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[NF] NF's and cheating

G

GirlAmerica

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Would you/have you? Under what circumstances? What do you actually consider cheating?
 

targobelle

~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~
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Apr 23, 2007
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what kind of cheating? Like cheating on your homework or a test or cheating on a significant other?
 

arcticangel02

To the top of the world
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Oct 5, 2007
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892
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Cheating as in relationships? Or cheating as in bending the rules? :p
 

wedekit

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Nov 10, 2007
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INFJ
If you mean relationships:

Never. The first (and only) person I dated cheated on me and I don't ever want to feel like that again, much less make someone else feel like that. Ironically, they promised me a week before they would never hurt me. (And they wonder why I don't trust anyone?)

No matter how much I love someone, if they are unfaithful I won't be able to forgive them, and I'll be sure to make that very clear to everyone I date. I take promises seriously, and I take commitment even more seriously. If they are so unhappy with me that they would cheat on me, I hope they at least pay the courtesy of breaking up with me before they do it.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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I prefer straightforwardness in most things. Regarding cheating on tests, I prefer to face the raw truth of the matter. That way when I succeed I know that i did it, and when I fail then my limitations are made more clear. I prefer an accurate picture of things to some complicated artifice that can only appear to be reality.

Regarding cheating in relationships, there isn't a way that I am able to live that kind of intimately double life. I also dislike the kinds of disrespect associated with that behavior. I am old enough now to have seen painful, destructive relationships in those closest to me. Because of this, I understand better what drives people to cheat and can see the wretchedness of it all on various levels. Personally I'd rather avoid it because it likely causes more pain (sometimes unexpectedly) than is necessary to solve the problems of the situation.
 

quietgirl

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Sep 29, 2007
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I have this thing with integrity. I cannot cheat because I would feel as though it lacked integrity & that conflicts with my values.

I have never in my life cheated in a relationship nor do I ever expect myself to do so. Funny thing is that I have been cheated on in almost all of my relationships.
 

Kiddo

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Sep 25, 2007
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I "cheated" once. There was a chemistry professor who let all her students take home their exam under the premise that we wouldn't work on it together. A lot of people were having trouble and so I helped them. Mind you, I didn't do it for them, but rather made them do it themselves while coaching them through the process.

The professor found out that students had worked together on the exam and set to find the "masterminds" behind the "scheme". I was really worried and considered confessing, but I am relieved I didn't because those who did confess were the only ones who were punished.

As far as relationships, hell no! What kind of person would I be if I did that sort of thing? A hypocrite and a loser for starters.
 

cafe

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Would you/have you? Under what circumstances? What do you actually consider cheating?
I have not. I hope that I would not. I actually go out of my way to avoid situations that might create the kind of courtship atmosphere in which it would be likely to happen. I do not believe I am incapable of cheating. I don't think anyone is.

If there is a gene for it, I have it. Both of my parents, my grandparents (they met while my grandma was married to a cheating husband and my grandpa talked my grandma into leaving the jerk and marrying him), my great-grandmother (she married out of economic necessity and cheated on her husband), all cheaters of sorts.

I'm fortunate. I love my husband and feel loved by him. I can't imagine a situation in which I'd betray his trust, but I don't doubt there is one out there. I work towards keeping what we've got good and an eye peeled for trouble. So far so good.
 

Siúil a Rúin

when the colors fade
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cafe made many important points in her post. Fidelity requires an early awareness of the problem before it grows into a complicated mess that can produce cheating. Avoiding situations that can foster intimate exchanges that could result in violating trust is one example. Also, acknowledging when you are most vulnerable to cheating yourself. If you are in a committed relationship in which you are left feeling rejected or mistreated, then your need to be validated by someone else increases. There are behaviors in relationships that are worse than cheating, although that doesn't diminish the pain it can cause. I do feel badly for people who are committed in a relationship, locked in financially or because of children, and who are grossly neglected or berated and invalidated every day of their life. These people die a slow death of the soul. These people are also vulnerable to have an affair if someone comes along and makes them feel like an actual person again. This is why I try to withhold judging what happens when other people cheat, and why I stay humble regarding my own limitations as a person.
 

targobelle

~*taaa raaa raaa boom*~
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have I physically cheated on anything no or on anyone no... could I no.

have I considered it yup, have I emotionally cheated on someone yup. It was hell though, it's not something that you ever think you can do, not something that we can even realize in the moment, we wake up one day and are hit with it like a ton of bricks. At least that was how it was with me.
 

chippinchunk

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Nov 10, 2007
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If you mean relationships:

Never. The first (and only) person I dated cheated on me and I don't ever want to feel like that again, much less make someone else feel like that. Ironically, they promised me a week before they would never hurt me. (And they wonder why I don't trust anyone?)

No matter how much I love someone, if they are unfaithful I won't be able to forgive them, and I'll be sure to make that very clear to everyone I date. I take promises seriously, and I take commitment even more seriously. If they are so unhappy with me that they would cheat on me, I hope they at least pay the courtesy of breaking up with me before they do it.

AGREED! I think the same way.
 

wolfmaiden14

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Oct 14, 2007
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Would you/have you? Under what circumstances?

Technically, I have. Though, it was REALLY young and it was nothing serious, so I don't know how much weight it really holds. I was in eighth grade and he was in sixth, I think it was a friendship misunderstood as attraction(Well.. okay, obviously it was since a couple years later he came out as gay. XD), and it was pretty much all but officially over and I met someone and kissed him. (Which was my first kiss. -.-) So... I guess that counts. Though trivial, I still feel guilty and refuse to ever do anything like that again.

Especially now, I don't often find people attractive, so when I do love someone, all the attention goes to him. I rarely even notice other guys when someone really has my heart.

What do you actually consider cheating?

Anything that would be intimate under the circumstances. It really all depends on context. I mean, even take cuddling. It's one thing to maybe, run your fingers non-chalantly through the hair of a platonic friend who has put their head on your leg or shoulder or something. It's another to put your arm around someone you find attractive or who finds you attractive and revel in being able to do so. It's one thing to get a few kicks out of flirting with someone you find attractive, another to be extra extra friendly and touchy and actually try to get them to fall for you.

So, I guess it really doesn't matter what you're doing, so much as the intent behind it. If you do any sort of action with the hope of showing or gaining physical attraction, it's being unfaithful. Though, I know that might be a kind of strict and unrealistic definition, and it probably wouldn't deeply bother me unless it got to the point of reeeally intimate cuddling and/or kissing. It would also depend on the seriousness of the relationship, and what boundaries each individual set up.
 

GZA

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I think I cheated on a french quiz in grade 5, but I didn't feel good about it, it felt really empty. I don't cheat to win or anything... the only time I cheat is when I use the "cheats" in video games :D


...I'll let myself out

As for relationships, I've never been in one, but I can't imagine myself cheating.
 

CzeCze

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I love the Bob Dylan quote that goes something like, "to live outside the law you must be honest."

My relationships and arrangements with people are built on honesty and adapatability - they could not survive otherwise.

The agreements people have in each relationship is unique for that relationship. Some people have pretty liberal open relationships, but fidelity and loyalty are two different things. Even if you are 'allowed' to sleep with other people outside your relationship it is still possible to cheat if you break your agreement.

So for me, cheating means knowingly doing anything outside the agreement or anything your reasonable partner would feel betrayed, hurt and/or angry by. Usually this is compounded by lying and so much creative justification like "I didn't want to tell you because it's not important/I didn't want to hurt you/ etc." More than the cheating itself the lies and excuses the cheater tells pisses me off more.

More than anything I think this is COWARDLY and I despise emotional cowardice.

So I'm very forthcoming and direct.

And no, I would never cheat. If anything I would end things with someone if I really thought I wanted to pursue something else.
 

wolfmaiden14

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So for me, cheating means knowinglydoing anything outside the agreement or anything your reasonable partner would feel betrayed, hurt and/or angry by. Usually this is compounded by lying and so much creative justification like "I didn't want to tell you because it's not important/I didn't want to hurt you/ etc." More than the cheating itself the lies and excuses the cheater tells pisses me of more.

THERE! That's the definition I was working towards.. but my own personal spin and preferences got in the way. XD Thank you Cze.:nice:
 

Athenian200

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Would you/have you? Under what circumstances? What do you actually consider cheating?

I did cheat on a couple of tests when I was younger. But I only looked over using my periphery vision, I didn't turn my head over towards them at all. It's not my fault the desks weren't spaced far enough apart. When I was older, I didn't do so as much (I haven't cheated since 9th grade). Partially because I began to think it might be wrong, and partially because I make a point to understand things well enough that it wouldn't give me an advantage to do so anymore. I like to think it's more the former, but I have to confess the latter has a lot to do with it. :blush:
 

shen

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Sep 27, 2007
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iv'e cheated on all 3 of my b/f's. two physically and one emotionally.but only towards the end when i know its not working. thats when my will power is zero.
 

Eileen

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i haven't technically cheated, but i've felt guilty--as if i was cheating. this is because i was in this non-committal sexual thing that i was really unhappy with because it was emotionally unrewarding. so i went out on some dates, ended up meeting someone i liked a lot, and ended the non-committal thing before i started any kind of sexual relationship with the new person. i felt guilty, though i was upfront in telling the guy who didn't want commitment that i'd met someone else. i should have ended the non-committal thing simply because i was unhappy and not because it was convenient because i'd found someone else.
 
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