[ENFJ] ENFJs: Falling out of love? Does it even happen?

[MmmCrazy]

I'm still young, but it's honestly never happened to me. I've never fallen out of love with someone. I've always been the one to be dumped.

Is this just because ENFJs hold on for dear life?

 

[souffle]

I'm not ENFJ, but I am another NF!

Falling out of love, I think, happens when you both grow as people and get to a point where the connection or love no longer exists. In the present moment that you are in love with someone, you couldn't picture falling out of love with them because you are still your current self, that loves them, as they are now . You can't predict how either of you are going to change in the future, which might affect your love for them.

That's my two cents! I was going to develop it further and create more links to the OP, but now I have to go out. Bye bye! :hi:

 

[Ginkgo]

Love is mutual appreciation. It is forgiveness. It is oneness.

I have loved in the past, but it always crashed and burned. Maybe someday I'll find someone.

souffle pretty much nailed it on the head.

 

[Amargith]

I was dumped by an ENFJ who said he 'loved me more as a sister'

Load of BS, I doubt he actually knew what love was, so I doubt he fell out of love (he was an ENFJ gone bad)

 

[Ginkgo]

I was dumped by an ENFJ who said he 'loved me more as a sister'

Load of BS, I doubt he actually knew what love was, so I doubt he fell out of love (he was an ENFJ gone bad)

That's really messed up. I must say. You should have told him that even if he did have a sister, he wouldn't love her. :steam:

 

[Amargith]

That's really messed up. I must say. You should have told him that even if he did have a sister, he wouldn't love her. :steam:

He just wanted to get rid of me in the most sympathetic way and technically he said that he had come to view me more as a sister than a girlfriend. He was a dick anyways. His motto was: cheating is an art.'Nuff said.

 

[TopherRed]

To Mystic: *nice*

To Amargith: Tell me, was that the same reason why you were attracted to him? The bad boy image?

Not a judgement or anything on you, I'm just always curious about that sort of thing. Makes me want to dawn a cowskin (leather jacket) and ride a hog (motorcycle).

 

[nynesneg]

I'm still young, but it's honestly never happened to me. I've never fallen out of love with someone. I've always been the one to be dumped.

Is this just because ENFJs hold on for dear life?

Hmm... Good question. For me I've noticed a few things.

I make friends easily, so when I'm single there are plenty of guys to choose from and I'm very picky. It takes ALOT for me to get excited over someone. Once in a relationship, I am very doting/loving, although I try hard not to be "needy".

Relationship 1 - Very close emotionally over several years. A falling out because I needed more time communication and he couldn't give it. (an introvert)

Relationship 2 - Found out after the fact he had been seeing someone else for the second half of our relationship. I went waay out of my way to try to make the relationship work, but he was a jerk.

Relationship 3 - Didn't work out very well, he kinda intimated me. Still haunts me as almost my perfect ideal of a partner, excluding his communication skills which sucked. I suppose I tried too much in this relationship too. He ended it.

Relationship 4 - Current bf, been together a year and a half. Friendship evolved into a relationship. I will probably be the one to break it up eventually, but right now we enjoy being together. In his words, he's "needy" and "cuddle whore", so perhaps it suits me well on a communication/physical touch level.


As for your original question. I wouldn't say I hang on for dear life unless I'm head over heels for someone. I could definitely fall "out of love" if the guy is a being a jerk, although I still will deeply care about them as a person even after we break up. But I am very easy going in relationships and rarely argue or expect the other person to change. It's not uncommon for the guy to tell me later he really misses me and can't find any girl with my personality and like me etc...

 

[Domino]

Both of the guys I was in love with left me. Long story. It was social pressure in both cases. (Nice) To this day, I still care about them both in a way that makes me angry at myself. I love hard and don't let go. That's why these things hurt me so badly, especially since I'm so cautious entering into such an arrangement in the first place.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

I've only known one confirmed ENFJ. She held a torch for the same guy for almost a decade, with no encouragement. In the end she had to move to a different continent to get over it. Which she did, and was married within 18 months. All the other suspected ENFJs I know married quite young (very early 20s), with few (no more than 2) if any previous relationships.

 

[ChocolateMoose123]

I have some history with ENFJ's. Dated one for two years. (Roller coaster craziness. He wasn't a good person) and one of my best friends is one. I also have an acquaintance that is an ENFJ (male) and he is absolutely in love with my ENFP friend. He's so smitten. It's sort of sad because ENFP has told him that they're just friends, although I suspect that ENFP is still "involved" with him. Something I don't agree with but it's not my business. Yet, his loyalty to her is almost...I don't know...I kind of want to slap him sometimes! Like, "wake up!" He's got tunnel-vision and will not even entertain the thought of being or dating someone else. It's like he's addicted.

 

[nynesneg]

Question for ENFJs or ENFPs.

Do you feel that your natural idealistic views on life affect your relationships?

Do you subconsciously expect people to fit your perfect idea?
Or keep searching either leaving relationships or remaining single until you find exactly what you desire?

 

[Drezoryx]

yes idealism suks if ur not aware of where to use it and where to admire it from a distance

 

[MmmCrazy]

Question for ENFJs or ENFPs.

Do you feel that your natural idealistic views on life affect your relationships?

Do you subconsciously expect people to fit your perfect idea?
Or keep searching either leaving relationships or remaining single until you find exactly what you desire?

I float between these. In my last relationship I wanted the guy to fit to my ideal, then I realized maybe I just love him for who he is, now I'm in the "gotta keep searching to find the right one" mode. But I think the "gotta keep searching" emotion is the most prevalent one.

It's frustrating, though. How are you supposed to "find your ideal" when most of love is dealing with the other person's differences?

 

[TopherRed]

:learns attentively: Yes? Go on?

 

[MmmCrazy]

:learns attentively: Yes? Go on?

What, dealing with other's differences? Well, at least, that's what I've heard. I mean, even if you do find your ideal mate they're still bound to do silly things like do the dishes "the wrong way" or never take out the trash, and you just have to learn to live with them, and they have to learn to live with YOUR idiosyncrasies.

Which, if that's the case, does anyone have a PERFECT partner? Maybe it doesn't exist...

 

[OrangeAppled]

What, dealing with other's differences? Well, at least, that's what I've heard. I mean, even if you do find your ideal mate they're still bound to do silly things like do the dishes "the wrong way" or never take out the trash, and you just have to learn to live with them, and they have to learn to live with YOUR idiosyncrasies.

Which, if that's the case, does anyone have a PERFECT partner? Maybe it doesn't exist...

My mom told me to find a man whose flaws annoy me the least, because they all will annoy you

 

[MmmCrazy]

My mom told me to find a man whose flaws annoy me the least, because they all will annoy you

): This is depressing.

 

[nynesneg]

): This is depressing.

Don't worry, I'm sure you'll fall in love with them first. I have yet to experience this incredible thing...

You notice the annoying things about people after living with them for awhile. Ie, leaving clothes all over, beer bottles in the bedroom, not being ___ or __ trait which you are, etc

 

[Domino]

I have to say this -- the older you get, the less bugged out by things you get. I was where you were many years ago, and despaired of ever being happy with myself or anyone else, but as I've gotten some time under my belt, I find that things automatically irritate me less and I'm way less likely to be bothered by idealistic thinking in areas where it only made my life hard. I was never comfortable with people getting near me because I felt like I had to be perfect and be that way all the time (an impossible task for even a MINUTE). Now I'm like "Get bent" and laugh.

I was talking to an ENTP friend last night. We're both over 30 (I'm 32, he's 33) and we were both remarking how much we don't give a darn about certain things anymore and what a relief it was. We're both pretty idealistic (still), but in a much more applicable manner. The N loopiness is there, yet it doesn't assert itself all out of control as much as it used to. Becoming a dad was a big help to him. For me, illness and dealing with a lot of crises that knocked me out of my tree with some frequency.

You'll be pleasantly surprised how much more selective you can be about idealism when you hit 30. It's something to look forward to. Also it helps to be around people with reasonable expectations. You won't feel so compelled to take things apart.