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[MBTI General] INFJs Relationships with ESFJ/Ps +ENTPs

BMEF

Member
Joined
Sep 24, 2009
Messages
50
Based on my personal experience as an INFJ, I found out that ESFJs, ESFPs, and ENTPs are the least types that I get along with.

Starting with ESFJs, I know an ESFJ girl in my class that despises me.. She always seems to envy me. I tried to be nice to her, but I failed miserably. She only enjoys hanging out with "funny people" and doesn't feel comfortable being around people that do not share with her the same interests. She possess so much masculine qualities to the point that some girls in my class tell her to "calm down".. I assume that because she is always exuberant, she doesn't like to be around worried people.

Moving on to ESFPs, my father is an ESFP himself. As much as he loves me, I ocassionally get angry when he always thinks that he's right and always likes things done "his way". My father can be hot-tempered.. He's very outgoing and is not afraid to express his opinion. He always expects things to be organized, despite his extreme disorganizational skills.. He always seems to put more effort in attempt to satisfy me than my brothers. His extreme independent motives sometimes makes me feel socially awkward when we're out in public.

Last but not least, ENTPs are the hardest people for me to get along with. I've known a male ENTP for about three years. When I was in 8th and 9th grade, I genuinely liked him because he was always friendly towards me. However, this year he was put in my class. As soon as he got to know me better, things went downhill.. He tried to manipulate me so many times. He called me out in class several times for pointless reasons. He would always tell people what's on his mind. He's always complaining about people that he knows.. He does not mind raising his voice on a teacher that he despises (our INFP English teacher). Also, he knows how to push my buttons. After he stirs up the pot, he pretends that nothing happened. I don't remember a day that passed by without seeing him engage himself in an argument. He once asked me if I hated him. I lied to him by telling him that I do not hate him (I don't like hurting other people's feelings).. The only thing that I can't get over with was when he humiliated me in front of my favorite teacer. I counterattacked him by yelling at him analyzing all of the faults of his personality. For me to show any negative emotions in front of my ESTJ teacher, punctured a whole in my heart. :(

Can any other INFJ relate to this? ESFJs, ESFPs, and ENTPS..., have any of you had any brutal encounter with an INFJ? I would like to hear a myraid of opinions. All types are welcomed to post on this topic and express their opinions..

If there is anything above that is unclear, please let me know.

Thank you in advance!
 

Lemonade

New member
Joined
Dec 3, 2009
Messages
50
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I agree with the above post. It sounds like the ESFJ and ENTP you know are just immature.

My mother is an ESFJ, and growing up was a living hell. There are some very interesting ESFJs out there, but from my personal experience a majority of the ESFJs that i've encountered were very superficial and manipulative. They want you there when they need a shoulder to cry on or someone to fix their computer, but when they aren't experiencing problems, they forget you exist.

ESFPs are fun, but only in small doses.


He's very outgoing and is not afraid to express his opinion. He always expects things to be organized, despite his extreme disorganizational skills..

:yes:
That is one of the problems my grandfather has. He feels the need to express his opinions everywhere. But whenever you challenge or disagree with his opinions, he takes offense that you simply "don't agree", gets stressed out, and drops the subject without hearing out the opposing viewpoint. ESFPs also like to put people on the spot.. and show up unannounced. :mad: perhaps to them that is organization.

I've only met one ENTP irl... and i was on good terms with him, but i've noticed that he would usually do things (like you mentioned above) just to see how the other person would react. the best thing to do is just be direct. you mentioned that he asked if you hated him. i'm also guessing that you aren't telling him why you dislike him? he might have realized his actions towards you and now he might be trying to figure out why you do not hate him, despite his actions? (just a guess). avoiding being direct with an ENTP is never a good thing... they will keep going until they get a reaction.
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Agree with the others that those you mentioned seem immature, and are not necessarily representative of most members of their types.

ESFJs I can get along with as long as they are not in a position of authority over me or believe themselves to be in some way above me. If such is the case we tend to argue and end up going our separate ways because they pressure me to be a certain way or do certain things which I find unbearably obnoxious. Otherwise they can be good casual friends.

ESFPs are fun friends, we have a blast together. But I've never gotten very close to one (or I have, and I just don't know it because I'm expecting more); they tend not to appreciate my strengths and vice versa.

ENTPs are one of my favorite types except in the case of the unbalanced or immature ENTP, both of whom I avoid with all my might. The former can seem manic, and the latter is all fluff and no substance. Overall though, I tend to get along with ENTPs very well. I'm surprised you have serious issues with them.
 

BMEF

Member
Joined
Sep 24, 2009
Messages
50
The ESFJ and ENTP sound quite immature.

I guess you're right. Most of my teachers don't like them.

I agree with the above post. It sounds like the ESFJ and ENTP you know are just immature.

What a relief! I always thought that I was the only one that thought this way..


My mother is an ESFJ, and growing up was a living hell. There are some very interesting ESFJs out there, but from my personal experience a majority of the ESFJs that i've encountered were very superficial and manipulative. They want you there when they need a shoulder to cry on or someone to fix their computer, but when they aren't experiencing problems, they forget you exist.

So true! The ESFJ I know drives me nuts. I can't stand her selfishness. I pity you for having to grow up with an ESFJ that annoyed you.

ESFPs are fun, but only in small doses.

Haha.. I concur! My ESFP dad can be funny sometimes.


:yes:
That is one of the problems my grandfather has. He feels the need to express his opinions everywhere. But whenever you challenge or disagree with his opinions, he takes offense that you simply "don't agree", gets stressed out, and drops the subject without hearing out the opposing viewpoint. ESFPs also like to put people on the spot.. and show up unannounced. :mad: perhaps to them that is organization.

Ditto! :yes: Your grandfather sounds like my dad.

I've only met one ENTP irl... and i was on good terms with him, but i've noticed that he would usually do things (like you mentioned above) just to see how the other person would react. the best thing to do is just be direct. you mentioned that he asked if you hated him. i'm also guessing that you aren't telling him why you dislike him? he might have realized his actions towards you and now he might be trying to figure out why you do not hate him, despite his actions? (just a guess). avoiding being direct with an ENTP is never a good thing... they will keep going until they get a reaction.

I can totally relate and agree with what you just said. Being wishy-washy with an ENTP is only going to make things worse. So far, the silent treatment is working for him. I assume that not paying attention to an ENTP might make him/her move on to a different target (another lamb to slaughter:azdaja:) I haven't told him why I dislike him because I know that will only make things worse. Everything you said about ENTPs and their desire to receive "a reaction" is true.. I still have a few tricks rolled up my sleeves just in case he might do something "extremely verbally abusive".. ;)

Thank you both for your opinions! I'm looking forward to hear more opinions. Also, to all of the ESFJs, ESFPs, and ENTPs out there, please don't be offended. I'm just saying what happened to me based on my personal experience.

EDIT:

ESFJs I can get along with as long as they are not in a position of authority over me or believe themselves to be in some way above me. If such is the case we tend to argue and end up going our separate ways because they pressure me to be a certain way or do certain things which I find unbearably obnoxious. Otherwise they can be good casual friends.

I agree with you! Thank God, I never was assigned to work with her on a project.

ESFPs are fun friends, we have a blast together. But I've never gotten very close to one (or I have, and I just don't know it because I'm expecting more); they tend not to appreciate my strengths and vice versa.

I agree. My ESFP dad might not show appreciation towards things that deserve appreciation. Also as an INFJ, I don't like it when people tell me things like: "Go open the door!" or "Answer the phone!".. I prefer someone that would say something like "May you please open the door? Thank you."

ENTPs are one of my favorite types except in the case of the unbalanced or immature ENTP, both of whom I avoid with all my might. The former can seem manic, and the latter is all fluff and no substance. Overall though, I tend to get along with ENTPs very well. I'm surprised you have serious issues with them.

I only know ONE ENTP. I liked him at the beginning, because he flattered me with his tongue (always praising me). But after I saw his true colors, I despised him. But like you guys said, he is probably an immature ENTP.
 

Kasper

Diabolical
Joined
May 30, 2008
Messages
11,590
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I'm an ENTP and my closest friend is an INFJ, all I'd say is try not to use MBTI as a way to pre-judge types based on a bad experience or two ;)
 

BlahBlahNounBlah

New member
Joined
Dec 16, 2008
Messages
1,458
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w6
I think it's interesting when people complain about people who complain about people.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
7,708
MBTI Type
ENTP
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738
I'm an ENTP and my closest friend is an INFJ, all I'd say is try not to use MBTI as a way to pre-judge types based on a bad experience or two ;)

Yeah! intj are like that. I knew 1 and he'd always do that!

:laugh:
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
They seem extremely immature. The ENTP probably likes you and doesn't know what else to do. Young ENTPs are a hurricane of pure Ne, their Ti won't start maturing until their late teens.

But don't listen to everyone in this thread; judge everyone based on their type! Avoid these three! There will never be one that you like! :D

On a side note- the bully from my old school is a pretty classic ESTJ. One of my very good friends is an ESTJ also. So the correlation definitely works. Same with pretty much every type! I'm sure there is someone of every type that I will hate and someone that I'll love.

;)

For serious though. Just avoid these people. They sound like immature people who just want attention in high school. Find some like minded people (if you haven't already) to associate with.

ENTPs probably do stuff to get reactions out of people so that they are made aware of what the other person thinks of them. This is because ENTPs are awful at determining people's inner emotional states without some sort of Fe information.

Your dad sounds like any dad that is worried about your safety.

Ignore the ESFJ. She will stop caring about you. You've got the entire winter break (they'll probably forget about you), just totally ignore her (and the ENTP/anyone else that bothers you). Stuff should be fine. Problem solved.
 

EcK

The Memes Justify the End
Joined
Nov 21, 2008
Messages
7,708
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ENTP
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738
They seem extremely immature. The ENTP probably likes you and doesn't know what else to do. Young ENTPs are a hurricane of pure Ne, their Ti won't start maturing until their late teens.
actually i was always very brilliant. But it's my modesty that keeps my feet grounded in reality i believe. hey it's fun how modesty does sound like majesty, which reminds me of me *goes on a self centered rant*
ENTPs probably do stuff to get reactions out of people so that they are made aware of what the other person thinks of them. This is because ENTPs are awful at determining people's inner emotional states without some sort of Fe information.
*loud voice* Oh I'm sorry! I'm not a telepath!
WILL U EVER LET THAT GO! WILL U EVER ACCEPT ME FOR WHO III AMM :cry:.
you're just like my dad! :eek:uch:
*runs off*
 

BMEF

Member
Joined
Sep 24, 2009
Messages
50
I think it's interesting when people complain about people who complain about people.

If you are refering to me, then I can clear up more things for you. The ENTP male that I know complains about EVERYONE - by everyone, I mean his friends, teachers, and even his family. I am not at all like him. I only complain about people that I really despise.

On a side note- the bully from my old school is a pretty classic ESTJ. One of my very good friends is an ESTJ also. So the correlation definitely works. Same with pretty much every type! I'm sure there is someone of every type that I will hate and someone that I'll love.

Wow! An ESTJ bully?! What an eye-opener. The ESTJ I know is my life's role-model. Just like Trinity said, using MBTI to pre-judge people is not a good thing. I guess that there are good and bad people of each type.

For serious though. Just avoid these people. They sound like immature people who just want attention in high school. Find some like minded people (if you haven't already) to associate with.

ENTPs probably do stuff to get reactions out of people so that they are made aware of what the other person thinks of them. This is because ENTPs are awful at determining people's inner emotional states without some sort of Fe information.

Thanks for the advice! The ENTP I know is really clueless about people's inner emotions.


Ignore the ESFJ. She will stop caring about you. You've got the entire winter break (they'll probably forget about you), just totally ignore her (and the ENTP/anyone else that bothers you). Stuff should be fine. Problem solved.

I am going to do what you just said. :yes:

Lol! I wasn't scolding :D

I never said you were. :D
 

BlueScreen

Fail 2.0
Joined
Nov 8, 2008
Messages
2,668
MBTI Type
YMCA
Read this: INFJ personal growth, especially the problem areas and the strengths. You want to be targeting the strengths because that is when you will be soaring and feeling most fulfilled.

All this stuff is really annoying and drags you down, but it is a trap to be trying to fix people and getting endlessly annoyed with it. Your father will always be your father and will always be himself. You can't really make him someone else, but you can adapt to make your relationship better and more comfortable. The first place where MBTi is useful in this is that Se is your inferior function and his dominant function. It is a type relation which most types have issues with. His strength and powerhouse is the thing that drains you the most. And the same applies the other way. When he is flying, you are totally uncomfortable. When you are flying, he is totally uncomfortable. In this situation it often ends up that both types fight for their own ground and both end up just stunting each other. The trick is to see past the initial reaction of dislike, or at least realise it is not a rule that holds outside your head. His way is completely different, but as acceptable.

I wouldn't quite apply the same thinking to the ENTP situation. It seems like he feels better than you and is dancing around being full of himself. Parts of the type relation still apply though. For example a reason that might seem pointless to you, wouldn't necessarily be pointless to him. Sometimes if you are wrong he will feel the urge to correct you. Most Ti types do. And he is also Ne dominant, so likes to be true to reality and keep other's thoughts true to it. My parents are INTP and INFJ and the blunt "you're wrong" is rarely what the INFJ wants to hear. It feels like they've made a mistake, and now he is rubbing it in. This rarely crosses the INTP's mind though. Something is just wrong and he is putting it right and showing the INFJ and others the correct way to do it. In my view, lack of personal protocol and malicious intent are worlds apart, so the most useful thing type can do here is confirm it is malicious and not the other. ENTPs are normally quite cluey about most things, so you'd give him credit when it comes to knowing the impact of his actions. Still they do banter for a living, so if he doesn't know it grinds away at you that much, he might not have seen it as a big problem.

I should add that grade 10 boys make sense to almost no one. So it might just be phase of growing up also.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
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9w8
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sx/sp
I am going to do what you just said. :yes:

Yeah I wanted to elaborate on this point more, but I was tired. But basically after winter break of my Junior year, I decided to just ignore the people who bothered and messed with me. I didn't even look at them. In class, I only associated with my friends or acquaintances (or people that I wanted to be friends with). I didn't give them attention. That's exactly what people want who annoy you, is attention. They'll just move on to someone else if you stop taking the bait.
 

BMEF

Member
Joined
Sep 24, 2009
Messages
50
Read this: INFJ personal growth, especially the problem areas and the strengths. You want to be targeting the strengths because that is when you will be soaring and feeling most fulfilled.

All this stuff is really annoying and drags you down, but it is a trap to be trying to fix people and getting endlessly annoyed with it. Your father will always be your father and will always be himself. You can't really make him someone else, but you can adapt to make your relationship better and more comfortable. The first place where MBTi is useful in this is that Se is your inferior function and his dominant function. It is a type relation which most types have issues with. His strength and powerhouse is the thing that drains you the most. And the same applies the other way. When he is flying, you are totally uncomfortable. When you are flying, he is totally uncomfortable. In this situation it often ends up that both types fight for their own ground and both end up just stunting each other. The trick is to see past the initial reaction of dislike, or at least realise it is not a rule that holds outside your head. His way is completely different, but as acceptable.

I wouldn't quite apply the same thinking to the ENTP situation. It seems like he feels better than you and is dancing around being full of himself. Parts of the type relation still apply though. For example a reason that might seem pointless to you, wouldn't necessarily be pointless to him. Sometimes if you are wrong he will feel the urge to correct you. Most Ti types do. And he is also Ne dominant, so likes to be true to reality and keep other's thoughts true to it. My parents are INTP and INFJ and the blunt "you're wrong" is rarely what the INFJ wants to hear. It feels like they've made a mistake, and now he is rubbing it in. This rarely crosses the INTP's mind though. Something is just wrong and he is putting it right and showing the INFJ and others the correct way to do it. In my view, lack of personal protocol and malicious intent are worlds apart, so the most useful thing type can do here is confirm it is malicious and not the other. ENTPs are normally quite cluey about most things, so you'd give him credit when it comes to knowing the impact of his actions. Still they do banter for a living, so if he doesn't know it grinds away at you that much, he might not have seen it as a big problem.

I should add that grade 10 boys make sense to almost no one. So it might just be phase of growing up also.

I will try to flourish my strengths. Also, it's a relief to hear someone say that it might just be a phase of growing up.

Yeah I wanted to elaborate on this point more, but I was tired. But basically after winter break of my Junior year, I decided to just ignore the people who bothered and messed with me. I didn't even look at them. In class, I only associated with my friends or acquaintances (or people that I wanted to be friends with). I didn't give them attention. That's exactly what people want who annoy you, is attention. They'll just move on to someone else if you stop taking the bait.

Thanks for the elaboration.

Thank you both for your help!
 

epitome

New member
Joined
May 12, 2012
Messages
22
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I think ESFJs are very demanding when it comes to standards, similar to an INFJ to some extent. But once you make them realise that they have no place being an authoritative figure in the relationship, nor does anyone require the upper hand really, they respect you and that changes everything. To some extent, you need to prove to them that you are capable of standing your own and being a loyal friend, and once that happens you have an ally for life.

Just my experience with a single ENFJ, though. One of my best friends and been so for 15 years now.

..Wow, I just saw the date on this thread. Haha. Oh well, I'm posting anyway. =P
 
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