[MBTI General] Bloody INFPs and their capacity to turn INTJs into fuzzy hug addicts.

[Biaxident]

Maybe he just needs to be needed.

INFP in a nutshell.

 

[Udog]

Second, the more wounded inside you are, (ie. ice queen) the more they want to be near you until you are healed, then they make the choice if they are attracted to you or not. They do this because they really want someone who has already dealt with their issues, and can be mature about life and love. So don't take it too personally, we are healers first, lovers second.

I disagree with this post on a couple of levels.

First, you are assuming she needed healing before he wounded her. Her insides may have been just fine, just not used to being exposed. Second, if the INFP wants someone that has "already dealt with their issues", why would they be so drawn towards someone that is "wounded inside" in the first place? And more importantly, why would they wound someone after they spent so much active effort trying to "heal" them?

Perhaps I'm misunderstanding what you meant though.

I didn't do anything damaging or unjust to him; if anything, he did to me on several occasions. I simply assumed that (like me) he wouldn't have been aware of it, and brushed it off until I could no longer do so. I tried everything in my power to not corner him or push him, but there does come a point where one needs to start getting closer to the other person, or start getting over them. I reached that point, and simply couldn't take it anymore.

I agree - it's fair to want a solid answer. An adult should be able to give you one.

To him though, your attempts to get a definitive answer will have been like "cornering" him. He made a decision he knew you wouldn't like, and tried the INFP first line of defense of "avoidance" and "passive aggression". Since that didn't work and you wanted a concrete answer, he lashed out with a finishing blow. The irony is it's likely he likely never directly gave you the actual truth you were seeking.

It's alot easier for him to blame you for what happened than it would be for him to face his own involvement in the situation and admit it to you.

And he CERTAINLY did start it with me. The first moves were all his. I'm not going to say they were UNWELCOME but they were all his. I don't even know if he's ever been in a functional adult relationship (I haven't either to be fair, but I've been BUSY); honestly, the women he dated seemed kinda broken. I don't really need any fixing, and if I did, I wouldn't need his help with the repairs. I like me the way I am, and so do my friends and family. I'm quite capable of running my life without his help. Maybe he just needs to be needed.

That's possible. You may have been more empowered than he normally likes his women.

 

[Litvyak]

INFP in a nutshell.

I thought this is an IFJ thing...?

 

[LEGERdeMAIN]

Good news, I've decided I'm not an INFP. Do you know what that means? It means that I have no idea why INFP's turn you ino a fuzzy hug addict.

Thanks for the blues songs.

 

[will5250]

Good news, I've decided I'm not an INFP. Do you know what that means? It means that I have no idea why INFP's turn you ino a fuzzy hug addict.

Which also means you were also clueless before.

 

[will5250]

INFP in a nutshell.

Sometimes I feel like a odd INFP. Like on the INFPgc I discovered that many, maybe most INFPs have an attack mode. What was the statement? INFP seems calm and friendly, but be careful. If you step on their values, they bite. I guess I was hiding behind the door when that attribute was handed out.

Some one posted on this thread, and I'm too lazy to go dig it up to quote it, that he was soft and friendly on the outside, but strong and hard on the inside, knowing himself very well. My mind has been contemplating that all weekend. I'm not like that. I am like that in that I am not very WYSIWYG. I don't think that from viewing the book of me, that it is very easy to judge my contents from the appearance of my cover. But my core is very tender, easily wounded, and deeply loving, and my exterior is it's protection. I have tried many times to push some of the essence of my core out through my pores, but I just don't seem to be wired that way, so I continue to surprise people after they get to know me.

And I don't claim to totally know myself. I envy the INTJ online friends that I have had, because they seem to have been born knowing themselves very well, where I still discover new things about myself now and then, to this day, and people have told me that they see abilities in me that I haven't discovered yet, that I need to find out how to utilize.

And I don't think I have any need to be needed. I have an intense need to be of benefit to people, but my desire is to enable people to be able to do/be for themselves. I am supposed to be some kind of healer. What good is a solution that requires my continuous upkeep? On the other hand, I am not seeking a mate. That may have something to do with my differences. I don't know. I am still contemplating.

I wish you the best Cranky. I enjoyed reading your words and everyone Else's responses here. I enjoy watching people demonstrate the patterns of their being. I hope your wounds are healed soon. I'm sorry. I don't know what needs to be said.

HUGE HUGS.

 

[Biaxident]

Sometimes I feel like a odd INFP. Like on the INFPgc I discovered that many, maybe most INFPs have an attack mode. What was the statement? INFP seems calm and friendly, but be careful. If you step on their values, they bite. I guess I was hiding behind the door when that attribute was handed out.

Some one posted on this thread, and I'm too lazy to go dig it up to quote it, that he was soft and friendly on the outside, but strong and hard on the inside, knowing himself very well. My mind has been contemplating that all weekend. I'm not like that. I am like that in that I am not very WYSIWYG. I don't think that from viewing the book of me, that it is very easy to judge my contents from the appearance of my cover. But my core is very tender, easily wounded, and deeply loving, and my exterior is it's protection. I have tried many times to push some of the essence of my core out through my pores, but I just don't seem to be wired that way, so I continue to surprise people after they get to know me.

And I don't claim to totally know myself. I envy the INTJ online friends that I have had, because they seem to have been born knowing themselves very well, where I still discover new things about myself now and then, to this day, and people have told me that they see abilities in me that I haven't discovered yet, that I need to find out how to utilize.

And I don't think I have any need to be needed. I have an intense need to be of benefit to people, but my desire is to enable people to be able to do/be for themselves. I am supposed to be some kind of healer. What good is a solution that requires my continuous upkeep? On the other hand, I am not seeking a mate. That may have something to do with my differences. I don't know. I am still contemplating.

I wish you the best Cranky. I enjoyed reading your words and everyone Else's responses here. I enjoy watching people demonstrate the patterns of their being. I hope your wounds are healed soon. I'm sorry. I don't know what needs to be said.

HUGE HUGS.

 

[Cranky]

Ok, here are the conclusions I have come to after participating in this conversation.

(1) This isn't anybody's fault, really. He simply didn't have the same feelings for me that I had for him. He's a good man who maybe made a mistake in how he dealt with me, but he's not a bad person. (I think he's an IDIOT, because I'm quite blatantly perfect in all ways, I come equipped with nifty skills and a great booty, and I would have treated him like a king, but comme il faut, I guess)

(2) I should have paid more attention to the impressions that I got from him, and watched how he treated me, not assumed that because he was a kind person that his lack of courtesy towards me was unintentional and an aberration, as opposed to signifying the fact that he simply didn't care about me. I get told a lot that I'm not great with people, which is true, but I've learned a lot about people during my life. I should start trusting--not my instincts, because they're not the best--but my knowledge of how people work, and why they do the things they do, because knowledge is always an excellent substitute for instinct.

(3) I don't want to spend my life with someone who's just kinda ok with the notion of having me around. I want a man who is on his knees thanking God every day that I'm in his life, and wants to treat me like a queen. Life is just too short to spend it around someone who doesn't feel as deeply about me as I do about him.

(4) I've never really been rejected before. It's not a pleasant feeling, because I keep wondering what I did wrong. The truth is that, as someone's already said, if I hadn't acted like myself and according to the dictates of my conscience and feelings, I *could* have ended up with someone who didn't love me for who I am, but for who I presented myself to be. That's a HORRIFYING thought. I'd really rather do my thing, cook gourmet meals, play music, and do all the stuff I do, and find someone in the course of being me who enjoys the same stuff I do. I think that makes more sense.

(5) As bad as I feel now, I'm happy that I know what being in love is supposed to feel like. Truth be told, if you lined up everybody he's hurt and everybody I've hurt, he'd never catch up to my trail of romantic corpses if he had ten lifetimes to do it. I never intended to hurt him, but maybe it's best I know what this feels like, so that I NEVER do it to someone else again.

(6) I need to sort out the difference between being happy I was with someone and the feelings I had for him. Apparently, what I was feeling before starting this whole thing with him was loneliness. Go figure, and whoda thunk it. I won't jump into anything with anyone new for a while, because I need to understand whether or not I'm doing it because I'm lonely, or because I have real feelings for them; it's not something I would have worried about before him, but now I know how nice it is to get cuddles and stuff.

(7) I should have paid more attention to his previous relationships and the stories he told me about a few of them. He has a track record of dating women who are just ridiculously co-dependent. Frankly, I'm surprised some of them managed to tie their shoes and find the coffee shop in the morning. I've been the exception to a lot of rules before, but his pattern of wanting to be with women (girls, I should say) who need his help to even function should have served as a warning sign to me, and I was too blinded by the warm fuzzies to see it. I quite obviously don't and didn't need him to function; I just adored the bliss, and while I miss him desperately, I am still paying my bills and going to work in the morning. I thought that was how it's supposed to work; I'm still pretty sure that's the ideal for a relationship (not that I'd really know; if you told me to stand on my head and only wear purple on Tuesdays to be successful in a relationship, I'd probably give it a shot).

Thank you all very much for listening; I appreciate the comments and the virtua-hugs (I should note that there's no happy animated huggy emoticon over on the INTJ boards). Sooner or later, I'll find someone who treats me with the same courtesy and respect I'll treat him with; until then, I'll just bask in my own awesomeness. You may all feel free to acknowledge my coolness at the first possible opportunity.

PS: That's what passes for a sense of humor for INTJs. The only thing that matters is whether it sounds funny in our heads!

 

[Amargith]

Girl, you rock, and you get it. What an awesome reaction and a great lesson learned

 

[intuitivethinker]

I've never had an INFP do this, but I guess you're more in touch with your F than I! Well done on figuring it all out though.

 

[will5250]

(5) As bad as I feel now, I'm happy that I know what being in love is supposed to feel like. Truth be told, if you lined up everybody he's hurt and everybody I've hurt, he'd never catch up to my trail of romantic corpses if he had ten lifetimes to do it. I never intended to hurt him, but maybe it's best I know what this feels like, so that I NEVER do it to someone else again.

This is refreshing to encounter. So many folks are so into retaliation when they are wounded. I don't seem to have retaliation in me. I just hurt, and remember how that feels so I can make certain that I never give that pain to another soul if there is any way to avoid it.

PS: That's what passes for a sense of humor for INTJs. The only thing that matters is whether it sounds funny in our heads!

Can I really depend upon that? Is that really meant as humor every time I encounter this from an INTJ? The first time I ventured onto an INTJ forum I did not realize this. Folks kept telling me they were showing me how much they liked me, and I wondered how on earth I was supposed to perceive when an INTJ liked me, when their words sometimes felt like stabs.

 

[runvardh]

The same courtesy and respect... yeah, it's nice to get that reflected.

 

[Cranky]

Can I really depend upon that? Is that really meant as humor every time I encounter this from an INTJ? The first time I ventured onto an INTJ forum I did not realize this. Folks kept telling me they were showing me how much they liked me, and I wondered how on earth I was supposed to perceive when an INTJ liked me, when their words sometimes felt like stabs.

Okay, hon. There might be no better way to explain this to you than to ask you to look at post 54 in this thread:

http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...ntjs-into-fuzzy-hug-addicts-6.html#post857743

There's a link to it.

In that post, Edgar, a fellow INTJ posted up a video to cheer me up and help me deal.

Do you in any way, shape, or form understand how being told to Harden The F&%$ Up made me laugh and feel a lot better? How being told not to be a whiny little b1$%# is just hysterically funny? I'm already terrifying to most people; hallways clear before me at my workplace, and lines evaporate so I can get to the front with nothing obstructing me. There I was, sniveling away into Kleenex with a stuffed animal, chocolate, and a picture of the guy, acting COMPLETELY uncharacteristically, and wallowing away in being all feely (ICK).

I felt even worse because I like to deal with things with humor and intelligence (and occasionally violence and profanity), not moping about, although my ENTJ best friend would tell you that I'm a giant sap and a hopeless romantic. In essence, imagine her as Ray Lewis and me as Terrell Owens. Comparatively speaking, Lewis is the bigger badass, but would you really want to pick a fight with either one of them?

So, being made to SEE when I'm being an idiot, and having it done with humor, as it was when Edgar posted that video for me, just makes me FEEL better, believe it or not.

You see, THAT reaction may be what some of these INTJs are trying to evoke from you. Humor, realization, and actualization. They're not trying to stab at you; they're trying to make you FEEL better. Do you see?

 

[Biaxident]

Okay...

Which shall we do first?

Bask in your awesomeness? Or acknowledge your coolness?

I am confuzzled...

 

[runvardh]

Okay...

Which shall we do first?

Bask in your awesomeness? Or acknowledge your coolness?

I am confuzzled...

I'm not, I already bask in my own awesomeness

 

[Biaxident]

It's a good thing I brought my hip waders. It's getting deep in here.:rolli:

 

[Cranky]

It's a good thing I brought my hip waders. It's getting deep in here.:rolli:

Fortunately, I'm wearing my Legolas boots. You know, the ones that let him walk on TOP of the snow while they were passing over Caradhras?

 

[Biaxident]

LOL!!

 

[INFtha14]

Fortunately, I'm wearing my Legolas boots. You know, the ones that let him walk on TOP of the snow while they were passing over Caradhras?

Cranky and Biax = funny funny.

Hi Cranky :hi:

amusing video XD.

 

[Edgar]

Okay, hon. There might be no better way to explain this to you than to ask you to look at post 54 in this thread:

http://www.typologycentral.com/foru...ntjs-into-fuzzy-hug-addicts-6.html#post857743

There's a link to it.

In that post, Edgar, a fellow INTJ posted up a video to cheer me up and help me deal.

Do you in any way, shape, or form understand how being told to Harden The F&%$ Up made me laugh and feel a lot better? How being told not to be a whiny little b1$%# is just hysterically funny? I'm already terrifying to most people; hallways clear before me at my workplace, and lines evaporate so I can get to the front with nothing obstructing me. There I was, sniveling away into Kleenex with a stuffed animal, chocolate, and a picture of the guy, acting COMPLETELY uncharacteristically, and wallowing away in being all feely (ICK).

I felt even worse because I like to deal with things with humor and intelligence (and occasionally violence and profanity), not moping about, although my ENTJ best friend would tell you that I'm a giant sap and a hopeless romantic. In essence, imagine her as Ray Lewis and me as Terrell Owens. Comparatively speaking, Lewis is the bigger badass, but would you really want to pick a fight with either one of them?

So, being made to SEE when I'm being an idiot, and having it done with humor, as it was when Edgar posted that video for me, just makes me FEEL better, believe it or not.

You see, THAT reaction may be what some of these INTJs are trying to evoke from you. Humor, realization, and actualization. They're not trying to stab at you; they're trying to make you FEEL better. Do you see?

Everyone on this board who ever thought of me as an asshole should re-read this post until it is committed to memory, because it speaks volumes.

I am a caring, nurturing, supportive altruist... and all the rest of you are fucking ingrates.

Also, harden the fuck up.