[NF] Are NFs Clingy?

[AphroditeGoneAwry]

I think I used to be clingy (codependent with my mate), but not anymore. I'm not sure why. I think I've experienced rejection so much in my life that at some point I learned to just withdraw into myself until I felt better, or work through things myself; that clinging to others never worked anyway, or just made me feel worse. I am very attached to the people I love though.

 

[toast]

I was never clingy 'till I hooked up with a T.

 

[thisGuy]

I was never clingy 'till I hooked up with a T.

i better not know you in real life

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

If I'm feeling especially lonely or insecure I can be, but I try to keep a lid on it because it's counter-productive.

^This is true for me.

 

[BMEF]

I've been criticized for it, and I've wanted to criticize my own type friends for it from time to time, so ... yes, in my experience.

What a very unique response! I was only criticized once for being clingy back when I was in 7th grade. I was labeled as clingy by two of my closest friends (that time) probably because I showed too much emotions towards them.

I can be. Especially if I'm scared, insecure, or stupidly in love.

However, I can also pull away and be distant. There is such a thing as "too much togetherness." I need space and I realize that other people do to.

Based on my high school observations, I've noticed that many students that have crushes on their teachers act very clingy. However, other students that have crushes on their teachers might act aloof and cold.

In my opinion, realizing that other people need space is really essential in order to receive someone else's respect.

Thank you all for your deep, sincere thoughts!

 

[Goodewitch]

Well for me, a distinction has to be made between being clingy, and being intense.
I am always intense when I'm with someone, but this doesnt equate to needing to be around them, in terms of time spent together.
I am fine with having space and time on my own, but I do tend to want to 'check in' a lot, to see how things are bewteen us,.. I never assume everythings ok because theres no apparent problems, I prefer to talk, and ask.
Is that clingy?
Dunno, I dont think it is, its intense maybe, or even annoying, but clingy in the sense that I'm clinging onto their leg everywhere they go? Nope.
G. x

 

[HollyGolightly]

Others would probably say that I'm the opposite of clingy. I have been critisised for being too aloof. But inside I have a lot of love but I don't know how to express it without coming across as too intense and well...clingy
If I didn't care so much about what people think and wasn't ablt to keep my emotions in check I'd probably be clingy. Secretly, I'm insecure and expect people to leave me so sometimes I wanna just hold onto them...but that pushes people away so I sort of go in the opposite direction and become rather distant and aloof....which also pushes people away.....*idiot alert*
But the more aloof I appear, the more I love ya =)
And as for types that are more clingy than others...I don't really like to generalise. I knew an INFJ that was very clingy and possessive with her boyfriend...I'm INFJ and I don't behave like that. I actually require a lot of alone time and find it hard to be joined at the hip with someone. But this INFJ wanted to be with her partner all the time, so it's down to the individual really. Past experiences can make you "clingy" due to feelings of insecurity. And sometimes when you think you are losing someone it can make you act clingy even if you're not normally that way.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Others would probably say that I'm the opposite of clingy. I have been criticized for being too aloof. But inside I have a lot of love but I don't know how to express it without coming across as too intense and well...clingy

If I didn't care so much about what people think and wasn't able to keep my emotions in check I'd probably be clingy. Secretly, I'm insecure and expect people to leave me so sometimes I wanna just hold onto them...but that pushes people away so I sort of go in the opposite direction and become rather distant and aloof....which also pushes people away.....*idiot alert*
But the more aloof I appear, the more I love ya =)

And as for types that are more clingy than others...I don't really like to generalize. I knew an INFJ that was very clingy and possessive with her boyfriend...I'm INFJ and I don't behave like that. I actually require a lot of alone time and find it hard to be joined at the hip with someone. But this INFJ wanted to be with her partner all the time, so it's down to the individual really. Past experiences can make you "clingy" due to feelings of insecurity. And sometimes when you think you are losing someone it can make you act clingy even if you're not normally that way.

Good post.

I think because I dislike clingy-ness or fear seeming pathetic/annoying because of it, I also tend to go to the other extreme (aloof). Finding the middle ground in showing a healthy attachment is hard for me (same as expressing positive feelings - difficult for me find the "right" way). I tend to play it safe so I'm not left "vulnerable".

 

[Lightyear]

Not in my case. I am sometimes so careful not to appear clingy or like I am bothering someone that people find it difficult to get to know me.

 

[scortia]

I'm as far away from clingy as you can possibly be. I don't have a single friend who is less clingy than me. And when it comes to insecurities,.. meh. Most insecurities are about myself strictly and those stay within... so no related clingyness. I constantly have a leader-mindset towards friends so I don't get enamored with people or latch on. I either conduct the group or am rather detached in general. I've never cared about acceptance or having a huge number of friends so I've never feared losing them either. No need to cling at all.

 

[Lauren]

And sometimes when you think you are losing someone it can make you act clingy even if you're not normally that way.

I relate to this. I only become clingy (and I hate it) when I feel there's been a serious miscommunication with someone I care about and I can't remedy it because an attempt to do so will push them further away. The "attempt to do so" can be clingy because I will make myself available to that person much more than I normally would to talk and try and normalize things, and to get a feel about the energy between us. But this isn't a good thing oftentimes because it only makes them feel forced to communicate, to try and make me feel better and to show me all is OK. It makes them feel crowded. Space is a better thing, especially for another NF. NFs need room to breathe and consider situations/options.

 

[Lauren]

Of course lets not get into the subject of falling in love as that is a whole new level of clinging there.

Tell me about it. A whole new level is putting it mildly.

Edit to add: When I'm overly emotional because of stressors or other things going on my life, I can become needy of my closest friends. I can usually handle my own emotional life just fine but if things are overwhelming me, I seek out the comfort of friends much more, and for longer periods of time. I naturally enjoy a two-way conversation or listening to another person, but during these times, I can end up taking up whole conversations just on what's bothering me. I have to watch this tendency to want to verbalize everything in detail.

Another edit: I'm not usually clingy at all, even if I'm falling in love. My experience is usually the opposite. I've felt clingy while falling/being in love when other things in my life are overwhelming me emotionally and I can't find my center as easily. And when my interactions with the person I care for becomes unclear or muddled.

 

[tastes_like_purple]

Depends on who it is

 

[Esoteric Wench]

cling·y. 1. emotionally dependent: too dependent on the company or emotional support of other people. 2. sticking to body: sticking closely to the body. - from Encarta.com​

I am definitely NOT clingy... and never have been. In fact, clinginess in my friends is one sure way to get me to bail.

I think that it's easy for non-NFs to misinterpret NF's behavior sometimes, and this can lead to incorrect accusations of clinginess.

For example, I can be a very intense person... especially when I'm first getting to know someone. Even after I comfortably settle in, I demand authenticity in my interpersonal relations. I seek out meaningful emotional connections with those around me. To S's, who don't share my craving for such connections, this can be a bit overwhelming to them. I think being overwhelmed by my emotional intensity could be equated with clingy even though it's something else entirely. (Ironically, my experience has been that Sensors tend to be the clingy ones.)

Also note that younger and/or insecure ENFPs can be ingratiating. This is very different from clingy I think. Ingratiating is about getting someone's affections that you don't already have. Clingy is about holding on / overly focusing on affections you already do have.

 

[Hopelandic]

I have a serious problem with detaching if anything...

I hate it.

:'(

 

[Hopelandic]

-Repeat post-

 

[Hopelandic]

cling·y. 1. emotionally dependent: too dependent on the company or emotional support of other people. 2. sticking to body: sticking closely to the body. - from Encarta.com​

I am definitely NOT clingy... and never have been. In fact, clinginess in my friends is one sure way to get me to bail.

I think that it's easy for non-NFs to misinterpret NF's behavior sometimes, and this can lead to incorrect accusations of clinginess.

For example, I can be a very intense person... especially when I'm first getting to know someone. Even after I comfortably settle in, I demand authenticity in my interpersonal relations. I seek out meaningful emotional connections with those around me. To S's, who don't share my craving for such connections, this can be a bit overwhelming to them. I think being overwhelmed by my emotional intensity could be equated with clingy even though it's something else entirely. (Ironically, my experience has been that Sensors tend to be the clingy ones.)

Also note that younger and/or insecure ENFPs can be ingratiating. This is very different from clingy I think. Ingratiating is about getting someone's affections that you don't already have. Clingy is about holding on / overly focusing on affections you already do have.

I relate to all of this. The ingratiating thing is very interesting... I can certainly relate to that. The thing is, I merge with people in my mind, not in the real connection sense. Possibly why I find it easy to detach in the real life (not internal) sense.

 

[Lauren]

cling·y.
I am definitely NOT clingy... and never have been. In fact, clinginess in my friends is one sure way to get me to bail.

I think that it's easy for non-NFs to misinterpret NF's behavior sometimes, and this can lead to incorrect accusations of clinginess.

For example, I can be a very intense person... especially when I'm first getting to know someone. Even after I comfortably settle in, I demand authenticity in my interpersonal relations. I seek out meaningful emotional connections with those around me. To S's, who don't share my craving for such connections, this can be a bit overwhelming to them. I think being overwhelmed by my emotional intensity could be equated with clingy even though it's something else entirely. (Ironically, my experience has been that Sensors tend to be the clingy ones.)

​

This is a very good point, and I completely agree that NFs behavior can be misinterpreted. I'm also a very intense person and I want authenticity as well. If I don't feel I'm getting an authentic reaction from a friend, it's revolting to me, and if I'm not authentic in my interactions, I feel the same. But again, good point. I work with two S bosses who I've sensed interpret my friendly nature as something superfluous and unnecessary, hence I could see how they would view it as clingy.​

 

[Synapse]

I think I am unclingy and try to be as low maintenance as possible, perhaps too low and that of itself could be an issue.

Healthy NF behaviour is to be as unclingy as possible. However unhealthy NF behaviour could lean to clinginess. Actually even unhealthy NF behaviour is opposed to clinginess or at least this could apply to certain types more than others. For instance introverts are fierce about independence and would assume on that premise since introverts like privacy a lot more may feel being clingy is imposing and do less of it. Than again it really goes back to how secure and insecure NF personalities are in themselves.

 

[BMEF]

And sometimes when you think you are losing someone it can make you act clingy even if you're not normally that way.

I relate to this. I only become clingy (and I hate it) when I feel there's been a serious miscommunication with someone I care about and I can't remedy it because an attempt to do so will push them further away. The "attempt to do so" can be clingy because I will make myself available to that person much more than I normally would to talk and try and normalize things, and to get a feel about the energy between us. But this isn't a good thing oftentimes because it only makes them feel forced to communicate, to try and make me feel better and to show me all is OK. It makes them feel crowded. Space is a better thing, especially for another NF. NFs need room to breathe and consider situations/options.

This happened to me a few times in the past. Whenever I feel like someone misinterprets my body or verbal language, I would unconsciously act clingy.

I think I am unclingy and try to be as low maintenance as possible, perhaps too low and that of itself could be an issue.

Healthy NF behaviour is to be as unclingy as possible. However unhealthy NF behaviour could lean to clinginess. Actually even unhealthy NF behaviour is opposed to clinginess or at least this could apply to certain types more than others. For instance introverts are fierce about independence and would assume on that premise since introverts like privacy a lot more may feel being clingy is imposing and do less of it. Than again it really goes back to how secure and insecure NF personalities are in themselves.

Who would have ever thought of putting that into better words? I totally agree with people that say that a healthy NF would try to avoid being labeled as clingy.

According to most posts I've read so far, NFs do not seem to be the clingiest of all types (what an eye opener). So then, are SJs the clingiest? Maybe SPs? or NTs?