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[ENFJ] Hate an ENFJ? Tell us why!

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
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1w2
:( He was much older and outranked me in experience, skill, and status.

I think the positive spin on that skill is that ENFJs can inspire people. If they expect or desire the best from people, others tend to work to live up to those ideals and are better for it. Sometimes the world needs a little boost. That is why the ENFJ is called the pedagogue. They make uniquely inspiring mentors and teachers because of their ideals combined with their communication skills.

None of that positive foolishness! Leave you accolades at the door. We want the ugly truth.
 

runvardh

にゃん
Joined
Jun 23, 2007
Messages
8,541
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INFP
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sx/so
That's a shame. My INFP friends have never been anything but understanding to me when I'm feeling like I need someone to lean on. I may do a lot more of the being leaned on but they've never not been there for me and I've never ever felt that they were cold.

Eh, not totally turned off of ENFJs because of her though; she just helped me add a few extra hoops for single mothers to jump through if they want me.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
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:( He was much older and outranked me in experience, skill, and status.

I think the positive spin on that skill is that ENFJs can inspire people. If they expect or desire the best from people, others tend to work to live up to those ideals and are better for it. Sometimes the world needs a little boost. That is why the ENFJ is called the pedagogue. They make uniquely inspiring mentors and teachers because of their ideals combined with their communication skills.

I've seen some ENFJs do serious damage before and it always makes me furious. It goes against everything we're supposed to stand for. I guess it's our dark side? A person in the "grip" exhibits their very worst traits. I have an INFJ family member who is incredibly clever and funny and very caring. Their flip side is stunning cruelty. I look at this person, someone I'm told I'm a mini-me carbon copy of, and I tell myself that since I'm so close to that type, I should never allow myself to brutalize people. I wouldn't be able to live with myself. And I hate being manipulated more than just about anything, so I try not to use such tactics on others. If I can't get what I'm after in a straight-forward manner, I leave it alone.
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
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Something I hate about ENFJs: Emotional brutality when in the grip.
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
Joined
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ENFJs can be real assholes- they sometimes hit people they claim to love, cheat on you while accusing you of being to friendly with some other guy (even if he's your gay lab partner!) and enjoy taking advantage of other people's generosity while criticizing what you have to offer!

I actually have a question for you guys- what are nice ENFJs like?
 

findthejake

New member
Joined
Sep 30, 2007
Messages
258
MBTI Type
ENFP
One of my best friends is an ENFJ. I think she's a spoiled brat and I can not stand being around her when she's drunk. She pretty self-centered and never admits that she's wrong. But i like her anyway.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
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Sep 11, 2007
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GONE
calling me an evil cold hearted bitch for not crying at movies

OMG, is this an ENFJ trait??? That means my ex was an ENFJ. And she gets on my fucking nerves!!!

Except, she wasn't that good at manipulating people...wait...unlesss you count manipulating me...

DAMMIT.

She thought she was pretty good at manipulating people but for me, it gold old fast.

Are ENFJ's prone to emotional outbursts and then resort to acting babyish and sulking when they don't get their way?

And they don't understand the meaning of "let's take a break?"

And they are prone to jealousy and try to ruin any other possible romantic interaction you might have with someone else, even after you've been broken up for at least a year or two?

And they are really needy and smothering?

Because uh, yeah, I agree, they are ANNOYING!!!

And if not...um, just scratch all that above. I'm a private person, you know. :rofl1:
 

illiterate abc

New member
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
10
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ENFP
ENFJs are always right... even when they aren't. They also can do odd things like insist that there are deep meanings in the lyrics to Metallica songs and calling me an evil cold hearted bitch for not crying at movies when I know how they end because they're based on a true story that everyone should know. ENFJs know the answers to everything... even when they don't. They also sometimes do horrible and odd things like listen to the same song or watch the same movie over and over and over and make a poor ISTP want to kill them! :D

These are things that all 3 ENFJs I know do rather consistantly!

HAHA this is so me.
 

niffer

New member
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sx/sp
They are ALWAYS positive and supportive and giving out complikments. I know they always only say things they mean, but I don't find this constant extreme optimism very realistic. If I am looking for a reliable opinion, I will not choose an ENFJ's!
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
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Are ENFJ's prone to emotional outbursts and then resort to acting babyish and sulking when they don't get their way?


And they are prone to jealousy and try to ruin any other possible romantic interaction you might have with someone else, even after you've been broken up for at least a year or two?

And they are really needy and smothering?

Because uh, yeah, I agree, they are ANNOYING!!!

And if not...um, just scratch all that above. I'm a private person, you know. :rofl1:


The one I knew fit that description quite well! (we're talking about someone who sat and pouted and cried all evening once because I complained that my steak at the resteraunt had too much fat on it and he took it that I was calling him fat!) Also horribly needy-

ENFJ- can you come over here... I'm hungry and lonely.
Me- But I just stocked your refrigerator yesterday! There's plenty of food!
ENFJ- can you come over and cook it for me?
Me- but you know how to cook!
ENFJ- yeah- but I don't wanna- I'm curled up under my blankie
Me- oh fine- I'll be over in 10 minutes
ENFJ- can you bring me some more yogurt and cereal when you come? I ate mine

And he cried when I went on a date with someone else after he'd broken up with me!

Maybe we should introduce the two of them! :devil:
 

prplchknz

Well-known member
Joined
Jun 11, 2007
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34,397
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yupp
Reading this thread, I'm sure one of my room mates was an ENFJ. I didn't have any real problems with her.
 

Lookin4theBestNU

New member
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Apr 23, 2007
Messages
801
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ENFj
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OK,now I am going to have to ask everyone I know if I come off as "needy":sadbanana:.<<<which will make me sound needy right? Damn I can't win! The thought of that makes me:sick:. I will agree with most of the negatives here...but not that one. I like being self-sufficient.
 

Usehername

On a mission
Joined
May 30, 2007
Messages
3,794
OK,now I am going to have to ask everyone I know if I come off as "needy":sadbanana:.<<<which will make me sound needy right? Damn I can't win! The thought of that makes me:sick:. I will agree with most of the negatives here...but not that one. I like being self-sufficient.

not all ENFJs are immature ENFJs. You are not an immature ENFJ, so ignore the negatives that are only negatives of the immature ones.
 

CzeCze

RETIRED
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not all ENFJs are immature ENFJs. You are not an immature ENFJ, so ignore the negatives that are only negatives of the immature ones.

I agree with UseHerName, the examples of 2 (possible/probable) ENFJ exes does not for a holistic view of type. I actually had no idea my ex was an ENFJ, but suddenly it's all coming together. LOL.

Seriously though, as you can see from the description, my ex and Whatever's ex -- they were kinda 'special people' (No offense to Whatever)

But seriously, a grown man crying over someone commenting on their steak and whining to get their gf to come over like that. COME ON. The hilarious thing is, I could SO EASILY see my ex doing the same thing about whining and getting me to come over and taking comments directed at other things personally.

My ex would also take snacks and other food items from her old roommate's house "as a joke" when she was over. She would stash them in her bag and take them with her. When said roommate asked where his food went, I told him honestly that my ex took it. And then my ex got all righteously angry and pouty that I had 'told' on her because "nobody is supposed to know"! HAHAHAHAHAH. OMG.

All I can say in my defense is that I was young...very young...and I don't mean just in physical age.

And yeah seriously, I really do NOT think these are descriptions of 'normal' ENFJs...I really hope not...

Whatever, what do you think?

As for my exe's good points, when she wasn't being smothering, she was very affectionate and caring and would cook a lot to take care of me. When she wasn't completely paralyzed with anger and her inability to express herself, she was pretty expressive of her emotions (namely the happy and loving ones). She had a REAL hard time expressing anger in a constructive way. My best advice to her was always "calm down and breathe".

I know...that sounds like a backhanded compliment. But again, I am NOT speaking for all ENFJs or think she was a 'normal' representative of a healthy ENFJ.
 

miss fortune

not to be trusted
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They CAN'T be normal anything! :D I'm really quite amused that anyone else has met someone like that!
 

FDG

pathwise dependent
Joined
Aug 13, 2007
Messages
5,903
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ENTJ
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7w8
ENFJs, never had trouble interacting with females one. They're great. The males: they can be a problem when they cannot accept their basically F nature and use the F in order to achieve goals (manipulating people). I have come into contact only with two of this kind and my behavior in both occasions has been to first make them believe I was buddy-buddy with them in their attempts at manipulating everybody else, and then suddenly stabbed them in the back exposing their lies. I hope they won't kill me in the future...
 

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
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Nov 5, 2007
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My ENFP twin and I were just discussing this very thing last night -- how different the ENFJ men are from the women. I'd posited the theory that they were overpowered by emotion (as I frequently feel) but are societally trained as males to dissociate from the emotion, and the only way to do that is to become a complete jerk. The tidal wave of emotion is bad enough as a female, I can only imagine how paralyzing it must be for a man in the same position. This is not of course carte blanche for them to act like brutes. I make no excuses for it. Just pondering.
 
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