[INFJ] What is the point of feeling things so intensely?

[LiLyLemon]

Would you say you have learned to laugh at yourself? I think the expression "Mieux vaut en rire qu'en pleurer" ('Tis better to laugh than to cry about it) has been very salutary at certain moments in my depression. Learning to take a step back and observe the intense, hard-to-read INFJ character with humour is a good thing.

Beautiful quote, and a running theme in my own life I find. I have often struggled with long periods of depression. I think a lot of unfortunate events have occurred in my life which I've felt are beyond my control. Other types may have used pure hard logic to overcome or block out feelings in this situation. But, I embrace how mood reactive I am. The highs are so high and the lows are indeed very low. I think it only becomes a problem because others misunderstand this intensity of feeling, and regard it as futile. Undermining the way you see the world, although you know you often see things more clearly some would ever imagine.

Thus bringing me back to the seemingly paradoxical ways of being INFJ. Being empathic denotes understanding. So I do understand at times that this over feeling of things might appear pointless or a waste of energy, which is when the laughing instead of crying comes in. I think this isn't a cover of true feelings though, but a mere form of release. To laugh or cry they are both ways of truly expressing emotion.

I do not think anyone should feel belittled or wrong for being sensitive, or even over sensitive. Repressing feelings in my opinion can be extremely detrimental to a person's wellbeing. I have seen the damage caused when a person shuts down, to the point of being unable to say or show what they are honestly feeling. I admit to finding it a burden at times, the extremes of my emotions. But I would rather stay true to them, along with the problems this sometimes brings, than attempt to keep them at bay and mentally implode.

 

[thescientist]

Oh yeah...the art thing too. Sensitive people are inclined to create things like paintings and poetry in order to communicate their own feelings and make others feel.

I do that...

This thread is making me feel INFJ...

I may not be sensitive to a lot of things as INTJ, but when it comes from someone I really love or have a high opinion of, I can feel so intensely it rips my soul apart and I dont know what to do with myself. Damn you Fi.

 

[garbage]

Yeah, I don't know how to describe it, but I'll give it a shot.

It's one thing to understand or comprehend something--a concept, an idea, a theory, another person. But to actually connect to it? That's a completely different game altogether, and it takes the capacity to feel deeply.

It can be emotional movement from a piece of music that signifies that you've truly been spoken to. It can be a sudden shocking feeling and a resultant, fleeting mind-blanking that comes with touching a loved one. It can be a catharsis after some grand epiphany. Whatever it is, it's all a part of the same phenomenon.

When you actually connect in such a fashion, you're truly feeling that you're part of something much larger than yourself, caring about and encompassing things that are so far removed from your own scope.

It's subjective, yet very far-reaching at times. If channeled correctly, it has the ability to not only significantly impact others' lives, but also make your own life so much more enriching and.. just meaningful.

 

[Goodewitch]

Whats the purpose? Buggered if I know,..
I imagine it has something to do with needing a few people in the world to be the tortured artist, the poet who falls to the depths and scrapes the heights with inspirational insight.
Without the awful depth of feelings, or the pain of sensitivity, the world wouldnt have those moments of spiritual inspiration, that sensitive NF types seem to bring for all our edification.
You gotta go through the furnace, supposedly ,to come out as refined and pure.
Deep emotion and sensitivity can be transformative, for the individual, and sometimes for whole cultures.
Think Jesus Christ, other religious figures, great artists, great musicians, some take their pain and produce beauty and truth, for us all.
Thats the ultimate purpose I suppose,.. transformaton.
It doesnt always get there, most of us just end up hurt and depressed,.. and trying to heal for the next round,... but sometimes, in special cases spiritual transformative beauty and truth can be made.
Its a philosophers stone,.. gold from lead. Alchemical in nature,.. and blesses and transforms those who are touched by it.
G. x

 

[KLessard]

Whats the purpose? Buggered if I know,..
I imagine it has something to do with needing a few people in the world to be the tortured artist, the poet who falls to the depths and scrapes the heights with inspirational insight.
Without the awful depth of feelings, or the pain of sensitivity, the world wouldnt have those moments of spiritual inspiration, that sensitive NF types seem to bring for all our edification.
You gotta go through the furnace, supposedly ,to come out as refined and pure.
Deep emotion and sensitivity can be transformative, for the individual, and sometimes for whole cultures.
Think Jesus Christ, other religious figures, great artists, great musicians, some take their pain and produce beauty and truth, for us all.
Thats the ultimate purpose I suppose,.. transformaton.
It doesnt always get there, most of us just end up hurt and depressed,.. and trying to heal for the next round,... but sometimes, in special cases spiritual transformative beauty and truth can be made.
Its a philosophers stone,.. gold from lead. Alchemical in nature,.. and blesses and transforms those who are touched by it.
G. x

 

[Thalassa]

I do that...

This thread is making me feel INFJ...

I may not be sensitive to a lot of things as INTJ, but when it comes from someone I really love or have a high opinion of, I can feel so intensely it rips my soul apart and I dont know what to do with myself. Damn you Fi.

Tertiary Fi is awesome. ENFPs love it.

 

[William K]

If channeled correctly, it has the ability to not only significantly impact others' lives, but also make your own life so much more enriching and.. just meaningful.

But how do I use it to be rich and famous?

 

[Afkan]

When I tell my story to people, they only see it as a misunderstanding, something I'm taking way too personally, I'm megasensitive, etc.

And at some moments, I see clearly and understand it is not so tragic as I take it.

Why do NFs need to feel upset so easily? What is the purpose of this, what's its usefulness?

The only logical answer I find is compassion and empathy. When an event has wounded us, we remember the feelings so vividly that whenever we see someone else suffering, we want to help and listen. Does this makes sense to you?

What is the purpose of emotions?

Emotions tell us what hurts, where it hurts...

Imagine touching a HOT stove. Nerve endings and pain receptors tell our brain OOOOUCH MOVE HAND!!!!!!!!

Imagine experiencing a deep sadness. How would your brain tell you to respond?

Hot Stove Analogy
The better your reflexes, the more equipped you are to react properly.

Applied to Emotions
Emotions tell us how to behave in the future, how to interact with the external environment. Emotions are crucial to learning from past mistakes.

Event:
You are talking to a friend who suddenly begins to look very sad. You immediately recognize the sadness and begin to feel sad yourself.

Action:
Which would you choose
1. Ignore sadness
2. Examine sadness, figure out origins, do nothing
3. #2 + do something abt source of sadness

Which choice will lead to the best outcome?

Emotional intelligence weighs heavily in determining a successful outcome, however one may define "success."
Emotional intelligence is not only how well/intensely/quickly we experience & process emotions. Its also how well those emotions motivate us to act.

I understand what you mean, and I agree that a lifetime of experiencing emotions very intensely and naturally finding great relevance in emotion can be... uncomfortable at times, to say the least However, the true tragedy lies in having no sensor for emotional pain. At an even greater loss is possessing the sensors while neglecting developing a skilled use of that sensor.

Intense negative emotions provide an even greater motivation to remove whatever stimulus triggered the negative emote, no?

The complexity of human emotions when paired with our higher level thinking abilities are like unto a sixth sense when compared to other mammals.

 

[thescientist]

Tertiary Fi is awesome. ENFPs love it.

Then why doesnt my ENFP love me?

 

[Thalassa]

Then why doesnt my ENFP love me?

 

[OrangeAppled]

The only logical answer I find is compassion and empathy. When an event has wounded us, we remember the feelings so vividly that whenever we see someone else suffering, we want to help and listen. Does this makes sense to you?

I have found that the moments I feel the happiest are those when I am counseling a friend and encouraging him when he opens up to me about his hardships. I am happy to help him carry the burden.

I think you answered your own question

I can relate....I feel at peace when offering comfort to another person. All of a sudden, it's not about me and my problems. It's also one of the few times I feel absorbed in the moment also.

My personal theory (from a rambling gut-feel INFP point of view) is that we do it for the same reasons that the Thinkers use arguments to reason and refine their personal logic. To come up with the logical truth, you learn to recognize true and false axioms.

For Feelers, it's about 'positive' and 'negative' feelings. They are the things that we use as input for our Judging function, whether it's for personal or community goals. They probably help to define what the values are and how important they are. If something made you feel bad, would you do the same thing to someone you love? The more intensely you feel something, the more 'true' that emotion will be to you and the more 'weight' you will give it during the decision-making process.

It's kind of like going to the gym and torturing yourself to build your muscles, except here the muscle is your F. As for the usefulness of having a strong F to the user himself, that's still a point for debate

Great breakdown

A strong emotional feeling provides much to be evaluated, and much to learn from. The OP sounds like she really engages in an analyzing process of why she responded so strongly....think of what wisdom gleaned from that process.

Although, sometimes the feeling is disproportionate to the situation, inconvenient, embarrassing, unpleasant, etc....and it really didn't have to be that way.

Emotions tell us how to behave in the future, how to interact with the external environment. Emotions are crucial to learning from past mistakes.

Emotional intelligence weighs heavily in determining a successful outcome, however one may define "success."
Emotional intelligence is not only how well/intensely/quickly we experience & process emotions. Its also how well those emotions motivate us to act.

I understand what you mean, and I agree that a lifetime of experiencing emotions very intensely and naturally finding great relevance in emotion can be... uncomfortable at times, to say the least However, the true tragedy lies in having no sensor for emotional pain. At an even greater loss is possessing the sensors while neglecting developing a skilled use of that sensor.

Intense negative emotions provide an even greater motivation to remove whatever stimulus triggered the negative emote, no?

The complexity of human emotions when paired with our higher level thinking abilities are like unto a sixth sense when compared to other mammals.

Great points also. I think this illustrates where Fi and Fe diverge in some areas, but it makes sense for all Feelers, nonetheless.

 

[William K]

Slightly related to the OP :

A major 7.0 earthquake struck Haiti a couple of hours ago. It occured just miles south of the capital of 2 million people and being a shallow quake, will cause horrible damage. Yet, here I am in the office probably the only one of my colleagues who gives a whit about it. After all, Haiti is half the world away and I don't know anyone at all living there. Yet I can't stop myself reading through the descriptions coming out even though it will be hard to read. 4w5 morbid curiosity?

 

[Unkindloving]

I use my intensity to help myself learn and to benefit personal growth, as well as interactions with others.
It reminds me that i am here, alive, and the gravity of what is important to me in this lifetime. It may be too much for other people, but i've learned to take it positively. I don't get upset over everything or everyone. If i find myself upset and the intensity of overbearing then i know the situation warrants it in correlation to my life. I need that knowledge for myself and i may need it to advise others at a later point.

It all depends on how you view it and what is warranting it that determined the point behind it.

 

[proteanmix]

Slightly related to the OP :

A major 7.0 earthquake struck Haiti a couple of hours ago. It occured just miles south of the capital of 2 million people and being a shallow quake, will cause horrible damage. Yet, here I am in the office probably the only one of my colleagues who gives a whit about it. After all, Haiti is half the world away and I don't know anyone at all living there. Yet I can't stop myself reading through the descriptions coming out even though it will be hard to read. 4w5 morbid curiosity?

I'm not trying to pick on you but the point of this thread is going over my head. The responses sound a little overwrought to me. What I'm understanding is people are having troubles modulating their emotions, are having very intense emotional responses and are getting stuck in that emotionally intense phase? Is this correct? I guess I'm part of the quit bitching and start a revolution camp; strong emotion nearly always motivates me to action if only for the purpose of make it stop.

In this specific situation, what do you expect to be done? What is your expectation of how people are supposed to react? Are they supposed to set up a candle vigil with weeping and wailing? If they don't give a flying fig about it, is that not the more honest reaction? I guess what you're saying is they should give a flying fig about it. It's interesting to me, because I connect this with how people feel complain about Fe foisting feelings or "making" people feel something against their will. When are you supposed to "feel" something for some tragic event thousands of miles away from you? I'm sorry the that people have died and what little some people have has been lost, but my heart isn't bleeding about it. It's just not.

I think there are many valid factors at work for why there seems to be disinterest, the first being that we're daily inundated with some tragedy happening somewhere and people start tuning it out. Good, bad, I don't know but it is a valid coping mechanism. They also may be conserving their emotional energy for things that are more pertinent and relevant in their lives.

I'm not sure how you know if people are checking news sites and paying attention unless they tell you they are or you see that they are. And this is even curiouser to me because you'd have to talk about this with others for you to know what their feelings are on the matter (unless you're doing that Fi thing of just "knowing"...I know it's a dig, I'm sorry ). Have you asked them what they think about it or how they feel? Were their responses not to your liking?

What I'm basically saying (and this is something I'm dealing with as well so I'm not above it) is who are you to dictate what people should and shouldn't care about? We would hope that all people can recognize the importance and significance of certain issues over others, but how people choose to prioritize one thing over another is entirely up to them. Of course, I get frustrated too when I think someone is being dismissive of something I think is important but I also don't think I can tell people how outraged and impassioned they should be. That's veering into proselytizer territory. This is something I've learned especially, over the last year. And honestly, I don't get riled up for everything someone tells me I should care about, so conversely how can I expect someone else to do the same when I come at them?

 

[William K]

I'm not trying to pick on you but the point of this thread is going over my head. The responses sound a little overwrought to me. What I'm understanding is people are having troubles modulating their emotions, are having very intense emotional responses and are getting stuck in that emotionally intense phase? Is this correct? I guess I'm part of the quit bitching and start a revolution camp; strong emotion nearly always motivates me to action if only for the purpose of make it stop.

In this specific situation, what do you expect to be done? What is your expectation of how people are supposed to react? Are they supposed to set up a candle vigil with weeping and wailing? If they don't give a flying fig about it, is that not the more honest reaction? I guess what you're saying is they should give a flying fig about it. It's interesting to me, because I connect this with how people feel complain about Fe foisting feelings or "making" people feel something against their will. When are you supposed to "feel" something for some tragic event thousands of miles away from you? I'm sorry the that people have died and what little some people have has been lost, but my heart isn't bleeding about it. It's just not.

I think there are many valid factors at work for why there seems to be disinterest, the first being that we're daily inundated with some tragedy happening somewhere and people start tuning it out. Good, bad, I don't know but it is a valid coping mechanism. They also may be conserving their emotional energy for things that are more pertinent and relevant in their lives.

I'm not sure how you know if people are checking news sites and paying attention unless they tell you they are or you see that they are. And this is even curiouser to me because you'd have to talk about this with others for you to know what their feelings are on the matter (unless you're doing that Fi thing of just "knowing"...I know it's a dig, I'm sorry ). Have you asked them what they think about it or how they feel? Were their responses not to your liking?

What I'm basically saying (and this is something I'm dealing with as well so I'm not above it) is who are you to dictate what people should and shouldn't care about? We would hope that all people can recognize the importance and significance of certain issues over others, but how people choose to prioritize one thing over another is entirely up to them. Of course, I get frustrated too when I think someone is being dismissive of something I think is important but I also don't think I can tell people how outraged and impassioned they should be. That's veering into proselytizer territory. This is something I've learned especially, over the last year. And honestly, I don't get riled up for everything someone tells me I should care about, so conversely how can I expect someone else to do the same when I come at them?

Errr, I don't see anywhere in my post where I said I'm disappointed that no one else cares about it. My question was why am I feeling intensely about something that 'normal' people don't care about and why I can't stop. My apologies if it sounds like I was having a holier-than-thou moment. That was certainly not the purpose of that post.

Now excuse me while I go self-flagellate myself further

 

[proteanmix]

Errr, I don't see anywhere in my post where I said I'm disappointed that no one else cares about it. My question was why am I feeling intensely about something that 'normal' people don't care about and why I can't stop. My apologies if it sounds like I was having a holier-than-thou moment. That was certainly not the purpose of that post.

But how do you know they don't care?

 

[William K]

But how do you know they don't care?

Well, a couple passed by my cubicle and asked what I was reading, and was like "Oh ok". Perhaps don't care is not the correct word. Like you said, not everyone would be as emotionally invested or as interested in something like this.

 

[proteanmix]

Well, a couple passed by my cubicle and asked what I was reading, and was like "Oh ok". Perhaps don't care is not the correct word. Like you said, not everyone would be as emotionally invested or as interested in something like this.

Once again, I'm not picking on you.

But I guess, to assume knowledge (not that you are or aren't doing this) of what an emotional investment is based on a statement like that kinda does make this emotion overwrought to me. I don't know these people, you do. Maybe they were on their way to a meeting, or some place important and maybe they weren't. Maybe they didn't know exactly what happened yet and will later find out in more detail. Maybe they'll talk about it (and give a clue as to their emotional investment) with another person or group of people, but not necessarily to you.

Gauging interest and investment levels sometimes depends on how much investigating you do. You may find out more accurately how much people care about something.

 

[William K]

Once again, I'm not picking on you.

But I guess, to assume knowledge (not that you are or aren't doing this) of what an emotional investment is based on a statement like that kinda does make this emotion overwrought to me. I don't know these people, you do. Maybe they were on their way to a meeting, or some place important and maybe they weren't. Maybe they didn't know exactly what happened yet and will later find out in more detail. Maybe they'll talk about it (and give a clue as to their emotional investment) with another person or group of people, but not necessarily to you.

Gauging interest and investment levels sometimes depends on how much investigating you do. You may find out more accurately how much people care about something.

Perhaps you're right. If I can come out of my shell a bit and ask why they aren't as interested, then I might understand them and myself better.

As to the reason for this thread, my understanding is that the OP wanted to know whether there is any point or need to feel things intensely. It's not really about how do I stop feeling things intensely, but about whether there is a good reason that I shouldn't stop.

Just out of curiosity, do the posts here really sound that overwrought? I won't use the word whiny (that would be assuming knowledge)

 

[OrangeAppled]

What I'm understanding is people are having troubles modulating their emotions, are having very intense emotional responses and are getting stuck in that emotionally intense phase? Is this correct? I guess I'm part of the quit bitching and start a revolution camp; strong emotion nearly always motivates me to action if only for the purpose of make it stop.

No, the OP seems to be questioning if there is anything positive about having strong emotional reactions at times. Does it serve any purpose to be very sensitive?

The posts in the thread are exploring WHY there may be some benefit, and one of those benefits can be a motivation to act and solve problems.

There's no whining about being stuck on an emotional feeling and not having any control. It's analysis of why do you have a strong emotion to begin with. Is it over-sensitivity that needs to be checked? Maybe some of the time, but it could also be part of a learning/refining process.

Just out of curiosity, do the posts here really sound that overwrought? I won't use the word whiny (that would be assuming knowledge)

No, most don't sound overwrought. But maybe to a disgruntled ESFJ they do.