[ENFP] ENFP pressuring others

[enfp1091]

I'm a guy. I'm always looking for a real friend. People always talk to me, joke with me and everything at school, but once after school, they don't look for me. That's why I'm looking for real friends. People always come to me, but then leave, and I think that I pressure them to be friends unconsciously.
The other day a friend of mine wanted to study so he told me to leave. I let him but I thought he told me in a bad manner and told him. This has happened several times, I ask him why he doesn't answer on MSN, I ask him why he jokes and he tells me what he thinks.
The day we talk about him telling me to go, I asked him why he didn't want me there and then he said I made a whole drama just about anything. He also told me that I was annoying because of that, and I think he was telling me the truth. He said that I needed to control myself because that was annoying. Then, I remembered all the other people leaving me after some time they knew me.
For good, I now know he is my friend. He could have ignored me, but he talked about that matter with me. Even if he doesn't invites me to hang out with his group.

What do you think about the situation? Have this happened to you? Am I really an ENFP? Is he my friend?

Please comment anything you want cause I really really need feedback.

 

[Thalassa]

I don't think this has anything to do with him being your friend or not. He probably is your friend, but needed to study. If you demand too much out of people - especially introverts, but anyone who is busy with school, etc. - you will drain them and they will not want you around. You should listen to your friend when he tells you you're making a big deal out of nothing - it looks to me like he just wanted to study and you're ready to end a friendship over it.

You may not be an ENFP - you may be a more extreme extrovert like an ESFP or an ENFJ. Or just a really extroverted ENFP.

Just allow people some space, and time to study, and everything should work out fine. Try not to take it personally if your friends are busy or need time alone. Making a big deal out of it could end the very friendships that you so desire.

 

[Thalassa]

By the way - is there anywhere you can go to meet new people? Maybe if you hang out a coffee shop or somewhere like that, or join some clubs or organizations on campus you'd have a better chance of making more friends. Just try to get out there, I'm sure there are plenty of people who would love to be your friend.

 

[sculpting]

What I notice sometimes is that I can be very loud, distracting, and come across as emotive even when I feel logical. It is like our emotions carry over into the way our voices sound, the pitch, volume, and even words used, even if we are not feeling emotional or talking about emotional things.

Some people see this as passion about the discussion. Others see it as whiny, distracting, or an emo display-drama.

We also use a lot of hand gestures and say exactly what we are thinking-again which can be taken as drama by a more reserved person.

Try to contain yourself a little-lower your voice, speak more slowly, LISTEN to the other person, Try and pick up on subtle cues they need space or quiet time. I'd suggest meditation as a way to learn self focus and awareness.

Also-are you being emotionally needy and seeking affirmation of your feelings? Are you using him just to remind yourself that people do like you or as a sounding board to make you feel as though your feelings are valid? I sometimes find I do this as a way to calibrate my feelings against an external opinion. Is what I am feeling correct? At some point you have to look inside yourself and understand that you dont need that.

Also-enfps can fixate on emo issues in our life. Take a break and let the issue go away in your mind. read a book or something. Otherwise you might come across stalker like.

 

[enfp1091]

Making a big deal out of it could end the very friendships that you so desire.

That's what is making me feel nervous. That in the future he will end up not liking me at all because I'm trying so hard that I end up sofocating him. And not only him, other people in the future.

Also-are you being emotionally needy and seeking affirmation of your feelings? Are you using him just to remind yourself that people do like you or as a sounding board to make you feel as though your feelings are valid? I sometimes find I do this as a way to calibrate my feelings against an external opinion. Is what I am feeling correct? At some point you have to look inside yourself and understand that you dont need that.

I'm not using him. I met him two years ago. He talked to me, he invited me to hang out and I was scared of that point because I may not like his friends and I was nervous to feel uncomfortable, so I said no. He asked me for my cellphone number and I didn't give it to him because I didn't have a cellphone. He is constantly trying to gain my attention and I tell him what I feel because I think is someone I can trust. He telling me that made me feel like our friendship is braking but then I think of all the things he had already support from me. Now I don't know if he will talk to me the same way as before.

 

[enfp1091]

And by the way, if you see it like this everyone uses the other one. Not only the people that want something from you like the people who wants you to do their homework, or because you are cool. Everyone does it, even getting a good feeling about the person, because you feel comfortable , because they make you happy, etc. The difference is marked between the way you do it, and the your judgement of good and evil actions.

 

[Waffle]

I know sometimes I can be really loud and put pressure on a lot of people when I want something, but I usually back down if challenged. I dislike conflict to a huge degree and I'm fairly sure that's common among ENFPs. I don't know if you're pressuring them as much as you just want answers. I never like to leave an argument. I always want a reason for everything. I think it's my natural curiosity to understand every situation and try to find a solution. At this point, maybe it's better to give your friend some space. he'll come to you when he's ready to talk. I push a lot of people in to telling me what's going on, and some people just can not be pushed. I know it's hard, but let him talk to you.
I hope I was at least a little helpful with this post.