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[INFP] INFPs - Your Openess with Problems/Feelings/etc

IRL, what's your level of expressiveness of your problems/feelings?


  • Total voters
    101

The Outsider

New member
Joined
Feb 3, 2009
Messages
2,418
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx
I never express anything to anyone.
I'm serious.
 

Kool Keith

New member
Joined
Dec 6, 2009
Messages
38
MBTI Type
INFP
^This.

Some people who know me have called me "secretive" on occasion. That's a weird thing to hear someone say about you.
 
Joined
Dec 18, 2009
Messages
8
MBTI Type
INFP
I tend to follow a very wishy-washy/touchy-feely sense I have about someone. I enjoy emotional intimacy and find that close bonds are the most fulfilling. I have a lot to fear, but I also know I am prone to bouts of depression and lonliness without sharing with someone. You can't gain anything without risking anything.

If I feel they would be receptive to what I am saying then I really don't have an issue talking about it. I usually feel around this person for common threads of interest, thought, or issues.

I am careful though because if they are receptive, which I don't feel most people are at heart, then I become skittish. I fear I will say the wrong thing, somehow, and lose a potentially meaningful connection by saying too much too soon. I often worry I will say something that overloads the other person and they back off without a second thought.

I tend to be an intense personality that is overly serious a lot of the time. So I often fear the worst.
 

FaithBW

New member
Joined
Oct 9, 2009
Messages
26
MBTI Type
INFP
The number of people I truly open up to, I can count on one hand and have fingers left over. Even with these people, there is no one person who I am 100% open with, not even my DH or my mom. I think a lot, no most, people are judgmental and I don't have time for that. If I get judgmental vibes from you, I will shut myself off instantly.
 

Airwalker

New member
Joined
Dec 17, 2009
Messages
10
MBTI Type
INFP
The number of people I truly open up to, I can count on one hand and have fingers left over. Even with these people, there is no one person who I am 100% open with, not even my DH or my mom. I think a lot, no most, people are judgmental and I don't have time for that. If I get judgmental vibes from you, I will shut myself off instantly.

I have the same thing. I will sometimes automatically start ignoring you.
 

lua

New member
Joined
Dec 23, 2009
Messages
31
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
I don't enjoy small talk - at all - so if somebody tries to converse with me (I'm talking strangers here) I generally give them my attention and respond honestly and thoroughly.

Stranger: So, this weather! Finally snowed.
Me: Yes, it's so lovely. I went out the first night it fell to spend time with the snowflakes. I love the sensation of breathing the crisp, cold air! How do you like it - walking in it, driving in it? (more questions, et cetera..)
Stranger: *runs away*

Note: this is only in a place where I'm comfortable and feel positive energy: almost exclusively bookstores. If I'm in a crowded mall or a supermarket my face is held down so far it's between my breasts.

That said, I NEVER communicate my problems or personal life (experiences rather than random thoughts and feelings) to anyone other than my family (only when provoked), one friend (only when provoked), and my poor, poor cat. ;)
 

teacups&cupcakes

New member
Joined
Dec 21, 2009
Messages
25
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
abcd
I used to express my problems and feelings to a few of my friends but these days I just feel so different from them and they usually just brush off what I say as they think it is weird.

Now I just write down my problems and feelings in my journal and then occasionally tell them to my family.

Yeah... great life.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
I see a lot on insinuations on this board that INFPs seem to whine to whoever will listen.

Not true in my case.

Maybe this is due to that fact that some people use online anonymity to vent safely (true of myself anyway).

While I can be whiny like anyone, IRL, it's with a very select few people that I am extremely close to. Casual friends hardly know much about me at all aside from the external, and most people complain I keep a wall up. Example: if I am dating someone, no one knows about it. If they do, and it ends, I don't talk about it with female friends like most women do. People try and pry this out of me and I shut them down fast.

All true for me. Except that if someone really wants to know, I'll usually give them something.

I'd say I have a couple of people who might have some idea of what's going on with me. I don't know why it is like that, I mean I'm not secretive on purpose. I was living with a bunch of people and they could easily see what I was doing (basically nothing, heh...) and it was ok with me, even though not all of them were the kind of people I would have shared something with.

The people I whine to are the ones who will not try to help me, but listen and understand that it is important for me to vent.

Edit: I came up with one reason for the secrecy. Just a couple of days ago I was opening up to a friend and I remember that I thought of it as an overreaction as I didn't want to pour my shit on someone else's lap. I told her that and she was like it's ok, there's nothing wrong if it makes her to worry about me. So, yeah, that is one thing. I really would like it if people would have easier lives, and my troubles should not be theirs to carry. So, in a way, if you are very close to me, I will also make your life harder...
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
That said, I NEVER communicate my problems or personal life (experiences rather than random thoughts and feelings) to anyone other than my family (only when provoked), one friend (only when provoked), and my poor, poor cat. ;)

Aw, the poor cats....always stuck with the burden of our problems :tongue:
 

Kastor

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2007
Messages
228
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
With my friends that I'm not as close to I usually have a sort of mask that I wear. Around them I usually try to keep up the the impression that I'm usually happy and good humored. I can recall a few times at school when I was really upset about something personal, but I didn't want them to think anything was wrong or to shatter their usual perception of me. So when I was on the brink of tears I'd excuse myself and go sob in the bathroom.

Around my close friends I'm much more open, but not to the extent that they wish I was.
 

Parrish

New member
Joined
Dec 12, 2009
Messages
106
MBTI Type
infp
It really depends on the situation. I`ve got a few close friends and a great family I know I can confide in or turn on if I have a problem, but I prefer not to. It`s not that I would think it makes me weak to depend on others it`s just that I want to sort it out myself. If I think about it and still don`t know what to do I`ll ask for the advice myself, otherwise I won`t. I take my time in sorting out my thought and feelings. Sometimes my family snaps at me because of that and I`m provoked into telling what`s troubling me. I dislike people who tend to complain over every little thing out loud, it`s not like it helps and it`s bad energy. Of course keeping it all in bottled up isn`t good either, so when I feel overwhelmed I usually write it down in my moleskine. But it does feel good when someone just listens to what you have to say, without intrerupting you and saying unnecessary things.

I`m a sceptic when it comes to strangers, I usually think they have a hidden motive for asking personal questions.:thelook: It takes time and patience until I really trust someone enough to confide in. It`s pretty ironic, cuz people tend to like to confide in me.:tongue:

~I picked the second option because I do express my feelings/thoughts openly when I feel like it. I`m more open with my agreement/disagreements.
 

Clydesdale

New member
Joined
Dec 9, 2009
Messages
14
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
9
I'm definitely the kind to only confide with a few key people if prodded. I tend to feel like everyone else around me has it worse/harder, so I just bottle up and try to cope. Of course, that sometimes ends with passive aggressive snarky comments or exploding into tears when I hold it in for too long. Working on that...

Another reason I tend to hold things in is that I feel like I'm surrounded by S-types who have, historically, not really understood me. I just got back together with some favorite college friends before Christmas, and it was nice to be in touch with people who knew where I was coming from, but now that I'm back from that, I'm back to feeling like a bit of an outsider.
 
Joined
Mar 18, 2008
Messages
76
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
5w4
my feelings and problems? my sister is the only one who gets to see the full extent of my emotional capacity and all.

whereas as for close friends, it's either they ask (if they are perceptive enough) or i just say a little bit of this and there.

strangers/acquaintances/normal friends: well if they do ask, i will say... but you know just those shallow on the cover words or i choose to tell them the things that i know if that they use it on me, it wouldn't/doesn't hurt me.
 

Phenix

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2009
Messages
40
MBTI Type
INFP
There are a select few people to whom I will open up completely. Funny thing is I don't choose them. If I feel comfortable, or there is a chemistry, then BOOM, you get all of me.

Sometimes this is a little scary.
 

TheMonocle

New member
Joined
Jan 29, 2010
Messages
37
This makes me wonder. What is the difference between an INFP/INFJ on this issue? I have close friends that are INFP. I find them much easier to deal with than my INFJ friends. I love all of them, but INFP's are as sweet as they come and seem to open up quite easily.
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
This makes me wonder. What is the difference between an INFP/INFJ on this issue? I have close friends that are INFP. I find them much easier to deal with than my INFJ friends. I love all of them, but INFP's are as sweet as they come and seem to open up quite easily.

I don't have a huge sample size, but I have a feeling INFJs tend to solve their problems by talking about them. Or at least more so than INFPs. So they might come off as more "whiny"... Although, I do believe that they are careful about who they talk to.
 

TheMonocle

New member
Joined
Jan 29, 2010
Messages
37
Hmmm that seems simple enough, but... How do INFPs handle their problems when they are alone? That might highlight the difference better.
 

TheMonocle

New member
Joined
Jan 29, 2010
Messages
37
Ok... I need your help. If you are willing. My j/p score is 50/50. Common problem with us it seems. I test sometimes on both sides. I don't like to talk about things. It feels uncomfortable to me. I have a tendency when I do to sound overly sentimental/melancholy and I don't want to push that on people. I hear myself and it's like nails on a chalkboard. Quiet... quiet, research and writing. That I can handle. Plus, when I actually do open up it gushes. I'm very self-conscious of this.:blush:
 

nolla

Senor Membrane
Joined
May 22, 2008
Messages
3,166
MBTI Type
INFP
I don't like to talk about things. It feels uncomfortable to me.

You mean with anyone? And about problems that are ongoing or solved? Myself, I usually don't talk about my problems, but feel a need to do so. Sometimes, when asked for by someone I trust, I will talk, but how much depends on how much I trust them and how much they already know. It's not like I want to be secretive, I think it is more like you said, I don't want to dump my shit on other people. I know that I am ultimately the one to solve any problem I am having. And I'm not looking for answers when I talk. It is more like a release of pressure.

Plus, when I actually do open up it gushes. I'm very self-conscious of this.:blush:

Yeah, sounds familiar. This is a tricky thing, since there really are risks in opening up, but there are also great rewards. It seems that it is best to not give anyone too much to chew on, even if they are genuinely interested in it. The problem is with interpretations. You give them a lot and they are sure to filter it somehow and that leads to misunderstandings. On top of that, how can you even get these things to words, and how can you expect anyone to decipher the words into the same idea? I have screwed up many times pouring out too much on people.
 
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