I don't think I am. The only exception I would make is if something seems to be going wrong in the relationship and the person is distancing themselves emotionally. I have a compulsive need to make sure that things at home base are established and alright before giving my attention to the other things that I normally would.
The one time when I have responded by being oversolicitous, I think it did signify someone who was unwilling/unable to talk through things or give me any reassurance that things between us were okay even if there were other stressors bothering him. I've realized that that is very important to me in a relationship and I don't function well without it. In the future I think I would recognize much more quickly what was happening and arrange for us to go our separate ways rather than living in that state of uncertainy and self-doubt for an extended length of time.
Clinginess is not so much a function of type, as it is a function of insecurity and needing the other person's strength to lean on. Unfortunately, it usually results in getting together with someone who also has strong insecurities but which are manifested in a stronger way. This leads to huge imbalances in power between partners and makes it difficult to develop a healthy relationship. Insecurity is often destructive and selfish, even when the person does not intend to be because the person ultimately believes that if they don't look out for their own needs, no one else will. At best, their headspace is taken up with their worries, fears and discomforts so much that they don't have enough room left to focus on others, or else they go to the other extreme and don't stand up appropriately for themselves up front (which means needing to use more behind the scenes ways of getting power).
On the other hand, when a strongly insecure person gets together with a fairly confident person, the imbalance also creates problems. The confident person takes on the majority of the responsibility and work, while retaining the least amount of decision making ability. They tend to be very protective of their insecure partner, so that the partner learns not to interface directly with people or be accountable for their behaviour. The confident person also becomes very isolated because any other interests and people in their life pose a threat to their partner. This alienates potential sources of support, wise counsel, and care that would normally be in place. In addition, to live with the insecure person, the more confident person has to grow to see insecure behaviour as normal if they are to see their spouse as an equal. This often makes for a very skewed perspective over time. It creates children without a good village of attachment and support. They often are not confident and respond by rejecting the people around them who are, because they don't believe they have the same possibilities open to them.
Of course we all have our insecurities. However, if building a relationship could be compared to building a house, the more insecurities and the more profound they are, the bigger of holes in the roof of the house they represent. Little holes are easily patched and dealt with. Big ones affect the integrity of the structure and require massive recontruction and expense. If left undealt with, the rain and weather comes in and renders the house worthless before long. Most people would not voluntarily move into a home that has serious issues. However, people "move into" relationships all the time, where one or both partners have big insecurities which the spouse can never "fix" for their partner.
Clinginess often comes from the belief that the other person will be the answer to all of one's problems. Invariably it brings disappointment and anger when this is not the case. And yet, because the person is choosing out of a place of need, they are unwilling to break up with anyone until they have someone else to replace them with. The common signs of it: needing constant physical contact, being in touch an unreasonably large amount of the day, depending on the partner for things that are more appropriate for the person to handle alone, jealousy and possessiveness are just symptoms of the deeper problem.
) made me clingier.
