[INFJ] How easy is it to hurt an INFJ guy's feelings?

[MrRandom]

I'm an INFJ male. I know only one INTJ and I was semi-dating him. It was actually me who occasionally got his feelings hurt!

It's very easy to hurt an INFJ if you try to hurt their feelings, but very hard if you're trying to be nice (even if you're very emotionally clumsy).

^ Agreed

I completely disagree. For me, it's the other way around.

(for the sake of readability, I will refer to a he-person only)

When someone intentionally tries to hurt my feelings, he will never be succesful. Instead, I automatically (Ni on autopilot) analyze the situation and his need to insult me. Understanding where the lashing out is coming from really helps me to control my emotions. Instead of yelling back, I tell him why I think he reacted the way he did (and some then consider me psychic, but it's only about paying attention and understanding the human mind). It usually ends up in him admitting and realizing that it was indeed another thing altogether that was bugging him. Even if I'm wrong, it usually ends up well (us talking about it).

It is the unintentional things that can hurt my feelings. This is difficult to explain, so I'll leave it short this time. It's about me analyzing people's behavior and understanding that their actions and words do not match. Facades hurt. For example: saying "I'm too busy" time after time hurts, because there's a message underneath (since time is about priorization, I'm obviously not worthy of his time. It hurts to know there's something wrong, but the other person is hiding the real reason in a cowardly manner, making me look a fool.).

It's mostly meta level stuff with me. INFJs are said to be almost ridiculously fragile. Even a short, weird look from a classmate might hurt me (my Ni goes crazy with paranoia), unless I understand where it's coming from. As soon as I do, even if it's hurtful, it doesn't hurt one bit.

 

[INTJMom]

Thanks.
Hopefully, I'll get to meet one.

What does a 50 year old INFJ probably look like... and where would I find one?

jk - I know nobody knows that.

 

[MrRandom]

What does a 50 year old INFJ probably look like... and where would I find one?

(I googled "crazy hermit" and got this )

 

[INTJMom]

(I googled "crazy hermit" and got this )

I was AFRAID I'd be on the lookout for a hippie!

That's okay. I've always gotten along well with hippies.
I even wanted to be one in the 1970's.

See?!

 

[ajblaise]

I was AFRAID I'd be on the lookout for a hippie!

That's okay. I've always gotten along well with hippies.
I even wanted to be one in the 1970's.

See?!

You know, there's a big Phish concert coming up in Maine...

 

[Billy]

I like INFJs and would love a male INFJ companion, but I'm worried that I would hurt his feelings all the time because of my T-ness, and he wouldn't be happy in the relationship... either that or he would smother me and I would end up walking around on eggshells trying not to offend him.

Should I steer clear of INFJ guys, or do you think an INFJ male in his 50's could handle the abruptness of an INTJ... namely... me?

I wouldn't worry too much about eggshells, we are so used to getting out feelings hurt early on in life that we develop a pretty thick skin, and we generally know when people are trying to be malicious. I think you will find that INFJs care more about intent then what they see. I have an INTJ female friend whom I have a major crush on and we flirt all the time, her Tness is endearing to me. I understand it, and you have a dominant function of Ni like I do, so it will work pretty good. And be pretty deep.

 

[INTJMom]

I wouldn't worry too much about eggshells, we are so used to getting out feelings hurt early on in life that we develop a pretty thick skin, and we generally know when people are trying to be malicious. I think you will find that INFJs care more about intent then what they see. I have an INTJ female friend whom I have a major crush on and we flirt all the time, her Tness is endearing to me. I understand it, and you have a dominant function of Ni like I do, so it will work pretty good. And be pretty deep.

Awesome! Sounds great... especially because I am generally without malice... at least that's what people tell me.

 

[INTJMom]

You know, there's a big Phish concert coming up in Maine...

Hey!!
Thanks for the tip!!

 

[Athenian200]

See?!

Aww!

You should really try to think and feel like that again. You seem so content and relaxed.

 

[runvardh]

Any NF guy worth while will be fine at 50, and I'm sure you're not nearly as abrupt as you used to be either. It really just looks like your heart is in the right place, but you're worrying more than needed.

 

[Arclight]

Healthy INFJ.. of either gender.. Is an awesome person capable of great connection and love.. very giving ..very passionate..lots of fun..

Unhealthy? you will have your hands full.. and never live up to the ideal they have created for you.. Hurt is all they seem to know when in an unhealthy state

 

[qwertsquirt]

Pretty easy, mostly when you have a big goal and it's broken or someone personally offends you.

 

[Fecal McAngry]

I like INFJs and would love a male INFJ companion, but I'm worried that I would hurt his feelings all the time because of my T-ness...Should I steer clear of INFJ guys, or do you think an INFJ male in his 50's could handle the abruptness of an INTJ... namely... me?

If a lily-livered INFP like myself can hack interacting with loved and admired INTJs, surely most INFJs can...

 

[wedekit]

It's easy. Usually it's when it's something that I take personally. However, I like to pretend that I don't have feelings so when they are hurt I don't let the offender know.

 

[LotsOfHeart]

INFJs are very tuned in to the meanings behind what people say and do. Sometimes we recognize disrespect before others know they're doing it themselves. If an INFJ has been hurt by people a lot in their life, they may begin suspecting bad intentions when they weren't really there (paranoia). That's something they need to watch out for.

In my opinion, a healthy INFJ should be able to talk these things out with someone close to them. If someone close has said something that bothers you, it's part of being in a good relationship to discuss those things in a mature, non-malignant way.

If you're not close with the person and they say something that bothers you, if you're an INFJ you should have a good sense of their character. You probably know if their intentions are good or not. If you can tell they're not caring people, it's probably best to keep interaction with them to a minimum. Give second chances if you need to, don't completely shut out everyone, but be aware of their motives and whether they're bad or well-meaning.

So, to answer the original poster's question, I think a healthy INFJ should be mature enough to talk about things. If people hold their anger in, that's how problems start, because it just festers. So, I'd say, go for it...Not all INFJs are like that. Actually, most probably aren't like that.