[NF] Need some NF advice.

[Nonsensical]

I'd much prefer only NF advice that is objective rather than critical. But if any other temperaments read this and feel moved to give some inspirational advice, it would be appreciated.

So, as you guys know, I'm young. I have found myself in a bit of a crisis. One that I'll look back at in a few years and most likely feel really embaressed about. But nonetheless, I can't think of a better bunch of people to get advice from.

There's this girl I really, really like. She's a freshmen, and I'm a junior. But the only thing is, I haven't talked to her. Shoot me now-I said it. I'm crushing real hard on a chick I've never talked to. But I know of her, and she strikes me as the most beautiful walking creature.

It's got to be some intuition mixing in. I don't mean to sound cliche, but I get really weird feelings when I see her. There've been moments where we've both looked at eachother at the same time. She's really quiet, but really popular. I think she's the class president or something. And I'm kind of everywhere and nowhere at the same time, so socially, it may be a little weird.

I guess what I'm asking you guys about, is how to approach her and develop a relationship. As of now, I don't have enough confidence to actually confront her. But I'm working on it.

Call me a pussy, call me a whimp, tell me I'm looking for diamonds in a coal mine, but I don't care. I'm looking for objective advice as to how I can initiate things. I'm not good at it, it's not how I roll.

Sorry for whining. I have no one to talk to. My friends and family wouldn't understand.

 

[Amargith]

Find something specific you like about her, something concrete. Approach her about that subject, and ask her opinion on it. That's what I do when I meet someone I find intriguing or admire. From there on, you can just start the conversation and see if she's everythign you'd hoped for and if there's a click

 

[BlackCat]

Do you know her name? Befriend her on Facebook or something like that and be casual.

 

[Nonsensical]

Find something specific you like about her, something concrete. Approach her about that subject, and ask her opinion on it. That's what I do when I meet someone I find intriguing or admire. From there on, you can just start the conversation and see if she's everythign you'd hoped for and if there's a click

Wow, I actually understand that. It's so hard to function on a social level like that for me (sucky Se?). But that's a great idea.

I just don't want to approach her randomly and come off as a creeper. But I realize that's not what you're saying.

Thankas Amar

Do you know her name? Befriend her on Facebook or something like that and be casual.

Already did, back before I really didn't know who she was. But now she's in my school and there is like almost no way to casually start things.

I guess in a sense, I'm wishfully waiting around for something to come my way. It's terrible because I know it's inefficient and the odds of something actually happening are little. I only have two classes with her, both music ones but I'm never in a position to talk to her.

I can't tell you how bad I wish she would jump first. Then I could follow. But it doesn't work that way, I guess. It's usually the extrovert.

 

[Amargith]

Welcome sweety
Just make sure it's something you genuinly are intrigued by. It takes the pressure off the fact that you are interested in her.

Sometimes I'll also just 'overhear' a conversation and when the person is talking about a topic I enjoy, I'll jump in and give a smart-ass remark, or some kind of odd remark...just somethign that makes them have to think twice..one of the best icebreakers around I've found

Good luck with the hunt

 

[2XtremeENFP]

Get involved in the things where she is at.
A class, a party, a school program. ANYTHING.
Be-friend her friends. Something to get you to be something that she is familiar with outside of the hallways. This way, you can work on projects together, or be in the same room at a friends house or something.

I don't like it when random people come up to me anywhere I am, I know it's a line, and I know what they're getting at. Something casual like a conversation about the given situation your in may be helpful

 

[Nonsensical]

We read this poem in AP Comp today, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T. S. Eliot. It was about a man with unbounding love for this girl but how we never had the courage to express it or even tell her. He questions it all, is it really worth it? It is. But ultimately she ends up leaving (literally or metaphorically) and he is left in despair, old, and watching all of the younger folk loving.

It was kind of fitting, to an extent, and weird that we happened to be reading it in this light.

 

[BlackCat]

We read this poem in AP Comp today, The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock by T. S. Eliot. It was about a man with unbounding love for this girl but how we never had the courage to express it or even tell her. He questions it all, is it really worth it? It is. But ultimately she ends up leaving (literally or metaphorically) and he is left in despair, old, and watching all of the younger folk loving.

It was kind of fitting, to an extent, and weird that we happened to be reading it in this light.

It's more of a symbol for you to get motivated and strike while you can!

 

[Bubbles]

OWS, you seem like a real chill guy, all you have to do is take the advice of the other posters here, take a deep breath, and just do what you gotta do. The more you think, the more awkward you'll be. You're an NF, for God's sake! Embrace the F!

I second Amargith's suggestion and also would like to second the "like whatever it is as well" technique. Obviously you like English if you enjoyed that poem so much. Maybe she does too? And maybe she's working with the literary magazine? I mean honestly who knows! Look up that Facebook profile and embrace your inner creeper to find out.

....Half-kidding. But Facebook is useful.

 

[Nonsensical]

Get involved in the things where she is at.
A class, a party, a school program. ANYTHING.
Be-friend her friends. Something to get you to be something that she is familiar with outside of the hallways. This way, you can work on projects together, or be in the same room at a friends house or something.

I don't like it when random people come up to me anywhere I am, I know it's a line, and I know what they're getting at. Something casual like a conversation about the given situation your in may be helpful

That is exactly what I have sort of been trying to do. But I'm not too good at it. But I think it is great adive, that I'll keep working on.

The only advice I've gotten so far from the one friend I've told was to suck it up and go tell her. And obviously, that's not how I function. I appreciate all of your advice, and am 99% sure I'll use it.

 

[Nonsensical]

OWS, you seem like a real chill guy, all you have to do is take the advice of the other posters here, take a deep breath, and just do what you gotta do. The more you think, the more awkward you'll be. You're an NF, for God's sake! Embrace the F!

I second Amargith's suggestion and also would like to second the "like whatever it is as well" technique. Obviously you like English if you enjoyed that poem so much. Maybe she does too? And maybe she's working with the literary magazine? I mean honestly who knows! Look up that Facebook profile and embrace your inner creeper to find out.

....Half-kidding. But Facebook is useful.

Wow, you're really insightful. and thanks for the compliments!

Where some of the problems line up are with the fact that she is two grades below me. Younger, into some different things, and she's incredibly popular. I'm friends with everyone..I float between social groups.

Facebook is useful, I'll admitt. But she didn't really publish a lot on it. Typical Introvert! I just hope my contrast in personality comes off as attractive.

 

[Laurie]

As an NF this is a great way to learn to break the ice with women. Don't hope for her to take the initiative, you don't want to get yourself used to hoping for that. If you try, no matter what happpens, you are ahead.

 

[Lethe]

If I remember anything from high school, it'd be the idea that the lower grades (especially the freshman) worship the higher ones.

And I know what you mean about trying to befriend an introvert! Since I'm introverted myself, I have take on the extroverted role to make anything happen, whereas with an extrovert, you could simply introduce yourself in a sentence or two.

I agree with the others about staying casual in both language and demeanor. To ease my nerves, I would usually imagine them to be standing on the same approachable ground as I am, and not on the top floors of an ivory tower. Over-analyzing how she may interpret your actions really does stunt creativity and the ability to enjoy the moment. So I'd take things one at a time, seek out best circumstances for generating ideas, and then follow wherever my spontaneity leads me. The dialogue will sound more natural and captivating, and less mechanical than something that has been rehearsed for days.

Before any type of relationship (business, personal, acquaintance, etc.) can be developed, ... the subject has to know who you are first! Leaving things open-ended is a great way to ignite interest without appearing "creepy". You don't want to subconsciously advertise yourself as a dependent love-struck puppy, you want to advertise yourself as someone who she wouldn't want to miss out on!

Fake the confidence until you make it, IMO.

 

[2XtremeENFP]

Yeah I know it's scary, if you got a really good friend, ask them to come along to these things, so itll help you be more comfortable

 

[Thalassa]

Instead of just telling her that you like her right up front, just approach her and talk about something of interest, like some other people have suggested. Keep it casual at first, but DO approach her! I think that girls, especially a freshman in high school, would most likely want a guy to approach her. If you're waiting for the opposite to happen, you might wait forever...what a waste! You don't have to declare your undying love for her in the first couple of conversations, but find a way to initiate conversation for starters.

 

[Lux]

If you want to start out slowly you could try just being where she is. What I mean is make yourself know to her. You don't have to say anything, just be in her line of vision, make sure she sees you. Between classes, at lunch etc. Get her to notice you that way. She'll remember that she sees you all the time and has never spoken to you, it may peak her interest. Make sure she knows that you noticed her. You know when you notice certain people that you find interesting without ever talking to them? Try to be that for her. After a bit (or from the beginning) maybe you'll see she's noticing you as well and your confidence will go up about actually speaking with her. It seems you would have some common ground somewhere with books, music, school etc. Plus you have age on your side, as in most freshmen girls would love to be noticed by an upperclassman.

Good luck

 

[Shimmy]

I'd much prefer only NF advice that is objective rather than critical. But if any other temperaments read this and feel moved to give some inspirational advice, it would be appreciated.

So, as you guys know, I'm young. I have found myself in a bit of a crisis. One that I'll look back at in a few years and most likely feel really embaressed about. But nonetheless, I can't think of a better bunch of people to get advice from.

There's this girl I really, really like. She's a freshmen, and I'm a junior. But the only thing is, I haven't talked to her. Shoot me now-I said it. I'm crushing real hard on a chick I've never talked to. But I know of her, and she strikes me as the most beautiful walking creature.

It's got to be some intuition mixing in. I don't mean to sound cliche, but I get really weird feelings when I see her. There've been moments where we've both looked at eachother at the same time. She's really quiet, but really popular. I think she's the class president or something. And I'm kind of everywhere and nowhere at the same time, so socially, it may be a little weird.

I guess what I'm asking you guys about, is how to approach her and develop a relationship. As of now, I don't have enough confidence to actually confront her. But I'm working on it.

Call me a pussy, call me a whimp, tell me I'm looking for diamonds in a coal mine, but I don't care. I'm looking for objective advice as to how I can initiate things. I'm not good at it, it's not how I roll.

Sorry for whining. I have no one to talk to. My friends and family wouldn't understand.

I'm not an NF, but I have a story for you. Yesterday I was in the pub with a couple of my friends, all of them introverts, the conversation wasn't really going and I was thinking in myself a bit. There was a very good looking girl sitting at the bar, and for the time being, alone. The bartender, who knew her but had to work himself, said to us: "hey guys there's a girl in need of attention over there." Obviously I wanted to talk to her, but didn't know what to say and got nervous at the thought of speaking to her and possibly making a fool of myself, and saddly I figured, never mind. I'm not going to talk to her.

Then later my friend accidentally hit the table and the glasses fell and broke. The girl came to our table to crack a wiseass remark about it, and without even thinking I make one back. Because we both said it in a clearly playful way (smiling, open body language, lively intonation) there was no real tension, and we talked ahead. After that I had fun talking to her for a while, until her friends came in and she went over to them again.

The lessons you could learn from this story.

1. Realize that the only that the only thing that prohibits you from getting to know her better is your own anxiety.

2. If you, or somebody else places pressure on you to do something it kills creativity and makes you anxious. Realize you absolutely don't have to talk to that girl you like, but that you can talk to her if situation occurs.

3. You can make situations to start conversation occur, the most common would be, either start a conversation about something she is doing, wearing or telling, or do something you know she will start a conversation about. Much like my friend tipping over his glass, although that was an accident it eventually worked as an incentive to conversation.

And when you're actually talk to that girl

1. Smile. Practise a fake smile if you have to

2. Realize that people like to be talked to. If you don't believe me go out tomorrow and start talking to random people.

3. Make up stuff as you go. In the pub from the story I just wrote there were greeting cards on the table saying "congratulations with getting fired!" She handed me one of those cards, and I picked it up as a story. "You're firing me?" "Yeah." "Well what company was I working for then?" "A veterinarian clinic." "Ah, then you can't fire me, I would never work at a veterinarian clinic." "No? What do you study then?" Etc.

I'm by no means good at small talk, but I figured it doesn't really matter what you say most of the time. If you have a thought, just pronounce it immediately and you'll be fine. If a person doesn't get that thought, explain it.

Anyway, these are just my tips on making conversation. It won't definitely get you the girl, but it could be a good first step.

 

[Nonsensical]

You guys are all so insightful. All of your advice is perfect and it makes me feel a million times more confident.

Shimmy- great story. That is so fitting to my situation, and I appreciate you sharing with me the event and it's meanings.

 

[Mad Hatter]

Just so you know, I'm in exactly the same position as you are (or at least something very similar). Every week there's some girl sitting behind me in a lecture, and she looks really nice (I'm not superficial, but so far that's the only thing I know about her). I'm trying to figure out how to get in contact with her.
Maybe I can arrange it that a friend of mine to "coincidentally" reserve a seat next to her (I'm always amazed at how I try to contrive a plan in those matters, but it seems I'm not the only one ).
Anyway, tell us how it works out. I couldn't give you any advice that hasn't been given already, but I can relate to almost all of it.
Just try to remind yourself how much you would regret it if you didn't take the opportunity. Girls I find attractive in that very special way are so rare (maybe that also applies to you), and you'll be mad yourself if you just let that one slip