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[INFP] Male INFPs with mother issues

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
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Mar 20, 2009
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sp/sx
Any NP type is anti-authority, though in my opinion, INFPs are the most likely to take this seriously, to the point where they seemingly become infatuated with their own misery.

I have INFP tendencies myself so I know how this feels.

INFPs tend to over-exaggerate the weight of their problems. Lucky for you if you have a strong Ti, you can always put yourself into neutral mode and counteract the depression NeFi generates.

There's always an alternative side of looking at the prism (Strong Ne peeps have good mastery of this). In people with superior Fi though, it's always stuck to whatever seems more miserable.

I don't know why people talk so negatively of Fi, as if Ne is the only saving grace for INFPs.

The Fi Si loop discussed in another thread is more of what you are referring to. I think any type letting their tertiary and dominant functions block their auxiliary will be imbalanced (I think this is as common in extroverts as introverts too).
 

HecticRat

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Dec 1, 2009
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INTP
I know 3 male INFPs. One is a friend of my brother's and I know nothing about his relationship with his mom. Another is more of a friend of a friend than anything and he has issues with both his parents because his dad beat him when he was younger and his mom didn't do anything about it. The last one is one of my close, personal friends but I don't know much about his relationship with his mom. I know his parents got divorced because of her drinking problem and that he rarely sees her now but it seems like whenever she's "around" (I don't know if it's that she lives out of town or rarely goes to visit him and his siblings) my buddy's always too busy doing something with her to do something with me or his/our other friends. I don't think he'd say he has mother issues, but it could very well be that he does.
 

Space_Oddity

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Oct 12, 2009
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359
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CAT
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so
I know an INFP male who has mother issues (very smotheringly 'loving' mother), but then, I know an ESFP male with mother issues, and INTP female with mother issues, etc. (Curiously enough, all the mothers are the same type, which I rather wouldn't specify.) It definitely does have an impact on the children, but it doesn't 'make' them an INFP or anything else, it just modifies their personal characteristics.
 

William K

Uniqueorn
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Aug 13, 2009
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986
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4w5
I don't know why people talk so negatively of Fi, as if Ne is the only saving grace for INFPs.

Yeah, seems like the suggestion is that the best way to not be depressed is to counterbalance your 'evil' Fi with something 'good' like Ti. I would say that depression is caused by the negative use of Fi and to balance that is to make positive use of Fi, but what do I know, I'm just a unicorn :p
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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^agreed with the unicorn. Fi is imhe the art to walk the edge between blissfull and painful feelings and experience the entire myriad of human emotion. To be skilled at it means to surrender to it, to stop fighting it and sometimes fall in that abyss and come out of it unscathed or at least wiser. But also to sometimes reach for the stars and gaze upon the universe and return wiser and happier. Both have their use, and both require wisdom and strength to endure. Embracing Fi, no matter how much you think you're going to drown is the only way I've found to weather the storm (though not always the easiest).

In short: Learn to ride the wild horse that is Fi. You'll fall off bigtime, but it's so worth it when you master it, I think. (Some day I will, g*** !!! :D)
 

Space_Oddity

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so
I don't know why people talk so negatively of Fi, as if Ne is the only saving grace for INFPs.

The Fi Si loop discussed in another thread is more of what you are referring to. I think any type letting their tertiary and dominant functions block their auxiliary will be imbalanced (I think this is as common in extroverts as introverts too).

Yeah, I also don't get that. I'm pretty proud of my strong values and strong feelings for things and people; I think that my parents passed that onto me (especially the values), and I'm very thankful for that. It is also a thing I can strongly appreciate in other people, and I confess I often despise those who completely lack it. And I don't know why I should see this as a bad thing.:shock:
 

Chunes

New member
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Sep 9, 2009
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364
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INFP
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9w1
Male INFP here with absolutely no mom issues.

I have an ESTJ dad, though. It was pretty much a 'King of the Hill' situation growing up, only not so cutesy-flutesy.
 

Cypocalypse

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eNtP
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4w5/
Actually, some of my closest friends are INFPs. Some of them do mention about domestic issues, usually something about an SJ mom or dad.

Some can be unskilled socially, pretty much like a socially inept INTP.

My basic advice to them is to have a decent outgoing social life so that they don't get stuck in their house and develop grudge on their SJ parent that will most likely never EVER understand their issues.

Consider all the archetypes.
Sensors hardly understand the intuitives.
So the INFP could be stuck with:
ENTJ, INTJ, ENTP, INTP, ENFJ, INFJ, ENFP, INFP

ENTJs can be such an a$$hole (trying to disregard emotions and all). ENFJs will probably listen to whatever an INFP wants to say but that person's Fe will probably put the things into a much lighter context, preventing the INFP to dwell deep into his or her Fi.

If you consider the remaining archetypes (those that can possibly relate to the INFP), they're already rare, and won't be easy for an INFP to find. And even if an INFP finds them, they'll just encourage the person not to dwell into the negativities.

___________________

My point is, for a chage, I may stick with perceived "immoral" ESFX friends that won't try to control me, than be domesticated and get stuck with a controlling SJ parent. The former can be less destructive.

Sometimes, an INFP can be so firm with his principles, that external interpersonal support gets so filtered out, it's not giving him enough social options.

For one, hanging out with a laid back ESHX friend wouldn't seem to be that bad.

__________________

Problem with too much domestication is that it's a conducive place for introspection. It can be a good way depends on how you look at it, but doesn't necessarily help resolve external issues that needs compromising.
 

Lauren

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Dec 7, 2008
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My ex-husband is an ISTP. We connected on some levels very well but too infrequently. Because Ns make intuitive leaps, he would frequently say to me: "I don't know what you mean" when it would have been obvious to an NF or NT. He has the S linear approach. An S and N can make a good match but it takes a lot of effort to communicate. In my case, I ended up doing a lot of that communication work with him, and it just got too one-sided, too difficult. Perhaps because I hadn't met many NFs as potential dates (when I was single), I didn't know how good it can be with an NF. Like many INFPs, I like my own company, and as you say Cypo, INFPs don't meet up with others of their kind very often. That's why the man I have feelings for now--an XNFP--is such a revelation and joy.

But, yes, the S that ignores feelings makes life with that person feel vacant. I prefer to be on my own and spend time with my few NF female friends.
 

SilkRoad

Lay the coin on my tongue
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I can only think of one male friend who is definitely an INFP. I haven't asked him directly, but I am pretty sure he would say he has a good relationship with his mother. His ESFJ wife, however, is convinced that he has mother issues...hmmmm. She is rather neurotic/paranoid herself, though...

Actually, I'm not sure if it's "mother issues" specifically, but I think he may have come from a bit of a dysfunctional background.
 

SilkRoad

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I can only think of one male friend who is definitely an INFP. I haven't asked him directly, but I am pretty sure he would say he has a good relationship with his mother. His ESFJ wife, however, is convinced that he has mother issues...hmmmm. She is rather neurotic/paranoid herself, though...

Actually, I'm not sure if it's "mother issues" specifically, but I think he may have come from a bit of a dysfunctional background.

Actually, never mind, he's an INTP, not an INFP (but his wife is definitely ESFJ!) :doh:
 

Snuggletron

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intp with an esfj?

that's like the worst combination ever.
 

SilkRoad

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intp with an esfj?

that's like the worst combination ever.

Hehe, I honestly didn't mean to derail the thread ;) a couple of years ago I would have said it was the worst combo ever...they have had a seriously rocky marriage. On the other hand, unlike some people I know with rocky marriages, they've stuck it out. I spent a long weekend with them recently and it was nice...but some things disturb me...I mean, could she (the ESFJ) just NOT nag him for even five minutes?! I think he just tunes her out an awful lot of the time. They did say that when they discovered MBTI a few years ago it helped them understand a lot of their conflicts better!
 

SilkRoad

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ESFJs can't not nag.

For even a few minutes? And she takes everything soooo personally...if he lets a pot clatter in the kitchen, she thinks he did it on purpose to annoy her!
 

Snuggletron

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For even a few minutes? And she takes everything soooo personally...if he lets a pot clatter in the kitchen, she thinks he did it on purpose to annoy her!

my mom does the same thing. Everything that goes wrong are plans by others in spite of her. She can be somewhat of a martyr as well. Annoyingly, this is something I've found in every esfj I've come across. Sorry if you're an esfj and you don't agree. I would think INTPs anyone who isn't SFJ find these traits particularly annoying.
 

OrangeAppled

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intp with an esfj?

that's like the worst combination ever.

Lots of people end up with their shadow....

------------

I have an ISFJ mom and she is (mostly) great. Like any parent, she has her annoyances. She's generally encouraging to me though. Sometimes she criticizes me when I'm in a idealist gone disheartened period. People don't know how to handle INFPs in that situation. I think their frustration with us comes more from the fact that they cannot fix it. People have a hard time just giving emotional support. I feel like the kind of support an INFP gives is rarely given in return from other types.
 
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