[NF] How to hold an NF forever ?

[entropie]

If you dont know what love is

If you get frequently told "you only show me your love when doing that special activity xyz"

When you constantly feel like you have to be on the watchout for making no mistakes

When you have not a single clue why she wants you after 4 years

When you dont even know on her birthday if its was 25 or 24 years

When you are labeled to be someone without humor and if you make a joke you are labeled malign

When you sometimes feel like you would have to end your own whole life just to make things right for her

When you constantly say things the wrong way tho you didnt mean no harm at all

----------------

When she is the most important thing you ever achieved in your life and you'ld rather die alone and let vermin feast on your rugged body than to ever loose that person again that makes you happy by just ringing your doorbell ?

 

[Laurie]

To keep an NF all you need to do is be perfect to their ever changing ideas of perfection!

 

[entropie]

damn good one, thx

 

[Amargith]

...you realize that she dates you for a reason. That she loves you for a reason. That you are entitled to make mistakes and she's entitled to bitch about them occasionally, and vice versa. And you let her know how you feel and ask her to do the same.

 

[entropie]

Ya but if she wouldnt speak spanish and I wouldnt speak canadian, it would prolly work better

 

[Amargith]

You underestimate the power of bodylanguage

 

[WoodsWoman]

Somehow, for whatever reason, you are still together after 4 years. You have history in your favor. Do you have any idea what her (and your) love languages are? Make it a topic of conversation. ---Print what you posted and share it with her - though NF is still a broad category so... this INFP would be touched that her partner trusted her to help sort through some of this.

Just my 2c worth.

 

[Domino]

Stop inhaling my fairy dust. *dainty glove slap to your chest* You big beastly NT man!

Ok. You can inhale some more of it. I know how much you love fairy dust. Just don't let it spoil your dinner this time!

 

[MonkeyGrass]

I'll bet your NF is able to see the fact that you care, despite your lack of faith in the way you show it. You'd be surprised how well some NFs are able to accept affection and translate it into their own language.

Do you know what means a lot to her? Even if you find it boring, can you make an effort in that direction a couple time a week? That's doable, and I bet the effort won't go unnoticed. If it does, point it out, and the fact that you're even trying will go a long, long way.

 

[EcK]

Try food and grooming, works just fine.

 

[entropie]

To be honest with you, the greatest thing I'ld like to achieve would be that not I am the only one who always does things her way, but that she does start to understand my ways too.

For the sake of type definition, its so easy to say a NT could be viewen as an emotional retard but then again, there must be a common ground in any difference, therefore I can not accept this to be the sole truth.

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Vdwc1eKlpk"].[/YOUTUBE]

 

[MonkeyGrass]

Oh, yeah...didn't mean that. Actually, I suspect you are more emotionally intelligent than you let on sometimes. And I think recognizing that you need to be valued for who you are and that she needs to step into your world, too, is pretty self aware. Have you said that to her?

 

[entropie]

Not yet, but I will any moment, that's why I am gaining strength here

 

[MonkeyGrass]

You can totally do it. Commence heartfelt and corny display of emotion:





FWIW, whenever someone points out that I need to pull more weight in a relationship (gently, of course), I'm initially indignant, and then have quite a bit more respect for them.

 

[entropie]

Comence la fete

You know what she told me ? She said that I have my mind crowded with serious life issues at the moment, like finishing my University and getting on with my job and my ideas for an own business some day to get the money for family.

I told her that I am stuffed up and unrelaxed at the moment and dont know why and she not just only explained it to me, but gave me backup at the same time.

I know you are prolly waiting for a turning point right now cause I always have one at this point, but no there aint one.

I do love her very much. In our first year we quitted our relationship over 20 times and in the second year over 10 times. Now in the fourth year, we havent quited our relationship even once and I know in the fifth year we will be aiming towards minus 10 times.

I dont know, it's ultimatively hard for a critic to have nothing to critic about.

I never would have imagined that I can be that good with a girl.

But I bragged enough now, you got your own problems. Thanks for your backup here, everyone !

Without the experience I gained here over the past year, I think I'ld be someone else today. If that would be good or not, I like to subjectively comment with no, I'ld hate it, most probably.

Therefore you earned yourself a cheesy lovesong ( at least the most cheesy techno song I found ):

[YOUTUBE="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9KnuJZkBjg"].[/YOUTUBE]

 

[Thalassa]

If you're that tense and need her to understand you better, you're going to have to allow yourself to be very vulnerable to her and open up about it honestly. NFs love that kind of intimacy and she'll see that you're sincere.

Good luck.

 

[Mad Hatter]

Those behavior patterns ("damned if I do, damned if I don't") really seem quite NFesque to me
I experience something similar all the time - I'm never really satisfied, always asking myself if things couldn't be different, but different in a way I couldn't describe if I had to.
It can be either thrilling, exasperating, annoying or inspiring, and sometimes all of them at the same time. Don't expect that this changes in a fundamental way, but try to find a way in which the two of you can deal with it.

To be honest with you, the greatest thing I'ld like to achieve would be that not I am the only one who always does things her way, but that she does start to understand my ways too.

Seems very reasonable to me. And as the others have said, opening yourself up in such an important matter can really be a plus. After all, making your relationship more successful and rewarding for the both of you is what it's all about.

And as the WoodsWoman has pointed out: You have history in your favor, and from your posts it seems that you share this opinion.

 

[Laurie]

Ent, that's pretty cool. I understand about arguing like crazy and it getting less and less. That's how it works for me too.

 

[Bubbles]

Entropie, you're so sweet in this thread. I wish you luck!

 

[sgtmac_46]

If you dont know what love is

If you get frequently told "you only show me your love when doing that special activity xyz"

When you constantly feel like you have to be on the watchout for making no mistakes

When you have not a single clue why she wants you after 4 years

When you dont even know on her birthday if its was 25 or 24 years

When you are labeled to be someone without humor and if you make a joke you are labeled malign

When you sometimes feel like you would have to end your own whole life just to make things right for her

When you constantly say things the wrong way tho you didnt mean no harm at all

----------------

When she is the most important thing you ever achieved in your life and you'ld rather die alone and let vermin feast on your rugged body than to ever loose that person again that makes you happy by just ringing your doorbell ?

Turn in your ENTP card.......I couldn't believe what I just read!

j/k.........sort of.