouldn't do it. Talk himself out of trying to do things.
Only plus i could see is that he would speak well of anyone he is dating.

xxTP
I roughly typed him ESTP or ENTP - he tested INTP. Anyway.
We had a fantastic connection, but our lifestyles were insanely different. His whole attitude had this Nike "Just Do It!" feel to it. Mine was more laid back, calculated, and worried. I was excessively emotional. He was ice cold, or tried to be even when emotional. His thoughts were very erratic, but enthralling.
We loved the hell out of each other :wubbie:, but there were too many mistakes and a lot of miscommunication.
 

nynesneg

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2009
Messages
357
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
Wow, this is a really interesting topic! We've got to get the rest of the ENFJs to post in here. I'm fascinated at how similar your experiences with different types have been to mine.


Relationship #1
IxTP(s?). Very laid back. Incredible friend for about 5 years in my late teens and on. Was very nurturing, and patient. Kinda kept to himself though, we grew very close but then he just had this point where he couldn't go any further. Long distance, and saw each other once every several months, but still talking online he felt like he "couldn't fill the needs I had" for communication etc. Highly intelligent, and responses to my comments seemed intimidating or made me feel stupid at times.


Relationship #2
Not sure of type. See photo.
m_4c068cf80e0d4b78941878024d4d31cc.jpg


First real bf locally. Naive me poured out my lil heart and trusted him. If there's any guy I still hate to this day, it's him. He is the most manipulating guy I've met - cheated on me for the second half of our relationship and never said anything. I spent $1500 out of my pocket trying to sell his house as a Realtor and only was told I did my job wrong after his refusing to listen to my advice. Nutshell problems - went too fast, I trusted too easily, he took advantage of trust, didn't put our relationship first... After a week or two he said he loved me and was writing songs for me. He didn't have the balls to break up, I only found out when some other girl got upset because I referred to him as my bf. Very personally driven in his own way, thinks he's gonna be a millionaire. He went around telling everyone how he was SO phylanthropic and a wonderful person caring about humanity. Then is a total @#$@# to me both personally and in business. So an unhealthy ___ type? :newwink:


Relationship #3
ESTP. Wow! Talk about chemistry, passion, and enthusiasm for life. I've never met someone who was so much on the same page with me as far as interests and views on life. Very driven and exciting like me. Unfortunately quite a bit of communication breakdown because we are different. He was a bit full of himself, and I got the impression he just wanted to date everyone for fun. I will be haunted for a very long time by his overwhelming awesomeness impact on me.

Relationship #4
ISFP. Current bf, total sweetheart. Very F doting towards me and P laid back about everything. Unfortunately can't work out in the end because of completely different interests, and we just think differently. I mentioned this elsewhere, but has caused frustration with him being more introverted, non-introspective, non-Ni, non-Te. More surface level sweet lacking depth even when he truly cares about me.



Anyone's experience with ENTPs?
 
Last edited:

SUPER

Permabanned
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
202
MBTI Type
ENTP
Anyone's experience with ENTPs?


Ive been with two ENFJ's so I can share a bit. I'm pretty young, and both of the ENFJs were young when we dated as well.

ENFJ #1 - wowwowowowow. Came on to me like crazy. Pushed to be with me. Chemistry was crazy. Lots of fun. Always had a good time. Passionate. Intense. Really good convos. We were good together. Dated for more than half a year. Would've been the perfect relationship. Then I found out she already had a boyfriend of 2 years whom she felt unappreciated by, which is why she cheated on him with me. Needless to say, things didnt work out after I found that out.

ENFJ #2
- Quick, easy hook up. Not my type. Chemistry was different. Something always felt a bit off. She said a lot of eyebrow raising things. Really weird girl. Came across as arrogant and competitive. Bigger age gap between us so that mightve played a part in it. Kind of lame overall.


Conclusion: Variant stacking has a huuuuge impact on the connection. ENFJ #1 and I had similar stackings. #2 and I were complete opposites in variants. Also a bigger age gap between us so that could have played a part in it.

Based on the first ENFj, I know there is huge potential there if the situation and circumstances are right.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I'm just going to speak of the major encounters, leave the random flirtations etc to the side.

INTP: Mechanic. My first serious boyfriend. It wasn't a type thing that broke us up, it was his jealousy and unbelievable need to control and sequester me. That got old fast. I knew him for about a year before we went out. The wonderful, sweet, respectful, super-smart guy that I'd gotten to know vanished as soon as we started dating. We had a lot of chemistry and really enjoyed each others' humor. I liked how honorable he was, how he treated me respectfully. I was "safe" around him.

I did feel pretty "starved" though. Having to encourage someone to touch you or take initiative killed a lot of my enthusiasm and affection. There was a great deal of messiness on both sides. He had a critical opinion about everything I did. I believe the final straw was when he began criticizing me on how I handled my own twin sister. BYE BYE.

ISTP: Mechanic. Fell HARD for him. The attraction between us was so strong it freaked us both out. He was very sharp and funny and weirdly relaxed while being electric. We had a mutual way of knowing what the other was thinking or going to say next, even over the phone. I'm going to sum this one up with - never fall in love with a drug addict. I had no idea what I was walking into. He was good at keeping secrets. It was very difficult to stay away from each other though. He made me cry and hurt in ways I had never felt before, but he was the first guy who treated me like I was a desirable passionate thing, a woman and not a child. The first helpless stare while looking into my eyes. It made a huge impact on me for the long term.

ENTP: Mechanic. I would have married that fool. We met in the garage. I had no plans on ever getting to know him. I had tunnel vision going in because my performance was on the line as the only female. I do remember the first day he walked in though. He sat next to his best friend, right behind me, and he didn't even have the shame to not scrutinize me at such close range. We fell in together pretty quickly. The first week, to be exact. It was gorgeous mayhem for the next year. We sharpened each other. People came to the garage just to watch us spar and drive witty verbal spears into each other. I know it turned him on when I got the best of him. If I was horribly upset and not speaking, it made him insane with worry. He didn't like it when he couldn't see my flame scorching the sky like an oil rig fire. He pulled out an extremely affectionate side of me. He was physical, liked to "play", grab me and toss me around. I liked to climb on him - that's what his 6 ft 4, 240 lbs of muscle was for. I liked the way he would stare at me sometimes, like no one else was in the room, like I couldn't even see him staring.

He was hard on people though. Very hard. He could be temperamental, exasperating, lacerating and petulant too.

He was the first guy I could have seen myself married to. The ending is too complicated to explain. You've all heard it before anyway.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Come on, Fuzzy. Your turn!!
 

chris1207

New member
Joined
Apr 11, 2008
Messages
467
MBTI Type
XNXX
Enneagram
3w2
Just one. The others were rather brief and of no significance (i.e. I wouldn't have called them GF's.)

ESFJ - Both of us were really passionate sexually but had different ideas on how to express that passion. I don't like to play by traditional rules and she had no respect for that and she had wild ideas that I refused to get behind due to a lack of oh....IDK...wanting to be arrested.

Ultimately I was turned off by her selfishness and lack of maturity and the way she threw herself at me no-questions-asked. She was crushed by the fact that, despite the passion, I didn't really like her at the end of the day.
 

TopherRed

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
*sigh* Alright.

ESFP: Would've loved that girl if she wasn't crazy. First kiss. Did I say crazy? Wanted me to beg her hand in marriage the first week. There was no sex to instigate this...she was simply out of her mind. :yes:

ESFP: Ah, Diana. Huge brown eyes like a doe caught in the headlights. Really, I think I was the one caught in the headlights (she had huge...uh...cantalopes, beautiful face). She did do a few things in our social group to piss me off (today I would've found them hilarious and ditched that group, but I was a bit more tight-wady back then). It just didn't work out. Soon after it ended with her, she started dating, fucking, and supporting the resident ESTP who was barely 18 (she was 32).

Now she's stars in plays of all kinds, and is very happy with whatever ISTP loveboy she can find. :hug: Love her to death, but I keep my distance or get stuck in those eyes again.

INFP: My first N. Nichole. Dear lord, there's a long story. She nearly brought down a church on her departure. There was no one who had a more lasting effect than she had...

ISFP: Melissa comforted me after Nichole left. We had a connection, but it was clear to me from the start that we'd probably make better friends than lovers. She ended up marrying a cool ISTP. Haven't talked with them in awhile, I think I need to give them a call...

ENTJ: They say you learn certain things the hard way. Alexandra was it. We connected, but due to her temper, and my reluctance to get involved with anybody that didn't have God in their lives, we ended up friending for about 2 years. One day she called me up and was swearing up a storm about some bastards that she had to deal with that day. I had somebody else in the car and I was driving (before the law), and I didn't want to be rude, so I asked politely if I could call her back.

She turned her temper completely on me. To my knowledge, I wasn't keeping track of her outbursts. But I think that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told her, very loudly, never to call me again. 2 years. 2 years since too. I miss her, but not enough to keep getting verbally beat on.

I haven't dated anybody for two years. She was the last. I'm not pining for anybody, just...lots of stress at work, and home, and everybody elses lives in my family kind of trying to crush mine. Right now I'm looking for new work...my manager makes my life a stressful hell, and I won't stand her anymore. Once that's settled I'll look for a place. Once I've got a place, maybe I'll start looking around again. Maybe. I'm kind of happy single right now.
 

nynesneg

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2009
Messages
357
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
Fuzzy... a personal question if you don't mind.

I wouldn't have expected the ESFPs, as dating that type hadn't occured to me as a natural pairing.

What kind of ENFJ-ESFP dynamic did you run into? Pros/cons?
 

TopherRed

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Honestly? We were both highly emotional creatures and they were generally hot. God bless Diana for trying to get deep...she wasn't exactly shallow, it's just deeper things didn't appeal to her.

I'd say healthier ESFPs make good friends (if you don't mind listening for awhile).

--Fuzzy
 

Sinmara

Not Your Therapist
Joined
Nov 9, 2009
Messages
1,075
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I'd say ENFJs are very attracted to the silly energy of the ExxPs, but they need to stay in the friend zone or the ENFJ is going to get in over his head. :p
 

TopherRed

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Generally speaking, I agree with you. That's probably not true in all cases though.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I have a lot of fun with ESFPs as friends. Can't say they've been all that interested in me as a romantic ideal either. But the ESTPs I know dig me, and I've been informed on more than one occasion that if they weren't so busy I'd be in trouble. ESTPs are forces of nature. You have to be built to handle THAT business. I've seen ISTJs and ISFJs (and even ESFJs) make GREAT natural compliments to them, not that other types can't hack it, just saying that the ESxPs are not to be trifled with.
 

chris1207

New member
Joined
Apr 11, 2008
Messages
467
MBTI Type
XNXX
Enneagram
3w2
I don't like ESFP's. All the ones I've met have been stupid and shallow when it comes right down to it. They just give us feelers a bad name. It's hard to believe that they have Te as their tertiary function. Maybe, it's manifest in their bitchiness. There's always an amount of fake, nice pleasantries that they go through and then bam they hit you with a comment, not just about something you care about but about you yourself, that's such a bitch thing to say. Inconsiderate.
 

BlueFlame

New member
Joined
Feb 8, 2010
Messages
181
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
ESFP - My husband. He's actually my high school sweetheart :). The good...we're both upbeat and positive most of the time, so when one of us is down, we have the other to leech off of. :). We rarely fight or stay upset for more than a few minutes. Very passionate in the beginning...once he decided I was it (on the first date), he branded me and did what he deemed necessary to keep me! We always have fun no matter what we do!
The bad...a little too needy for my taste. I don't mind giving, but when it starts feeling like a constant requirement, it makes me want to run and hide. He's one of the smartest people I know, but our intelligences are so different, we don't connect on that level.

ESFP - During a break in my dating relationship with my SO. Had huge issues...turned out to have a bad drug problem and had the same instant attachment to me. When I tried to break up with him, he threatened to kill himself, me, my current SO, anything he could think of to get me to stay. Finally went to jail for robbery. When we were friends BEFORE he got off track, we had lots of laughs and tons of fun.

INTP - Best friend, dated for a few months. Great connection, had an amazing time every time we were together, but he was obsessed with work and didn't really *know* how to reach out to me the way I wanted to. Horrible at validation and responding to subtlety, eventually ended in a big implosion.

INTJ - We fought ALL the time. Liked each other a lot, but just never translated into a functional relationship. To different...too much alike.
 

lilypad

New member
Joined
May 11, 2010
Messages
16
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Only 2 major relationships, the second was:

ISTP
Bit of a mess, I would always try to talk, he would squirm! We had amazing chemistry, a great friendship too but ultimately we just could not relate. I would have my head in the clouds, he would always be quite harsh and make me feel a bit silly for dreaming. Hard to say what the main problem was that really broke us up but I guess I would always push for emotional intimacy and he just couldn't respond - that made me very insecure.

Interestingly he really didn't come accross as an ISTP initially, he was quite loud and outgoing in public and I thought he was more on my friendly, upbeat wavelength. WORST BREAKUP EVER though. 5 years - very tragic and heartbreaking in the end.

Does anybody here ever ask their partners to think of looking at their type - just to help improve their relationships?
x
 

toast

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2009
Messages
239
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Only 2 major relationships, the second was:

ISTP
Bit of a mess, I would always try to talk, he would squirm! We had amazing chemistry, a great friendship too but ultimately we just could not relate. I would have my head in the clouds, he would always be quite harsh and make me feel a bit silly for dreaming. Hard to say what the main problem was that really broke us up but I guess I would always push for emotional intimacy and he just couldn't respond - that made me very insecure.

Interestingly he really didn't come accross as an ISTP initially, he was quite loud and outgoing in public and I thought he was more on my friendly, upbeat wavelength. WORST BREAKUP EVER though. 5 years - very tragic and heartbreaking in the end.

Does anybody here ever ask their partners to think of looking at their type - just to help improve their relationships?
x

I'm with an ISTP and our relationship has had similar problems from the beginning. I actually looked into typology because there was so much conflict, insecurity and confusion. It made sense when I knew we were naturally conflicting. It has helped me a lot. I have no doubt we're still together because of the the clarity that came from typing him & myself.
 

*poke*

New member
Joined
May 28, 2008
Messages
40
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
I've had two serious relationships, an IxTJ and an INTP.

While the former and I were just too different (also quite young, we were in our early teens when we dated) we had a great time together. I tried desperately to engage with his passion (computers :thinking:), and so I always felt like there was this huge part of his life that was closed off to me. We had a great time together though, always laughing, and sharing common experiences. We were completely in love, I really brought out his Fi while he tried to encourage my Te, and we shared ideas and dreams on an abstract level with enough shared experiences to enjoy the concrete world in which we actually interacted. We were together for 9 months and in the end we just weren't mature enough to sustain the natural doubting period. He called me a few months after it ended claiming he was in love with me and wanted his best friend back :wubbie::hug: but then never talked to me again :confused:.

The second relationship, with the INTP, lasted almost four years. I deeply respected him and loved him, and being together facilitated tremendous personal growth for both of us. He was drawn to my charisma and passion, and I was drawn to his brilliance and ability to think globally and make connections. As a friend described it, "You love the intellectual who pairs off to your activism. It's the yin to your yang :)" It could get very turbulent as we communicated in fundamentally different ways: I spent those years "training" him in active listening, to give validation, and to try offering empathy instead of solutions :cheese:. He taught me not to see debating ideas as a personal attack, whereas I might normally burst into tears and just shut down :blush:. But somehow we didn't have that spark. I think we could have if it wasn't entirely long-distance, but oh well... We never really were in love which makes both of us sad and resulted in him cheating on me, which is a different story. But I do miss him and he remains a close confidant, although not someone I plan to engage romantically ever again.

It may be the enfj arrogance kicking in XD: but I've started to realize that what I'm really looking for is another person with most of the things I appreciate in myself :p I'm equally extremely turned on by Te and Fe, but something about NFs is just such a deep connection, and sometimes too much P just makes me really anxious. As if I can't trust you to understand the urgency of the things that I feel and respond to them appropriately. But it's damn hard to find male ENFJs hereabouts.
 
Last edited:

ayoitsStepho

Twerking & Lurking
Joined
Sep 20, 2009
Messages
4,838
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
ISFP: Melissa comforted me after Nichole left. We had a connection, but it was clear to me from the start that we'd probably make better friends than lovers. She ended up marrying a cool ISTP. Haven't talked with them in awhile, I think I need to give them a call...

You know, this sounds familiar to me... except I didn't marry an ISTP. :tongue:
 
Top