[INFP] INFPs, Ever Tormented By Your Quietness In Situations?

[Liquid Swordz]

I've come a long way from complete social ineptitude to being a decent conversationalist, but I find myself listening and thinking a lot more than speaking overall. I can hold a conversation for a long time if its something that interest me, but usually I'm just the guy in the group who doesn't talk and quirps in every now and then. I really don't have a problem with it other then those awkward times when it feels like you should be speaking just to break the silence but I have absolutely no idea what to say.

Even this year when I thought I had finally completely "broken out of my shell" I had people commenting on how I was the "quiet guy" in the group and I felt like I had been conversating just find with everyone else.

 

[Cypocalypse]

Some good advice I can tell you.

1. Practice talking light. Leave the sugarcoated rhetoric on your blog site
2. Practice filler talk, and make that light.
3. Never EVER EVVVVEERRRRR talk about your worries, and anxieties, unless your talking to an NTP that can rationalize your anxiety for you.
4. Expand your social network. INFPs tend to keep friends that they think legitimately matters (and weed out those they find worthless). Learn to interact with "filler" acquaintances and stop having initial thoughts on how they'd matter in the long run.

 

[bcvcdc]

I've come a long way from complete social ineptitude to being a decent conversationalist, but I find myself listening and thinking a lot more than speaking overall. I can hold a conversation for a long time if its something that interest me, but usually I'm just the guy in the group who doesn't talk and quirps in every now and then. I really don't have a problem with it other then those awkward times when it feels like you should be speaking just to break the silence but I have absolutely no idea what to say.

Even this year when I thought I had finally completely "broken out of my shell" I had people commenting on how I was the "quiet guy" in the group and I felt like I had been conversating just find with everyone else.

yeah, i can certainly talk, but i can't read. so it doesn't matter what i say here, if my words are incoherent to you, what's the point?

 

[Kastor]

It's strange because I'd also thought that I've been much more talkative than in the past, yet my friends still complain that I rarely talk :/ I don't get it. I feel like I'm talking a lot but I guess I'm not?

 

[chickpea]

i totally relate. unless i'm with people i'm 100% comfortable with, it's just hard for me talk, and i feel like i don't know the right things to say.

by the way, i love your username (liquid swordz)

 

[OrangeAppled]

I totally relate to the OP, but you know what, it doesn't bother me to be the "quiet girl" either. I talk more than I used to and I feel I contribute where I can, but in a group, it is still more natural for me to listen and observe. Not everyone can be loud and chattery anyway - someone has to listen to all of it.

The smaller the group, the more I talk though. If you look around, you'll notice you're not the only one who fades a bit as the group gets larger. The extroverted people seem to become more and more prominent as the number of people go up.

3. Never EVER EVVVVEERRRRR talk about your worries, and anxieties, unless your talking to an NTP that can rationalize your anxiety for you.

What INFP is going to talk about their "worries" in a social situation?
I hardly talk about that with close friends and family who are trying to pry it out of me.

 

[fill]

Some good advice I can tell you.

1. Practice talking light. Leave the sugarcoated rhetoric on your blog site
2. Practice filler talk, and make that light.
3. Never EVER EVVVVEERRRRR talk about your worries, and anxieties, unless your talking to an NTP that can rationalize your anxiety for you.
4. Expand your social network. INFPs tend to keep friends that they think legitimately matters (and weed out those they find worthless). Learn to interact with "filler" acquaintances and stop having initial thoughts on how they'd matter in the long run.

Great advice. Especially 3. INFPs that hold conversations like that tend to turn people off from continuing. Or so I've seen.

 

[Bubbles]

I've come a long way from complete social ineptitude to being a decent conversationalist, but I find myself listening and thinking a lot more than speaking overall. I can hold a conversation for a long time if its something that interest me, but usually I'm just the guy in the group who doesn't talk and quirps in every now and then. I really don't have a problem with it other then those awkward times when it feels like you should be speaking just to break the silence but I have absolutely no idea what to say.

Even this year when I thought I had finally completely "broken out of my shell" I had people commenting on how I was the "quiet guy" in the group and I felt like I had been conversating just find with everyone else.

Hah! I could've written the OP.

Recently my friends and I got into a conversation about what it'd be like if our life was a sitcom, and someone called me "timid." I thought they were kidding. Nope!

"Well, you do talk, just not as often in a group. One on one, you don't shut up, really, but in groups when you talk it's like....magic! Awesome and interesting."

"Yeah, you're like that guy in that Disney show, Ferb? He almost never talks but when he does it's amazing."

...Wow guys, thanks, I love you too? So anyway I began evaluating my behavior and I notice I just PREFER listening. And when I talk, I have a nasty habit of letting people cut me off. I open my mouth to speak, someone steals the moment, and I just wait for another opening. Of course, other people are faster than me, and sometimes I have to tease people into letting me talk by bringing their attention to this.

I'm comfortable talking with people, I just think I'm more of a listener. It only bothers me when people think that means I'm insecure. I love myself, dammit! Stop assuming that requires talking 24/7! :steam:

 

[runvardh]

People who want me to talk more can either talk about something I find interesting or damn well deal with me talking less. This is why most of my friends are centered around my interests rather than filler. I can spend the filler time on my own doing my own shit thank you very much.

 

[Stanton Moore]

I can talk endlessly if I'm among friends...

But strangers? Even friends of friends? Nope. Back to watching and listening. Sometimes this comes from simply not being interested in the topic, but sometimes from plain, ol' shyness or reservation.
But I can always go into tough guy mode and just talk about the weather.

 

[Mad Hatter]

I have real issues making phone calls. It makes me awfully nervous all the time, both making and receiving calls (I don't pick up the phone when I don't see the number).

 

[Rebe]

Advice:

Turn your quietness to a sort of 'cool, detached' aura.

Care less about how other people perceive you, unless it is truly important for the sake of your career.

Learn some polite, formal interactions abilities, but no need to make casual friends, like the esfxs. That sort of thing really drains my energy.

Stop feeling bad that you don't want to contribute to dumb conversations. Don't waste your infp saliva, please. :steam:

I feel that friendships should be sacred and develop very naturally, and if not, there is no need for such pretense of .

Don't you all try to stifle INFP-ness. I feel that INFPs are extremely apologetic for their personalities whereas the other types, the hyper emotionals, the hyper irrationals, the robots, the steamrollers NEVER apologize.

Don't apologize.

 

[Mad Hatter]

Stop feeling bad that you don't want to contribute to dumb conversations. Don't waste your infp saliva, please. :steam:

Stick with ole Archidamidas: "He who knows how to speak knows also when to speak."

Learn some polite, formal interactions abilities, but no need to make casual friends, like the esfxs. That sort of thing really drains my energy.

Same here; though you can't tell in advance whether it's going to stay superficial or develop into something more deeper (or did you mean not making friendships with people who are casual themselves?).
The curious thing is, the more I like a person, the more I can get tongue-tied (applies mostly to love interests ).

Edit: (No wonder the thread I started a few days ago doesn't get any more replies as it's already buried on the second page (though the focus is probably a bit broader. Out of sight, out of mind )

 

[Cypocalypse]

The moment an INFP is able to adjust to the character of an ESFx, every other archetype is easy to adjust to. You can't put ESFx's out of the equation.

Seriously, INFPs need to make casual friends. They tend to get very very deep, even deeper than INTPs and ENTPs. I'm ENTP myself, and I still need to lighten up. INFPs need to get even more light.

I have an INFP friend. Close friend. She's probably comfortable that she has an ENTP friend handy. The two types are very complementary. Though we don't really go out a lot these days. Though it's good that close ties like the one we have is present, there should still be room for 'network expansion' as cynical or trivial as it may appear. For one, you'll never know the longevity of the ties to your close friends that you keep.

 

[wolfy]

I've been hassled for my laconic nature. I think that people feel I am sussing them out quietly while saying little. Which of course, I am.

I think it's funny.

 

[A window to the soul]

I have real issues making phone calls. It makes me awfully nervous all the time, both making and receiving calls (I don't pick up the phone when I don't see the number).

I do that sometimes because I just don't feel like talking.
Other times, I don't know when to quite.

 

[OrangeAppled]

I have real issues making phone calls. It makes me awfully nervous all the time, both making and receiving calls (I don't pick up the phone when I don't see the number).

I used to have this issue....actually, it's still an issue sometimes. It helped when I had a job that forced me to call clients. That's all I can really say about it....other than "I understand".

Don't you all try to stifle INFP-ness. I feel that INFPs are extremely apologetic for their personalities whereas the other types, the hyper emotionals, the hyper irrationals, the robots, the steamrollers NEVER apologize.

Don't apologize.

Absolutely! We're often the one making excuses for other people. Overlooking how loud and intrusive they are, how blunt and insensitive, how unimaginative and dull, etc. If INFPs are stifled, it's because they believe the people telling them they are defective and they don't embrace their strengths enough.

The moment an INFP is able to adjust to the character of an ESFx, every other archetype is easy to adjust to. You can't put ESFx's out of the equation.

Seriously, INFPs need to make casual friends. They tend to get very very deep, even deeper than INTPs and ENTPs. I'm ENTP myself, and I still need to lighten up. INFPs need to get even more light.

I have an INFP friend. Close friend. She's probably comfortable that she has an ENTP friend handy. The two types are very complementary. Though we don't really go out a lot these days. Though it's good that close ties like the one we have is present, there should still be room for 'network expansion' as cynical or trivial as it may appear. For one, you'll never know the longevity of the ties to your close friends that you keep.

I took it to mean an INFP does not need to go about making casual friends in the same manner an ESFX does, not that an INFP should not befriend ESFXs. I get along fine with many ESFXs, but that doesn't mean I should mimic them with the aim of forming shallow relationships if that's not even something I want.

"Network expansion" has its value, but I think a lot of introverts are not interested in forming a lot of shallow friendships, and so they would rather spend their limited energy on cultivating deeper relationships. There's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean a person has to shun all casual acquaintances or never engage in small talk. I'm sure INFPs already compromise much, much, much more in conversation that many other people anyway.

 

[runvardh]

The moment an INFP is able to adjust to the character of an ESFx, every other archetype is easy to adjust to. You can't put ESFx's out of the equation.

Personally, my mother and a few members of my extended family do well enough in this area for me.

Seriously, INFPs need to make casual friends. They tend to get very very deep, even deeper than INTPs and ENTPs. I'm ENTP myself, and I still need to lighten up. INFPs need to get even more light.

Why when I can spend the time recharging from all the interactions I have to deal with at work; ones I don't want, but am required to deal with? I get all the light I can handle 8.5 hours a day, 5 days a week and that excludes church.

I have an INFP friend. Close friend. She's probably comfortable that she has an ENTP friend handy. The two types are very complementary. Though we don't really go out a lot these days. Though it's good that close ties like the one we have is present, there should still be room for 'network expansion' as cynical or trivial as it may appear. For one, you'll never know the longevity of the ties to your close friends that you keep.

When I manage to pick up things I'm actually interested in I tend to find good friends there as well. What need have I to extend past that?

 

[Lacey]

The only time I'm ever tormented by my quietness is when I wished I had said something, but I didn't. Thankfully, these moments are becoming few and far between.

Other than that, I'm okay with being the "quiet one". I'm not going to try too hard to be something I'm not.

 

[Lauren]

The only time I'm ever tormented by my quietness is when I wished I had said something, but I didn't. Thankfully, these moments are becoming few and far between.

Other than that, I'm okay with being the "quiet one". I'm not going to try too hard to be something I'm not.

OrangeAppled: I agree with what you'd said above and relate to it. I enjoy people and can be fairly extroverted for a time. Then, after a certain amount of conversation, no matter how interesting, I shut down. As my friend's say, they can see me leaving though I'm still physically present. I don't mind this at all--it's who I am, and I couldn't nor would I want to try and force myself to stay engaged when I have to go away and recharge. Sometimes I'll just stop participating and listen. But even then, I long to go away after a time.

The only time I regret being quiet is when I'd like to say something personal to someone that I'm attracted to. Instead of just saying it, as more extroverted people might do, I think about it instead of saying it. Then I regret that I didn't just say it because the other person has no way of knowing what I'm thinking or feeling. I usually rely on body language and nonverbal cues to convey my feelings. Recently, I've become better at this, and try not to feel the world is going to end if I let my (sometimes intense) feelings just have a voice. Does anyone else experience this?

PS--The "network expansion"--I think this has value as well, I agree, but I personally don't value it. I don't mind making small talk either but I prefer having a few good, deep friendships, ones in which I get to know someone beyond surface talk. I love talking with someone about how they feel, what moves them, their past, what they think or feel about certain things. It's that longing and desire to be authentic that I think many INFPs have.