[INFP] for INFPs, have you ever noticed

[briochick]

have you ever noticed that INFPs tend to want to relate everything back to something that happened to them or something we know? I've seen this a lot. I can see how it could be interpreted as selfish...

Also, do really stupid people annoy you? Like, make you want to hit yourself in the head with a shovel just to dull the awareness of the inane drivel coming out of their mouths? And, why the inclination toward self directed anger when the anger is clearly do to some outside effect?

are you pretty much incapable of saying you're truly good at something if it would give you social/economic value?

Do people usually tend to not feel strongly about you, but still remember you?

non-INFPs, do you notice this stuff in INFPs?

 

[Glycerine]

Wouldn't that just be a manifestation of Fi? Fi users like to connect to others by extrapolating through their own personal experiences. It's what makes them highly empathetic or really guilty of projecting. Also, Fi seems very much about the individual's values and standards since it's a judging function. From my understanding and experience, this can mean that Fi doms will have really strong judgments and feelings on things that they deem stupid or morally wrong. I have seen many INFPs behave in the way you described in the OP and it usually doesn't annoy me. I tend to find it refreshing and genuine.

 

[Fidelia]

Sometimes I find with Fi doms (maybe moreso with younger ones?) that it does seem a little all about them - even when you tell them something, it's more about their reaction to what you're saying, rather than about what's happening to you. On the other hand, I do appreciate that they have values that they are strongly passionate about and I have found those who use Fi as a tertiary function to be much harder to understand.

I appreciate the fact that they don't appreciate inane drivel, nor inflict it on others.

I never realized until a while back how very hard on themselves they are. Way tougher on themselves than anyone else would be.

With admitting to being good at things of economic value - why do you suppose that would be? I've noticed that being true of some INFPs, but am not sure of the cause. Is it that it feels like selling out? Would it make them just a drone instead of someone unique?

Hmm, I never thought about the last point before. With acquaintances I could say that's true. With friends, most definitely not.

 

[sunshinebrighter]

have you ever noticed that INFPs tend to want to relate everything back to something that happened to them or something we know? I've seen this a lot. I can see how it could be interpreted as selfish...

Yeah I do that, but so do other types. People love talking about themselves.

Also, do really stupid people annoy you? Like, make you want to hit yourself in the head with a shovel just to dull the awareness of the inane drivel coming out of their mouths? And, why the inclination toward self directed anger when the anger is clearly do to some outside effect?

Stupid people don't annoy me. They are very easy to manipulate and I like that they are predictable. As long as they are nice people I see no problem with them. People who think they are smarter than they really are and the willfully ignorant annoys the fuck out of me.

are you pretty much incapable of saying you're truly good at something if it would give you social/economic value?

I'm a perfectionist when it comes to things that I view as valuable. My accomplishments are never good enough for me.

Do people usually tend to not feel strongly about you, but still remember you?

Weird question. I don't know. It's not something I would keep track of.

 

[OrangeAppled]

have you ever noticed that INFPs tend to want to relate everything back to something that happened to them or something we know? I've seen this a lot. I can see how it could be interpreted as selfish...

Yep, it's part of how we empathize. If I can imagine the feeling by connecting it to something I've felt or something I know, then I can understand/explain it better. I don't have to experience something directly to empathize though, which I sort of touch on further down....

I also enjoy relating because I often don't relate to people in many ways. Maybe that's where it becomes selfish.

Also, do really stupid people annoy you? Like, make you want to hit yourself in the head with a shovel just to dull the awareness of the inane drivel coming out of their mouths? And, why the inclination toward self directed anger when the anger is clearly do to some outside effect?


Are all of these questions connected? If so, the last one is only true in a social setting when I lament no natural interest in the inane drivel and feel left out. I get that alien feeling, like I'm watching creatures I do not understand and cannot relate to, but it makes me sad.

Otherwise, I don't blame myself for other people's annoying behavior. Self-directed anger is a by-product of my idealism and not living up to my own standards.

are you pretty much incapable of saying you're truly good at something if it would give you social/economic value?


I have a hard time saying I am truly good at anything without feeling like a conceited braggart. This makes job interviews (even more) difficult. Something can be true of myself, but I feel like a fraud in the moment and find it hard to vocalize.

I also recently told someone I am really only good at "useless" things that don't make money. That's definitely more of a feeling than the truth though. It's my ideals being too high again.

Do people usually tend to not feel strongly about you, but still remember you?

Yes, but I think it's a combo of my appearance and demeanor. Since I often don't interact much with people, it makes sense that they feel little. However, I think there's a lasting impression of, "What an odd duck".

Sometimes I find with Fi doms (maybe moreso with younger ones?) that it does seem a little all about them - even when you tell them something, it's more about their reaction to what you're saying, rather than about what's happening to you. On the other hand, I do appreciate that they have values that they are strongly passionate about and I have found those who use Fi as a tertiary function to be much harder to understand.

This is an interesting perspective, and now I'm going to go off on a tangent about it, haha.

I actually don't react much emotionally in the moment to what people tell me. I'm rather detached. I tend to feel others' emotions as a cumulative feeling, and expression of it comes out in other areas at other times. Yet, in the moment, I am still relating myself to it, so as to grasp the person's experience as well as I can. I suppose it's the detachment and relating that seems like we're more concerned with our own feeling about it. It's just how our empathizing process works though, because its aim is primarily to heal through a solution, not just to offer comfort.

From Jung's description of Fi:

"One is distinctly aware then of the movement of feeling away from the object. With the normal type, however, this happens only when the influence of the object is too strong....There is little effort to respond to the real emotions of the other person....Faced with anything that might carry her away or arouse enthusiasm, this type observes a benevolent though critical neutrality.... "

I take this to be a way of saying that when something has potential to cause a strong emotional reaction, INFPs somewhat detach in the moment, as opposed to responding emotionally. I think it's partly a self-protective measure and a way of staying clear-headed when it's needed. I personally do take a critical approach - not in a negative way, but more like "evaluating" the various factors. So really, the detachment is a sign that the INFP is thinking quite deeply about it, and it really matters to them, to the point that their emotion has to freeze up.

"An intensive sympathy, being shut off from every means of expression, acquires a passionate depth that comprises a whole world of misery and simply gets benumbed. It may perhaps break out in some extravagant form and lead to an astounding act of an almost heroic character, quite unrelated to either the subject herself, or to the object that provoked the outburst."

So it comes out at some point.

"Its aim is not to adjust itself to the object, but to subordinate it in an unconscious effort to realize the underlying images."

"The primordial images are,of course, just as much ideas as feelings."

"Any stormy emotion, however, will be struck down with a murderous coldness, unless it happens to catch the woman on her unconscious side - that is, unless it hits her feelings by arousing a primordial image."

I read "primordial" to mean "basic core value". This, to me, is saying that the strong emotional reactions are basically numbed, and that these emotional issues are dealt with in a more imaginary way. The feeling is less emotional than an almost instinctual connection to the basic foundations of the INFPs values. When I empathize with someone, I feel like my mind is racing to connect it to something I know. And then I reach a clear image and I realize I am empathizing. And it's strange because I am connected and detached simultaneously.

This is when the "feeling" enters some realm separate from emotion and reasoning. I think Jung uses "images" because it's a fuzzy process.

 

[The Outsider]

Well, if someone talks to me about their problems or whatnot, I will not relate it back to myself, at least not outwardly. I see connections myself, but diminishing other people's problems is not something I want to do. And even though that wouldn't be the motivation, I know how it could seem to others.
However, this is something I've seen in many other people, in the rare occasion that I actually do speak about what's going on with me.

Fi or no Fi, it is my choice whether I vocalize my thoughts or not.

On the other points - yes.

 

[Liminality]

Ralate it back to myself internally, stirr it around, see how it sits with me, yes.

As for self-directed anger, it's something I had to deal with for long time, and am training myself out of. In the end it was only ever hurting the people around me. Funny how the only feeling that's really honest, I've found, and the most powerful of all I've ever felt is the worst.

 

[briochick]

How interesting. I often feel like an alien in social situations as well. I hear the conversation but the point of it is completely lost on me.
Are all of those things in the op to do with Fi then?

 

[Biaxident]

have you ever noticed that INFPs tend to want to relate everything back to something that happened to them or something we know? I've seen this a lot. I can see how it could be interpreted as selfish...

Yes.

Only idiots think it's selfish.

Also, do really stupid people annoy you? Like, make you want to hit yourself in the head with a shovel just to dull the awareness of the inane drivel coming out of their mouths? And, why the inclination toward self directed anger when the anger is clearly do to some outside effect?

I prefer to think of them as mentally challenged. And yes they irritate me. But injure myself? No. More like take a staple gun and staple their lips shut, then super glue over that. I have learned to direct my anger outward, it helped me survive some situations that probably would have had me in the morgue. Not to say I don't have some self loathing still. I just won't let it dictate how I live.

are you pretty much incapable of saying you're truly good at something if it would give you social/economic value?

Yes. And pretty much any honest compliment makes me uncomfortable. Unlike some narcissistic people, I have never labored under the illusion that I am God's(Buddha, FSM, Ganesha,<insert> deity of your choice...) gift to anyone.

Do people usually tend to not feel strongly about you, but still remember you?

No, they usually either really like me, or dislike me. But most people remember me. I go out of my way to be nice to people with crappy(subjective) jobs. So all the clerks, bus drivers, maintenance workers etc. at places I frequent, know my face after the first couple of times.

non-INFPs, do you notice this stuff in INFPs?

Go ahead...

 

[sgtmac_46]

have you ever noticed that INFPs tend to want to relate everything back to something that happened to them or something we know? I've seen this a lot. I can see how it could be interpreted as selfish...

Also, do really stupid people annoy you? Like, make you want to hit yourself in the head with a shovel just to dull the awareness of the inane drivel coming out of their mouths? And, why the inclination toward self directed anger when the anger is clearly do to some outside effect?

are you pretty much incapable of saying you're truly good at something if it would give you social/economic value?

Do people usually tend to not feel strongly about you, but still remember you?

non-INFPs, do you notice this stuff in INFPs?

My INFP wife constantly interrupts me while i'm discussing something to tell me something that just occurred to her......not always directly (or even remotely related) to what we were discussing.

 

[the state i am in]

some infps are way better than others at empathizing. it's just bc Ne opens up Fi, otherwise Fi is very narrow and closed and doesn't let a lot thru. the more Ne usage and the less value fixation (ie idealism, etc), the more free-flowing it is the more infps are able to connect their feeling states to everything in the world. Ne and N period increase openness, more perception and less judgment, more acceptance and more listening and less aggressive judgment filtration.

i know some really really open infps who really can seem like enfps, but they're not bc they're sooo introverted and Fi is their first, if not their only major function. Ne is what makes infps brilliant, creative, and artistic. otherwise they're just dorky trapped-introvert versions of isfp without the Se awareness/presence and Se adaptability/style. Ne creates more and more affirmation and acceptance of what is, more possibility, more perspective (more interconnectedness).

 

[Biaxident]

some infps are way better than others at empathizing. it's just bc Ne opens up Fi, otherwise Fi is very narrow and closed and doesn't let a lot thru. the more Ne usage and the less value fixation (ie idealism, etc), the more free-flowing it is the more infps are able to connect their feeling states to everything in the world. Ne and N period increase openness, more perception and less judgment, more acceptance and more listening and less aggressive judgment filtration.

i know some really really open infps who really can seem like enfps, but they're not bc they're sooo introverted and Fi is their first, if not their only major function. Ne is what makes infps brilliant, creative, and artistic. otherwise they're just dorky trapped-introvert versions of isfp without the Se awareness/presence and Se adaptability/style. Ne creates more and more affirmation and acceptance of what is, more possibility, more perspective (more interconnectedness).

 

[Cybin]

I feel bad for doing it because I worry it will be misinterpreted as selfishness. When someone is coming to me with their problems, I just need to have as close to an accurate idea in my head as possible of what they are going through. When I do, I try to make that clear. "Well, this happened to me and I felt this way. Does that sound like what you are feeling right now?" Even if I missed the mark, the questions like that sometimes give the other person a good reference point to better describe how they feel.

Otherwise, yes to everything appled said.

 

[Chunes]

have you ever noticed that INFPs tend to want to relate everything back to something that happened to them or something we know? I've seen this a lot. I can see how it could be interpreted as selfish...

I do this occasionally, but not too often. Often, if the conversation is abstract enough to warrant clarity, I will simply paraphrase in the selfless abstract. But yeah, I can see how my need to put the concept I was told into my own words could be construed as selfish and/or annoying. Though, I do find that doing this helps the other person know that I understand (plus it may introduce a nuance that may further the discussion). So I don't know; it can be a strength as well as a hindrance.

Also, do really stupid people annoy you? Like, make you want to hit yourself in the head with a shovel just to dull the awareness of the inane drivel coming out of their mouths?

This is perhaps something we are inclined to, but it can be worked on as we mature. It's the way they are; may as well love 'em for it.

And, why the inclination toward self directed anger when the anger is clearly do to some outside effect?

Another inclination. We may be defending others by directing negative emotions inward and positive more often outward.

are you pretty much incapable of saying you're truly good at something if it would give you social/economic value?

Absolutely. This is probably my greatest weakness; the thing that prevents healthy functioning in my society the most. Sigh...

Do people usually tend to not feel strongly about you, but still remember you?

Yup, but with some notable exceptions.

 

[speculative]

have you ever noticed that INFPs tend to want to relate everything back to something that happened to them or something we know? I've seen this a lot. I can see how it could be interpreted as selfish...

For me, this is simply a way to fit in.

Also, do really stupid people annoy you? Like, make you want to hit yourself in the head with a shovel just to dull the awareness of the inane drivel coming out of their mouths? And, why the inclination toward self directed anger when the anger is clearly do to some outside effect?

They used to annoy me, but I am learning to not let things like this bother me.

are you pretty much incapable of saying you're truly good at something if it would give you social/economic value?

If only I knew what it was that I'm truly talented at that would make me shovelfuls of money, I'd shout it from every rooftop.

Do people usually tend to not feel strongly about you, but still remember you?

This may be my distorted self-image talking, but I sense often that people I pass in the supermarket, or on the street, truly do not like me. I usually try to appear friendly and happy, easy-going is a better word. I'm not sure if this is a turn-off or what, but it seems to get a bad reaction. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this, but it is truly weird. (Like Biaxident, I am unusually kind/friendly to people like cashiers, waiters, etc.)

 

[Lacey]

have you ever noticed that INFPs tend to want to relate everything back to something that happened to them or something we know? I've seen this a lot. I can see how it could be interpreted as selfish...

Yep, I definitely do?...did?...this. I want to give stories or examples that relate to what someone's talking about, to say, "Yeah, I can relate; I understand!", but I'm worried that it looks like I just want to talk about myself. Nobody's accused me of that, but I'm paranoid. So recently I've been trying to scale it back a bit.

Also, do really stupid people annoy you? Like, make you want to hit yourself in the head with a shovel just to dull the awareness of the inane drivel coming out of their mouths?

Oh, geez. Stupid people used to piss me off so much I got headaches. But for maybe the past year and a half or so, they don't bother me as much. Fortunately and unfortunately, I've had more important things to worry about.

I think stupid people are so infuriating, at least for me, because they kinda just make you lose faith in humanity.

are you pretty much incapable of saying you're truly good at something if it would give you social/economic value?

I'm uncomfortable saying I'm good at anything for any reason. I'm uncomfortable with praise too. I don't like drawing attention to myself, and I just can't view myself as "good" at anything because I see all my faults.

Do people usually tend to not feel strongly about you, but still remember you?

I don't really know, but I wish I did.

 

[OrangeAppled]

Ralate it back to myself internally, stirr it around, see how it sits with me, yes.

Yes, I think it's good to point out that the relating is often internal, especially in a serious discussion. I'll usually only talk about myself when I feel it may shed some light on a situation, or if I am trying to clarify where they are coming from. I really, really dislike "one-uppers" .

some infps are way better than others at empathizing. it's just bc Ne opens up Fi, otherwise Fi is very narrow and closed and doesn't let a lot thru. the more Ne usage and the less value fixation (ie idealism, etc), the more free-flowing it is the more infps are able to connect their feeling states to everything in the world. Ne and N period increase openness, more perception and less judgment, more acceptance and more listening and less aggressive judgment filtration.

i know some really really open infps who really can seem like enfps, but they're not bc they're sooo introverted and Fi is their first, if not their only major function. Ne is what makes infps brilliant, creative, and artistic. otherwise they're just dorky trapped-introvert versions of isfp without the Se awareness/presence and Se adaptability/style. Ne creates more and more affirmation and acceptance of what is, more possibility, more perspective (more interconnectedness).

Judging is a strength though. People seem to think judging equals damning everything, or something like that. It's not always negative. It's getting to the heart of a matter so as to uncover truth.

Dominant perceivers need a judging function to anchor them. What's the point of seeing possibilities if you never choose one or cannot determine what is of value?

And Fi is the source of creativity in an IxFP, even if Ne/Se is used to find an outlet. In Jung's description of Fi, the "primordial images" are just as much feeling-values as they are significant ideas. IxFPs have to find a way to communicate these feelings/ideas in a way that is true to how they feel and arouses the same feelings in others. Obviously, this leans them towards the arts.