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[INFJ] Are INFJ's seen as detached in new or uncomfortable settings

CindySue

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2009
Messages
21
MBTI Type
INFP
Infj's do you relate to this at all???? Which parts?

I have decided I am more infj than other types. I have been told a lot lately at work that I am too quiet. I don't understand people's interpretation of me, because outside of work with people that I love and am close with I can be fun, outgoing, and quirky. I wonder if these are traits related to all infjs.

- I like to listen rather than talk. If you are talking about something I'm highly interested in, I will come bubbling to life but a lot of times I like to talk about other people(you) not myself. I make generalizations about everyday things and have a hard time giving lots of details about what to me only takes a couple sentences to explain, so many times I am short and to the point.

-In a new setting, my Ni is on overdrive and I am taking in the environment and making connections. I have no desire to take control of the room but prefer to listen and figure out my surroundings. Many people might see me as detached, shy, or quiet but really I am content in just observing and understanding and offering my opinion when asked.
Also with this, I have found if I find somebody uninteresting or mundane, I will stay in my own little world and ignore them and the conversation. I find myself daydreaming sometimes in groups of people I don't connect with or see no need to talk to, and while others see me as shy its really because I have no input for the conversation or no desire to contribute. In new environments I almost always have a guard on while I am figuring it out or deciding if they are worth my voice. At work I don't go out of my way to speak to people in the elevator or to meet new people. This is mostly because I have no desire to unless there is something particularly compelling about them that turns into a friendship.

-On the otherhand, if I am at a party with friends or family that I love, I open up and can ramble on and on. I find that I only do this with people I trust or who I see value in though. With the right connection I can talk nonstop for hours and hours on end making the other person the listener.
 

BlackCat

Shaman
Joined
Nov 19, 2008
Messages
7,038
MBTI Type
ESFP
Enneagram
9w8
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
This sounds like introversion.
 

Grace

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INTJ
It takes me a loong time to get used to new situations/settings. Then once I do I feel completely comfortable. For instance, I hate going to parties. It makes me uncomfortable and whatnot. I don't mind it, however, when my boyfriend wants to have a party at his house. In this situation I feel comfortable since I am familiar with his house, even though I may not be with his friends. I can be way more outgoing and open in this situation than if it were all of the same people but at a different location. In that case I think that people would probably see me as a bitch because I tend to appear aloof and cold. I don't know if this is because I am an I or because I am an INFJ. I have heard that INFJs tend to appear to be cold though.
 

Fidelia

Iron Maiden
Staff member
Joined
May 31, 2009
Messages
14,497
MBTI Type
INFJ
Yep, that's a pretty much classic INFJ description.

I think we do have to fight the tendancy to hole up in our own heads when we are among people with whom we have nothing in common though, as it is the equivalent of standing among a group of people and reading or something.

I have found that the benignly "nice" demeanor that INFJs give off can also make them susceptible to being misrepresented by people who are more closely associated, to people who do not know them as well and they'll believe it because they don't really know them well.

Over time I have also found that my tendancy to let people approach me has resulted in me putting more effort into relationships with other people, but often others being given the credit for it, or me getting invitation issues through those who might have the same interaction level or less but are more outgoing. My horror of imposing myself where I am not wanted (I have found) actually sends off signals that I am not interested or am aloof. I have experimented in the last few months with approaching people and assuming friendship with them and have been shocked at how warmly they have responded.
 

Charmain

New member
Joined
Oct 8, 2009
Messages
18
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4
I am exactly the same and I am INFP. I think it's introversion.
 

Grace

New member
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
426
MBTI Type
INTJ
I think we do have to fight the tendancy to hole up in our own heads when we are among people with whom we have nothing in common though, as it is the equivalent of standing among a group of people and reading or something.

I have definitely brought a book to a party before, on more than one occasion. :blush:
 

cascadeco

New member
Joined
Oct 7, 2007
Messages
9,083
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
To the OP - sure, it sounds like INFJ, and I can relate.

BUT more to the point - it sounds like pretty much all other introverts as well. So it's certainly not exclusive to INFJ. So like a few others have mentioned - pretty much everything you've described is tied to introversion, and *maybe* to INxx's as a whole, but I think most of what you wrote could also pertain to ISxx's.
 
G

Ginkgo

Guest
I am exactly the same and I am INFP. I think it's introversion.

I think that INFJs are more likely to physically escape from uncomfortable situations in an effort to regain their composure. INFPs, on the other hand, "freeze" and space out into their own dream worlds. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Of course, both of these types require time alone because they are introverts.
 

sgtmac_46

New member
Joined
Jul 2, 2008
Messages
203
MBTI Type
ENTP
It takes me a loong time to get used to new situations/settings. Then once I do I feel completely comfortable. For instance, I hate going to parties. It makes me uncomfortable and whatnot. I don't mind it, however, when my boyfriend wants to have a party at his house. In this situation I feel comfortable since I am familiar with his house, even though I may not be with his friends. I can be way more outgoing and open in this situation than if it were all of the same people but at a different location. In that case I think that people would probably see me as a bitch because I tend to appear aloof and cold. I don't know if this is because I am an I or because I am an INFJ. I have heard that INFJs tend to appear to be cold though.

The INFJ's I know appear......unresponsive, not so much cold. As if they are lost in their own world, not as if they don't care.
 

allie bug

New member
Joined
Dec 30, 2007
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENFP
i'm trying to type my friend and I think he is an INFJ. Here are a couple traits...opinions?
-very quiet unless around someone he's comfortable with (family usually)...and can become quite outgoing then

-apologizes a lot....I know this is an enfp trait but not sure if it's just an NF thing

-seems to have several new exciting life-plans going on at once, but doesn't take a step in the direction of any of them

-I have gotten really surprising flashes of anger when touching on subjects I had no idea he had feelings about.

....I don't really know a lot of J's so I don't know if that's what this is
 

sgtmac_46

New member
Joined
Jul 2, 2008
Messages
203
MBTI Type
ENTP
i'm trying to type my friend and I think he is an INFJ. Here are a couple traits...opinions?
-very quiet unless around someone he's comfortable with (family usually)...and can become quite outgoing then

-apologizes a lot....I know this is an enfp trait but not sure if it's just an NF thing

-seems to have several new exciting life-plans going on at once, but doesn't take a step in the direction of any of them

-I have gotten really surprising flashes of anger when touching on subjects I had no idea he had feelings about.

....I don't really know a lot of J's so I don't know if that's what this is

Definitely an INFx. Tell me.......does he believe that there's a huge conspiracy involving the government, bananas and 9/11?
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
i'm trying to type my friend and I think he is an INFJ. Here are a couple traits...opinions?
-very quiet unless around someone he's comfortable with (family usually)...and can become quite outgoing then

-apologizes a lot....I know this is an enfp trait but not sure if it's just an NF thing

-seems to have several new exciting life-plans going on at once, but doesn't take a step in the direction of any of them

-I have gotten really surprising flashes of anger when touching on subjects I had no idea he had feelings about.

....I don't really know a lot of J's so I don't know if that's what this is

The bolded is not characteristic of INFJ.
 

Fife

New member
Joined
Dec 8, 2008
Messages
81
MBTI Type
INFJ
Was at a small gathering the other day, in which I didn't know approximately half the people. There were only eight of us, but I was tired and we were to play Cranium - which I hadn't played before and which seems somewhat like it can force you to be in the limelight.

One of the strangers exclaimed that I didn't show any emotion. Interesting. :coffee: Must not have been very comfortable.

Usually I would find somewhere quieter and just move as Tater mentioned. Not really an option in that case.

Edit: I am very close to INXJ, so may show things somewhat differently to those with a more developed feeling function.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
Joined
Mar 20, 2009
Messages
7,626
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
I think that INFJs are more likely to physically escape from uncomfortable situations in an effort to regain their composure. INFPs, on the other hand, "freeze" and space out into their own dream worlds. Correct me if I'm wrong.

Of course, both of these types require time alone because they are introverts.

I do both :D.

INFPs are often cold and reserved externally also. The more well developed the extroverted function, the easier it is to tell between an INFP and INFJ, IMO, or any introvert really. I think INFJs come off warmer because of Fe, and they don't seem to lose their composure, but INFPs will come off a bit wacky when they get animated.
 

allie bug

New member
Joined
Dec 30, 2007
Messages
37
MBTI Type
ENFP
Definitely an INFx. Tell me.......does he believe that there's a huge conspiracy involving the government, bananas and 9/11?

haha no....I haven't heard any fruit-terrorist theories yet. probably because the only time he really opens up is when he's been drinking (which drives me CaRazy)
 
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