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[INFP] INFPs - Your Openess with Problems/Feelings/etc

IRL, what's your level of expressiveness of your problems/feelings?


  • Total voters
    101

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
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I see a lot on insinuations on this board that INFPs seem to whine to whoever will listen.

Maybe this is due to that fact that some people use online anonymity to vent safely (true of myself anyway).

While I can be whiny like anyone, IRL, it's with a very select few people that I am extremely close to. Casual friends hardly know much about me at all aside from the external, and most people complain I keep a wall up. Example: if I am dating someone, no one knows about it. If they do, and it ends, I don't talk about it with female friends like most women do. People try and pry this out of me and I shut them down fast.

Where do you feel you land when it comes to expressing your problems/feelings with people? Are you very open and looking to talk about it, or does it stay mostly hidden, or somewhere in between?
 

Udog

Seriously Delirious
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Where do you feel you land when it comes to expressing your problems/feelings with people? Are you very open and looking to talk about it, or does it stay mostly hidden, or somewhere in between?

There is only one person in real life I'm open with to any degree, and even then it's only 50% of what I really feel.

I'm trying to work on this. I would complain about small crap that doesn't really matter far too often because I would keep the big crap bottled up. Think of a boiling pot slowly bubbling over. Once the pressure became too much, I would get stupid with who I opened up with, because I needed to talk NOW. That led to several regretful situations.

TypeC is a safe place to practice openness, because it deals with the written word only. Even though I'll never be super open, I *am* working on becoming smarter about it.

The other thing I'm working on is not dwelling on the negative. Time spent dwelling on the negative is time that could be spent thinking about the positive.
 

speculative

Feelin' FiNe
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I would complain about small crap that doesn't really matter far too often because I would keep the big crap bottled up. Think of a boiling pot slowly bubbling over. Once the pressure became too much, I would get stupid with who I opened up with, because I needed to talk NOW. That led to several regretful situations.

I have experience this before. I like the story of the frog placed into a pot of water that is slowly brought to a boil, and it doesn't realize it's being boiled before it's too late; I think that's a good description of the mechanics involved. I think F types that keep it bottled up can easily experience that.
 

Bubbles

See Right Through Me
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My closest friends and family know much of what bothers me. But I think I mostly trust the bf right now. If something happens, I know I can talk to him about it. :) And most of my friends I can do the same with.
 

neptunesnet

man-made
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I picked the top option.

In terms of my feelings, personal opinions, and relationships, I am extremely private. I was in a relationship with someone for an entire year, and none of my family or friends except my closest friend knew about it. I wasn't trying to be deceptive (as it was taken when it "got out" somehow). It just never came up, and I didn't really think it was any one else's business. The real problem I have with being open is based on how people perceive me. Some people know me as very nice and kind while some others know me as serious and maybe a little condescending, so I've had people think they know me, but I'll say or do something that distorts the idea they had of me in their heads. I continue to show face to the same people because, in my opinion, if you show that you have some depth then people want to pry. I hate when people pry! Not with me. I am very tight-lipped.

A friend of mine (inFJ) who I've known for about five years now said once that I was like an open book since I'm "so amicable and so many people like [me]." Ironically, she's never been over to my place nor does she know anything substantial about me. Might I add that my home is like my sanctuary, and I have a serious problem with people invading my space :dry:.

It's probably my own fault, though.
I wear masks* in public, at school, at work to conceal myself. Poor habit.
But this may all be an introvert thing.


*Those were figurative masks, by the way :D.
 
Last edited:

William K

Uniqueorn
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Hmm, looks like so far I'm the first to choose option 4, so I guess I have to explain a bit :)

To me, anyone who might offer consolation means I know that person well enough to believe that he/she will be able to understand my problem. I don't seek agreement or even solutions. All I need is some understanding and a place to vent my frustrations.
 

Lacey

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I usually only talk to a few close friends or family members (but maybe my family less and less, because lately they are the problem).

I split my problems up between people, too. One friend gets problem A, another friend gets emotions B, and maybe my mom gets dilemma C. I feel bad throwing everything onto one person, I guess.

I think people get the impression that I'm open, but that's probably because I will share only certain things with everyone else. However, these are problems that have already been resolved...I'm not going to let the general public know about my issues unless they're over and done with and I have something to show for them (personal growth or whatever), and I'm fairly emotionally neutral about them now.
 

Southern Kross

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I picked the top option also .

I usually only talk to a few close friends or family members (but maybe my family less and less, because lately they are the problem).

I split my problems up between people, too. One friend gets problem A, another friend gets emotions B, and maybe my mom gets dilemma C. I feel bad throwing everything onto one person, I guess.

I think people get the impression that I'm open, but that's probably because I will share only certain things with everyone else. However, these are problems that have already been resolved...I'm not going to let the general public know about my issues unless they're over and done with and I have something to show for them (personal growth or whatever), and I'm fairly emotionally neutral about them now.
:yes:

Its strange because I don't really think about this stuff much - my reactions/coping mechanisms in this area are kind of on auto-pilot. If you asked me in an off-hand manner, I would say I'm an somewhat open person, but with serious consideration, I am really very private. I think what I considered to be 'openess' is really artlessness and the ease with which I'm able speak about my opinions and personal responses to the world around me. However, I express very edited, censored and understated versions of my true feelings. No one really gets to see the real me. Some of my close friends and family get rare tiny glimpses but even these I usually regret giving. When I do open up (that small amount) they either dismiss it or fret about it - they just don't get it. No one has the slightest clue about how to cope with it and I end up feeling like an idiot. For this reason, I see little point in opening up. I feel like the only person that can truly understand and solve my problems is me. I might as well spare others the burden of knowledge and myself, the anguish of sharing.
 

SpankyMcFly

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I see a lot on insinuations on this board that INFPs seem to whine to whoever will listen.

Maybe this is due to that fact that some people use online anonymity to vent safely (true of myself anyway).

While I can be whiny like anyone, IRL, it's with a very select few people that I am extremely close to. Casual friends hardly know much about me at all aside from the external, and most people complain I keep a wall up. Example: if I am dating someone, no one knows about it. If they do, and it ends, I don't talk about it with female friends like most women do. People try and pry this out of me and I shut them down fast.

Where do you feel you land when it comes to expressing your problems/feelings with people? Are you very open and looking to talk about it, or does it stay mostly hidden, or somewhere in between?
I would say I'm pretty open about expressing my problems/feeling with the people that are directly involved. If this is not feasible or is counter productive I then decide if its worth my time to keep thinking about. Assuming it is, I do not talk to just anyone. I talk to my friends to get their input on tough issues.

If I'm trying to help someone I will discuss anything and everything about my past resolved issues. In this manner I offer up my experiences as a guinnea pig for others to dissect to remove any fear of judgement/criticism from me. It's ironic that when I do this, people then state the real issue. :doh:
 

neptunesnet

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If you asked me in an off-hand manner, I would say I'm an somewhat open person, but with serious consideration, I am really very private. I think what I considered to be 'openess' is really artlessness and the ease with which I'm able speak about my opinions and personal responses to the world around me. However, I express very edited, censored and understated versions of my true feelings. No one really gets to see the real me. Some of my close friends and family get rare tiny glimpses but even these I usually regret giving. When I do open up (that small amount) they either dismiss it or fret about it - they just don't get it. No one has the slightest clue about how to cope with it and I end up feeling like an idiot. For this reason, I see little point in opening up. I feel like the only person that can truly understand and solve my problems is me. I might as well spare others the burden of knowledge and myself, the anguish of sharing.


Yeah, this.
 

nzAShadow

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I find it impossible to openly express to anyone, even close friends or family members. Actually especially family members.

I used to see a counselor to help me with some issues I was having with life, after about a year of me not being able to tell her anything she finally gave up on me.

Every time she asked me a question, I'd dance around how I really felt by telling her facts surrounding it, then when she would actually ask how I felt, my mind would lock up while I was thinking of the words to describe it.

There is an exception, when I am going through particularly tough times, and a close friend actually prods me to talk about it, they absolutely have to do it over some instant messaging program. As mentioned above if asked in person my mind seems to lock up... but typing it out doesn't seem to have the same affect.
 

briochick

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I'm quite self aware and pretty open. If anyone has a question I'm usually willing to answer it. I figure if I'm closed off (like I used to be in my youth) I'm even less likely to ever find anyone who will love me. I'd rather suffer some pain and be open than never know if people could like me as I am.
 

reality.ensues

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There is one person, and only one, that I can open up to. Problem is, I'm in love with that person, so even then I have to be careful about which feelings I reveal.

I get by, though. Slowly.
 

Sauropsidian

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I only openly express if I'm around really close friends at appropriate times, but since I barely have any atm, depending on how comfortable someone makes me feel, I open up, but not fully.
 

Mad Hatter

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I see a lot on insinuations on this board that INFPs seem to whine to whoever will listen.

Well yeah, I plead guilty in a sense. The second part is decisive though, since occasions where I think that I can do that safely are relatively rare. I picked the 'anyone' option because for me it sometimes depends more on the situation than on the person. Telling anyone though doesn't mean that I talk about such matters very often. I rarely make explicit what bothers me (though of course on this board I might be a bit different :)).
I very rarely tell my family - not that they wouldn't listen, but they focus too much on solving the problem instead of just listening to me and letting me figure it out myself.
The most helpful conversations I have are usually with my female friends, which makes sense since my greatest problems are almost always with the opposite sex. I both like their style of conversation and their insights.
 

Lauren

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I''m in category 4 for the most part in that I'm open about my feelings with most people. I'm a trusting person unless I get a sense from someone that I can't trust them. I'll talk in general about personal relationships with people I work with, for example. I'm friendly by nature and can talk with just about anyone but the conversation only goes so far. I reserve speaking my true mind and heart unreservedly with only a few of my closest friends.

I don't usually whine but I don't mind whining--a man I have feelings for is, I think, an INFJ/P, and he whines a bit. But I don't hear it as complaining as much as voicing frustration because he has strong feelings about certain things, and when he meets resistance, he has to voice it. I like people who are very particular about their likes and dislikes because I can relate, and I find it endearing (or in my male friend's case, I do). When he whines I know he's just venting.
 

WoodsWoman

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I have to be prodded by the right person(s), though I'm learning to seek the company of those people when I know I need prodding. After it's out then I can sort through and share with others better.
 

Synapse

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I will express my feelings and problems with close friends and family, the later less applicable. Too guarded with my family to truly open up with them, its a whirlwind round them. So I let myself relax when I can with friends I trust. I express myself openly to friends who want to listen and find value in the expression too. When I learn this isn't the case I stop expressing emotionally and my problems stay my own.
 

Amargith

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Hmm, looks like so far I'm the first to choose option 4, so I guess I have to explain a bit :)

To me, anyone who might offer consolation means I know that person well enough to believe that he/she will be able to understand my problem. I don't seek agreement or even solutions. All I need is some understanding and a place to vent my frustrations.

I used to do this when I was younger, as I mistakenly took the question: 'How are you' to actually mean something instead of be an empty greeting. I didn't grasp the concept behind it as I couldn't understand why you would ask a question and then not wanna hear a genuine answer. I also am principally against lying. Still cringe when I have to lie to that question.


These days I've learned that most cannot handle what they perceive as emotional drama when answering that question truthfully. I only share with my boyfriend or, if it really spills over and people can notice my mood and I no longer have the energy to do the cover-up thing and I cannot leave, I'll explain in short to those who ask, so they don't worry unnecessarily or feel excluded. At rare occasions, usually when I'm sleepdeprived, irritated and stressed, I'll actually rant and vent publicly. I seriously try to warn people when it happens ( I can feel it coming on without being able to stop it), and try to make amends later on.
 
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