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[INFP] INFP + INFP

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
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Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
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sp/sx
On the other hand, that lack of conflict has little bearing on the values and interests that I would also like to share with a SO.

Right...and being the same type is no guarantee for lack of conflict anyway.

I do think a friend of mine is INFP now....I thought maybe eNFP before. We get along well, but she seems more an e9 and I'm an e4. That makes her laugh at my moody side and I admire her tranquility. I'm sure if we hung out more my defiant/difficult side would annoy her and her people-pleasing passiveness would annoy me. I can't imagine that kind of dynamic creating romance with a male INFP....


INFP + INFP = ESTJ

In my limited experience with INFP/INFP relations (my best friend/roommate who was with another INFP for 3+ years), it seemed to work out alright. Both were very into creative expression, so they bonded over that. But both just ended up being huge doormats for each other, and it seemed to approach the point of emotional dishonesty. Each would avoid saying something to hurt the other, and their relationship ended up being just one big clump of lies veiled by hugs and smiles. The happiness of each was just so dependent on the happiness of the other, and by the time they realized that both were unhappy, things started to kind of implode (I guess that's an Fi thing?). It's like they got along on an Ne level, but on an Fi level, things were kind of fucked. That's not guaranteed to happen though; both were pretty emotionally unstable. I didn't have 100% insight into their relationship either (obviously), but that's the impression I got from the stories I've heard from each angle.

I wouldn't rule out relationships based on type anyway. That's just silly, and hopefully the OP knows that.

But with INFP/INFP love, so long as you have an exorbitant amount of Kleenex (lotion-infused is optimal), a couple of buckets handy, and zero razor blades in sight, you should be fine. ;)

I see ObliviousExistence's summation being more accurate for myself. I'm not a doormat, not that huggy/warm, very independent, and not afraid to speak my mind. I am however, pretty passive about initiating. I think that's exactly what would cause conflict in an INFP-INFP relationship. It would either never come to any level of true intimacy because neither would take the dive first, or anytime a value conflict would arise it would be WWIII; the ESTJ boxing gloves would come out. If it did work out, the "us against the world" mentality could easily develop.

However, I think it could work with the right INFP. I don't want to suggest that it's impossible or not worth trying.
 

mr.awesome

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INFP's are often coined as 'idealistic' i think each persons ideals would have to be extremely similar for it to work... thats just my idea.
 

Biaxident

Charting a course
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Jan 10, 2009
Messages
3,617
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INFP
If it did work out, the "us against the world" mentality could easily develop.

However, I think it could work with the right INFP. I don't want to suggest that it's impossible or not worth trying.

I don't see the problem with this. :)
 

Laurie

Was E.laur
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ENFP
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7w6
I've heard good things about it and I know an INFP male who absolutely swears he wants an INFP female although he's never been in a relationship with one.
 

Lauren

New member
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255
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Right...and being the same type is no guarantee for lack of conflict anyway.

I do think a friend of mine is INFP now....I thought maybe eNFP before. We get along well, but she seems more an e9 and I'm an e4. That makes her laugh at my moody side and I admire her tranquility. I'm sure if we hung out more my defiant/difficult side would annoy her and her people-pleasing passiveness would annoy me. I can't imagine that kind of dynamic creating romance with a male INFP....


I see ObliviousExistence's summation being more accurate for myself. I'm not a doormat, not that huggy/warm, very independent, and not afraid to speak my mind. I am however, pretty passive about initiating. I think that's exactly what would cause conflict in an INFP-INFP relationship. It would either never come to any level of true intimacy because neither would take the dive first, or anytime a value conflict would arise it would be WWIII; the ESTJ boxing gloves would come out. If it did work out, the "us against the world" mentality could easily develop.

However, I think it could work with the right INFP. I don't want to suggest that it's impossible or not worth trying.

I'm not a doormat either, but I'm easygoing up to the point one of my values is violated. I can see how I could appear to be a doormat because I like to make people feel good and I'm accomodating, up to a point. I'm also very independent. One of the things I see with my INFP or INFJ male friend is that we both want to make the other feel good and love creating or building on the harmony with one another. When that harmony is disrupted, it feels like my arm or leg has been cut off because of the deeply felt knowledge of the ease of vulnerability and openness we have with one another. The hurt feelings in such a moment could make both people freeze and unable to communicate well. But at the best of times, which has been most of the time, our similar natures and ideals creates a lot of good will and positive energy, which others we work with pick up on, I think. It spreads out, which is a good thing.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
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I don't see the problem with this. :)

I could see it happening with almost any NF-NF relationship, and it seems nice in theory, but there's also an over-dependency that could develop, lack of growth because each assures the other they are fine and the world is the problem, elitist attitudes that could form, etc.

Ideally, two NFs would encourage and support the other to grow towards their potential best self, but it could backfire and just end up with the two over-coddling each other. That seems most likely when you have two of the exact same type. Although, I realize individuals have enough differences that two INFPs could still mesh well without rubbing each other the wrong way or sinking into a complacency.
 

Ambrosia

New member
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Apr 5, 2009
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Being a, for the most part, gay INFP male, I would be more open to another male INFP. Should I ever be in a relationship with a female, however, I don't think I would want her to be a feeler. In the converse, I almost think I would be best off with a man who doesn't have preferences for thinking, but admittedly am infatuated with the idea of an "NT" man... I would be highly ambivalent in approaching a relationship with another INFP, I would need some solid convincing first.

However, I think it's also important to state that when I'm referring to the MBTI and dating, I'm not doing so explicitily. I wouldn't really use type as a serious criteria for dating someone. I take the stance that type should only be brought into a relationship to better communication, not as a method of choosing a compatible partner... /enddisclaimer

EDIT: As an addendum of sorts, I think that being a male typically "softens" the F preference enough that I could be with a male feeler.
 

ObliviousExistence

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loco
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5W4
Lol maybe.

I see ObliviousExistence's summation being more accurate for myself. I'm not a doormat, not that huggy/warm, very independent, and not afraid to speak my mind. I am however, pretty passive about initiating. I think that's exactly what would cause conflict in an INFP-INFP relationship. It would either never come to any level of true intimacy because neither would take the dive first, or anytime a value conflict would arise it would be WWIII; the ESTJ boxing gloves would come out. If it did work out, the "us against the world" mentality could easily develop.

However, I think it could work with the right INFP. I don't want to suggest that it's impossible or not worth trying.


:huh:well, actually...that statement was not meant to make any sense, but if it works for you then let me not stop you:shock:

ISFJ + ISFJ = 3ISFJ
 

mr.awesome

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wow reading this really makes me imagine how indestrctable a good matching pair of INFP's would be. the strongest idealist couple ever. 2 loyal infps would have each others back like effing airport security.
 

heart

heart on fire
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Messages
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I could see it happening with almost any NF-NF relationship, and it seems nice in theory, but there's also an over-dependency that could develop, lack of growth because each assures the other they are fine and the world is the problem, elitist attitudes that could form, etc.

Ideally, two NFs would encourage and support the other to grow towards their potential best self, but it could backfire and just end up with the two over-coddling each other. That seems most likely when you have two of the exact same type. Although, I realize individuals have enough differences that two INFPs could still mesh well without rubbing each other the wrong way or sinking into a complacency.

Believe me, the world applies enough pressure all on it's own. An INFP need not have Dr. Phil at home to be challenged.
 

Rebe

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I went out with an INFP a few times.

1) he was more nervous than I was, which threw me off, which threw him off I think, which threw me more off, NFs are very sensitive to vibes

2) had absolutely Nothing to say to each other even though we had a lot in common, no stimuli from either of us, we seriously would sit and not be able to say anything
 

heart

heart on fire
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I went out with an INFP a few times.

1) he was more nervous than I was, which threw me off, which threw him off I think, which threw me more off, NFs are very sensitive to vibes

2) had absolutely Nothing to say to each other even though we had a lot in common, no stimuli from either of us, we seriously would sit and not be able to say anything

This sounds like my first date with my INFJ husband. We would talk for eight to fifteen hours straight on the telephone (it was summer time and we talked deep in the nights) and then freeze up on dates. It passed.
 
A

A window to the soul

Guest
Is it common for INFP's to be attracted to other INFP's romantically? I have never, ever in my life been attracted to another INFP in terms of any sort of relationship, though I am very attracted to INFP's as friends, since we connect very well.

I think two INFP's together would, more often than not, be a disaster, and I can't see how any two INFP's could be interested in each other romantically if they are so much alike. (Unless, maybe one or both was not a strong INFP and more balanced toward the middle.)

Thoughts? Have you ever known two INFP's to be attracted in more than a 'good friends' capacity?


Agreed. Here's my vote on INFP+INFP... :girlfight:
 

speculative

Feelin' FiNe
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I wonder if any type wanting to be with the same type is really an issue of that type being a good match for itself, or the self not having grown enough yet to move beyond wanting its mirror image in another. Sorry, not trying to harsh on anyone's infp+infp mellow, just a thought I had...

This sounds like my first date with my INFJ husband. We would talk for eight to fifteen hours straight on the telephone (it was summer time and we talked deep in the nights) and then freeze up on dates.

That's more than some couples talk all week nowadays. Ah, the lost art of romance...
 

Scott N Denver

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I wonder if any type wanting to be with the same type is really an issue of that type being a good match for itself, or the self not having grown enough yet to move beyond wanting its mirror image in another. Sorry, not trying to harsh on anyone's infp+infp mellow, just a thought I had...



That's more than some couples talk all week nowadays. Ah, the lost art of romance...

As I understand, ENFJ+ENFJ and INFJ+INFJ are very good couple pairings. I believe INTP+INTP is as well, but thats just me
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
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I went out with an INFP a few times.

1) he was more nervous than I was, which threw me off, which threw him off I think, which threw me more off, NFs are very sensitive to vibes

2) had absolutely Nothing to say to each other even though we had a lot in common, no stimuli from either of us, we seriously would sit and not be able to say anything

Nervousness in someone else can sometimes make me more comfortable :wubbie:....it's endearing. Most of the INTPs I've dated endeared me initially because they seemed so nervous & awkward.
 

Lauren

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Nervousness in someone else can sometimes make me more comfortable :wubbie:....it's endearing. Most of the INTPs I've dated endeared me initially because they seemed so nervous & awkward.

I feel this way as well. When I see my friend being nervous around me, I begin to stumble over my words. We definitely are affected by each other's vibes (he's an INTP, INFJ, or INFP, uncertain). We completely opened up and trusted each other immediately, which led to romantic feelings and then to more sensitivity over vibes ("what are you feeling, is it the same as me?...I think so, perhaps not.., etc.") I wish that we weren't so sensitive to one another's vibes sometimes because it makes it hard for me to sit still in his presence. If I feel I'm making him feel uncomfortable, I feel uncomfortable and want to leave immediately (give him space). With vibes, you're not certain if what you're feeling is accurate though or not. In other words, I tend to take it personally if I feel he's feeling awkward or nervous around me ("what did I do?") when in fact I may not have done anything at all. He may just want more boundaries and distance on a particular day, as I do at times.
 

mr.awesome

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alright fun fact:
so i met this INFP online a little over a year ago, we became extremely close almost instantly. it was made clear that we had mutual 'feelings' within a month of just texting and internet communications. well i finally met her in person friday night. [i finally had the initiative and balls to follow through]. i dont know if it was the year of sending each other messages or what.. but my goodness it was a good connection. slow for the first five minutes, as she was kind of shy and hesitant. but we warmed up so fast it was ridiculous. i have never in my life felt so open and natural with another person, nonetheless a girl.
the whole theory of clashing ideals wasnt really an issue at all. we were both aware of each others pasts.. [where some ideals had defiantly clashed] and when a touchy topic came up in conversation there was no hard feelings at all.
again.. this may be skewed and biased due to it being a somewhat long term thing. but i was really nervous myself if we would work out in person too.
 
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