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[INFJ] INFJ -Your heart is on your sleeve

harmonyizmine

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Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
25
If I had a dollar for every time I heard the phrase, "you wear your heart on your sleeve" said in a negative way...I'd be rich.

Most times I hear this phrase is when I'm in an overstimulated environment/situation and am asked how I feel and why. Apparently, they are asking because my face gives away everything even though I don't realize it. I then express to them what I am feeling; which people tend to think is silly or minor. They also express I shouldn't feel that way because they and others do not.

If I do not express it or tell people that nothing is going on, they become upset with me for holding back because I have already communicated something with my facial expression.

I get this a lot from my ENFP friends.

I'm curious if any other INFJs get told this term and how you feel about it?

I'm also curious if any other types have been told this and how they feel about it?
 

ReadingRainbows

Cat Wench
Joined
Jan 28, 2009
Messages
1,885
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I've been told I am all heart on several occasions.
 

tibby

New member
Joined
Nov 22, 2008
Messages
682
MBTI Type
fool
My face can't fake it either. In a way I guess it's good, I'm no mystery to people in that regard and wouldn't even want to be (nor couldn't be).

But I too want to be able to see underneath the surface. I want to see reactions, that's the way I navigate (this for example makes me feel helpless with strong Fi people sometimes). And I know an ESTJ who reads my moods like an open book through my facial expressions. In general someone recognising and caring about my moods and feelings makes me feel good.

I guess some people are just more perceptive and pay more attention to it than others (e.g. care about you and want to know), I don't think some would even notice any changes in unless they paid really close attention etc.

To me it sounds like your friends care a lot about you and are worried, and would like to know what's bothering you - if there indeed is something bothering you. ENFPs are very good at reading people especially apparently, and in that sense be extremely perceptive to your facial expressions as well. :) And if they're close to you they can feel bad about reading it from you but you not showing them the trust (or however they might perceive it) to open up about it? It's like they know already but are waiting for you to trust them enough to talk about it. I don't know if that might be the case at all, but I've had that experience.
 

Skyward

Badoom~
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
1,084
MBTI Type
infj
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9w1
Maybe THAT'S why people are joking about what sexual preference I might be.

*Ponders*

Not like I can carry a mirror everywhere I go to see how I react to things.
 
P

Phantonym

Guest
I guess some people are just more perceptive and pay more attention to it than others (e.g. care about you and want to know), I don't think some would even notice any changes in unless they paid really close attention etc.

Yes, I agree with this. I'm a complete stoneface, never heard the phrase said to my face (or behind my back). I believe people might think quite the opposite, my heart is mostly locked away. If they could see inside, then that's a whole another matter, but I'm definitely not transparent.
 

tibby

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Nov 22, 2008
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682
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fool
Actually now that I'm thinking about it I think there's a difference in feelings and moods? :huh: Like for me, I don't think I could ever "feel" in anyone's presence (kept away from everybody), but people may sense a vibe of a mood? Like a tone or smt?

Or am I completely off the rail here? :laugh:
 

BlueScreen

Fail 2.0
Joined
Nov 8, 2008
Messages
2,668
MBTI Type
YMCA
I find some people are more readable and other's aren't. I do know an INFJ who is quite readable. I probably cause problems the most when she is trying to adapt for me and I read that she'd prefer something else and I keep checking because I feel it. On the other hand, with an ENFP I know, I can sit there knowing she is completely open and still not get past the eyes. It can make it difficult to attach on certain levels even though the psychological connection is almost immediate.
 

KLessard

Aspiring Troens Ridder
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
595
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
Well, I don't speak out about how I'm feeling unless I really can't keep it in anymore (many months or years after the incident and I've had time to rationalize it), so either they choose to read my face or be upset. But then I get told I'm "intense and hard-to-read."
When I feel too intensely, my throat blocks up and I can't speak. So people get silence. I hope to learn how to verbalize wisely in the future.
I know this has to do with how my ESTJ mother wouldn't allow me to to talk back or express how I was feeling, that was rebellion. I'd get punished if I opened my mouth, so I often remain silent when I am offended or hurt.
 

Prime

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Dec 15, 2009
Messages
61
MBTI Type
INFJ
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4w5
As frustrating as it can be, I think it's healthier for our type to wear our hearts on our sleeves. When I was younger, I was very much readable. People would ask me questions too. Sometimes teachers would abruptly ask me "Are you happy?"

But over time, years of feeling vulnerable about my emotions have made me calloused to the point where I'm no longer outwardly expressive. All my feelings are held within. No one asks me those invasive questions anymore... and life's become a lot lonelier because of it.
 

Lily Bart

Member
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Messages
136
MBTI Type
INFP
I never noticed it till my husband pointed it out to me, but I do show my emotions very strongly -- but the odd thing is that I feel so strongly anyway that I tend to put it all into perspective even if other people don't -- so if I'm looking really disturbed about something and this upsets somebody else, it may really bother them, but I may walk away from it thinking "oh well, that's just how it goes sometimes." Sometimes other people want to pursue the matter, and I end up thinking how idiotic they're being, blowing something way out of proportion, but it really is partly my fault -- I'm trying to learn to control my facial expressions more carefully now.
 
V

violaine

Guest
My face betrays me despite my best efforts. But you have to be observant or focused on me to see it. I can go undetected most of the time because most of the time people aren't paying that level of attention.

If I'm really caught off guard my face will show everything for a moment before I regain composure.

It's unnerving whenever someone sees through. Most often it's happened that someone has remarked that my eyes look sad (even though I'm usually cracking wise at the time). And they are always right. Stops me in my tracks.

Actually, I feel things through my body even when I'm trying to keep a lid on my reactions to the point of concealing them from myself. Whenever I have one of those sensations I take note and realize that I have to take seriously whatever it is that I'm reacting to.
 

cascadeco

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Oct 7, 2007
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Yes, I agree with this. I'm a complete stoneface, never heard the phrase said to my face (or behind my back). I believe people might think quite the opposite, my heart is mostly locked away. If they could see inside, then that's a whole another matter, but I'm definitely not transparent.

Yeah, I think this is how I am too.

violaine said:
My face betrays me despite my best efforts. But you have to be observant or focused on me to see it. I can go undetected most of the time because most of the time people aren't paying that level of attention.

If I'm really caught off guard my face will show everything for a moment before I regain composure.

Those who know me well will be able to pick up the nuances of my facial expressions and will know when I'm flustered or don't like something, etc, but I don't think most people would pick up on the stuff because it isn't obvious, OR..what I say below.

BUT, tied to this, I think I'm more expressive and don't mind those close to me seeing my feelings, so I'm not as careful to cover them up, whereas with most people, I tend not to want to bring my emotional reactions into any of it, hence I'm NOT terribly expressive...most definitely in terms of my more negative feelings/reactions. But I don't have as many qualms when I'm really happy or whatever, and letting that spill out.
 

cafe

Well-known member
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Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
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INFJ
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9w1
I'm hard to read. Going around showing everything I was feeling would be like going around in public nekkid.
 

velocity

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Oct 22, 2008
Messages
477
MBTI Type
epic
No. The last time I checked it was functioning quite well within my rib cage.
 

harmonyizmine

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Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
25
I guess some people are just more perceptive and pay more attention to it than others (e.g. care about you and want to know), I don't think some would even notice any changes in unless they paid really close attention etc.
I definitely agree. I guess what is hard are the people who point it out like there is something wrong with you.

To me it sounds like your friends care a lot about you and are worried, and would like to know what's bothering you - if there indeed is something bothering you. ENFPs are very good at reading people especially apparently, and in that sense be extremely perceptive to your facial expressions as well. :) And if they're close to you they can feel bad about reading it from you but you not showing them the trust (or however they might perceive it) to open up about it? It's like they know already but are waiting for you to trust them enough to talk about it. I don't know if that might be the case at all, but I've had that experience.

I think it's a combination of factors. I do have the friends like you described. I have also heard it from other people and people I do not know as well. But this could be their personality type to be observant like you asked.
 

harmonyizmine

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Joined
Jan 15, 2009
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25
As frustrating as it can be, I think it's healthier for our type to wear our hearts on our sleeves. When I was younger, I was very much readable. People would ask me questions too. Sometimes teachers would abruptly ask me "Are you happy?"

But over time, years of feeling vulnerable about my emotions have made me calloused to the point where I'm no longer outwardly expressive. All my feelings are held within. No one asks me those invasive questions anymore... and life's become a lot lonelier because of it.

I can definitely identify with your statements. I'm at the point of wondering how outwardly expressive I am and if I should tone it down?

and life's become a lot lonelier because of it.
:hug:
 

harmonyizmine

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Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
25
I never noticed it till my husband pointed it out to me, but I do show my emotions very strongly -- but the odd thing is that I feel so strongly anyway that I tend to put it all into perspective even if other people don't -- so if I'm looking really disturbed about something and this upsets somebody else, it may really bother them, but I may walk away from it thinking "oh well, that's just how it goes sometimes." Sometimes other people want to pursue the matter, and I end up thinking how idiotic they're being, blowing something way out of proportion, but it really is partly my fault -- I'm trying to learn to control my facial expressions more carefully now.

I'm with you. I never noticed it or thought I was different until it has been repeatedly pointed out in my adult life.

I agree with you. A lot of times I'm thinking about something totally minor and it seems absolutely ridiculous to voice it and its for me to process and figure out.
 

harmonyizmine

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Joined
Jan 15, 2009
Messages
25
Yeah, I think this is how I am too.



Those who know me well will be able to pick up the nuances of my facial expressions and will know when I'm flustered or don't like something, etc, but I don't think most people would pick up on the stuff because it isn't obvious, OR..what I say below.

BUT, tied to this, I think I'm more expressive and don't mind those close to me seeing my feelings, so I'm not as careful to cover them up, whereas with most people, I tend not to want to bring my emotional reactions into any of it, hence I'm NOT terribly expressive...most definitely in terms of my more negative feelings/reactions. But I don't have as many qualms when I'm really happy or whatever, and letting that spill out.

It's good to hear from you and Sky blue regarding the matter that you haven't heard this phrase and react differently.

I wonder if reactions also have to do with nature vs. nurture and how individual people process things?
 

Goodewitch

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Joined
Oct 4, 2009
Messages
55
MBTI Type
INFJ
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5w4
Yes, I think I'm about as transparent as a pane of glass.
There are a few heavy T people that seem oblivious, but apart from that, My expressions and mood, although pretty subdued, will mostly give me away.
Its more in my actions and words though, that I show my heart, rather than facial expression... apparently.I'm just too open and truthful for my own damned good.
This is what Ive been told,anyway.
G. x
 
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