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[INFP] INFP + INFP

Arclight

Permabanned
Joined
Nov 5, 2009
Messages
3,177
MBTI Type
INFJ
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6w5
I think INFP+INFP can be nicely summed up with the description of
the the Type 4 + Type 4 description.

Unknown at the time of the relationship that we are both INFPs as we were both not very healthy. My ex partner and I and
our relationship is almost perfectly described in this.. the good and bad

* Type Four-Type Four

As with all double-type relationships, two Fours generally bring the same qualities to each other. Thus, the Level of health of each person is especially important for these types of relationships as are their dominant instincts.
Double Four pairs generally make good friends and deep friendship is something they often bring to their intimate relationships. Fours often feel misunderstood, yet feel a special bond of understanding with other Fours. They share stories of their childhood traumas, their private dreams and disappointments. Both types are openly emotional and sensitive to the needs of the other. Both are looking for adequate mirroring and in a double Four relationship, they have a real possibility of finding it.
Because each person in a double Four couple is so attuned to their own emotions, there is a great deal of sensitivity and respect for individuality and each other's emotional needs. They have the ability to laugh at themselves and to find amusement with each other in the dark loneliness of the childhood and adolescence. They are not put off by unearthing deep psychological and personal issues. Both are encouraging of the artistic and creative efforts of the other and find it easy to communicate about the most private and intimate issues as they arise. They feel that their relationship is a truly safe space where the other is on a similar emotional wavelength: both feel less alone and less like something is wrong with them personally.
Double Fours are highly romantic and idealistic as a couple and their intimacy has the potential to grow into a grand passion of virtually operatic proportions. Emotional ups and downs, hopes and disappointments, elation and despair tend to make this couple more focused on itself than on practical life, child raising, or their careers. Enormous candor, deep friendship, and consideration for the unique history and emotional needs of the other would be hallmarks of this relationship.

Potential Trouble Spots or Issues

Emotional instability of the relationship itself is the main potential problem with a double Four intimate couple. Each person can be self-absorbed and excruciatingly aware of what he or she is getting (and not getting) in the relationship. Both want to be the focus of attention regarding emotional issues. Both want special handling—and insist on having special needs and they can resent the other for demanding the same for themselves. Both long for an ideal mate—and the feeling that one has found it—can alternate with depression (and other reactions) when expectations are disappointed. They can get into "Who's more damaged?" contests, a form of negative competition. Both are more or less secretly looking for a rescuer and can get lost in a morass of emotional drama even if they find one.
For all of their potential sensitivity, Fours also tend to withdraw from others and to withhold their attention and affection when they are having a conflict with someone. Fours have a profound lack of trust in others, and this lack of trust can extend even to their intimate partner. A period of testing will invariably happen that may be too much for the other Four to bear. They can be annoyed by the other's quirks and "sensitivities" and unacknowledged demands. They can be intolerant of the other, making each other walk on eggshells, ironically making it difficult to bring up certain issues with the other.
Double Fours can become moody and incommunicative, passive-aggressive, and disdainful, actually hating the very person they may have been so passionately in love with. Rejecting the other (and feeling rejected) can alternate from both parties. Arguments can spiral out of control and hurtful things get said until reconciliation becomes difficult, if not impossible. Once certain things are said in the heat of the moment, they can never be taken back. Permanent damage is done to feelings of trust and safety—and to the future of the relationship. Once hope for the relationship dies, it is difficult to resuscitate.

 
D

Dali

Guest
^

We're not in a romantic relationship but its almost uncanny how the above applies almost verbatim to the the relationship between myself and my closest friend. She's a 38yr-old INFP lawyer and I'm a (n almost) 24yr-old IsFP marketer yet if you saw us interact, you'd think we were separated at birth. We're pretty much each other's platonic soulmates... if that makes sense.
 

phthalocyanine

#005645
Joined
Jun 2, 2009
Messages
679
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sx
i've noticed that with my INFP female friends there's a thelma & louise "fuck everybody else" kind of vibe between us.
but minus the whole killing part. :cheese:
 

linnifae

New member
Joined
Mar 14, 2010
Messages
11
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ENFP
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6
Hmm I don't know if I've dated an INFP (I don't think so..?) the best relationships I have been in have been with people who were very unlike myself. I dated one INtP and he and were always basically competing over who had it the worst. We brought out each other's mental issues a bit too much I hate to admit.

Now I have many INFP friends online (mostly female) and I adore them! <3
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
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Oct 24, 2008
Messages
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sx/sp
LOL, No offense to you all, but I sense at least for me, that INFP + INFP is a place I shouldn't go.
Friends, though, no questions asked. The only confirmed male INFP I ever met, whilist being a fascination for me, was not love interest material. I really wanted to pick apart his brain though, and he felt the same way about me. Who knows what would have happened if we weren't both leaving the country. I still think it would have spelt disaster, I reckon I need some one to compliment my strengths, not perhaps highlight my weaknesses.
Plus I need some one to remind me to pay the bills....on time.
 

mr.awesome

New member
Joined
Jan 2, 2010
Messages
368
MBTI Type
INFP
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4w5
LOL, No offense to you all, but I sense at least for me, that INFP + INFP is a place I shouldn't go.
Friends, though, no questions asked. The only confirmed male INFP I ever met, whilist being a fascination for me, was not love interest material. I really wanted to pick apart his brain though, and he felt the same way about me. Who knows what would have happened if we weren't both leaving the country. I still think it would have spelt disaster, I reckon I need some one to compliment my strengths, not perhaps highlight my weaknesses.
Plus I need some one to remind me to pay the bills....on time.

i can see where youre coming from, but this seems to be like if MBTI stereotypes ruled the world. [that being said noone stays the same type their entire lives anyway] when you want to make something work out you would grow together and develop traits that are necessary to get things done and make the relationship work.
its the basic principle every corporation uses for their employees, everyone is trained to do their specific duties to make said corporation succeed. everyone is trained to take on a role. a department store wouldnt hire 100 janitors and no cashiers. same basic thought process goes on in a persons mind when developing a relationship [ie one would think.. my wife will wash dishes and i will put them back on shelf, as opposed to were both going to wash dishes and noone is going to put them back] everyone working there is still recognizable as a 'self' but they learn to work cooperativly towards a common goal.
 

Arclight

Permabanned
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Nov 5, 2009
Messages
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LOL, No offense to you all, but I sense at least for me, that INFP + INFP is a place I shouldn't go.
Friends, though, no questions asked. The only confirmed male INFP I ever met, whilist being a fascination for me, was not love interest material. I really wanted to pick apart his brain though, and he felt the same way about me. Who knows what would have happened if we weren't both leaving the country. I still think it would have spelt disaster, I reckon I need some one to compliment my strengths, not perhaps highlight my weaknesses.
Plus I need some one to remind me to pay the bills....on time.

SO what .. INFPs don't pay their bills on time? seems a rather silly stereotype to me..
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
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Jan 7, 2009
Messages
5,950
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N/A
Paying bills on time ... easy! Put them on auto-pay or direct debit; remembering not required. ;)
 

Fecal McAngry

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Joined
Oct 31, 2009
Messages
976
Paying bills on time ... easy! Put them on auto-pay or direct debit; remembering not required. ;)

Yeah...attention to sensory details is the least of my concerns; I am attracted to T women far more consistently than S women because I need a cooler/calmer head to counterbalance my omnipresent emotional soup...

It must be nice to be steady, it must be nice to be firm
it must be nice never to move off the mark
It must be nice to be dependable and never let anyone down
it must be great to be all the things you're not
It must be great to be all the things that I'm not...

It must be nice to be normal it must be nice to be cold
it must be nice not to have to go oh up or down
But me I'm all emotional no matter how I try...

--Lou Reed, INFP--
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
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Messages
14,497
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INFJ
I'm afraid that my two bankrupt INFP friends seem to reinforce that stereotype.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
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SO what .. INFPs don't pay their bills on time? seems a rather silly stereotype to me..

For real....before I lost my job a year ago, I had perfect credit for years. I never paid bills late, my only debt was a car payment, and I had a decent savings. Between me and my ESFP siblings, I have always been the responsible, independent child. I wouldn't call myself frugal, but I always managed money well. But you cannot manage something you don't have...

Now my credit is shot to hell & I have real debt....very frustrating how it takes so long to build a thing like credit, and how circumstances that are mostly out of your control can ruin it so quickly. Of course, now I resent the system :tongue:, when before it never occurred to me I was playing an unfair game. I have a lot more sympathy for people who've been bankrupt and that sort of thing; being judged by these numbers is ridiculous.
 

runvardh

にゃん
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Paying bills on time ... easy! Put them on auto-pay or direct debit; remembering not required. ;)

I have a "to pay" pile on my desk, and a box I put them into once they're paid. I can't look at my computer without seeing them and I pay them off as soon as the money is there or when they show up, which ever happens last.
 

CrystalViolet

lab rat extraordinaire
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*snort* Just the reaction to my silly throwaway statement about bills, confirms to me why two INFP's (one being me) wouldn't work. I'm quite sure there would be a negative feedback loop, where one or the other was constantly offended by the other.
As it happens, I do fit that particular stereotype (not proud of it, BTW)....sorry to upset you all, but dude, inspite of our greatest efforts we aren't exactly practical people, if it's not that, it would be constantly having to look for key cars every time one or the other heads out....and there is truth to the absent minded stereotype. Sure one learns how to get around that, but one cannot deny when we have our minds on some thing we deem important, the mundane details are thrown by the way side. I don't necessarily want to become the "practical" one at the expense of losing my creative side, and I'm quite sure that's the role I would have to take up if I paired up with another INFP.
As a peace offering, I will say though, once through the awkard stage, an INFP couple would have some ripper conversations though, and shooting the breeze would be fun together esp. if having a shared sense of humour, but I can't see it being particularly productive.
 

letsplaytwister

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Nov 21, 2009
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20
I NEVER pay my utility bills on time. If I pay the electric and internet bills before getting a disconnect notice, I consider that billing cycle a success. Now, credit card bills I really try to pay on time since they'll charge you up the ass for late fees. So yeah, I would consider that stereotype a somewhat accurate one (if there is such a thing as an "accurate stereotype").

Also, about the sensor-deficient stuff...I drive my ISFJ girlfriend crazy when she sends me to the store WITH A LIST, and yet I'll still manage to forget at least one or two items every time. She also says I'm the clumsiest person she knows. The absent-minded INFP thing is totally true, at least with me.
 

Arclight

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*snort* Just the reaction to my silly throwaway statement about bills, confirms to me why two INFP's (one being me) wouldn't work. I'm quite sure there would be a negative feedback loop, where one or the other was constantly offended by the other.
As it happens, I do fit that particular stereotype (not proud of it, BTW)....sorry to upset you all, but dude, inspite of our greatest efforts we aren't exactly practical people, if it's not that, it would be constantly having to look for key cars every time one or the other heads out....and there is truth to the absent minded stereotype. Sure one learns how to get around that, but one cannot deny when we have our minds on some thing we deem important, the mundane details are thrown by the way side. I don't necessarily want to become the "practical" one at the expense of losing my creative side, and I'm quite sure that's the role I would have to take up if I paired up with another INFP.
As a peace offering, I will say though, once through the awkard stage, an INFP couple would have some ripper conversations though, and shooting the breeze would be fun together esp. if having a shared sense of humour, but I can't see it being particularly productive.

There you go then.. I deem paying my bills on time as important. ;)

I will admit it was not always like this, I was married to an ESFJ who taught me the value in not only paying bills on time but also having money in the bank.. Now I can't imagine it any other way
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
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Messages
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sp/sx
Sure one learns how to get around that, but one cannot deny when we have our minds on some thing we deem important, the mundane details are thrown by the way side. I don't necessarily want to become the "practical" one at the expense of losing my creative side, and I'm quite sure that's the role I would have to take up if I paired up with another INFP.

Unless what each of you deems as important is complementary ;)
I definitely see what you're getting at though....there's been discussion of how with an INFP-INFP relationship, one becomes more "T" or more "E" or whatever. Basically, the INFP has to wear the ESTJ business suit all the time and can't ever relax. I'm not sure if that would hold true in reality. Do you really need an "opposite" to complement you? I don't think so...

I agree that INFPs are not often practical minded, but I don't think that equates with being irresponsible. I'm very much an idealist with my head in the clouds, but I've still managed to function just fine as an independent adult; there's often a method to my madness ;). It has even surprised me - maybe some INFPs sell themselves short (and other people definitely sell us short), but I think a reasonably balanced INFP is able to take care of the practical sides of life without sacrificing their true self. A big part of it is just keeping those things in perspective and not seeing them as a threat to your identity. I like this statement from www.personalitypage.com:

[INFPs who've developed Ne] will find that they're able to do anything that they put their mind to, although they may not find it personally satisfying. Things may seem to come easily to these INFPs.
 
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