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[ENFJ] Hate an ENFJ? Tell us why!

wolfmaiden14

*ears perk up*
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My ENFP twin and I were just discussing this very thing last night -- how different the ENFJ men are from the women. I'd posited the theory that they were overpowered by emotion (as I frequently feel) but are societally trained as males to dissociate from the emotion, and the only way to do that is to become a complete jerk. The tidal wave of emotion is bad enough as a female, I can only imagine how paralyzing it must be for a man in the same position. This is not of course carte blanche for them to act like brutes. I make no excuses for it. Just pondering.

Is there anyway to help them accept that F more? Or at least make them more comfortable expressing it rather than feeling guilty?
 

runvardh

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Is there anyway to help them accept that F more? Or at least make them more comfortable expressing it rather than feeling guilty?

Change society to ACTUALLY accept F males instead of kick the crap out of them (heart and body) from the start of their interaction with other human beings.

Edit: while you're at it you might want to have the same thing done for T females.
 

wolfmaiden14

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Change society to ACTUALLY accept F males instead of kick the crap out of them (heart and body) from the start of their interaction with other human beings.

Edit: while you're at it you might want to have the same thing done for T females.

..then I suppose the real question would be.. How do I get them to not care what society says and realize that their friends love them just the way they are! :party2:
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
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Is there anyway to help them accept that F more? Or at least make them more comfortable expressing it rather than feeling guilty?

I give him as many outs as he needs within reason, and then I flatly tell him that he's being a jerk. He knows it. I can see it on his face. The confluence of "make this stop" and "you can't make me feel anything else" pulling at odds. I've had little success with my introverted NFJs too. The male Introverts seem to have more to protect, but when they let their guards down, they're the most real and willing to take a bullet for you.
 

runvardh

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..then I suppose the real question would be.. How do I get them to not care what society says and realize that their friends love them just the way they are! :party2:

Paranah has a nice method, I'd say start when they're young while you're at it though.
 

Domino

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Paranah has a nice method, I'd say start when they're young while you're at it though.

In my experience, no one is excluded from the occasional "grabbed by the lapels" straighten-up. Not the preferred method, naturally, but it's been effective when the bull's gotten it's horns down. Early intervention when children is a must because the type already leans toward neurotic behavior. I, uh, ahem, don't speak from experience or anything. *coughs into hand* *glances away* Nice weather we're having!
 

wolfmaiden14

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Well, I've tried the telling them they're a jerk method before. It's just kind of pulled further at their insecurity and made them go into a self-depreciating withdrawl. I guess that just means they're not ready?
 

runvardh

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In my experience, no one is excluded from the occasional "grabbed by the lapels" straighten-up. Not the preferred method, naturally, but it's been effective when the bull's gotten it's horns down. Early intervention when children is a must because the type already leans toward neurotic behavior. I, uh, ahem, don't speak from experience or anything. *coughs into hand* *glances away* Nice weather we're having!

No worries bud, :hug: :D
 

Domino

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Well, I've tried the telling them they're a jerk method before. It's just kind of pulled further at their insecurity and made them go into a self-depreciating withdrawl. I guess that just means they're not ready?

Oh I hear you on that. Sometimes, it's a useless endeavour, like punching a ball of tar. You just wind up getting stuck in the mess. If they aren't ready, just walk away. There's never anything wrong with walking away if you've done all you can.
 

wolfmaiden14

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Oh I hear you on that. Sometimes, it's a useless endeavour, like punching a ball of tar. You just wind up getting stuck in the mess. If they aren't ready, just walk away. There's never anything wrong with walking away if you've done all you can.

Gragh. So.. I guess I just continue sitting on the sidelines and trying to be accepting and not give up. Whoooo humanistic approach. ..I think it's actually working, though. He came to me for advice before doing something spiteful once!
 

Domino

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HAHAHA!! Did he now?? LOL! That's a good sign! Did you kick his shin?
 

wolfmaiden14

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No, I didn't kick him. XD Though I do often have fantasies (along with his brother) of beating some sense into him with a baseball bat.

I just told him what I would do.

I suppose I can get slightly back on topic and share the story as an ENFJ gripe. (This is the same ENFx that I mentioned before.)

Basically.. he's a WoW player. And this guild he was in went off and created a private server and didn't invite him. (there was a whole lot of melodrama going on in the guild at the time and he disagreed about something or other with one of the leaders, so he figured that's why he wasn't invited.) He wanted to turn them in since making a private server is illegal and being a jerk filled guild isn't very credible(Hey, look.. there's the ENFJ self-righteousness kicking up!), but for whatever reason asked me what he should do first. I told him if it were me, I'd just laugh at how silly they're being and how horrible the roleplay on the server would be anyway. Sure, it's illegal, and if that's why you want to turn them in, fine, but if you do it out of spite, that's no better than they are. (Again with the "But I'm right!")

Though he said he was going to do it regardless, it turned out that he didn't and was eventually invited to play anyway and it was crap, and he just drifted away from them.

Very little and irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, but progress nonetheless, don't you think? ^_-
 

Schizm

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I have seen ENFJ's cut other's down because of moral principles that themselves do not live up to. For example, calling another woman a slut and then engaging in sexually permiscuous(sp) behavior.
 

Schizm

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ENFJs are always right... even when they aren't. They also can do odd things like insist that there are deep meanings in the lyrics to Metallica songs and calling me an evil cold hearted bitch for not crying at movies when I know how they end because they're based on a true story that everyone should know. ENFJs know the answers to everything... even when they don't. They also sometimes do horrible and odd things like listen to the same song or watch the same movie over and over and over and make a poor ISTP want to kill them! :D

These are things that all 3 ENFJs I know do rather consistantly!

Intriguingly, they are also your shadow. Your roles reversed, your arch nemesis. Be weary, for when you are in the grips of an evil ENFJ, it is the mirror reflection of your own dark ISTP soul.
 

Schizm

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Something I hate about ENFJs: Emotional brutality when in the grip.

Yes. And this coming from an INTP. One time, an ENFJ and I had it out. And I was pleasantly impressed(hurt) by the stuff she used to tear me bits. I mean I pushed at very hard calling attention to every perceived flaw I saw in her but she could be so dead on in calling attention to my flaws. We have since talked about it and I have to give her credit. She will make one kick ass lawyer one day. Vicious.
 

proteanmix

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Yes. And this coming from an INTP. One time, an ENFJ and I had it out. And I was pleasantly impressed(hurt) by the stuff she used to tear me bits. I mean I pushed at very hard calling attention to every perceived flaw I saw in her but she could be so dead on in calling attention to my flaws. We have since talked about it and I have to give her credit. She will make one kick ass lawyer one day. Vicious.

I told yall...no compliments!!
 

miss fortune

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Intriguingly, they are also your shadow. Your roles reversed, your arch nemesis. Be weary, for when you are in the grips of an evil ENFJ, it is the mirror reflection of your own dark ISTP soul.

:huh: I thought I liked me! How can someone that horrid be a reflexion of my soul? (hmmm... If I sold my soul would I be getting rid of aforementioned evil ENFJ?)

I can only hope that when society is forced to accept F males they're made to realize that T females aren't all ice queens!!! :D
 

Domino

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My ISTP best friend and I used to give each other looks sometimes, like "You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? And if so, stop that!"
 
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