Story of my life. I think I'm an ENFP. I've never been sure.
I've socially stumbled around throughout my grade school experiences. Going from group to group and trying to be one of them, but it always crumbles.
I talk to my friend about it sometimes, and he asked me if I thought I was sitting behind an empty mask, and I didn't know how to answer. Maybe I'm in denial.
How does one (most likely an ENFP) go about finding himself? Does my identity lie in that I will never be one of them? Is this complete freedom/individuality? Yes I am type 4.
I hit a huge bout of depression in late teens, hated, wrote, rebelled. What you are is all in there, it just rarely gets a chance to come out when you are adapting. At first I had to write knowing no one would ever read it. It meant it felt safe to be completely honest, and I didn't feel like I was destroying anything. After a while I started to see I disagreed with a lot that I'd been brought up on. ENFPs are made to have their own ideas, see reality for themselves. There is that urge to conform though. The urge is slightly misplaced, because you don't need to conform, more be accepted. I think it was realising that conforming made me less effective that got me to change. If you believe it is best case to conform and that it is what helps people the most and helps you connect the most, it can be hard to do different. It is just hard to know where the limits are if you start opening up. There is a lot of honest analysis and reality inside most ENFPs before the friendly judgement. Expression isn't damaging, especially if it has positive effects. I almost wish I'd hung around with ENFPs, INFJs and INFPs at school more and got more into the arts.
That was sort of a mess of stuff, but if you want advice, I'd say being open and yourself is the best way, as difficult as it is. Most people can be quite accepting, though there are obviously some bad choices. It sets you with a bit more confidence to be yourself also. ENFPs have good intent, but we aren't really built to be conservative. It is just a conflict we get in, where we feel we will harm things if we aren't. Playing it safe maybe. I used to be the moderating influence when it came to stupidity. These days I'm generally the one who drags the INTJs and other NTs in my friendship group past the line of no return. There is only one worse and he is either an NFP or SFP. The best reason I can give for being more open, is you have no identity to distinguish you from others if you just adapt. You end up being sidekick, and add nothing but support to the group. All of the really good parts that people should love you for they miss seeing. On some level ENFPs are complex, creative, deep, intelligent, clear thinking. All these sound a lot better than nice and helpful. And it isn't that bad to stuff up and hurt someone occasionally. Living and not hurting anyone is like training for a sport without any pain or risk. If you stay on your feet and cruise all day, you haven't learnt anything or pushed yourself. Feel free to dig into and dissect all the things you feel you should agree with but really don't feel comfortable with also. It helps you learn when to trust your intuition.
I also took up more stuff I liked, and broke off from friends who lead me in directions I didn't want to go. Stood up for what I disagreed with a bit, and tried not to side with injustice. That can help a lot, cos I work better when life is enjoyable and has meaning.
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