[ENFP] How can I help my ENFP friend?

[kathara]

She is entering a depression, and it is very hard for her, much harder than it is for me since I am accustomed to it.

I can't provide her with the emotional support she needs, even if I can say the words.

 

[findthejake]

I went through depression for the first time in my life just last week. If she's anything like me, she'll miss herself in a few days time and bounce back. We love life too much to stay depressed for very long.

And nobody can give us the emotional support we need, we just have to remember we are ENFP! AND WE ARE STRONG!

Just let her know you're there for her. She'll remember who she is once the inquisitive nature is satisfied about how unfun being depressed is.

 

[targobelle]

depends how bad the depression is jake, as we can have the illusion of being okay while we're falling apart inside.

 

[Domino]

She is entering a depression, and it is very hard for her, much harder than it is for me since I am accustomed to it.

I can't provide her with the emotional support she needs, even if I can say the words.

Is this a "down time" or a sign of something serious? I've lived all my life with clinical depressives and it's not a wait-and-see matter. Does she need to talk to someone who's trained to help? Like a counselor?

 

[chippinchunk]

My ENFP friend has these times as well. I do agree with 'findthejake' though, it usually ends up fine.

 

[targobelle]

My ENFP friend has these times as well. I do agree with 'findthejake' though, it usually ends up fine.

just watch her..... we can be the master of distraction throwing ourselves into other people neglecting ourselves and slowly slipping away until one day we are numb....... comfortably numb and I speak from experience..........

 

[dblhelix]

My brother is an ENFP and all he does is work on a bunch of projects, never really getting into any of them. Lately he's been messing with music creation software--Cubase--and he's been going to college for 8 years now studying journalism, physics, communication and god knows what else. I'd help him, but every time I try he ignores me. He ignores everyone really. I'm not sure if he's depressed, but our parents pay for his school and he still lives at home, so he has almost no responsibilities, but he has a pretty decent job managing some database. He's a really smart guy, smarter than me, he just keeps bouncing around and doesn't know what he wants to do. I think he does drugs too. He's actually kind of a jerk because he feels as though he needs to look after ME (he's older) and I don't think he has the right to tell me how to live when his life is in complete disarray IMO.

I don't really talk to him because I moved away from home a long time ago and I only see him a couple times a year. Even when I am at home, it's like he doesn't live there because I never see him. I don't know what he does, he's just never home. The only thing he does at home is sleep and he spends many nights a week somewhere else. My family has pretty much given up on him because he never listens to anyone and he's never at home and he never talks to anyone else in the family. I keep telling my parents to kick his ass out, but they don't want to. His room is completely trashed, he has a cat and he never cleans the litter box (which I have to smell every time I come home) he's even started moving his crap into the room I stay in because his room is so disorderly so when I come home I have to clean his shit out of my room first. I know I'd be depressed if I was him, but I don't think he cares.

 

[OctaviaCaesar]

One of my parents is a strong ENFP and has been through a similar, long period of unhappiness. It came from trying to be other than herself, and not believing that she is worthy and valuable. Depression is such a hard, horrible thing! Perhaps these same reasons can shed light on your situation.

P.S. May she get well soon!

 

[paradox]

It's just downtime for the ENFP or we are fixated on something morbid. It usually passes.

 

[_Ti_]

An ENFP in sad times needs to be loved on.
Yeah.

 

[JAVO]

Other than the obvious, typical things, try these:

Try to get her out more and among more people in fun, talkative, social environments.

Do somewhat intense aerobic exercise with her for at least 40 min 4 times per week--aerobics, walking, hiking, running, bicycling, whatever. This causes the body to produce natural depression-fighting substances (endorphins). (These are also produced during sex in case you know of any non-weird creative ways to encourage more of that. LOL)

 

[autumn]

If it's okay for you to share a little more information about what could have caused the depression, it may really help us give advice more suited to the situation. Has she ever been through something like this before? Is she going through a rough time struggling with something or did she experience something difficult, or is it maybe a more chemically or hormonally-related thing, or due to other health reasons? Is she willing to talk with you more about it, or would she rather spend some time figuring things out on her own first?

As an ENFP, if I am ever having a difficult time or am sad about something, I do want some time alone. However, I will also want a friend to be available for me to talk to when I am ready, to discuss things or just to listen. I would also want to be reassured of all my good points and to know that I am loved. And if the friend (or friends) who is there for me has a great sense of humor, all the better.

You sound like a good friend.

 

[Introverts_Unite!]

I've known a lot of ENF's who struggled with depression. One who had MBTI know-how explained to me that the sense of isolation that comes with depression is a foreign and often frightening feeling to ENF's. Introverts, on the other hand, are quite well acquainted with alone-ness, so whether depressed or not depressed, the contrast and frequency is not as stark as it is to an extravert. I have pretty much decided that I've had 'walking depression' since I was in my twenties. I'm quite used to it by now.

To the INTP (Kathara) who asked this question - use your consummate listening skills. You don't need to worry about your lack of Feeling skills. Giving her the ability to vent to an objective and non-judging audience will go a long, long way to help. That you are aware of and sensitive to her depression (at least in my experience with INTPs) - is all you need ... the rest is autopilot for your type. I think it's a good idea to help her engage with life and activities as well, but that might not be your cup of tea. Another E-F type might help fill that role for her if you aren't up for it. There is usually no one easy solution for depression, and you definitely don't have the whole burden of it. But you do have a good skillset for this type match. Remember that Carl Jung was a brilliant INTP psychiatrist.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

If it were a male ENFP I would recommend a surprise road-trip with 2-3 good buddies for a few weeks, with no strict agenda. That would most likely do the trick, or at least temporarily relieve the depression. I have no suggestions for a female ENFP. I don't think women do road-trips. Too many unreasonably high hygiene expectations, and they would probably kill each other in territorial disputes within a week. So I got nothing. Spontaneity is the key with ENFPs, and good friends. So it should be something completely different. Stowaway on a ship or something. Doesn't matter where to.

 

[gretch]

Hi. I'm a bit new here.

I am an ENFP with social anxiety and have had some issues with depression. Ha! Ironic?

ENFP's get in a funk when they feel like they can have no beneficial effect upon the world, when they cannot change it, or when their bubble gets popped. We need to believe the best in people and in the world.
I suggest showing her that she has an affect. And if not, at least she can get some really great poetry out there. (j/k)

Gretch