[NF] Mature/Immature.

[GirlFromMars]

Can people here relate to this? Is it an NF/INFP thing?

I've always felt this paradox with feeling mature, but also emotionally stumped at the same time. Since I was a kid I was more mature than others in a way - I've always seemed to care about more "mature" issues, but on the other hand I often feel emotionally like a child. Like I need looking after still, protection, reassurance, etc. more than most my age (I turned 21 in October) So, on one hand I've always been more mature, on the other hand I'm kinda emotionally...backward.

Can you guys relate to this? Is it more a type thing, or more about the way we were raised, sh!t that happend in childhood?

 

[Udog]

I think that the speed that INs mature when we are young can cause problems when we get older. Around our early 20s, our ability to observe others and contemplate issues in our head no longer compensates for lack of experience.

 

[Kastor]

Can people here relate to this? Is it an NF/INFP thing?

I've always felt this paradox with feeling mature, but also emotionally stumped at the same time. Since I was a kid I was more mature than others in a way - I've always seemed to care about more "mature" issues, but on the other hand I often feel emotionally like a child. Like I need looking after still, protection, reassurance, etc. more than most my age (I turned 21 in October) So, on one hand I've always been more mature, on the other hand I'm kinda emotionally...backward.

Can you guys relate to this? Is it more a type thing, or more about the way we were raised, sh!t that happend in childhood?

That's pretty much exactly like me.

 

[Amargith]

Yup..sounds very familiar.

 

[tibby]

I think that the speed that INs mature when we are young can cause problems when we get older. Around our early 20s, our ability to observe others and contemplate issues in our head no longer compensates for lack of experience.

Interesting. Could you expand on this?

 

[Udog]

Interesting. Could you expand on this?

Sure. (I'm going to paraphrase something I wrote in my blog awhile ago.)

In high school and even college, I was constantly being told I was wise for my age. By my family, friends, and even strangers. However, at some point, I would say early 20s, age caught up to me. By that point, though, I had gotten used to considering myself mature for my age, and didn't realize that that statement wasn't 100% true any longer.

It caused me to have a 22 year old mentality way past the age of 22. It wasn't until around my mid-twenties where, for the first time in my life, I had to learn how to grow up.

You can't live your entire life through other people. There are some things only experience can teach.

 

[runvardh]

Yeah, I'm 26 now and it's only recently that other things seem to be actually working on catching up with there the rest of me is. Then again, I have a number of actual experiences too since 10, so I also have that to make part of my maturity quite real.

 

[Unkindloving]

I definitely relate to this. I think it's about finding a balance, but the balance is difficult. Perhaps the mature issues are just what come easier to you and the rest are things you didn't realize you would have to work toward.
That's how it's been for me, at least. A lot of my thoughts and concerns can surpass those of the people i know at my age, but it's still like someone needs to hold my hand through certain events. It's very hindering.

 

[tibby]

Sure. (I'm going to paraphrase something I wrote in my blog awhile ago.)

In high school and even college, I was constantly being told I was wise for my age. By my family, friends, and even strangers. However, at some point, I would say early 20s, age caught up to me. By that point, though, I had gotten used to considering myself mature for my age, and didn't realize that that statement wasn't 100% true any longer.

It caused me to have a 22 year old mentality way past the age of 22. It wasn't until around my mid-twenties where, for the first time in my life, I had to learn how to grow up.

You can't live your entire life through other people. There are some things only experience can teach.

Thanks! Insightful.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Yeah, I definitely relate to a lot of what is in this thread. I've always been mentally ahead of the crowd a bit as far as getting the "wise for your years" comments and understanding the inner workings of people/things before my peers grasped them (people have always sought me out for input on things I have never been through, and yet, what I advised seemed to work), but it was always from a conceptual standpoint. It was not my own experience, and in that way I am a bit behind and naive in some areas.

I think NFPs also have a perpetual childlike whimsy to them also. It's our imagination and spontaneous side, but I don't think it's necessarily immature. It does seem a contradiction to our "wise" and "mature" side though. You expect someone who is insightful beyond their years to be subdued, serious, and orderly, but NFPs are often silly, light-hearted, and random. On the other hand, I often have a hard time imagining INFJs as children precisely because they project a less whimsical and playful attitude. They seem to be pure "old souls".

People who've seen me first from one angle ("mature" vs. "immature") are surprised when they see the other side. I can go a long time presenting the face that suits the situation best.

 

[Phantonym]

I think NFPs also have a perpetual childlike whimsy to them also. It's our imagination and spontaneous side, but I don't think it's necessarily immature. It does seem a contradiction to our "wise" and "mature" side though. You expect someone who is insightful beyond their years to be subdued, serious, and orderly, but NFPs are often silly, light-hearted, and random. On the other hand, I often have a hard time imagining INFJs as children precisely because they project a less whimsical and playful attitude. They seem to be pure "old souls".

That's what the general public gets to see.

I've always been the "mature one" but I don't think I'll ever really "grow up". Whatever that means. I can sense within myself so much imaginative idealism and curiosity towards everything and that has only grown throughout the years that I have a hard time imagining how could I ever really lose it. I do appear very serious, determined and "stiff" in real life but oh boy, if you'd only see the expression on my face that I don't show to the rest of the world at that time -

 

[Amargith]

Orangeappled, you're quite right. My family knows me as the benjamin of the family, and they are never able to take me seriously because of my childlike, flaky nature. They find it hard to see me as serious, professional, knowledgable or wise and crack up when I do accidentily go into my more reflective, serious mood. They think I'm faking it.

I never really thought about it, because I have older brothers, 9 and 7 years older to be precise. I'm the youngest. It was kinda pushed and encouraged to 'stop acting like a baby' at home. Result? I was outcast as soon as kindergarten, because my peers didn't understand a word I said. I apparently used grown up words (which my father loved teaching me), which got e in trouble. I knew things that other kids my age were not even close to discovering because of what i saw at home. At least, I always thought it was because of how I was raised. At the same time I still had the emotional mindset on some issues of my age, something that was not appreciated at home and made me look inconsistent with my peers. I spoke words beyond my years but wasn't able to match up my reactions as some emotional experiences were still new to me.

I've been estimated 22 from the day I turned 15. I'm 28 today, and people still ask me how classes are going for me. And I answer, it's going great, as I am indeed still following classes, however I'm already long graduated from college. My appearance and attitude doesn't help. I look like a college student when I'm being spontaneous and crazy. Only when I'm in my quieter, more contemplative moods, do I apparently look my age. And because I've always refused to give up part of my idealism and dreams, because I suck at being a realist, I'm still sometimes considered a child.

 

[Prime]

Yes, everything that has been said applies to me as well. In some areas, I matured prematurely. During my teen years, spirituality, psychology, and music, in particular, were areas where I was "highly advanced" for my age. My record collection at that point was 75% 80's college rock (bare in mind, this was 1997, I was 13). I related better to teachers than my peers (but not in an illegal way).

On the other hand, I'm currently 26 and have gone on... 4 dates? I don't even call my friends on the phone, instead, relying on them to make the first move every time. It's not that I'm disinterested, I just don't know how to take the initiative. Now, most of the people I hang out with are in the 18-21 range. Maybe it's because I'm an emotional adolescent, maybe I'm trying to live the teenage lifestyle I never had during my own high school years, or maybe it's because I look like I'm 16.

The mature/immature dichotomy is quite frustrating, but it's nice to know that these roles are not isolated incidents.

 

[TickTock]

Me too, to all of you.

I'm not the youngest of my siblings (near though) and I am often treated like I am. I'm still not expected to contribute to family meals even though I offer and I'm in my mid twenties. But yes I have this mature immature paradox, childlike curiosity and wonder mixed with old soul wisdom. I don't see that as a bad thing if treated in the right way.

 

[TickTock]

Me too, to all of you.

I'm not the youngest of my siblings (near though) and I am often treated like I am. I'm still not expected to contribute to family meals even though I offer and I'm in my mid twenties. But yes I have this mature immature paradox, childlike curiosity and wonder mixed with old soul wisdom. I don't see that as a bad thing if treated in the right way.

 

[Lacey]

I wonder how much I confuse people. I was always considered "mature for my age". Being the oldest of 6 (and other family situation things) probably helped. However, I look a lot younger than I am...ha.

I think that the speed that INs mature when we are young can cause problems when we get older. Around our early 20s, our ability to observe others and contemplate issues in our head no longer compensates for lack of experience.

Wow. Yeah. I'm going to be 22 in a few weeks, and I've started feeling this for the past year or so...do you have any advice? Maybe that's a stupid question...but I feel like maybe this goes beyond "go out and do stuff". Maybe? Sorry, I don't really know what I'm trying to ask. Anyway.

Yeah, I definitely relate to a lot of what is in this thread. I've always been mentally ahead of the crowd a bit as far as getting the "wise for your years" comments and understanding the inner workings of people/things before my peers grasped them (people have always sought me out for input on things I have never been through, and yet, what I advised seemed to work), but it was always from a conceptual standpoint. It was not my own experience, and in that way I am a bit behind and naive in some areas.

This happens to me a lot too, one example being relationships. I always end up being the resident relationship counselor among my friends, and I've never been in one...but my advice works quite well. My mom has also asked me for advice, and taken said advice, on several different problems...it's kind of strange at times.

But my advice/insight works until it doesn't. I either have an answer, or nothing at all. There are some things I can't help with because I haven't experienced them, and they're the things you have to experience to be of any help at all. And they're things that you would think I should know by now...

I think NFPs also have a perpetual childlike whimsy to them also. It's our imagination and spontaneous side, but I don't think it's necessarily immature. It does seem a contradiction to our "wise" and "mature" side though. You expect someone who is insightful beyond their years to be subdued, serious, and orderly, but NFPs are often silly, light-hearted, and random.

Yes. Today, I was in Japanese class. On one of our worksheets, there were 3 dolphins (there was one sentence about dolphins, but nothing else on the sheet had anything else to do with dolphins, or any other kind of animal for that matter...haha). I have pens in many different colors, so I decided to color them in and then I tore the picture out and gave it to my teacher. Everyone in class (save one person) know me as serious Lacey...so I got a lot of weird looks. They must think I've gone off the deep end.

I have to do fun, weird, random things from time to time though, otherwise I would probably lose my mind. People who are more "mature" than others maybe have more responsibilities/pressures and need to do this kind of thing to cope?

 

[Udog]

Wow. Yeah. I'm going to be 22 in a few weeks, and I've started feeling this for the past year or so...do you have any advice? Maybe that's a stupid question...but I feel like maybe this goes beyond "go out and do stuff". Maybe? Sorry, I don't really know what I'm trying to ask. Anyway.

You are already doing the right thing, and don't even realize it yet.

The first thing you have to do is realize the truth. Part of my issue was that I went years without realizing that I was no longer "mature for my age". So the first thing is to simply admit to yourself that age has caught up with your maturity level. Don't judge yourself harshly - please! Look at it as just admit a simple fact.

After that, you are in control of your own destiny, and can make the conscious decision of growing up or not. It doesn't really matter which you decide, as long as you choose it.

For me, life threw events at me when I was 27 that forced me to come out of my safe little world and start growing up. Kicking and screaming may or may not have been involved.

 

[Snow Turtle]

I really like having this dual-layer personality to me. For me, it's because I've always believed that I will be a child and not become all old and cranky. But at the same time because I want to get to understand how people work and live, I've developed alot of emotional maturity in that aspect of my life.

It can be a little frustrating when people, actually very frustrating, when people say things like "Dude has an emotional mentality of a 2 year old" when I'm just messing around acting like a kid. There are sometimes I don't mind it, but it does bother me when I feel like people don't seem to realise that I have this dual-personality within me. That I'm actually very serious as well even if I act like a kid most of the time. It makes me think:

These guys don't actually know me that well.

Having said all that, despite all this thinking and understanding how other people live. I'm an emotional idiot when it comes to things like relationships and problems. I know what I'm meant to feel and what is the logical thing, yet the feelings are still there that I can't dismiss. It's the reason why counselling for me is like: Yeah I know all this stuff, I just can't get around it. X_____X

 

[mcmartinez84]

Pretty sure it's not a type thing. I'm totally a kid on the inside, but I think I'm good at handling "mature" situations.

 

[GirlFromMars]

You guys don't know how good it is to see people can relate.

I too get called wise, and people are often suprised when I come out with things, they say how deep it is for someone my age...I also look younger and have an innocent face, so that probably adds to it! And a handful of people come to me a lot for advice, and tell me how helpful I am. I also relate better to older people, and most of the people I consider friends or aquantances are older.

But then people will tell me to grow up too. It tends to be the people I don't know so well that say how wise I am, and the people I'm closest to think I'm emotionally like a 12-year-old!

I see the same thing with my INFP sister, who is 7 years older than me.