• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[NF] NFs dating SJs

sakuraba

Permabanned
Joined
Oct 25, 2007
Messages
371
MBTI Type
(y)
Enneagram
7w8
how does this work out?

Ive seen it a few times. I guess SJ's can live up to "ideals" as they are the more normal ppl out there.

Also due to sheer numbers alone they are all over the place.

Ive seen SJ/NF relationships last for a long time. The NF however is always seemingly upset and dissapointed, but will hold on FAAAAR too long to the relationship before its over.

share your experiences
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
2,790
MBTI Type
OMNi
SJ = Potential Stalker

Nuff said.
 

sakuraba

Permabanned
Joined
Oct 25, 2007
Messages
371
MBTI Type
(y)
Enneagram
7w8
Sjs arent stalkers.

Boring...ignorant...understanding problems with N's... yes.

Not stalkers tho.
 

Eileen

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
2,179
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6?
I had a relationship with an ISFJ once. I would have married him, but he's gay. We brought really lovely things out in each other, and he understood me as well as any N ever has.
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
2,790
MBTI Type
OMNi
Hahhaa, OH PLEASE.

:huh:

Explain yourself.

:huh:

Thank you.

Most SJs I have known have become possessive of their relationships. I noticed for a lot of them that the moment the relationship broke off, they began continually testing the boundaries, as if to determine if it was really over. If they had an emotional attachment, then some of them would even pretend the break up had never occurred. In my experience, all these things coupled together make for a potential stalker.
 

Zergling

Permabanned
Joined
Apr 26, 2007
Messages
1,377
MBTI Type
ExTJ
I had a relationship with an ISFJ once. I would have married him, but he's gay. We brought really lovely things out in each other, and he understood me as well as any N ever has.

That's not a problem for a person with a huge ego, with a huge ego you just act as if you can "convert" the person. :devil: (Apologies to the English teacher for possible poor grammar and writing style in the post above.)
 

helen

New member
Joined
Nov 20, 2007
Messages
241
MBTI Type
INFJ
I've never dated an SJ and I tend to be attracted to NTs mostly. But one of my closest friends is an SJ, and we get along great. My mom is also an SJ and we've always been close. So, yeah, SJs can be great people and I see no reason why an NF couldn't date one happily, so long as both parties viewed the inevitable differences with tolerance and amusement instead of being irritated by them.
 

anii

homo-loving sonovagun
Joined
Jul 9, 2007
Messages
901
MBTI Type
infp
Enneagram
9
My opinion - SJs are stable, practical, reliable providers.

But they aren't very whimsical, and I need that in a mate.
 

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
2,062
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
My opinion - SJs are stable, practical, reliable providers.

But they aren't very whimsical, and I need that in a mate.


I think that sums it up nicely, actually.

When I was a teenager, I dated a guy who was an ISFJ - he was a very trustworthy, reliable, caring person, which is what I admired about him. But he didn't get my thought processes most of the time. There was a subtle, "something's not right here" feeling, and even though nothing was going wrong with our relationship, we amicably broke up. Later on, when I learned about MBTI, it all made sense to me, why we were missing each other in the communication department. It was nice to know that it wasn't anyone's fault, just that we were engineered differently.
 

Theory

New member
Joined
Jul 17, 2007
Messages
49
MBTI Type
ENFJ
My mom is an NF, and my dad is an SJ. They are coming up on their 28th year of marriage.

...So I guess it worked for my mom, but I don't think it would ever work for me. SJs like my dad are great and all, but there are certain things about them that I would never be able to tolerate in a boyfriend or husband. (Of course, that could also be due to his specific type... he's a definite ESTJ.) There's a lack of emotional sensitivity that makes me want to scream, and while they are practical, hard-working people, they wouldn't be adventurous enough for me. However, a male SJ would definitely make a good father, so I wouldn't complain about that.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
As long as I have my lab to do with what ever I so chose with only 5% input from her and tolerance of my states of imagination is present, I can't see it a problem for me.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
I've never dated an SJ. We've just been "buddy" types.
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
When just say no to SJs that lack imagination what you all mean? What kind of imaginativeness are you referring to?
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
When just say no to SJs that lack imagination what you all mean? What kind of imaginativeness are you referring to?

I said tolerant of my states of imagination, nothing about whether or not they have an imagination.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
My mother is an I?NFJ and my dad is an ISTJ. I dated an ESJT for 5 years and I am an INFJ.

Good things: Both NFs and SJs seem to value helping others in some way. I have found that both my dad and the boyfriend were responsible, good with everyday paperwork and routines (which NFs are less strong at), and were hard workers (though prone to spending too much time working). The practical elements and sense of responsibility combined with the NF imagination and vision and in both pairings they worked well together to execute big projects and events. I found both men were easying going about a lot of things and were good travel companions. My mother and I provided interest to the trip and they took care of the details and enjoyed long stretches of driving.

Bad things: Both pretended that any problems did not exist. I'm not sure if this is SJ or a result of both men's personal earlier experiences. NFs have a real need for resolution and years of unresolved conflict are devastating both the the relationship and to the NF personally. Even when the ESTJ and I broke up, there was no emotion shown. Although it was obvious from behaviour that it had mattered to him, there would be no admission of that and an attitude that as long as we don't talk about it it doesn't exist. He treated me immediately as if we had been nice neighbours and nothing more for the whole time. My dad deals with problems very much that way too. I think STJs in particular are unlikely to let others in on the thought process or what they are thinking, which makes it hard for the NF to let go of the problem and then the STJ feels they are being overemotional or making a big deal out of something they shouldn't. I think mostly the NF feels much less fulfilled that the SJ does. The only solution is for the N to look to a safe place to satisfy their N needs and recognize that it won't happen from the other person.
 

whimsical

New member
Joined
Feb 27, 2009
Messages
351
MBTI Type
infj
Enneagram
4
I have a great relationship with an ISFJ friend of mine, she is very practical, reliable and stable, however she is not very imaginative or "whimsical" as someone above mentioned. Still, it is a relationship I value immensely because we can both help each other out in our weak points, and we get along nicely. Sometimes I feel that she does not understand my idealism and it makes me a bit sad sometimes, but it is something I've learned to accept.
 

Ruthie

New member
Joined
Jun 3, 2009
Messages
436
MBTI Type
?
I'm right on the line between being an NF and and NT, and, with a couple of exceptions, most of the guys I've dated have also been either NF or NT. I tend to get so "meta" in my day-to-day conversations that I attract other meta types who love analyzing and generalizing everything. Too bad too, cause I think an SJ would be my ideal partner. We tend to want the same things out of the relationship - dependability, stability, loyalty. I like the idea of a low maintenance life together. The image of bantering with my husband after 30 or 40 years of marriage excites me more than the romance of a new relationship.
 
Top