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[MBTI General] Do INFx's really want to be approached?

INTPness

New member
Joined
Jan 22, 2009
Messages
2,157
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
5w4
So, a priest walks into a bar. OK, let me start over. So, the other night I walk into a large bookstore and I immediately see this girl at a table in the coffeehouse section. She's by herself, sipping a coffee and reading a book. She looks up at me, we make brief eye contact, and then we both look away quickly. I browse for several minutes in the "Biography" section and then walk back her way - kind of hoping there might be more eye contact, but kind of dreading it too (afterall, I'm an INTP in public). Sure enough, she looks up and has that sweet but sly NF look.

All I could think was, "I bet she's an INFx. If only I were an ENTP right now." It struck me funny that MBTI was where my mind went first. Anyhow, I wanted to go strike up an interesting conversation with her, but I didn't want to intrude and also it just seems a bit awkward.

Anyhow, this raises the question - do INFx's want to be approached? In a situation like this, where I like what I see in terms of looks and style and some fairly positive eye-contact has been made, should I just walk out the door and go home or should I approach you and at least make some conversation? I guarantee that I can make you laugh at least once, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable at your little corner table in the bookstore coffeehouse. If I know it's awkward for you, then I'm going to get awkward and it's going to get strange for both of us real fast.

Advice, INFx's?
 

Coeur

New member
Joined
Jul 13, 2009
Messages
237
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
It depends.
Situation A: I feel really shy and leave the area lest I be approached. o__o
Situation B: I sit and wait, hoping that he'll come over. In this case, I will make eye-contact and try to smile. Even a small amount of eye-contact is good; don't expect winking or some other flirtatious gesture. XD And don't expect me to come to you, because it most likely won't happen, unless it's obvious that you want me to come over.

Generally speaking, I like being approached. I'm terrible at being warm (at first) if I don't know you, though. The other day, this guy came up to me when I was walking my dogs. He seemed shy and I felt shy too. When he walked away, I felt bad that I hadn't been more encouraging (I don't think I was even smiling or anything, just looking at him blankly >_<).

So, if you're in that situation again, just go for it. =] Remember: it's only awkward if you make it awkward.
 
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Phantonym

Guest
What is walking out of the door going to give you? Definitely approach her and make conversation. You really have nothing to lose.

What comes to approaching somebody, you don't really have any background info why the person is there, why they're sitting alone. I mean she might be waiting for her friend/boyfriend but she might be not. So, considering that, things might get awkward but they might be awkward and even uncomfortable in any occasion. You don't know that beforehand. Trial and error.
 

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
I would like to be approached, but I'm a straight male so I'm not sure if gender differences play a role.

My advice is to think of a socially acceptable, innocuous reason to talk to her. For example, "Do you know what time the store closes?" or "What time is it?" I think too direct of a route might scare her off.

Once you ask that simple, harmless question you can judge chemistry and vibes she's giving off and adjust and act accordingly. :yes:
 

Lemonade

New member
Joined
Dec 3, 2009
Messages
50
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Go to the back, pull the fire alarm, then run to her and tell her that you will escort her to safety.

---
on a serious note. i would say approach. if she is an INF, more than likely, you will not be shot down if you don't appear to be threatening. If she wasn't interested, she would have probably found a way to leave before you approached just because there is a possibility that you may approach (from making eye contact 2x in a row) or came up with a reason to leave after you had presented yourself. (lol, well this is more insight from a straight infj male, but hopefully it was helpful, nonetheless).
:)
 

monocycle

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2009
Messages
40
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Go to the back, pull the fire alarm, then run to her and tell her that you will escort her to safety.

Yes!

Anyway, I'd rather be approached. It saves me the exhausting task of building up the courage to do the approaching. Next time you see her, or for the next situation, go on ahead and approach them. :yes:

If you get "rejected," then you get rejected. Don't let it discourage you. Be confident. One day it will pay off. :hug:
(I should be taking my own advice)
 
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
8
MBTI Type
INFP
I prefer to be approached. In fact, I LOVE being approached. I'm not good at approaching others sadly. My anxiety tends to fuck it up.

However, if I feel [in that wishy washy intuitive way] that things seem promising then I will be emotionally warm from the get go. I respect courage in others, and approaching a perfect stranger takes a lot of courage in my book.

Honestly, you stand to lose nothing meaningful by approaching first. So definitely go for it.
 

Snuggletron

Reptilian
Joined
Sep 25, 2009
Messages
2,224
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
10
yes. Sometimes it is the only way to get with an INFx. I'm a male and admittedly in most of my crushes/instances, the other person had NO idea. I always figured they would just get it and approach me (this was before mbti and I assumed everyone had an INFP processor deep down inside). Extremely bad way to go about doing things if you're an INF male, not so much for an INF female (gender roles). You really have no idea with an INF until you approach them.
 

CuriousFeeling

From the Undertow
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
2,937
MBTI Type
INfJ
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4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I don't like being approached if someone's got ulterior motives. If their intentions are good, then I'm open to it.
 
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Phantonym

Guest
I don't like being approached if someone's got ulterior motives. If their intentions are good, then I'm open to it.

When someone approaches me then I think it's pretty clear that they want something from me. But I agree with the bolded part, the intentions must be good. It's still going to be a bit awkward, you can't avoid that because if you're a stranger you should already expect some hesitation.

And I also agree with Absent-Minded Alecto that it takes courage to approach strangers and I can certainly appreciate the effort made.
 

Prime

New member
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Dec 15, 2009
Messages
61
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
INFx's are typically not initiators, so... yes, I prefer to be approached. Of course, being a male, expecting a woman to make the first move isn't the socially-scripted way to approach romance.

But then again, since when have I cared about socially-scripted ways? The people I'm attracted to tend to the feel the same way about those cliches.
 

demimondaine

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Mar 26, 2008
Messages
371
MBTI Type
INFP
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4
err.. for me it's sometimes yes, sometimes no. happens sort of often to me, but often when i am alone by choice.. so i'm sure i come off as less than friendly..
if i really sense that someone is going to talk to me when i don't want to be spoken to, i'll make a run for it.. sort of creepy of me.. haha

in fact, this happened to me today while i was waiting to meet my mother for christmas shopping. i was a) tired, b) not in my comfort zone, as i hate shopping malls, c) am not sticking in this city for long. somehow still ended up relenting to exchanging information. he was pretty cute, not too "smooth", but was pretty insistent on grabbing a cup of coffee (he also isn't a local). can't figure out if there are big motives, but it's low-risk either way.

i guess i have a date? we'll see if i go through with it.
 

Thursday

Earth Exalted
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Mar 14, 2008
Messages
3,960
MBTI Type
ENTJ
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8w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
introduce your self and inquire on her personality
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
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4w5
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sp/sx
Yes, I like to be approached. Being shy, I am not likely to ever initiate with a guy.
The setting you described sounds mellow, not like she was in a hurry and couldn't be bothered. Even if I am not interested, being approached is usually flattering, unless a guy comes off as totally lecherous or bizarre in a bad way. If I am not interested, then I will make it clear as nicely as I can.

If I go alone to places like coffeehouses and bookstores and sit for awhile, then I am usually in a good state to be approached. I may have gone there to be alone and read, but I might actually welcome an interruption because a part of me may also want to be seen and to interact, which is why I left the house :D.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
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Nov 19, 2008
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sx/sp
If I go alone to places like coffeehouses and bookstores and sit for awhile, then I am usually in a good state to be approached. I may have gone there to be alone and read, but I might actually welcome an interruption because a part of me may also want to be seen and to interact, which is why I left the house :D.

Bolded is an interesting viewpoint! I'll keep this in mind the next time I plan to hit on someone in a bookstore or coffee house. :D
 

teacups&cupcakes

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Dec 21, 2009
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MBTI Type
INFP
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abcd
I wouldn't mind being approached. As long as the person approaching is polite and not intimidating then it's fine.

:)
 

Lacey

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Jan 3, 2009
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sp/sx
I'm a wuss and will never do the approaching. So I want to be approached. Even when I think I don't want to be approached, I really do want to be approached.
 

Asterion

Ruler of the Stars
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May 6, 2009
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I'm a wuss introvert and will never do the approaching. So I want to be approached. Even when I think I don't want to be approached, I really do want to be approached.

introvert, not wuss :newwink:

hmmm... I think I just opened a can of Ti :nerd:
 

compulsiverambler

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Sep 15, 2009
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5w6
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sp/so
No, if I'm somewhere on my own and am not expecting that to change, I prefer to be left alone. I don't mind meeting people by being introduced or in an environment to which I've gone specifically to socialise. That might be the E5 tendency to compartmentalise life - there's my lone time, casual socialisation time, more intense socialisation time etc. I don't shift gears comfortably, or at least, I have a perception that I don't, and it's at least partially a self-fulfilling prophecy, as a lot of Enneagram beliefs are. I've been getting better at reducing that belief's hold on me and my behaviour for a while now, but I still don't like to be approached unexpectedly. Major interruptions feel like major disruptions.

I don't really have the dilemma of whether to approach people or not. I never even think about it. I meet people through friends or at gatherings in which strangers are all chatting casually to anyone, and can't remember ever observing someone at a distance and wanting to talk to them in particular. I don't watch people with interest or notice them much if I haven't interacted with them, or heard them speak interestingly.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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Apr 23, 2007
Messages
14,037
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ISFP
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496
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sp/sx
Each person is different, but perhaps notice what she is reading and talk about that. Personal questions from a stranger can be the most threatening.

A one-shot viewing leading to approaching is probably the biggest toss of the dice. The bookstore scenario is more ideal if it's the kind of place you see each other a couple of times and then talk about books and ideas. That provides an opportunity to reveal something about yourself other than the fact you are pursuing or self-proclaimed information which whether accurate or not is an advertisement.
 
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