[MBTI General] What type....

[Heart&Brain]

I haven't been dating a lot and never while knowing their type.
But from other experiences, I'll say that ESFJs can seem VERY bossy and shallow to me. When I'm around, it's like they can't make any comments at all without it being a narrowminded, competitive value-judgment and without fishing for constant ego-stroking. Apparently they feel intimidated, inferior, insulted and aggressive if I dare to make any display of Ne. (Eek - and then they patronise my inferior Si-aspirations... :steam

And since they are E like me, we tend to constantly fight for the microphone which will make the conflict evident and hurtful. ISFJs don't get on my nerves like that at all.

Likewise with ESTJs that I'll rather quickly clash with if they go bossy, belittling and insensitive.
But replace E with an I: Me and ISTJs seem to have a soft spot for eachother, though it's not ever been in a romantic sense, more "fatherly". Though ISTJs have pissed me off with rude, closed insensitivity, often they also seem to lighten up and dare let a bit loose with me around, enjoying my Ne-antics and themselves sharing some glimpses of introverted Feeling. And I like that they challenge my Te to present my thoughts consistent and conclusive. It's also nice to see the sternness soften up as they relax, smirk and ponder my ideas.

 

[Thessaly]

I seem to be able to have fun with all types. I just focus on the good in them. I will say that it's a lot more natural to have fun with NFs & NTs than any other types. It can definitely feel like a struggle with SJs if I'm not in the best of moods.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I went into this thread expecting the majority of responses to be STJ based on previous polls and topics. I wasn't let down apparently!

Thus, in the interest of figuring out why the sensing, thinking, and judging types are so repulsive, can you folks share some reasons why?

Well, I often like ISxJs. I've met a lot I don't like, but there's so many SJs that I have more experiences to draw on than with other types. If I wanted to focus on the bad, I'd really be running the other way from STJs . But I've had good experiences, and I see potential.

There's quite a few ISTJ guys I thought were cool (just friends, not dates), but many always have to nitpick something about me that's too "weird". I had an ISTJ co-worker who I really got along well with, but he would comment negatively on things like my nail polish (which was neat & not chipped) - I mean, black nail polish is NOT rebellious or unusual anymore :rolli:. I just don't want some ISxJ trying to be my dad.

ESTJs make me the most wary when it comes to nitpicking though. I don't even seem to cross paths with them - I hear some INFPs attract them, but not me. I do attract ISTJs, but for various reasons I end up turned off.

I wouldn't not date an xSTJ though, just based on that experience, plus there are finer points to the type that do make it worthwhile if those unreasonable parts are matured beyond.

I always seem to end up with STj's trying to tame me.

Similar feeling here

That makes sense.. an NFP would be rationalising the STJ rules against internal standards and values, and not the society ones. The STJ would typically be valuing them due to their importance in an ordered society, and because that society values them.

In short : argue.

Yep. That's the core of the clash. The other issue is different communication styles can be hard to work around, but it's all workable with a person who is willing.

 

[Just another ISTJ]

You aren't repulsive. (warm fuzzy XNFP answer)
You just aren't my type, which sucks for me really. You guys, some times can be a bit curt (and insensitive), and your priorities are different to mine, but repulsive, not so much.

It has nothing to do with them being "repulsive."

We just think really, really differently. About pretty much everything. It's nearly impossible to close the psychological distance as a result.

Heh, perhaps "repulsive" was an excessive term, but I was just having some fun with hyperbole. For me, I find the difference in approaches to thought as the thing that makes NFPs attractive. There are people who are frightened of the unknown and then there are those such as myself, who consider it exciting and are all for exploration...until our heads get chewed off. Granted, I'm not sure if I'd be comfortable with someone that is the complete opposite, but I wouldn't be as attracted to someone that could be considered my opposing gender twin.

I sort of think people use "_STJ" as a relative term for someone who was critical and narrow-minded to them, without really knowing (or caring to know) their actual type. :rolli:

I agree with you and as SJs in particular make up the majority of the population, it's an easy assumption to make when typing others.

SJ's would by high up on my list of people to avoid. When an SJ is stressed or unsure of themselves, the first thing they do is try to control the situation, weather they know what they are doing or not. I've spent several years of my life around stressed SJ, not a pretty site, wont listen to professional expertise to the point of sheer bloody rudeness. Where they are not compotent at something they dont' own it and ask for help they simply try and control.. it's really seriously unpleasant to be on the receving end of. They don't respect other people, but desire to be respected even if they are beign dicks. Sorry to put this bluntly....

Note that they are not bad people, just have shite coping mechanisims.

Has this been your experience with SJs in general? Whomever you're describing seems like they might be unhealthy or they're a very extreme J. Personally, I've always been open to constructive advice and prefer to work together with others when owning a project instead of forging ahead into a potential trainwreck.

I tend to get along with most everyone, but when I have relationship difficulties (at home or in the workplace), it has always been with xSTJs. It is probably the extremes where type differences cause problems. My strong N ran afoul of extreme SJ tendencies – largely resulting in miscommunications, misunderstandings, and clashes of values. My use of metaphors and allegories perplexed my xSTJ counterparts, and their literal interpretation of seemingly everything drove me nuts.

The xSTJs I had problems with had very sharply drawn boundaries – things were very black and white, right and wrong. I would challenge rules (often verbally, not actually break them, although sometimes I did) I thought were obsolete or not true to the original intent or principles – the xSTJs were horrified. (Again, extremes can be problematic.) We argued over “facts.” We argued over change. We argued over principles. Mainly, we didn’t see eye-to-eye often enough to have a warm relationship. We generally managed a working relationship, and we agreed to disagree.

The xSTJs around me are industrious, conscientious, just, and logical. Some have a good sense of humor – the ones who don’t are scary to me.

It takes a lot more energy for me to communicate with and work with xSTJs. For some reason they drain me more easily than the other types. xSTJs are excellent companions for a great many kinds of people; they just don’t work for me. And I’ll admit my quirks and radical thinking and flightiness and irreverence are irritants to the STJs I’m working with.

Ah yes! I can certainly see a greater likelihood of conflict and incompatibility among people of whom type at the extreme ends of the N-S spectrum, which as far as I can tell, would be those who fit their type descriptions to a T. It surprises me that there still exists individuals who think only in black in white. One would imagine that with a strong rationale, it would be evident that the world generally doesn't work that way. Perhaps it makes life easier to process, but it doesn't make much actual sense.

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Based on the responses so far(thanks btw), it seems as though the clash of communication styles, stubborness, and the tendency to criticize instead of accepting one for who they are, stand as major obstacles contributing to the plight of single STJs looking for NF partners.

 

[the state i am in]

esjs especially but i think ejs as a whole. they seem totally unfeasible to me. i am interested in knowledge, not methods/techniques. i need Ti and Fi. but most of all i prefer strong intuition. i love the openness of dominant intuitives, the expansive imagination, and the ease of communicating. but with inspiring Fi/Ti, an inp would be a possibility as well. it's gotta be aesthetically right.

throughout my life, as a 5w4, i've also often tended to find 7w6s very attractive. i've never related to one intimately enough (below the surface, appearance) to have an accurate reading of the positives and negatives of a more durable, extended interaction once the breath of fresh air becomes stale. this seems more exaggerated with my experiences with efps (primarily esfps) than entps. curiosity is one of the best reasons to get up in the morning.

 

[Lemonade]

esjs especially but i think ejs as a whole. they seem totally unfeasible to me. i am interested in knowledge, not methods/techniques. i need Ti and Fi.

+1.

Probably not ESFPs...
I'm a little too introverted to entertain Se for very long.
Also, we would probably want completely different things out of the relationship.

 

[CzeCze]

Hmmm...I had some rough patches with an INTP and some INFPs but so far no 'least like'. I will most likely date more INFPs, less sure about INTPs unless they are direct and/or have well developed Fe.

I have no reservations against dating an SJ. I don't think I have a problem with SJs. A good friend of mine is ISTJ and we get along well and have been friends for many years and I think highly of another ISFJ acquaintance. As for 'Thinkers' I had a great date with an INTJ and an ENTP once (not at the same time), there just was no spark (i.e. lust). I had a lot of chemistry with an ESTX I dated, they could be overly blunt sometimes though.

Soooo, no real 'least favorites' as I'm an equal opportunity dater. I just have to be able to read them/know how they feel about me. If I have no idea whether or not you are actually into me or whatnot it's hard for me to date you.

 

[tinkerbell]

Has this been your experience with SJs in general? Whomever you're describing seems like they might be unhealthy or they're a very extreme J. Personally, I've always been open to constructive advice and prefer to work together with others when owning a project instead of forging ahead into a potential trainwreck.

Sadly it is; I do seem to have to work with stressed out ones.... because they are working in areas not used to by them... so it bring out the sparkly lovely quality in them.... oober, super Jness... works really well my my pness...