[NF] Are NFs Clingy?

[SilkRoad]

I like to think this is the road I would take now.

Me too

 

[Lauren Ashley]

I think, actually, that for myself I'm more likely to do the "clingy within myself/trying too hard to not look clingy" thing with someone I'm interested in, but not actually involved with, and I'm not sure if they're reciprocating (or the logical part of me is pretty sure they're not reciprocating, but emotionally I'm too entangled already). Then, I try so hard not to push, that some girl who's pushier with them is probably more likely to have success.

Lol. I'd be the pushier woman. I don't waste a whole lot of time before approaching, if the other party seems like they might be interested. I've learned early enough -- you have to kick that Se into high gear unless you want to be missing opportunities left and right.

In an actual relationship, I found that being with someone who was quite insecure and also doing a push/pull sort of thing (ie. one day "I love you sooooooo much" and the next day "I just don't think this is working out because my ex-gf made me sooooooooo much happier" ) made me clingier.

Those types make me detach from the situation so I won't get hurt. I pick up any small reason to explain to myself why they basically aren't right for me anyway.

 

[SilkRoad]

Lol. I'd be the pushier woman. I don't waste a whole lot of time before approaching, if the other party seems like they might be interested. I've learned early enough -- you have to kick that Se into high gear unless you want to be missing opportunities left and right.



Those types make me detach from the situation so I won't get hurt. I pick up any small reason to explain to myself why they basically aren't right for me anyway.

I'm working on taking these healthier approaches in my life going forward.

EDIT: Actually, I think the key could be making the approaches to someone who seems interested/being more responsive to potential (but indirect) interest, BUT before I've become too emotionally entangled already. Getting entangled when you don't have a good basis for it has been a painful problem for me a few times in the past. Hmmm...

 

[Lauren]

I don't think I am. The only exception I would make is if something seems to be going wrong in the relationship and the person is distancing themselves emotionally. I have a compulsive need to make sure that things at home base are established and alright before giving my attention to the other things that I normally would.

The one time when I have responded by being oversolicitous, I think it did signify someone who was unwilling/unable to talk through things or give me any reassurance that things between us were okay even if there were other stressors bothering him. I've realized that that is very important to me in a relationship and I don't function well without it.

To your first thought in the above paragraph: I'm most definitely the same. I have the same compulsive need to try and make things right between us. While I'm doing that, other things take a clear back seat. That's where I can become clingy. I dislike being this way but I have to let the other person know that I care so that things can hopefully be mended or misunderstandings cleared up and forgotten. I don't hold on to any misunderstanding...the quicker it's forgotten, the better. We're all human and stumble into all kinds of miscommunications, often unintended.

I also agree with you about needing to have those reassurances from the other person in a relationship that everything is OK. I am most definitely the same in this regard. Once someone shows me this reassurance, I can relax with the knowledge that the love and care in the relationship is mutual.

I'm also conscious of space in a relationship. I've given my romantic partners so much space they could float the Queen Mary and a couple of other cruise lines through it. I believe that people need other people in their lives, not just their main romantic partner. That strenghens the core relationship. I'm attracted to people who have other good friends and past lovers/now friends in their lives. It shows that they can sustain important connections through time and sometimes distance. That's a big plus in my book. Giving someone else space also enables me to pursue what I love (in solitude) for a period of time.

 

[ergophobe]

Yes, I can do this with one or two couple people with whom I feel safe and trust myself completely (I haven't always judged this well, honestly). It seems to appear during periods of stress or if I am in an unsafe environment or relationship. As Fidelia mentioned, periods of weakness or insecurity would bring this on.

As an ENFP, I am also flighty when stressed so I won't be requesting that arm that's exhausted from supporting my weight for too long...When confident and safe, I'm far more likely to be the one doing the supporting with my iron arm. Here - feels good, doesn't it?

Like Noigmn said, maturity and experience help. We develop better coping mechanisms as we get older and this type of dependence becomes an infrequently accessed option.

 

[BMEF]

I think that I have clingy tendencies within me, but to counteract them I try so hard to not look clingy that I think I can sometimes appear cold/uninterested.

As an INFJ male teenager, I can releate to to that.

I can certainly relate. I can get clingy but I do the backing off as well, although at times I really don't want to. I hate being pressured and when people are all over me without giving me air to breathe, so I try really hard not to be like that. People usually do regard me as distant but I feel more than I let on (romantic or platonic).

I can relate to what you too said.

I'm extremely clingy with people I trust and know will not judge me..but it takes people a long time to get to that stage
Also, I can be utterly clingy one moment and 5 seconds later be off being distracted by something. This is partly coz I don't wanna freak people out and immobilize them too long. There's only very few people I will do this for a prolonged time with as they've proven not only to not mind but even like it. I love them for it

How lovely and interesting!

Clinginess often comes from the belief that the other person will be the answer to all of one's problems. Invariably it brings disappointment and anger when this is not the case. And yet, because the person is choosing out of a place of need, they are unwilling to break up with anyone until they have someone else to replace them with. The common signs of it: needing constant physical contact, being in touch an unreasonably large amount of the day, depending on the partner for things that are more appropriate for the person to handle alone, jealousy and possessiveness are just symptoms of the deeper problem.

Wow! Very well-written and so true!

I anticipate to hear more opinions!

 

[Amargith]

Ok..I just wanna say that my comment on 'clinginess' only applies to physical touch, meeting up on regular basis and being comfortable enough around each other not to have to talk and just cuddle up, not have to worry about having a bad moody or being sulky coz the other person will accept you for it anyways and vice versa.

 

[EcK]

Not in general, and it all depends on how you define clingy. If someone's people oriented some insecurities might show in these sort of relationships, but alot of people are extroverted and cling to irrational ways to do things or flawed ideas that make them feel better about themselves and so on.

 

[Unkindloving]

I've known clingy INFPs and ENFPs (and dated them), but i believe they were very unhealthy versions of their types.
I'm not going to lie and say that i can't be clingy. I most certainly can be, but i try to keep it in certain restraints. I'm not clingy with people i don't give a damn about or who don't give a damn about me. I am at my clingiest when i care about someone and they care, as well. Otherwise, i keep it as toned down as i can and don't let it escalate.

I'm also glad i had some examples of extra-clingy people to show me what not to be. Hm.. i actually think both examples were INFP.

Either way, i think NFs have the most potential to be clingy by default. It doesn't mean they are, just that they have more ease-of-ability.

 

[Tiltyred]

I've been criticized for it, and I've wanted to criticize my own type friends for it from time to time, so ... yes, in my experience.

 

[syndatha]

I'm not really clingy. I was clingy with my husband for some years, but later found out that I was depressed (because of birth control pills.) (They made me paranoid aswell )

 

[dani_elle]

I'm gonna answer this with "sometimes".

I sometimes find myself clingy but only to my boyfriend. Friends, no. Most people say I give them the "independent" vibe though I'm a warm person. But definitely, sometimes I have the need to just BE with someone and stick to them, and I'm usually only comfortable with seeking that kind of companionship to those I'm close to, so yeah I may be clingy to a few. *shrug*

Actually, I consider it to be more "needy" rather than "clingy".

 

[runvardh]

I could see myself as clingy in the way of holding onto a relationship longer than I should; but most girls I've dated had a problem when I decided to go do something I wanted to do for once.

 

[Yloh]

I can be clingy when I either truly like somebody and want to spend lots of time with them, or if I'm feeling very anxious and can't let go of a subject. Other than that I wouldn't say I'm clingy at all, in fact, I can be quite to opposite at times.

Normally I prefer not to be clingy as I can find it pretty annoying and have plenty of experience of others clinging to me. I'm talking about the kind of clinging that feels like the other person is leaching off of you.

Another thing is ones definition of clingy can be different for some people. What may not be clingy for one person may be clingy for another.

Of course lets not get into the subject of falling in love as that is a whole new level of clinging there.

To answer your question, I know clingy isn't an NF trait. I've personally know INFJs and ENFPs who aren't clingy at all, while I know some Ss who are very clingy.

 

[KLessard]

I can certainly relate. I can get clingy but I do the backing off as well, although at times I really don't want to. I hate being pressured and when people are all over me without giving me air to breathe, so I try really hard not to be like that. People usually do regard me as distant but I feel more than I let on (romantic or platonic).

Oh yes, oh yes!!!!

 

[BlueScreen]

I like to think this is the road I would take now.

It is the road I'm taking at present. Could be anything else in the future .

 

[Laurie]

Actually, I consider it to be more "needy" rather than "clingy".

I'm definitely high maintenance. But I'll make it worth your while. I agree that needy is a better word.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I don't notice any pattern in NFs being clingy, from the ones I know in person. I don't think this is even a Feeler thing. I've seen clingy Thinkers. It has more to do with insecurity, IMO.

I'm only clingy if: I am brought into a new situation, and then I may latch onto the people I know already. Once I'm comfortable with the new people, I don't think I over rely on them though.

I don't tend to need a lot of friends, so maybe my relying on a few close friends seems clingy. I get accused of not calling enough and disappearing for weeks on end, so it's probably still not an issue....

I also tend to leave relationships first, so no clingy-ness there.

 

[cafe]

If I'm feeling especially lonely or insecure I can be, but I try to keep a lid on it because it's counter-productive.

 

[Thalassa]

I can be. Especially if I'm scared, insecure, or stupidly in love.

However, I can also pull away and be distant. There is such a thing as "too much togetherness." I need space and I realize that other people do to.