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[INFP] Are INFPs Easy to Pick on?

G

Ginkgo

Guest
I don't know why, but there's something about my appearance that says "pick on me". Ever since I was a wee lad, I have been pestered by random children. Even now that I am an adult, my friends think I am "easy to mess with". :steam: Furthermore, it seems that I am a primary target for those who want to borrow money (and never give it back).

Why is this? Do INFPs have some "essence" about them that indicates that we're door mats for other people? What can I do to fix my dilemma without sacrificing my "kind" exterior?

I want to keep my integrity, and I love helping those who ask for it; particularly in the academic arenas. Working to communicate with others in order to help them learn is ecstasy . :)
 

Biaxident

Charting a course
Joined
Jan 10, 2009
Messages
3,617
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INFP
I don't know why, but there's something about my appearance that says "pick on me". Ever since I was a wee lad, I have been pestered by random children. Even now that I am an adult, my friends think I am "easy to mess with". :steam: Furthermore, it seems that I am a primary target for those who want to borrow money (and never give it back).

Why is this? Do INFPs have some "essence" about them that indicates that we're door mats for other people? What can I do to fix my dilemma without sacrificing my "kind" exterior?

I want to keep my integrity, and I love helping those who ask for it; particularly in the academic arenas. Working to communicate with others in order to help them learn is ecstasy . :)

Not since I was 17. People try, but when I finally tell them to shut up and move on, they do.

Perhaps you should learn to be rude when needed. Some people you know, are going to take advantage of you. And try to make you feel guilty when you don't 'help' them. Learn to tell them to go to hell.

You can still be kind, yet not a pushover.

Learn the stare. You know...lose all expression, stare at them as if they are an insect. When they try to talk you into something, just stare. And when their blabbering slows to a trickle, you say "No."

And when they whine(you know they will), tell them they aren't helping their case.

And learn to put the warm fuzzies on the back burner, when confronted with someone with ulterior motives.
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
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Jan 7, 2009
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Dear MT,

Assertiveness can indeed be an area of challenge for many INFP's and I have had particular challenges there myself.

Now that I am a full-grown tater rather than a cute little spud, I am better and better at knowing my mind and acting on my feelings of being taken advantage of by sticking up for myself.

You will get better and better at this if you practice, and you don't lose the essence of your niceness either by doing so. You just stick up for yourself in a way that aligns with who you are. :)

For example, last week:

I have 2 handymen doing work around our house; specifically, fixing a bathroom. Three days in a row they are late and work less than 8 hours. First day, a plausible excuse. 2nd day, I observe, having watched first day. Third day, they show up at 10am, 2 hours late, and I decide I have to have a talk with them. I told them I had a deadline and their lack of working a full day was compromising my project. I said I could empathize with their personal issues (that caused some lateness) but that I was getting frustrated and I had to focus on the tasks that I am paying them for. I asked them if they were still able to do the job for me and did they still actually want to work for me. Because otherwise I would have to find other help.

Sure, conflict never feels great, but they have been working very well since our chat. People need to know you notice when they step on you and you can still say something without offending your sense of who you are.

Good luck and practice!
 

Biaxident

Charting a course
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Messages
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INFP
Dear MT,

Asseriveness can indeed be an area of challenge for many INFP's and I have had particular challenges there myself.

Now that I am a full-grown tater rather than a cute little spud, I am better and better at knowing my mind and acting on my feelings of being taken advantage of by sticking up for myself.

You will get better and better at this if you practice, and you don't lose the essence of your niceness either by doing so. You just stick up for yourself in a way that aligns with who you are. :)

For example, last week:

I have 2 handymen doing work around our house; specifically, fixing a bathroom. Three days in a row they are late and work less than 8 hours. First day, a pluasible excuse. 2nd day, I observe having watched first day. Third day, they show up at 10 and I decide I have to have a talk with them. I told them I had a deadline and their lack of working a full day was compromising my project. I said I could empathize with their personal issues (that caused some lateness) but that I was getting frustrated and I had to focus on the tasks that I am paying them for. I asked them if they were still able to do the job for me and did they still actually want to work for me.

Sure, conflict never feels great, but they have been working very well since our chat. People need to know you notice when they step on you and that you can still say something without offending your sense of who you are.

Good luck and practice!

Listen to her, she knows things. And can articulate them. :)
 

PeaceBaby

reborn
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^ LOL, you quoted me before I fixed me spelling mistakes!

But thank you dear Biaxident, sending you a BIG :hug:!
 
G

Ginkgo

Guest
Learn the stare. You know...lose all expression, stare at them as if they are an insect. When they try to talk you into something, just stare. And when their blabbering slows to a trickle, you say "No."

Hah, funny you should mention that. I actually find that staring people down is the most effective - and even the most comfortable - way of telling people to shut up. It works like a charm, but NEVER do it to women, lest they think you're going to kill/rape/stalk them.
 

PeaceBaby

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And it's true, people do sense the nice in us, and know that we won't complain sometimes when we are offended.

But you CAN stand up to it, even if your heart starts pounding and you feel fear and trembling to do so. You CAN do this. :hug: to you too, as moral support next time you need it.
 

OrangeAppled

Sugar Hiccup
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Learn the stare. You know...lose all expression, stare at them as if they are an insect. When they try to talk you into something, just stare. And when their blabbering slows to a trickle, you say "No."

:yes:

I don't get picked on much at all. People tried it with me like they do with every kid at school, but it never went anywhere. I just stared at them until they got uncomfortable and went away. No reaction is not fun, so they move onto those who give them what they want.

When it comes to friend's teasing, most don't go too far because admittedly, I can get snappy and mean, and then they regret it. I often just smile somewhat sarcastically and then stare though. Topic usually changes quickly.

Also, if people ask me to do something I do not want to do, I just give this "yeah right" laugh and they drop it. Everyone knows my "yeah right" laugh now. I don't even give an excuse or explanation, because that shows room to budge. I just go "hahaha" and then ignore them. If I am feeling nice, then "sorry, but I just can't" is about as much as I'll explain.
 
Joined
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And it's true, people do sense the nice in us, and know that we won't complain sometimes when we are offended.

But you CAN stand up to it, even if your heart starts pounding and you feel fear and trembling to do so. You CAN do this. :hug: to you too, as moral support next time you need it.

right on :). It's hard as i've been there, but you can achieve that will power
with practice :hug:.

Peacebaby indeed you are wise and very articulate :).
 
G

Ginkgo

Guest
Now that I am a full-grown tater rather than a cute little spud, I am better and better at knowing my mind and acting on my feelings of being taken advantage of by sticking up for myself.
:D



I have 2 handymen doing work around our house; specifically, fixing a bathroom. Three days in a row they are late and work less than 8 hours. First day, a plausible excuse. 2nd day, I observe, having watched first day. Third day, they show up at 10am, 2 hours late, and I decide I have to have a talk with them. I told them I had a deadline and their lack of working a full day was compromising my project. I said I could empathize with their personal issues (that caused some lateness) but that I was getting frustrated and I had to focus on the tasks that I am paying them for. I asked them if they were still able to do the job for me and did they still actually want to work for me. Because otherwise I would have to find other help.

Sure, conflict never feels great, but they have been working very well since our chat. People need to know you notice when they step on you and you can still say something without offending your sense of who you are.

Good luck and practice!

Thank you. :hug: Yes, one must vocalize their discomfort so others can know about it. Otherwise, you're a good man/woman doing nothing, and you know how the old adage goes. :D
 
G

Ginkgo

Guest
My assertiveness is growing, and I suppose I'm looking for more ways to increase it's momentum.

For instance, yesterday my friend was pestering me because he was in need of help in Math 145. I told him that I couldn't help him (much to my surprise, because I normally sacrifice myself), because I was rather strapped for time. He persisted to nag me until I just stared at him because I didn't know how else to react. This poured cold water on his eagerness; but it was necessary for both of us.

A few hours later, after I relieved myself of my course work; I went over to assist this girl who sits right next to him in our class. :devil:

Another example - about a week ago I went grocery shopping with my Turkish foreign exchange room mate. Unfortunately, he was physically poking and prodding me during our ride back to the house. It pissed me off, and I couldn't do much about it because I was driving.

However, I decided to pseudo-psychoanalyze him and his fears of snow. To my surprise, I was actually right about many of my propositions, and he hasn't bothered me since.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
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BBQing obnoxious INTJs, and serving them up in a spicy smoky sauce, with red beans and rice, is one of my favorite pastimes.

:)


Dude, that's a waste of a perfectly good INTJ mind to crack and wreck :doh:

Hasn't your mother ever taught you how to play with your food first? :devil:
 

Biaxident

Charting a course
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Dude, that's a waste of a perfectly good INTJ mind to crack and wreck :doh:

Hasn't your mother ever taught you how to play with your food first? :devil:

Well yes...But it's usually the same begging for mercy in the end.

She also taught me to never waste food.:newwink:
 

will5250

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2008
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83
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INFP
Learn the stare. You know...lose all expression, stare at them as if they are an insect. When they try to talk you into something, just stare. And when their blabbering slows to a trickle, you say "No."
I sure could have used this advice when I was in College and High school, but 1. the internet had not been invented yet, and 2. I had no clue that what I am was something normal, I thought I was broken and useless, and 3. I had no friends back me up and/or encourage me, and 4. something else I was unaware of at the time, my system doesn't create enough male hormone to build up big muscles like you have accomplished, but I knew that if someone challenged me I would not be able to defend myself, but maybe they didn't know that. Maybe the stare would have saved me a lot of self image destruction; maybe.
 

Snuggletron

Reptilian
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I was always an easy target in middle school, so I bottled it all up and listened to Linkin Park.

angst problem solved.
 

The Decline

(☞゚∀゚)☞
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INFPs are incredibly easy to tease. If you want a demonstration of this, simply tell them that the negative outcome of a scenario was their fault even though they clearly had good intentions. They'll immediately show a sad puppy face. This emotional trolling works for a whole range of situations too. :devil:
 

will5250

New member
Joined
Jan 15, 2008
Messages
83
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INFP
INFPs are incredibly easy to tease. If you want a demonstration of this, simply tell them that the negative outcome of a scenario was their fault even though they clearly had good intentions. They'll immediately show a sad puppy face. This emotional trolling works for a whole range of situations too. :devil:
And you enjoy this. Hmmmm. And I now feel wounded as though you had actually done this to me, which makes me feel like punching you in the nose.
 

The Decline

(☞゚∀゚)☞
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And you enjoy this. Hmmmm. And I now feel wounded as though you had actually done this to me, which makes me feel like punching you in the nose.

See, it worked without me even trying. :cool: Apparently telling an INFP that you have intentions to gleefully harm another human works wonderfully as well.
 
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