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[ENFP] ENFP/ENFJ relationship

Sinmara

Not Your Therapist
Joined
Nov 9, 2009
Messages
1,075
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
An ENFP woman with an ENFJ man. Complete disaster, or can it work? What would these two types find appealing in each other, what would cause them to conflict?

Tell me, preciouses...*strokes a random cat so she looks creepy while she ponders* :wacko:
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
One of my best friends is an ENFP, and he's dating an ENFJ. They seem to do pretty well together, they've been together for almost three years. I'm not sure what they see in each other though.
 

HotpinkHeatwave

New member
Joined
Nov 30, 2009
Messages
379
MBTI Type
ENFP
My mom is an ENFJ and I am an ENFP. We get along quite well and understand eachother quite well. The same for most ENFJs infact! However, I could not date an ENFJ. They are much too gentle, if that makes any sense.. And I've probably not been any help. Not for me, but ENFPxENFJ romantic relatiobnship would do quite well in my opinion.
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
The good things I can see. The ENFPs desire to talk about things and the ENFJs desire to listen, connect, and help. If the drive becomes seperate though it would cause these 2 to be pulled apart until it realigned.

I think the ENFJ would be able to verbally entertain the ENFP with stories.

A bad thing would be the ENFJs drive to be perfect and the ENFPs drive to walk off into left field. (It drives my ENFJ wife nuts when she is at the store with my NFP mom and my mom just disappears.) As long as their drives are aligned I can see it working pretty good in that regard.

The other thing with drive is the ENFJ drive to be a perfect husband which he already has defined. Hopefully these line up. His drive to be a perfect dad which he already has defined.

When both hit a shadow It would be ISTP vs ISTJ. In healthy form an ISTJ and an ISTP under the radar are afraid and confident around each other. We know what each other is good at and what each other is not. Me and my dad are healthy and we get along great, but in shadow form I can see it as maybe a battle of cockiness and proving who is right.

I see it teeter tottering. I think it depends on the maturity of the shadow ISTP vs ISTJ. I know a mature ISTP tries to avoid using their understanding against the person, but an immature ISTP I think will hit below the belt. With me there are certain areas I will not touch because I believe there are certain things that cannot be taken back when it deals with objective as opposed to things said subjectively.

I know one thing I like to play with is the idea that if someone takes over certain things then the other person may turn into an introvert. Possibly the ENFP sitting in INFP with an EJ type which can be healthy, but possibly draining. So a balance would need to be obtained.

Of course now I gotta go check out socionics to see if any of this is semi-accurate.
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
According to socionics it fails in regard to not being able to communicate very well.
 

nynesneg

New member
Joined
Oct 18, 2009
Messages
357
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
A bad thing would be the ENFJs drive to be perfect and the ENFPs drive to walk off into left field. (It drives my ENFJ wife nuts when she is at the store with my NFP mom and my mom just disappears.) As long as their drives are aligned I can see it working pretty good in that regard.
I can see this happening. lol..


My non-scientific 2 cents from observatory speculation: ;)
  • I truly admire the seeming freedom and spontaneity of ENFPs... I am so much harder on myself, and constantly running after my goals.
  • All the playfulness would get likely on my nerves eventually though, I want everything clean and put away.
  • I think we'd really connect with our outlook on people, but then I'd be bored and want some intellectual conversations and . Not sure on this one, just off of observing people on here.
  • Would likely disagree with the ENFJ strong ethical sense of right and wrong, while ENFP might say whatever issue doesn't matter in the long run.
 

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
2,062
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
Most of you know that Pink, my ENFJ twin, and I get along wonderfully. We communicate easily and openly, even when we're fighting. Now, with that said, I think the male ENFJ's are a little more cagey, if that make sense. Like they seem to mimic ENTJ men in the sense of being powerful, and demonstrative. I've never been in a relationship with an ENFJ guy, but I would imagine the point of conflict would be when both parties are under too much stress. The stress styles don't match very well - they get very emotional and suspicious, and ENFP's tend to get robotic and cold. Which only makes Fe user feel marginalized, and thus makes the Ne user recede more and become nasty and abrupt.

Just my thoughts on it.
 

tango

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2009
Messages
20
MBTI Type
eNFP
My mom is an ENFJ and I am an ENFP. We get along quite well and understand eachother quite well. The same for most ENFJs infact! However, I could not date an ENFJ. They are much too gentle, if that makes any sense.. And I've probably not been any help. Not for me, but ENFPxENFJ romantic relatiobnship would do quite well in my opinion.

My mother is also an ENFJ. Love-hate relationship, as always. Best friends, but when she tries to exact any power over me (which I like to think is null and void by now) it can get loud.

I think the relationship could work, but I personally prefer thinkers-- just because of all the insight we can provide each other with. I'm also in agreement with the 'too gentle' thing. Sometimes really big feelers take my jokes seriously, even though I mean for them to be lighthearted, instantaneous expressions of wit. Thinkers seem to see the clever connections and appreciate it for what it is. And I believe that thinkers also see the mutual benefit from interacting with feeling types. That's the way to go, if you ask me.

If you're thinking about an ENFJ though... Go for it! If you get along with them in life, you could go all analytical and assess their typology. Or, you could just use your intuition, forget about whatever personal doubts are holding you back, and discover a really great relationship.
 

Scott N Denver

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2009
Messages
2,898
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Tieger and Barron-Tieger describe this pairing in pretty glowing terms as I recall.
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Most of you know that Pink, my ENFJ twin, and I get along wonderfully. We communicate easily and openly, even when we're fighting. Now, with that said, I think the male ENFJ's are a little more cagey, if that make sense. Like they seem to mimic ENTJ men in the sense of being powerful, and demonstrative. I've never been in a relationship with an ENFJ guy, but I would imagine the point of conflict would be when both parties are under too much stress. The stress styles don't match very well - they get very emotional and suspicious, and ENFP's tend to get robotic and cold. Which only makes Fe user feel marginalized, and thus makes the Ne user recede more and become nasty and abrupt.

Just my thoughts on it.

I see the robotic and cold of ENFPs. It comes across as holding their tongue;) Not sure if thats what it is. When I hit this stage it drives my wife nuts and yes they become more nasty and abrupt trying even herder to pull anything out to get past the robotic and cold. I dont hit this stage though unless things get beyond bad and its a stonewall, where I basically stonewall internally and nothing can get in.

I tried to take into account the more controlling aspect and the dominance men feel in the arguing factor and is why I see it going down a worse path then 2 women. It is no longer a cat fight, but a dominance fight.

I think the intellectual conversations span 2 different sides of things. I see an ENFJ thinking an ENFP comes across as ditsy which would put a bad image in the mind of an ENFJ. Its the playfulness. ENFJ conversation is more about getting to a goal. The ENFP is more about understanding.
 

kiddykat

movin melodies
Joined
Jul 27, 2008
Messages
1,111
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4, 7
Hmm.. I guess it would also depend on the individual? The ENFJ guy I dated, we shared conversations like no other. Literally, it felt like everyone else in the room would dissappear. It was like floating on cloud 9- indescribable. BUT- dude was taken- I found out he was sorta 2-timing.. so... Other than that, i can see it being a very happy union. We shared similar interests, and even without words, we just seemed to 'get' each other..

ENFJ guys are prettay nice.. :wubbie:
 

sunshinEnfp

New member
Joined
Sep 30, 2009
Messages
48
MBTI Type
ENFP
I like this pairing, but of course, I am an ENFP in a relationship with an ENFJ... but, I must admit, most of my close friends are ENFJs... we seem to attract each other. :)
 

Waffle

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2009
Messages
76
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
2
I am an ENFP and I dated an ENFJ. He hard times expressing his real emotions past his natural charm. He wanted to please, but didn't know how to express himself. I am an overemotional person and am quite forward. He wasn't sure how to handle it. Though we could listen to each together and talk about almost all topics, we butted heads on many topics, especially the topic of being private or be upfront about our personal lives. I have to agree that I'll hold my tongue to avoid conflict, but I will definitely press matters in relationships. My experience with ENFJs is that they want to mentor and teach, and will listen to what you have to say, but they won't let it affect them at all.
 

Clonester

New member
Joined
Jul 5, 2009
Messages
480
MBTI Type
ENFP
I know an ENFJ girl and we get along very well together. Great communication and conversation, shared intuition, and both love to get out and do things. Although, Fe potentially tends to wear thin on me after a while. But it depends on the girl really, some use it to connect with others and not to control. Then the Fe is great.
 

Esoteric Wench

Professional Trickster
Joined
Dec 20, 2009
Messages
945
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w8
ENFP/ENFJ Relationship? Egads!

ENFJ? Nooooo!!!! I can get along with ENFJs on a surface level... even the moderately deep friendship level. But, I've noticed my ENFJ friends have a tendency to make snap judgments about people. I find this tendency to sooo quickly pigeonhole people (and then be unyielding in these snap judgments) to be offensive. I think this is the fundamental problem between ENFJs and ENFPs: Dominant Fe versus dominant Ne. It leads to all sorts of misunderstandings. I can't imagine ever dating an ENFJ. In the long run, he'd drive me nuts.:horor: ...INFJs though. Wow! That's a scintillating match.
 

sunshinEnfp

New member
Joined
Sep 30, 2009
Messages
48
MBTI Type
ENFP
I think the intellectual conversations span 2 different sides of things. I see an ENFJ thinking an ENFP comes across as ditsy which would put a bad image in the mind of an ENFJ. Its the playfulness. ENFJ conversation is more about getting to a goal. The ENFP is more about understanding.

Very true, I think. I just ended it with the ENFJ dude I was dating (but we're going to be friends... I actually think that will be much better... less pressure, blah blah). And while he said he thought I was amazing and great and he could see us being great friends, he wanted to date someone who was a bit more mellow and "deeper." This took me aback. I realized that while I conversed on what seemed to be a superficial level (I just like to make people feel good and have the conversation take twists and turns and have silly banter), I realized he did not understand me at all. I am a VERY deep person... I have a well of emotions and feelings, but you have to know me well before I will let you into that part of me... I can actually get a little sad/depressing/bitter when serious... I just think it's an unexpected side. ANYWAY, ANYWAY... I think he thought I was a bit ditzy... very fun, but no substance. Which bothered the HECK out of me and I realized he just didn't GET me.

Also, with another ENFJ friend, she thinks she knows what I am thinking and she thinks she understands... and when we're getting along, she's pretty right. But if we're not in sync, she can be completely wrong and think she has me all summed up--but not at ALL. But of course, she thinks she is right because when has her ENFJ intuition led her wrong? And when I think about a lot of my ENFJ friends, I love them, but they do tend to feel that they are right all of the time. It's not just a "hey, I'm right" sort of thing, but it's a stating of their opinion as fact. And usually I accept it without even noticing. But of course, with MBTI, I have noticed it a lot more.

End of story: obviously there will be some areas of struggle (possibly, depends on the person), but I still think it's a good match. My closest friends are ENFJs and I love them to pieces!
 

nomadic

mountain surfing
Joined
Jul 15, 2008
Messages
1,709
MBTI Type
enfp
ENFJ? Nooooo!!!! I can get along with ENFJs on a surface level... even the moderately deep friendship level. But, I've noticed my ENFJ friends have a tendency to make snap judgments about people. I find this tendency to sooo quickly pigeonhole people (and then be unyielding in these snap judgments) to be offensive. I think this is the fundamental problem between ENFJs and ENFPs: Dominant Fe versus dominant Ne. It leads to all sorts of misunderstandings. I can't imagine ever dating an ENFJ. In the long run, he'd drive me nuts.:horor: ...INFJs though. Wow! That's a scintillating match.

I think i kind of agree with this.
 

Jonathanthegreat

New member
Joined
Apr 30, 2009
Messages
166
MBTI Type
ENFJ
I dated an ENFP girl for a while and the relationship was awesome. very few if any fights. she succumbed to all my demands lol and fed me often, the entire time she was happy doing this. I have really healthy relationships with all my ENFP friends except one, however he changed after his brother committed suicide so he's an exception. Anyways yes I think if the male is an ENFJ and the female is an ENFP it will work. The same ENFP male I mentioned as an exception is dating an ENFJ female and allllllllllll they do is fight fight fight. she is crazy and he is just very tolerable I guess or just needs sex bad. so that's me two cents mate. ENFJ male+ENFP female= good. otherwise idk.

so good luck and may the right choices be with you!
 

HollyGolightly

New member
Joined
Nov 29, 2009
Messages
293
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1w2
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
My mother is ENFJ and my youngest sister is ENFP. They clash like hell. They are both extremely extraverted so they both wanna be the boss.
And of course, this INFJ has to break up the fights....
 

TopherRed

New member
Joined
Jul 28, 2009
Messages
1,272
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
2w3
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
I think the truth here is you wanna be the boss. ;)p
 
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