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[NF] NFs, have you fulfilled your parents' expectations, or not?

do you feel you have fulfilled your parents' expectations/wishes?

  • yes, almost 100% !

    Votes: 3 7.7%
  • pretty good,..about 70%-80% of 'em!

    Votes: 11 28.2%
  • not really,..only about 30%-40% only!

    Votes: 13 33.3%
  • still not, or perhaps never will! it's just damn hard!..

    Votes: 12 30.8%

  • Total voters
    39

kyuuei

Emperor/Dictator
Joined
Aug 28, 2008
Messages
13,964
MBTI Type
enfp
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8
how many of you -especially NFs- feel that you have fulfilled your parents' expectations?
...or perhaps to the contrary, do many of you feel that you often made them sort of 'dissapointed' in you, & what you chose to do/want in life?

I've often felt like, when it comes to smaller details, I have failed my parents. I think, overall though, I have gone above and beyond what they hoped for out of me. When I say this, I mean that I get good grades, help out, pull my weight, I'm a good citizen and follow the law, I'm respectful, and I'm doing the most with the tools I've been provided with by them.. But then it comes to small details (like I don't want to take over my dad's business, I want to be a doctor instead of a lawyer like my parents wanted, I'm not married and having children like my mother wants..) I fall short for them.. There's little I can do about those things, so I try to make up for them in the broader categories.

and do you think, it's especially hard for NFs type,
especially if our parents are like, NTs, and much especially, if they're an SJs ?..

I think its difficult, especially growing up, the mentality differences. Now that I am an adult, I can explain myself, I have a status.. being entirely under their rules, it was very hard on me growing up. A good example: My first boyfriend being online and 4 years older than me, something my parents definitely did not approve of.. We fought over that for an entire year until I finally called it off to respect my parent's wishes.

My youngest sister I believe has an easier time growing up than I did because I'm here and have a status as an adult now to help bridge the communication barriers that she has with them now.
 

KLessard

Aspiring Troens Ridder
Joined
Apr 25, 2008
Messages
595
MBTI Type
INFJ
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1w2
My late father was INFP, so he was very easy with me, always understanding and defending me. I don't think he had specific expectations for my life, he supported me in my artistic work, shared his tastes and ideas with me, we had a great relationship. I learned a lot from him. I suppose he expected me to have integrity, to be responsible and righteous, and I also care about this, so that worked just fine.
My mother is ESTJ and I'm just starting to get along with her after 26 years. She had clear, concrete STJ expectations for me (being a good housewife was one), and I obviously couldn't become the opposite of myself, so I pretty much spent my childhood being grounded. Everything in me she saw as rebellion or disobedience to her authority, and she had to punish me for it. I suppose the only expectation I ended up fulfilling in her case was becoming a church musician. I think she is starting to see good things in me though, things she lacks, wisdom, depth of compassion and creativity, and she does respect me for it now, often asking me for advice and calling me her "little counselor."
 

Thalassa

Permabanned
Joined
May 3, 2009
Messages
25,183
MBTI Type
ISFP
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6w7
Instinctual Variant
sx
My mom is an ESFP. She would like for me to finish college, which I am working on. Basically she wants me to be happy and not miserable. I love her for not holding me to ridiculously high standards. Not sure of my (deceased) dad's type, but his only "expectation" for me was that I take music lessons as a child. My parents are not typical parents, I suppose.

My maternal grandfather wanted me to go into the Air Force when I graduated high school so I could go to college on full government aid and do something with computers or math. Um...yeah...about that. :wacko:
 

Chloe

New member
Joined
May 1, 2009
Messages
2,196
my mom doesnt really have expectations from me, which may seem like a good thing, but it isnt...
my dad was the same, even more extreme
 

niki

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2007
Messages
210
MBTI Type
INFP
reading all these replies really make me see how even vastly different the expectations/wishes that a dad, mom, grandfather, grandmother have on their children/grandchildren!

so I think it's true the saying that "the key to failure is to please everyone" ,
because you simply can't! how can you fulfill 100%-perfectly, your dad's, mom's grandfather's and grandmother's expectations on you?
each person has his/her own perspective & 'agenda' , I'd say..
so it's very hard, if not impossible to fulfill them.
thanks for making me see 'em.
 

dani_elle

New member
Joined
Aug 18, 2009
Messages
82
MBTI Type
ENFP
Probably not. But then again, I chose my own path and this is the price I have to pay for it.

My sister probably fit their expectations better... but with her sheltered upbringing shes kinda... detached from the world? As in she doesn't really know how to look after herself, my parents have to make sure she eats, etc, etc. :shock: And when any of my friends come over she doesn't even do so much as say hi. She's in her own world, literally.

I suppose I'm the more independent sort but I'm not sure if thats what my parents appreciate. They'd rather I be as intelligent as my sister even if I were to be as dependent as her. Ironically, they are "relying" on me to get married as my brother is 7 years younger and they doubt she would get married (at least not now) I guess. But boo on that. I am in a relationship for 2 years and its pretty steady but I will marry as and when I want. :p
 

Lacey

New member
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Jan 3, 2009
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392
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my mom doesnt really have expectations from me, which may seem like a good thing, but it isnt...
my dad was the same, even more extreme
Yeah, I kind forgot to mention in my last post that my dad really doesn't care. Which basically makes me feel like shit.

Also

It's nice that my mom basically gives me the freedom to do what I want. On the other hand, since there really are no expectations...I have unlimited choices. Which makes me not want to choose anything.
 

Kastor

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2007
Messages
228
MBTI Type
INFP
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Aside from being a nice kid, not at all, really :/
 

Phoenix_400

New member
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
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297
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5w6
I've had knock-down, drag-outs with parents over everything I ever wanted to do. Of course, I was sort of an oddball compared to the rest of the family. Different views, Introverted, Tech-geek in a farming family. My parents way of trying to get you to go along was to beat your self-confidence down until the only way you thought you could succeed was by doing things their way. I was resilient though and went my own way.

My parents were always proud of me AFTER I accomplished something, but until then it was "you'll never make it/that's just crazy/etc." There's only ONE thing in my life that I've done that my parents have been proud of me for from the get-go. Unfortunately, my dad passed before he could see it come to fruition.
 

alexx

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Joined
Dec 30, 2008
Messages
503
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
2w1
Luckily they never put me in a box like that. Nothing was "expected" of me so I'm doing ok!

(One of them was an ISTJ - maybe I just ignored them now that I think about it.....)
 

niki

New member
Joined
Sep 16, 2007
Messages
210
MBTI Type
INFP
I've had knock-down, drag-outs with parents over everything I ever wanted to do. Of course, I was sort of an oddball compared to the rest of the family. Different views, Introverted, Tech-geek in a farming family. My parents way of trying to get you to go along was to beat your self-confidence down until the only way you thought you could succeed was by doing things their way. I was resilient though and went my own way.

My parents were always proud of me AFTER I accomplished something, but until then it was "you'll never make it/that's just crazy/etc." There's only ONE thing in my life that I've done that my parents have been proud of me for from the get-go. Unfortunately, my dad passed before he could see it come to fruition.

Phoenix, if I may know, what is that "one" thing that your parents have been proud of you?
so, does things change, after you dad has passed? (btw, i'm sorry to hear that)
 
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