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[ENFJ] Hate an ENFJ? Tell us why!

Harlow_Jem

New member
Joined
Apr 18, 2008
Messages
219
MBTI Type
eNTJ
Enneagram
8w9
They get mad at you on other peoples behalf

Holy crap my ex-boyfriend did this all the time and it really pissed me off. If I was being loud and ENTJish to people who weren't even offended or mad (they were more amused if anything), he'd get pissed at me for them and even come up with comebacks for them. What the hell?
 

pecan111

New member
Joined
Feb 2, 2009
Messages
61
But back to ENFJs. Has anyone here met a bi-polar ENFJ? Fe + a rapid cycling mood disorder = no fun at all.

I don't think he was bi-polar but i swear that some of them look like bi-polars when going off the deep end about someone or something...just an incredible mess...
 

Cindyrella

New member
Joined
Jul 17, 2007
Messages
98
MBTI Type
INFP
Oh my. The one I have experience with has a million different goals and depending on who he's talking to, he changes his story to suit whatever the other person wants to hear/will make him seem more impressive.

He has a very high opinion of himself and believes he should be respected and that everyone should respect whatever it is he has respect for.

This would be a typical conversation with him:
Me: I like guys with tattoos.
Him: Really? I'm seriously thinking about getting a tattoo.
Me: I was just kidding. Tattoos are dumb.
Him: Yeah, I don't think I could ever actually go through with it.

Seriously, who ARE YOU? Stop being so fake.

THIS is why I love my INTP husband. He's consistent, he doesn't apologize for who he is, he doesn't conform. Stable and steady.

My ENFJ ex-boyfriend is just too much.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
4,310
MBTI Type
INTJ
Fe users moderate their own feelings by moderating other people.

It can be awesomely awful, and it would be nicer if they learned to do it only to other Fe users.
 

ceecee

Coolatta® Enjoyer
Joined
Apr 22, 2008
Messages
15,908
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
8w9
Ceecee, can I pry? May I ask what's your secret?

Because though socionics is a pile of misorganised crap, for me INTJ/ENFJ works out more or less exactly as what they call a relationship of semi-duality. Viz:
Kinda disappointed that everything runs so much on these kind of rails.


I don't know that there is a secret. Maturity and life experience is a big one. I also feel that our specific relationship variables are not run of the mill either and it plays a huge role in how well we communicate which is better than most people because we had to. My feeling is if you are honest, even if it's painfully so, you'll get further than just adapting (or wanting to hear the sound of his own voice which I don't encounter at all). We may very well take different paths to the outcome but we both have the same goal.

I'm not saying we are the only exceptions to the rules or the rules of semi-duality. I'm just saying we are aware, we are ok with some conflict (no one goes off the deep end, gets irrational or illogical to extremes), work to overcome and the weirdness has to be embraced. We did that without a doubt. The moth to the flame though, so very true. There's no make up sex though. Ever.
 

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
I think the key is that, from what I've read, and how I interact, some of you are missing the role of ENFJ as benevolent demagogue. Demagogue, sure: but, to make people feel better about themselves and find a way to make them happy is not a bad thing. Personally, it would eat me up if I were to not have a situation work out that was equally beneficial, so I strive to do that in every situation.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
4,310
MBTI Type
INTJ
Benevolence!

Yes! Yes, I knew I was missing something.

But, say... *rubs chin and ponders*
this mutual benefit... *considers oily fingers*
it's defined by... *airy wave, slaps bookcase*

...whom?




(I don't hate ENFJs. But any ground I give is ground taken, so this armed fortress has posted snipers.)
 

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
Benevolence!


Yes! Yes, I knew I was missing something.

But, say... *rubs chin and ponders*
this mutual benefit... *considers oily fingers*
it's defined by... *airy wave, slaps bookcase*

...whom?

Defined by both. By the agreement that can be reached between the two parties.
 

Kalach

Filthy Apes!
Joined
Dec 3, 2008
Messages
4,310
MBTI Type
INTJ
I dunno exactly. Probably just me being extreme. Judging functions can incorporate other worldviews, right? Even worldviews that are incompatible? And know when to back off? As in, sometimes, perhaps in extreme cases, mutual benefit is arrived at by acknowledging that deep down there is no benefit.

That is, perhaps sometimes the most mutually beneficial thing is simply to walk away.

Can that ever be true?
 

Cronkle

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2009
Messages
161
MBTI Type
INFJ
I dunno exactly. Probably just me being extreme. Judging functions can incorporate other worldviews, right? Even worldviews that are incompatible? And know when to back off? As in, sometimes, perhaps in extreme cases, mutual benefit is arrived at by acknowledging that deep down there is no benefit.

That is, perhaps sometimes the most mutually beneficial thing is simply to walk away.

Can that ever be true?

Whenever I hear something that is against what I stand for, I try to analyze it for all forms of logic and practicality, and, since being on this website, I've tried to step back and be objective instead of hasty and judgmental.

Yes, I think walking away is something I should do more often, but I really try to give everyone a chance. I read somewhere my type can abruptly cease communication with someone if they do not show any receptiveness. I think that's highly accurate.
 

Jonathanthegreat

New member
Joined
Apr 30, 2009
Messages
166
MBTI Type
ENFJ
I hate being an emotional man, But I dont want to be entj either. oh lorddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd:doh:
 

SurlyAdam

New member
Joined
Oct 22, 2008
Messages
110
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
How could anyone not LOVE an ENFJ?! They're so genuinely concerned about people and doing the right thing, and they always have the energy to see any effort through.

I work with an ENFJ and I tell her every night to "please stop being so God damn helpful!" All she says is, "No, I will not!" She really doesn't have to stop anyway. It's just fun to see her reaction to sarcasm. I like ENFJs...
 
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Orangey

Blah
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
6,354
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
6w5
Well, I know an ENFJ dude, and he bothers me a lot because he absolutely loves the sound of his own voice. Everything he says and does is calculated to impress (which, of course, is not impressive to me.) He's still a pretty nice guy, though.
 

SpottingTrains

New member
Joined
Jan 21, 2009
Messages
444
MBTI Type
ENFJ
Enneagram
3w2
Well, I know an ENFJ dude, and he bothers me a lot because he absolutely loves the sound of his own voice. Everything he says and does is calculated to impress (which, of course, is not impressive to me.) He's still a pretty nice guy, though.

Yeah, I've been trying to avoid this pitfall. Having a 3w2 enneagram I don't think is helping.
 

Orangey

Blah
Joined
Jun 26, 2008
Messages
6,354
MBTI Type
ESTP
Enneagram
6w5
Yeah, I've been trying to avoid this pitfall. Having a 3w2 enneagram I don't think is helping.

No, I don't suppose it would help :D. The ENFJ is now to the point that he sometimes adopts a slightly British speaking accent to sound more impressive during class (and he's from Minnesota, haha) :doh:. And he sends out sickeningly clever-ish emails full of PG-rated puns, witticisms, and inside jokes that are so transparently self-serving that I cringe when I read them, haha.
 
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