[ENFJ] What are nice ENFJs like?

[Shimpei]

They are truly charismatic people. Though they are controlling, they are from the less abrasive group of control freaks.

 

[Usehername]

They are truly charismatic people. Though they are controlling, they are from the less abrasive group of control freaks.

And everyone loves them. Their bosses, their coworkers, their "clients" (well, students from my experience with ENFJ teachers). Who else can have that widespread a fan base? Usually someone gets screwed over when you are a middle-management type of person but (Good) ENFJs manage to please everyone and make them all feel great and affirm their achievements.

 

[Domino]

I frequently feel very schizophrenic wanting desperately to actualize and care for people while striding around like a benevolent Napoleon and knocking over the trash. I don't see how the two urges even REMOTELY go together, but there they are. *sighs* I'm told by several people that I could have been a hideously evil cult leader if I had not been taken in hand early, but I just don't see it. I don't believe in my capacity to be so manipulative. I feel like I get assigned power over others that I don't have?

 

[cascadeco]

Well I doubt your evil cult leader *thinks* he's manipulative (although some of them probably fully recognize what they're doing and enjoy wielding that control). ;-) He's probably so into his own world vision and thinking it's the 'right' one that he wants everyone else to follow in his footsteps.... ?

 

[Domino]

Well I doubt your evil cult leader *thinks* he's manipulative (although some of them probably fully recognize what they're doing and enjoy wielding that control). ;-) He's probably so into his own world vision and thinking it's the 'right' one that he wants everyone else to follow in his footsteps.... ?

You know, I never thought about it like that. Hmm! Interesting!

 

[proteanmix]

I frequently feel very schizophrenic wanting desperately to actualize and care for people while striding around like a benevolent Napoleon and knocking over the trash. I don't see how the two urges even REMOTELY go together, but there they are. *sighs* I'm told by several people that I could have been a hideously evil cult leader if I had not been taken in hand early, but I just don't see it. I don't believe in my capacity to be so manipulative. I feel like I get assigned power over others that I don't have?

Exactly. It's like the psychic INFJs that everyone is always talking about. I wish I had these special powers.

 

[wolfmaiden14]

Exactly. It's like the psychic INFJs that everyone is always talking about. I wish I had these special powers.

An interesting phenomenon to watch. It's just the awesomeness of having diversity! Something that comes second nature to one type, another type doesn't "see" or understand the thought process, and so it comes off like some sort of ESP or super-charisma or genius. Meanwhile.. the other person just doesn't even comprehend that what they do is any different from anyone else because it's so natural to them.

That's why it's important to "be yourself." Even when it doesn't follow the norm. XD

 

[Domino]

I wanted to point out something that I like about NFJs.

Last night, my sister and I got on the subject of a boy (an ISFP) I used to go to automotive school with. He and his brothers were beaten up frequently by his dad who was a real nasty piece of work. Boy used to be extremely skittish, quiet, didn't look people in the eye. He was always out the door first when the "all clear" was given for the day. I knew about him because his mother worked with my mother, and Boy's dad had been on the FBI's most wanted list at one point which I know was humiliating for him. I had to reassure him that every man made his way in life and that he wasn't going to become his father, and that no one thought he was his dad. For some reason he needed to hear that.

You know a loaded gun when you see one. Boy was exactly that -- quiet and hurt and dangerous. Because of that I made a point of calling him by name every day, smiling at him, sitting next to him and talking to him. I carefully got him used to being touched again without flinching. (He used to duck his head away from people as if they were going to hit him.) He was very sweet and pleasant, and had a very pretty smile. He was unfailingly polite to me. I was voted to represent the diesel program in the Student Government Association, and when I came back from one of our events, I was loaded down with cupcakes for the guys, and I went looking especially for Boy because I knew he didn't eat regularly. (My sister used to feed him too when she was up from the welding lab.)

I found him on a back stairwell all alone as usual. Prattling away, I packed three cupcakes into him before he had a chance to protest. He was smiling too much to complain.

Between me and my ex-Marine ESFJ male friend George we got Boy smiling and relaxed again. The rest of the guys had dismissed Boy as a freak.

I couldn't let them do that to him. He was already a kicked dog.

 

[runvardh]

I wanted to point out something that I like about NFJs.

Last night, my sister and I got on the subject of a boy (an ISFP) I used to go to automotive school with. He and his brothers were beaten up frequently by his dad who was a real nasty piece of work. Boy used to be extremely skittish, quiet, didn't look people in the eye. He was always out the door first when the "all clear" was given for the day. I knew about him because his mother worked with my mother, and Boy's dad had been on the FBI's most wanted list at one point which I know was humiliating for him. I had to reassure him that every man made his way in life and that he wasn't going to become his father, and that no one thought he was his dad. For some reason he needed to hear that.

You know a loaded gun when you see one. Boy was exactly that -- quiet and hurt and dangerous. Because of that I made a point of calling him by name every day, smiling at him, sitting next to him and talking to him. I carefully got him used to being touched again without flinching. (He used to duck his head away from people as if they were going to hit him.) He was very sweet and pleasant, and had a very pretty smile. He was unfailingly polite to me. I was voted to represent the diesel program in the Student Government Association, and when I came back from one of our events, I was loaded down with cupcakes for the guys, and I went looking especially for Boy because I knew he didn't eat regularly. (My sister used to feed him too when she was up from the welding lab.)

I found him on a back stairwell all alone as usual. Prattling away, I packed three cupcakes into him before he had a chance to protest. He was smiling too much to complain.

Between me and my ex-Marine ESFJ male friend George we got Boy smiling and relaxed again. The rest of the guys had dismissed Boy as a freak.

I couldn't let them do that to him. He was already a kicked dog.

And it's guys like you that make life a fuck of a lot easier for guys like me, bar none.

 

[wolfmaiden14]

And it's guys like you that make life a fuck of a lot easier for guys like me, bar none.

amen to that!

 

[Emectar]

In my opinion, when nice, ENFJ's are the most fabulous type out there. They are inspirational, delightful, smart, authentic, genuinely interested in helping people towards happiness and self-actualization and total idealist romantics

i love them

on the other hand, i also know two very immature and mean ENFJ's and they are quite unpleasant

 

[Sparrow]

awe shucks

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I've known 3 tested ENFJ's IRL and I only connect with one of them. She's one of my good friends. She's intensely opinionated in the opposite way I am. So we don't clash on our strong opinions because I don't care about what she cares about and vice versa. So we end up being very good supporters of each other. She's so honest with her emotions. She always knows what she's feeling and doesn't hesitate to express it. I don't know what I'm feeling half the time or have to think about it for a long time to figure that stuff out so that trait is pretty amazing to me - even though I think she stresses herself out with BS way too much. Yes, she's a bit controlling and sometimes set in her ways and not willing to take chances or open herself up to different outlooks and it can be a bit annoying but she's a genuine person. Her positives definitely outweigh that. She's a warm and funny person. I laugh more with her than with a lot of other people.

 

[Thessaly]

I'm tired of ENFJs and their intricate web of emotions. I'm also not a big fan of the compulsive white lying. One thing I can't say about them though is that they're "not nice". I suppose I have not yet been subjected to a mean ENFJ...mean in the normal way we perceive someone to be mean anyways.

 

[Malkavia]

...there are such things as mean ENFJs?

Every MBTI type has their downside but being negative is not something Ive seen in any ENFJs I've known.

 

[Unkindloving]

I'm a mixture of both, but it depends on who i am around and what the purpose is the interaction is.
A nice ENFJ will likely care with their heart on their sleeve and be as helpful and genuine as possible. They could likely come off as fake, a suckup, or as weak. An ideal, nice ENFJ has probably never had an issue with their heart being on their sleeve or has gone through a phase of being a not-so-nice ENFJ and rose above it.
Yup

...there are such things as mean ENFJs?

Every MBTI type has their downside but being negative is not something Ive seen in any ENFJs I've known.

Away from the forum, i'm one of the meanies where there's not reason to be otherwise.

 

[TopherRed]

I'm generally nice until given a reason not to be.The Guardians seem to miss my sarcasm a lot. A lot. They think it means that I'm actually mad, and don't understand that is the way I blow off steam concerning issues that I'm frustrated with. Honestly I think it's an Se thing. But by the measure of most people, I'm nice...at least on the surface.

When in private, with close friends that don't gossip, I will pass judgement on people (bad, good, or otherwise). Fi's may think that narrow minded, but quite frankly, it's how I identify a community problem; I need to sort out my Ni thoughts verbally in order to reach a decision on certain things, people included. Guess what? Sometimes, I don't give a damn, and I just need to get the observations out. This sounds mean, but it's really rather neutral. It's what you do with the judgements that counts.

["But Fuzzy, Fuzzy," you may ask, "why do you even have to organize people? That just sounds wrong! You must be a mean, selfish person, hrumphphumphumph-umph." To that, I say that I don't organize people who aren't interested in getting something done that they can't do themselves. Two heads are better than one, and mankind can literally do anything if they get together. That said, a person can accomplish a lot by themselves, without anybody else's help. To those people, I tip my hat, and hope that they will join me with their unique skill sets, of their own volition, at some point, for a future project we have a mutual interest in.]

 

[Fidelia]

My mother is one of the best ENFJs I've ever had occasion to meet. She is busy without seeming rushed, warm, hospitable, smart, can see through lies, thinks ahead, unselfish. Wonderful ENFJs certainly do exist.

 

[Glycerine]

Yes, I had a math professor that I admired greatly. He was one of the genuine nicest (maybe too nice) people I've met and got to know him a little. I hope when I smooth out my rough edges that I might become somewhat like him.

I think I am usually pretty nice but still have some rough edges to work out. I HATE to be controlled/manipulated so I try my best not to do it to others. Also, I try really hard to stay open-minded and not to make snap judgments about people (but I occasionally slip and feel bad for it).

I think when ENFJs are near self-actualized, they can be incredibly open-minded individuals that are accepting of all types of people, aren't quick to judge and don't organize people into tight boxes (accept people's differences). They create group harmony by taking the individuals into account (not just the group as a whole).

 

[Talisyn]

One of my best best friends is enFJ and she is seriously one of the most wonderful people I know. She gives, gives, and gives of herself to her family and friends. She's almost always happy (oh, but when she's not!) and has boundless energy. She is pretty outgoing, and always encouraging.

Also, she is only controlling with her own life, and never too opinionated to me.

Her last test:

Strength of the preferences %
Extraverted 11 Intuitive 25 Feeling 38 Judging 56


She's also scored SJ before