• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[INFJ] INFJ and the potential "stalker" within

G

Glycerine

Guest
The key is even if know the information, don't reveal it to the person. Let the person have a chance to tell you. If you do slip up, you can tell them I saw it on your facebook (if you're "friends" w/ them on there). Chances are most of the basic info is on there.
 

Lightyear

New member
Joined
Jul 3, 2008
Messages
899
Yet, no one would suspect me becuase I can be under the radar.. I guess that this is a common INFJ-ish thing.:)

Yep, very much. Like the INFJ description says I always seem to pull strings in the background but people don't suspect me influencing things because I seem so harmless and tend to blend in quite well almost anywhere.
 

KLessard

Aspiring Troens Ridder
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
595
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
INFJ's do most everything under the surface. They play their cards close to their chests. It's not stalker-y to take an interest in someone. Now, if you drove by their house and waited outside to follow them to Carl's Jr. so you could still their Angus burger soiled napkin as a holy relic... that would be stalker-y.

:laugh: Wow... I know "stalker" is a strong word for what I'm talking about, but I knew INFJs would get what i meant.
 

KLessard

Aspiring Troens Ridder
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
595
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
People who don't interest me romantically but as fascinating human beings with whom I enjoy talking to. They misunderstand my sudden interest in getting to know them as something deeply romantic.

That's what I was talking about. The whole misunderstanding thing.
 
S

Sniffles

Guest
Yeah I have to admit I do this too. When I'm interested in somebody I try to find out as much as possible about them. :blush:
 

EricHanson

New member
Joined
Oct 15, 2009
Messages
67
MBTI Type
ENTP
If you are an INFJ and you make my day - go ahead, stalk me.

Wait, it's an INFJ...they actually have the potential to find and understand the parts of me that I hide and.. um...not tell me about it.

*runs away
 

William K

Uniqueorn
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
986
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I don't know if you already see what I mean by this...

When I am interested in knowing someone better and see that fuzzy feelings are starting to fill me, I often start looking around for information on that person. I soon become very fascinated and start caring very much... I'm often afraid people will misunderstand (and it has happened), especially that fascinating person...

So I keep very discreet and quiet, and keep the lid tight over my emotions, especially around that person, even becoming cold and somewhat aloof.

And then if I express anything because I'm so exasperated nothing is happening and the person is not cooperating, I get the "You're so independant," "I didn't know you cared at all" "It's not all that easy to read you" and "I had no idea I had any importance to you!" :shock:

I am so afraid of becoming a stalker and hurt the potential relationship that I repress everything and live it mostly on the inside. :doh:

I'm not sure how to explain it...
Y'know what I mean?

It can happen to INFPs too; though since we're not as J, we're less methodical and more opportunistic in our stalking :)
 

monocycle

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2009
Messages
40
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
It can happen to INFPs too; though since we're not as J, we're less methodical and more opportunistic in our stalking :)

Could not agree more. :yes:
Although, I think the main difference between my INFJ friend and I is that he can be quite oblivious to the little details.
I don't know if that's an INFJ thing, but I can pick out details way more than he can.
 

BlahBlahNounBlah

New member
Joined
Dec 16, 2008
Messages
1,458
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
7w6
Yep, very much. Like the INFJ description says I always seem to pull strings in the background but people don't suspect me influencing things because I seem so harmless and tend to blend in quite well almost anywhere.


:thelook:
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
I wonder if this sort of thing is just typical NF behavior since we are, on the whole, sensitive about having our feelings hurt. The lot of us wear our hearts on our sleeves, it can be so easy to crush us, truly. I know whenever I like someone I feel a little embarrassed about it at first, it makes me feel insecure. I tell myself to "be cool,." What I'm seeing here is not that you are a stalker, but that you are almost expressing shame for being so emotionally vulnerable and romantic.
 

KLessard

Aspiring Troens Ridder
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
595
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
I wonder if this sort of thing is just typical NF behavior since we are, on the whole, sensitive about having our feelings hurt. The lot of us wear our hearts on our sleeves, it can be so easy to crush us, truly. I know whenever I like someone I feel a little embarrassed about it at first, it makes me feel insecure. I tell myself to "be cool,." What I'm seeing here is not that you are a stalker, but that you are almost expressing shame for being so emotionally vulnerable and romantic.

I suppose I've been so often misunderstood about it that I ended up feeling it was wrong to love intensely. I suppose it is normal to be misunderstood when you're like 1% of the population and the whole lot of Ss think you're freak or sick for being NF. I allow myself to love intensely on the inside, but I keep it out of sight.
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
Joined
May 26, 2009
Messages
3,932
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
Back to the main question: I've felt stalker-y only once with someone who was a pathological push-pull, come-forward, go-back individual. I was particularly vulnerable at the time, and it was not a good feeling to feel so....desperate. I'm stronger in myself now, and that helps when I have strong romantic feelings. I don't get quite so lost in the feelings.

Oh, I SO relate to that. I think that someone who is inconsistent with you will heighten the INFJ's stalker-ish tendencies. I've had this experience. And I'm afraid I have to place myself on the stalker list as well. Facebook/Internet etc certainly hasn't helped with this...or it has helped, depending on your perspective... :D And yes, it is one of the things about myself that worries me :shock:
 

Lauren

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
255
MBTI Type
INFP
I wonder if this sort of thing is just typical NF behavior since we are, on the whole, sensitive about having our feelings hurt. The lot of us wear our hearts on our sleeves, it can be so easy to crush us, truly. I know whenever I like someone I feel a little embarrassed about it at first, it makes me feel insecure. I tell myself to "be cool,." What I'm seeing here is not that you are a stalker, but that you are almost expressing shame for being so emotionally vulnerable and romantic.

Exactly! This is what I trying to say but did so so poorly. I feel exactly this way when I'm extremely attracted to someone (as I am now). I know I feel my heart is on my sleeve, all the time. But the bolded part: very true for me. I do feel an almost shame about being emotionally vulnerable and romantic. I'm fortunate in that the object of my desire gently lets me know he loves this about me and to keep it coming. I need this encouragement or acceptance from someone I'm interested in, otherwise I'll clam up in heart and voice. But so true for me too about telling myself to "be cool." The vibe I put out can be so intense. I have to tell myself to relax and just be in the moment. But the "so easy to crush"---not long ago, my romantic interest said something I misinterpreted. I thought he might be setting a boundary that hadn't previously existed (he wasn't..I misunderstood and it was clarified). But in that moment, I completely shrank inside myself and was speechless for long minutes. He knew something was wrong but I literally could not speak. I thought a door was closing between us, and I was, in that moment, utterly flattened.
 

Lauren

New member
Joined
Dec 7, 2008
Messages
255
MBTI Type
INFP
Oh, I SO relate to that. I think that someone who is inconsistent with you will heighten the INFJ's stalker-ish tendencies. I've had this experience. And I'm afraid I have to place myself on the stalker list as well. Facebook/Internet etc certainly hasn't helped with this...or it has helped, depending on your perspective... :D And yes, it is one of the things about myself that worries me :shock:

I agree that someone who is inconsistent will heighten these tendancies. You're driven nuts by the mixed messages. I did some things (not horrible just embarrassing when I think back on it) that I would never normally do. For instance, waiting around late in the office with no reason to do so to see if he was meeting up with the office secretary for a fling. I wouldn't worry too much about it if I were you. But it did shock me some that someone could shake me up so much that I had my high beams on his behavior, watching his every move. Never again.
 

Requeim

New member
Joined
Apr 15, 2009
Messages
473
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
yes yes, i am also a "stalker with good intentions" at times
 

HollyGolightly

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2009
Messages
293
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I don't know if you already see what I mean by this...

When I am interested in knowing someone better and see that fuzzy feelings are starting to fill me, I often start looking around for information on that person. I soon become very fascinated and start caring very much... I'm often afraid people will misunderstand (and it has happened), especially that fascinating person...

So I keep very discreet and quiet, and keep the lid tight over my emotions, especially around that person, even becoming cold and somewhat aloof.

And then if I express anything because I'm so exasperated nothing is happening and the person is not cooperating, I get the "You're so independant," "I didn't know you cared at all" "It's not all that easy to read you" and "I had no idea I had any importance to you!" :shock:

I am so afraid of becoming a stalker and hurt the potential relationship that I repress everything and live it mostly on the inside. :doh:

I'm not sure how to explain it...
Y'know what I mean?

I hate to admit it...but this is me :blush:
I am very loving but I am afraid that I will come across as too pushy and intense if I show how much I care. But the I go entirely the other way and turn into the "ice-queen". But eventually it all comes out and I end up looking like an obsessed stalker anyway :devil:
 

Unkindloving

Lungs & Lips Locked
Joined
Dec 10, 2009
Messages
2,963
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
4w5
I'm all extroverted about my stalking, but i'm all sorts of stalker about my stalking :laugh:.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I do this to an extent (the usual googling their name type of thing), but I've had other people cross certain boundaries with me which left a bad taste in my mouth, and I am careful about how much I dig for info on a person online.

I try and keep it to finding their social networking profiles and that sort of thing, but I don't google screen names I know they use to find other places that they might post online anonymously; if it cannot be found with their real name or email, it's off limits, IMO. That's a line I have set. I didn't respect that in the past, but after having it violated I am sensitive to it.
 

Froody Blue Gem

Necromancing Scapelamb
Joined
Dec 19, 2018
Messages
1,141
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
954
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
There is something that turns me off about stalkers and makes me turn the other way. It's such a double standard in me that I hate being the target but I get obsessive thoughts. It's pretty rare I go into this mode but it takes special types of guys to trigger it, and I try to hide it once it gets sparked. I am rather private and when someone gets me on their radar and I'm the target of their stalking, it sends me into my shell.

People asking questions about my online activity gets me on my guard. But if someone peaks my interest in a romantic way, I have gotten quite obsessive, where I can't think of anyone else but that person. I try to keep this side of me in check but it's gotten unhealthy. I know some people with stalking, it goes as far as constantly messaging someone. I refrain from doing this when this part of me is triggered because I hate being on the receiving end of that. I have been guilty of googling people who were on my radar and peaked my interest.
 
Top