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[ENFP] ENFP and ISTJ

angelsinging

New member
Joined
Sep 26, 2009
Messages
11
MBTI Type
INFP
My best mate is ENFP and I can't believe she found an ISTJ boyfriend! They've only known each other for 1 year and they are going to get married soon. They are totally opposite side and I dont like that guy. He is boring but very responsibly.

Although i am happy but i am also worried about her. I heard ENFP and ISTJ are conflict side. Most of their argument are because the ISTJ are being very controlled.

Anyone know any stories about ENFP and ISTJ? Will they be happy after married?
 

Hexis

New member
Joined
May 14, 2007
Messages
1,442
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w7
Not posting thoughts till duplicate is deleted.
 

Hexis

New member
Joined
May 14, 2007
Messages
1,442
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w7
Notify a mod when there on they'll take care of it, and probably move it to the relationships.
 

chris1207

New member
Joined
Apr 11, 2008
Messages
467
MBTI Type
XNXX
Enneagram
3w2
How bout you not be a dick, Hexis?

I agree, ISTJ's are boring as ****. I'm not sure that you've given us enough information to go on though. We don't know them and we don't even know you. I think that you should definitely provide us with more information to let us know what makes each of these people unique. Things you noticed about their relationship dynamic.

Controlling definitely sounds very J. It's a rather knee-jerk reaction for us. Heck, I like to avoid that kind of situation all together. I would rather that the P flutter away like the beautiful butterflies they are than to try to crush them under the weight of my Extroverted Judging function.

Yes, ENFP's and ISTJ's don't share no letters. Doesn't necessarily mean that's a recipe for disaster. How old are these two? Their communication issues could be the result of immaturity. I know that Amargith is older and she loves IXTJs. :D
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
4,266
MBTI Type
INTJ
Instinctual Variant
sx
Unless both ISTJ and ENFP have borderline S/N, it usually ends shitty.

I've talked about this on numerous occasions before because ISTJ male/ENFP female couplings occur fairly often (I'm guessing due to the fact that in our society ISTJ is often perceived as an ideal personality for a man, and ENFP is perceiveds as an ideal personality for a woman, so their coupling is encouraged by the external forces). But unfortunately for them, NP/SJ rarely make for a great dynamic.

I'm sure it works out for some, but from what I observed, it doesn't for most.
 

2XtremeENFP

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
446
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
3w4
the ISTJ I found was amazing. our differences seemed rough at first, but I feel that we really balanced each other out. I was almost too P and his J helped keep me responsible and kept me organized. The N and S can be a problem, but again, if you look at the bright side it helps. His S kept me grounded and picked up on things that I never saw because I was too busy daydreaming, and my N helped him look at things differently and our discussions and debates were so much fun because we learned so much from each other. The E and the I was a problem in the beginning because I wanted to drag him everywhere with me, but once I got to know him I was better able to adjust. and I think every ENFP needs a T to help them control their emotions and keep them underhand.

I did notice that the ISTJ changed me over the years, and not in a bad way. At first, I saw it as controlling, but in hindsight, I see it as balancing me out.
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
4,266
MBTI Type
INTJ
Instinctual Variant
sx
I did notice that the ISTJ changed me over the years, and not in a bad way. At first, I saw it as controlling, but in hindsight, I see it as balancing me out.

Whatever helps you sleep at night.
 

2XtremeENFP

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2008
Messages
446
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
3w4
Whatever helps you sleep at night.

You say in jest, but you're absolutely right. That's the struggle with being an ENFP. What is true and what is what we just convince ourselves to be true.
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
4,266
MBTI Type
INTJ
Instinctual Variant
sx
:hi:


To the OP: There's no "this will work/this won't work" formula in regards to type and relationship/romance.

Yeah there is. Its not absolute like math formulas, but the likelihoods are there.
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
i think honestly any two people who genuinely appreciate qualities in one another can work...the difficulty comes when they don't which can happen if they're alien to one another but not always...so it's very subjective...if they love their differences instead of just tolerate them...then it could work...otherwise it could potentially be a constant power struggle...never seeing eye to eye and never feeling heard understood or affirmed...which is important to both for long term happiness.
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
4,266
MBTI Type
INTJ
Instinctual Variant
sx
You say in jest, but you're absolutely right. That's the struggle with being an ENFP. What is true and what is what we just convince ourselves to be true.

NFs often use escapist fantasies to avoid dealing with unpleasant realities of life - denial, to put it more bluntly.

(Not talking about you per se, just NFs in general)
 

Lady_X

Well-known member
Joined
Oct 27, 2008
Messages
18,235
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
784
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
NFs often use escapist fantasies to avoid dealing with unpleasant realities of life - denial, to put it more bluntly.

(Not talking about you per se, just NFs in general)

or delusional optimism...the idea that one profoundly insightful conversation will change things...the feeling that one CAN do anything they try hard enough to do.
 

swordpath

New member
Joined
Oct 24, 2007
Messages
10,547
MBTI Type
ISTx
Enneagram
5w6
Yeah there is. Its not absolute like math formulas, but the likelihoods are there.
Not absolute, is the key phrase. I understand statistically, you'll find certain types match up better in a romantic relationship but like Lady X said:

i think honestly any two people who genuinely appreciate qualities in one another can work... the difficulty comes when they don't which can happen if they're alien to one another but not always...so it's very subjective...if they love their differences instead of just tolerate them...then it could work...otherwise it could potentially be a constant power struggle...never seeing eye to eye and never feeling heard understood or affirmed...which is important to both for long term happiness.

I think that if you can appreciate someone's qualities and differing outlook as opposed to automatically contending with them, you have the advantage in expanding your own.
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
4,266
MBTI Type
INTJ
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sx
Not absolute, is the key phrase. I understand statistically, you'll find certain types match up better in a romantic relationship but like Lady X said:



I think that if you can appreciate someone's qualities and differing outlook as opposed to automatically contending with them, you have the advantage in expanding your own.

Looks like SJs are susceptible to "delusional optimism" too ;)
 

swordpath

New member
Joined
Oct 24, 2007
Messages
10,547
MBTI Type
ISTx
Enneagram
5w6
Well, apparently something is going right for this couple of one year, that is on the verge of being wed. It looks like your theory is null and void in this instance.
 

The Outsider

New member
Joined
Feb 3, 2009
Messages
2,418
MBTI Type
intp
Enneagram
5w4
Instinctual Variant
sx
My best mate is ENFP and I can't believe she found an ISTJ boyfriend! They've only known each other for 1 year and they are going to get married soon. They are totally opposite side and I dont like that guy. He is boring but very responsibly.

Although i am happy but i am also worried about her. I heard ENFP and ISTJ are conflict side. Most of their argument are because the ISTJ are being very controlled.

Anyone know any stories about ENFP and ISTJ? Will they be happy after married?

As long as they love each other.
 
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