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[ENFP] ENFP+INTJ=Disasterous Combo o' love

evilrobot

New member
Joined
Nov 9, 2009
Messages
182
MBTI Type
nite
Enneagram
5w4
A lethal combination. My advice: don't touch it.
 

Waffle

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Joined
Dec 4, 2009
Messages
76
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
2
On another note, I really have a hard time being around J's. Th judging hurts, and I'm really sensitive. Does anyone else have this problem? I do however do better when it's coupled with an F, because they're a little less critical.

I've had a relationship with an INTJ. He treated me as an inferior, stole my theories and ideas on subjects (MBTI was a subject we both had tons of interest in), mooched, and was generally rude. Sadly, I was delighted by what I thought was intellect (Found out it was all stolen from websites and close friends) and took him back for the somewhat witty conversations that could be held. I didn't give him what he wanted immediately off (My body. Sorry, I'm a slow moving kind of girl.), and he dumped me harder than last week's trash. At a dance. In front of everyone. After that he treated me like crap or ignored me all together, even though we ended up forced to hang out because I ended up with another friend of ours. He said hurtful things, and even told me to leave someone else's barbeque because he didn't like me being there, even though I'd left him alone like he'd wanted. Thankfulyl this is all over a year ago, and he no longer lives within a 300-500 mile radius of me, and I've got a fantastically wonderful INTP.
Other INTJs I've met since have always been a bit too mean, and often selfish for me to deal with.
I bet there is one of you out there that's fantastic, but damn, I've just had a bad streak. ):
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
4,310
MBTI Type
INTJ
On another note, I really have a hard time being around J's. Th judging hurts, and I'm really sensitive. Does anyone else have this problem? I do however do better when it's coupled with an F, because they're a little less critical.

I've had a relationship with an INTJ. He treated me as an inferior, stole my theories and ideas on subjects (MBTI was a subject we both had tons of interest in), mooched, and was generally rude. Sadly, I was delighted by what I thought was intellect (Found out it was all stolen from websites and close friends) and took him back for the somewhat witty conversations that could be held. I didn't give him what he wanted immediately off (My body. Sorry, I'm a slow moving kind of girl.), and he dumped me harder than last week's trash. At a dance. In front of everyone. After that he treated me like crap or ignored me all together, even though we ended up forced to hang out because I ended up with another friend of ours. He said hurtful things, and even told me to leave someone else's barbeque because he didn't like me being there, even though I'd left him alone like he'd wanted. Thankfulyl this is all over a year ago, and he no longer lives within a 300-500 mile radius of me, and I've got a fantastically wonderful INTP.
Other INTJs I've met since have always been a bit too mean, and often selfish for me to deal with.
I bet there is one of you out there that's fantastic, but damn, I've just had a bad streak. ):

Well hey, you go girl.. Are you a girl? You go, guyfriend.

We here at INTJ Headquarters did think 102895465b2's theories where a bit more than he could have come up with by himself. The reprimand's in the mail.



Ah sorry. Just being an asshole.
 

Waffle

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2009
Messages
76
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
2
Well hey, you go girl.. Are you a girl? You go, guyfriend.

We here at INTJ Headquarters did think 102895465b2's theories where a bit more than he could have come up with by himself. The reprimand's in the mail.



Ah sorry. Just being an asshole.
I am indeed a girl. :)

I couldn't tell. D:
Yeah, that was probably just a personal issue of his, just like the mooching without ever saying thanks thing. Alright, maybe I'm just a tad bitter. I really don't like people who don't have simple manners.
 

Two Point Two

New member
Joined
Dec 10, 2008
Messages
200
MBTI Type
INTJ
I'm starting to find these INTJ-from-hell stories a little disconcerting. :shock:

I don't know if I've encountered another INTJ, but I really find it surprising. Please don't think it's all of us; we are human too, and some of us can even act like it.

Re the Op - I can't give an ENFP perspective on an INTJ, but one of my best friends of over ten years is an ENFP, so the dynamic can work.
 

Bri

New member
Joined
Jan 5, 2010
Messages
106
MBTI Type
INTJ
^ I know! I really really wish I could, like, personally introduce everyone to my dad and brother. They're both very awesome and mostly well adjusted INTJs. I can't imagine people not liking either of them. I'm biased, of course, being the sister... but as an example, my brother is certainly not a 'mooch' - he's footing a lot of the household costs while his girlfriend is a full time student. I'm not a 'mooch' either, and it surprises me that other INTJs would be - I've always hated 'owing' people!

Aaaanyway... I have a hard time imagining an ENFP/INTJ romantic relationship would be successful long-term, though I'm not sure I can say why. (Typical Ni, heh) Maybe it's just because I personally struggle at maintaining relationships with E's..? I'm sure it's just me.
 

Antimony

You're fired. Lol.
Joined
Jun 11, 2009
Messages
3,428
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
8w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
^ What type then? I have a fantastic relationship with an INTJ, even though I am not an ENFP.

I have never met a really unadjusted INTJ before and most of the ones on here are quite nice.
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
I want one. :heart:

Just for scientific purposes to prove you nay-sayers wrong, of course... :coffee:
 

Kalach

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Dec 3, 2008
Messages
4,310
MBTI Type
INTJ
Obnoxious pet theory: Ni vs Ne (& Si vs Se).

Both have intuition under considerable conscious control, which is great for banter, but still it's i vs e, and INTJs will hone in on something where ENFPs want to broaden out.

Personal favourite claim in front of ENFPs: "I know everything."
ENFP: "No, you don't, how can you know everything?"
INTJ: "I don't know it all right now, but I know everything."
ENFP: 'That's adorable."

This is competing intuition values at work. "I know everything" is, in a roundabout N way, a claim about depth. Same as "I see it all!" One, of course, does not see it all, except that one does see it all, a whole picture of the thing under contemplation. It's natural, when aiming for Ni depth, to take it as read that you'll be connecting that one thing with everything else it is connected to. And that's not "can be connected to", it's "is connected to."

And an Ne user is going to find that a remarkably perverse thing to expect or believe or even try. To them, it's not about what is, but what could be, might be, can be.

And that's just the stuff that's under conscious control. The sensing issues are a whole 'nother kettle of chickens.
 

Bri

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106
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INTJ
^ What type then? I have a fantastic relationship with an INTJ, even though I am not an ENFP.

INFPs, INTPs, maybe creative/artistic ISFPs/ISTPs...? Like I (sorta) said, I don't think my view makes sense for all INTJs, mainly just me.
 

Kalach

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When do INTJs and ENFPs go silent and listen?

Historical story time.

Tell an ENFP a trufax and just the fax story about yourself, possibly including heretofore unmentioned juicy bits, and they listen. At the juicy bits they space out to contemplate.

Tell an INTJ a trufax story and they listen, at least to the beginning, maybe sometimes asking for detail clarification of processes. After not too long they try jumping to the end to provide a critical commentary. They may space out if the bits are really juicy, or they may come to sudden conclusions and start lecturing.

It's some kind of odd, parallel processing thing. Fairly easy to walk in parallel. But then sensing gets ya, and you might not be able to bridge the gap.


My experience.
 

Thalassa

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INFPs, INTPs, maybe creative/artistic ISFPs/ISTPs...? Like I (sorta) said, I don't think my view makes sense for all INTJs, mainly just me.

INFP might feel like incest, Ti and Fi can clash (NTPs), and SPs can give the "S/N divide" feeling...there is some reason why a relationship wouldn't work with almost every type, and it varies from individual to individual.

I wouldn't think an ENFP would work well with an ISTJ (I wouldn't want one because it would be too much like Daddy, among other things) but there was this whole thread where several ENFPs said they were in successful LTRs with ISTJs.

It really depends on the individuals, of course. Some ENFPs like INTJs more than others, others prefer ENTPs or ISTPs, etc.
 

Not_Me

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Jan 16, 2008
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I didn't give him what he wanted immediately off (My body. Sorry, I'm a slow moving kind of girl.), and he dumped me harder than last week's trash. At a dance. In front of everyone. After that he treated me like crap or ignored me all together, even though we ended up forced to hang out because I ended up with another friend of ours. He said hurtful things, and even told me to leave someone else's barbeque because he didn't like me being there, even though I'd left him alone like he'd wanted.

I can't imagine myself behaving like that even at my worst. I strongly doubt that he's even an INTJ. Maybe he adopted the designation because he thought the so-call mastermind title was fashionable. I couldn't relate your description of his behavior even if I tried to put a positive spin on it.
 

Bri

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Jan 5, 2010
Messages
106
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INTJ
INFP might feel like incest, Ti and Fi can clash (NTPs), and SPs can give the "S/N divide" feeling...there is some reason why a relationship wouldn't work with almost every type, and it varies from individual to individual.

I wouldn't think an ENFP would work well with an ISTJ (I wouldn't want one because it would be too much like Daddy, among other things) but there was this whole thread where several ENFPs said they were in successful LTRs with ISTJs.

It really depends on the individuals, of course. Some ENFPs like INTJs more than others, others prefer ENTPs or ISTPs, etc.
Ya know, I totally answered the wrong question. Just ignore my above answer. I was thinking about who is better suited for INTJs, not who is better for ENFPs. I don't know anything about ENFPs, so I couldn't begin to guess who'd be right for them. My bad!
 

SillySapienne

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Jan 14, 2008
Messages
9,801
MBTI Type
ENFP
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4w5
To be honest, I think that ENFPs might find the J aspect of INTJs off-putting.

Also, INTJs tend to be a bit more vain than we are, which is not such a great thing.

In general, I do think that INTJs have an alluring persona that inevitably pulls us in, but there is more to sustaining a relationship than intrigue alone.
 

Thalassa

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Ya know, I totally answered the wrong question. Just ignore my above answer. I was thinking about who is better suited for INTJs, not who is better for ENFPs. I don't know anything about ENFPs, so I couldn't begin to guess who'd be right for them. My bad!

Well, my post was meant to be generally speaking...it doesn't really matter if you mean for ENFPs or INTJs, my point was that we can rationalize all day why each particular type might not be compatible with another. Ultimately, when it comes down to it, a relationship is between two human beings not two MBTI type descriptions.

For example, the traditional argument FOR an ENFP/INTJ relationship is that they both lead with N (Ne and Ni) and share Te and Fi, which leads to understanding, maybe admiration.

Plus, people have different needs. Some introverts want a (mild) extrovert for balance, others want an introvert because they think they would get annoyed or drained otherwise. Some people want their opposite (or near opposite) because they want someone who will have strengths where they are weak, someone they can admire for not being a carbon copy of themselves.

It's all relative!
 

Moiety

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Aug 3, 2008
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ISFJ
Also, INTJs tend to be a bit more vain than we are, which is not such a great thing.

This is not my (admittedly scarce) experience with INTJ individuals. They are often too emotionally retarded to feel or communicate vain-ness. They simply objectively assess themselves as superior, in matters of intellect.


Except my middle school INTJ friend. If he finds me any dumber he's not letting on. He holds me in high regard. As he should.



*being vain*
 

Kalach

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To be honest, I think that ENFPs might find the J aspect of INTJs off-putting.

Embrace your tertiary function. You're using it even ^^^ now.

The "J" of INTJ is just extraverted thinking (plus some Ni closemindedness and angst over showing the 98 pound FiSe on the beach).

Hate the J, fear yourself.
 

Thalassa

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*ponders if "meaner" ENFPs are more likely to want INTJs*
 

Kalach

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Champions make decisions. Technically, I suppose that makes them "meaner", less open-minded.
 
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