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Thread: Mothers of NF's

  1. #1

    Default Mothers of NF's

    Thread idea stolen from tinkerbell Thanks!

    NF's, what is your mother like? And how do you feel, how has a mother of certain type influenced you during your childhood or still influences you in your adulthood?

    My mother is an ISFJ, the "salt of the earth", very caring and family oriented, mostly overdoing it. We've never been that close and there are traits in her as a mother that I will definitely try to avoid when I become a mother myself. But her calmness, strength and easy-going nature are traits I appreciate very much. However, she is supportive mostly in theory, emotionally detached, not very open-minded to new ideas and she can be passive-aggressive at times. She wasn't very openly controlling during my childhood, more like a quiet guiding force that wants you to do things her way. Something I gladly rebelled against when growing up. We get along great now that I'm an adult but we're not really on the same level and it's not only because of the different generations. Still, she's the only mother I have and I love her dearly.

    Please share your stories.

  2. #2
    Senior Member tinkerbell's Avatar
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    Aug 2008


    I did think about it...

  3. #3
    /X\(:: :: )/X\ BlueSprout's Avatar
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    Oct 2008


    Wow, Sib. Your mom certainly sounds ISFJ.

    I have an INTJ mom who worked and traveled extensively during most of my childhood. We weren't particularly close. We see more of each other and have a better relationship now. She's a very Te INTJ to the point where nearly all her complaints center around how stupid, incompetent and lazy someone, some group or the world at large is. We don't have similar philosophies, politics, approaches to people or interests, but these don't seem to cause as many problems as you might expect. We respect each others' differences and value each others' strengths. Often, we make a crack team when we put our two very different minds to a matter.

    Edited to address the influence issue: I looked up to and even idolized her when I was a child. I thought she was what I should want to be: a very independent, hardworking and successful professional. When I was an adolescent, I hated how functional, contained and removed she seemed. I know now that she was just trying to appear in control to create a sense of stability for us and to be a good role model by not letting us see her self-doubt or failings. But her facade made me feel inadequate when I couldn't be the perfect daughter/student/person or when I acted out of emotion. I didn't feel I measured up to her expectations and I didn't see why I had to. Now we're kind of both in the same place - learning to accept our imperfections.
    Type: INFP Enneagram: 4


  4. #4
    Senior Member vince's Avatar
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    Oct 2007


    My mom's an ISFJ too. She's very similar to Sib's description. Although a bit more controlling, so that inevitably I rebelled much worse than average. We get along very well too since I kind of grew up but we're also not entirely on the same level. My mom is a very authentic person but she also likes to keep up appearances. There are lots of subjects she doesn't want to hear about cause it does not fit her frame.
    Luv you mom

  5. #5
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Jan 2009


    my mom was an enfp. My grandmom was also.

    My mom was abused as a child and is extremely emotional needy and cannot exist without a man in her life-perhaps in love with love? She drives others away by emotional dumping. She cares for others but is exceptional self-centric. If you can get her to stop focusing on her complaints and Fi needs, she actually can have some very clever conversation and is quite intelligent. She also has a lot of chronic health problems, thus the endless complaints.

    As a child very early I learned to block all of this out. Peacebaby once had a nice term for it-cant remember what it was. As a child I was very reclusive, hid from my family, read, and was described as snobby, cold, and callous. I felt little emotion as a child.

    She taught me by example not to trust men, not to ever want to be married, to finish my education as to be financial independent and to never let someone else push me around or tell me what to do. She also taught me never to vocalize unhappiness-haha, like teaching a bit of Fe inside out, as vocalization of your pain makes others shun you.

  6. #6


    Mine is INFJ. We get on great, but the understanding gap means she backed off rather than pushed me or encouraged me sometimes (I felt trapped by her support playing too much of a part, she saw me as annoyed with it or less interested (I can be stubborn as all hell anyway)). Overall I give a big plus to INFJ mums. She's supportive, we have great discussions, and we have a very good understanding of each other and situations, except in some areas like interests and approach.

    For any type who mother's an ENFP, you don't really need to help much with the problem solving or learning part, just keep up morale, expose them to things, and be a sounding board when they need to sort their thoughts.
    Freude, schöner Götterfunken Tochter aus Elysium, Wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlische, dein Heiligtum! Deine Zauber binden wieder Was die Mode streng geteilt; Alle Menschen werden Brüder, Wo dein sanfter Flügel weilt.

  7. #7


    I actually had my parents take the Myers-Briggs yesterday. My mom came out as ISFJ. She is/was a very down to earth person, very caring and warm, she is a retired teacher who spent the majority of her time teaching elementary school, moved on to teach special ed. She is tough, but not in an overbearing way. She's very emotional in her reactions, was strict, but in a little old lady sort of way. She's sweet and considerate, but not aloof...she's quiet and her relationship with my dad seems to be one of a perfect fit, even after 40+ years of marriage. They get each other, they are comfortable with each other. I can't see one without the other.

    Her influence on me is one of love and caring, but also discipline and standards. She was much more lienient than my dad (he's an INTJ), but still held me accountable. I think that my ability to see the good in people comes from her. My ability to love without question, my ability to hold people close to my heart, unconditionally. I also attribute my seeking of spirituality from her. She encouraged me to seek out my faith and to investigate it, to embrace it. She also taught me to not worry what other's think. She encouraged me to persue my education and tried to keep me practical in my dreams (that one didn't really work.)

    All in all, I have a wonderful mother who has been an amazingly tough and loving woman and I am proud to have her as my mom. We have a great relationship now (of course during my teens and early twenties, I'm sure I pushed her a bit) and I couldn't ask for a better mother. I haven't seen her or my father more than twice in the past two years, and I miss them both, but my family has also always encouraged independence, so I took full advantage of that, moving out at 18. Despite the distance (600 miles) seperating us, I still speak with her (and my dad) about once a week.

    So, to sum it up: I have a wonderful mom and she has been a very positive influence on my life.

  8. #8
    Senior Member Wild horses's Avatar
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    Oct 2008


    Yea my mother is E/ISFJ too... Very strong person... she suffered alot of physical and mental abuse when she was growing up and was starving etc... so it left her with more than a few hang ups and she is by her own admission a little crazy! Very loving though and nurturing esp as I have gotten older... It's kinda weird cos when I was little she treated me like an adult and was very strict with me... she had an incredibly short fuse but she has eased up and now she treats me like a baby! HAHAHA She talks to children as though they are grown up and can sort her problems etc. which is good in a way as she is never patronising and takes their contributions on board as valuable. I love my mother and admire her alot... she is a backbone and we have been through alot together which has made us a whole lot closer I suppose... Completely different way of viewing life and the world... and always demands that I 'take off my rose tinted glasses' HAHAHA but hey that kind of thing can only help develop tolerance right
    ... couldn't drag me away

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  9. #9
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    May 2009
    1w2 so/sx


    My mum is ENFJ. While she can be a little outspoken on occasion, it is only when it is something that really matters and will affect the welfare of someone else. She's one of the most involved, sacrificing mothers I have met. She is energetic, creative, strong, unexpectedly funny, orderly and a great sounding board to discuss ideas with. Throughout my adult life we talk to each other pretty much every day and I would consider her my best friend. I think because my dad was less involved with us growing up, and even though he cares does not put himself in other's shoes emotionally sometimes my mum tried to overcompensate, particularly in my oldest brother's case.

  10. #10
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Apr 2007
    INFj None


    My mom is an esFP, I think. She was pretty good at the parenting thing, but not so good at the marriage/romantic relationship thing. We moved a lot, the men in her life change fairly frequently, and sometimes money was pretty tight, but she wasn't abusive or physically neglectful and we never went hungry.

    I was pretty much just expected to be pleasant company and I also frequently felt that I needed to be the voice of reason. She hasn't ever been very good at predicting outcomes, which to me, was like watching an oncoming train wreck I could do nothing to stop. OTOH, nothing much was expected of me. She was still doing my laundry and making my lunch for work when I was twenty.

    She was good about disciplining and supervising me without being overprotective or too controlling for me to learn things (other than domestic chores, lol). She is kind and thoughtful and generous and fun unless she's on some kind of crazy mission. Then she's well on wheels.

    I learned a lot of helpful things from her example, good at bad.

    It influenced me by making me very careful about who I got romantically involved with. It sharpened my ability to be a calming presence and a voice of reason/comfort. I have always expected to be treated with dignity and respect, and usually as an equal as my mother normally treated me.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

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