It seems to me that there are two tangential ideas being discussed in this thread.
1) There's the OP, that asks "If we're well-liked, then how come we often don't
feel well-liked?
2) Partly as an answer to the OP, Proteanmix raised the issue that ENFPs may be overly sympathy-seeking and cause others to handle them with kid gloves (and then subsequently register the resentment of the people around them, who may feel manipulated).
So far, my posts in the thread have mostly been in answer to the OP and the more general issue of how ENFPs may sabotage their own standing with their friends by being overly flakey (a consequence of their Ne). I haven't specifically addressed the sympathy-seeking aspect of ENFPs. But this post is about the sympathy-seeking aspect in particular.
(Long message ahead!)
I have one female ENFP acquaintance who is constantly stressed-out, strung-out, exhausted, mostly a shut-in, subject to endless nervous complaints, can't stay focused on anything for more than a few minutes, gets freaked out by any change or unexpected factor in her day (hot weather, more traffic on the road than expected, bad news on the radio even when it doesn't affect her), can't go to a restaurant without changing tables five or six times because this one is too bright, that one is too dark, the other one is too loud, etc.
Obviously this is extreme behavior. And it seems to be sympathy-seeking behavior in that everyone is expected to put up with her whims and mood swings and changes in plans. But I blame it mostly on her undisciplined Ne. Her extraverted Intuition latches onto any and all stimuli coming at her and tries to weaves patterns of meaning. And her Ne is "undisciplined" in that it doesn't distinguish between small meaningless stimuli and more important meaningful communications or signs. For example if she is having a conversation with someone, she can get distracted and upset by a fly buzzing in the room or window curtains rustling; her hypersensitive Ne registers the minor stimuli of the fly or the curtain and it analyzes, sorts, and parses them to see if they connect in any way with the major stimuli of the conversation.
As a result, my acquaintance is constantly bombarded with nervous/mental stimuli and is permanently overexcited, exhausted, and strung out. The solution to her problem is provided at the Personalitypage.com website that I linked earlier. She needs to develop her Fi and use it as a filtering device. She could learn to recognize some stimuli as important and other stimuli as inconsequential and ignorable, thereby reducing the activity of her Intuition and the burden on her nervous system.
Anyway, the point is that my female acquaintance
acts whiny, needy, attention- and sympathy-seeking, and a hypochondriac. But her problems don't spring from a desire to attach herself to others by bonds of dependency or curry pity by being a hypochondriac. Rather, her Ne is out of control and she gets overstimulated. IOW, it's a problem related to her internal make-up and it has nothing to do with the people around her or her relations with them. (It only involves other people to the extent that the people around her get sucked up into her dramas because she is such an extreme Extravert and can't help broadcasting her troubles to the world.)
I've seen something similar in another female ENFP acquaintance. This second female ENFP is much tougher and much more independent. She is quick to criticize others and quick to make enemies. She doesn't seek sympathy or dependence on others at all; in fact she can be quite the little terror. Nonetheless, she suffers from many of the same chronic health and nervous problems as my other female ENFP acquaintance: Stress, exhaustion, jumpiness at the slightest stimuli, etc.
Again, the point is that the behavior in each case is not specifically intended to curry sympathy and pity. Rather, it's genuine nervous overstimulation and exhaustion due to runaway Ne.
As for male ENFPs:
In my experience, there tends to be a gender divide for ENFPs (as Substitute suggested). Male ENFPs are traditionally expected to tough it out and cope better with the world. So they often seem to have their Ne under control when it comes to dealing with random environmental stimuli. But runaway Ne may still manifest itself as flakiness and difficulty distinguishing between real problems and minor tangents, as I described in the case of my ENFP boss.
Also, runaway Ne may manifest itself as paranoia and misinterpretation of the motives of others, in the manner described in the Keirsey passage that I quoted in message #25 of this thread. Again, I just interpret this as runaway Ne. ENFPs don't distinguish between important and trivial signals or communications when dealing with people, so they may end up misinterpreting people around them despite their excellent intrapersonal skills. In the case of my ENFP boss, his relations with the people around him can be problematic. I mentioned how he keeps me and his deputy at arm's length because of old grudges. Having clashed with him in the past, we loom large on his radar and he can't every really let down his guard around us even though we've all worked well together since then. He is permanently on heightened Ne alert around us for any minute signal of dissatisfaction coming from us.
But again, the main point here is the same as before: The key to dealing with my ENFP boss is that he has strong Ne and sometimes gets into trouble when his Ne gets out of hand. Sympathy-seeking behavior really isn't an issue in his case.
So anyway, that's the main point that I want to raise about ENFPs and the issue of sympathy-seeking behavior. ENFPs may indeed overextend themselves, end up dependent on others, and require sympathy and gentle handling. But I think that this is a consequence of nervous overload from runaway Ne rather than some kind of neurotic need to seek approval or curry sympathy by feigning dependence and weakness.
(Just as a side-note: Extreme ENFPs often turn into shut-ins and recluses in their old age. If they're unable to tame their Ne as they get older, the world may simply be too much for them. Environmental stimuli and paranoia around people may make socializing too difficult for them over time.)
I think a similar misunderstanding occurs with INFPs. A lot of people see INFP behavior as ingratiating, and draw the conclusion that INFPs are all about approval-seeking behavior. But once you get to know INFPs you learn that Fi is, in fact, very much the opposite of ingratiating. It can be solipsist, self-involved, and selfish. INFPs aren't driven to seek the approval of others. If INFPs are sometimes ingratiating, it's more likely a side effect of Fi: Their ingratiation is a mere avoidance tool for dealing with the world and keeping it at arm's length while still trying to maintain harmony.
(Many extreme INFPs act timid and ingratiating; but if you ask them about it they'll admit that inwardly they despise their own timidity and ingratiating ways. But they are too solipsist and self-involved to tame their Fi, develop their Ne, and make the effort to develop more sophisticated and effective ways of dealing with the outside world.)
IOW, INFPs may in fact act ingratiating. But that's not what's driving them. What's driving them is Fi, which can in fact be very selfish. And if you look around a bit, it's not difficult to find brusque, irritable, negative INFPs who are the very opposite of ingratiating or approval-seeking.
So, to sum up: ENFPs aren't necessarily seeking sympathy; they often just suffer from runaway Ne. INFPs aren't ingratiating and approval-seeking at their core; they're just too self-involved with their Fi to develop more sophisticated and effective ways of dealing with the outside world.
Just my own observations and opinions, of course.
? Because the heartstrings aren't up to speed with the head knowledge. I usually "feel" like more of a pest or someone who overstays their welcome, and not popular or well-liked.]
). When ITPs want to engage their Fe, like Roger Mexico said, they're less sure of how to go about it, they're sensitive to the effects of their behavior on the environment and its effects on them (even if they can't explain it), and they also "know" what effects they should be having. I don't buy ITPs don't care about what others think about them. They care and when they feel ostracized they pretend like they don't. If Fe is anywhere in your conscious cognitive functions, you're sensitive to this. 
The ODEFKCUD* speaks! :hi: 
I need patting faster than Benny Hill could ever wish for
