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[NF] Sensitivity and fear of rejection in foruming. Anyone else?

souffle

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2009
Messages
124
MBTI Type
INFP
Yes, an anonymous forum like this is supposed to be, well... anonymous.

No one knows who you are, you're just a random voice coming from somewhere that the readers couldn't really give a stuff about in their own real, personal life.

Yet I still sometimes feel insecure when I post something on here, or any forum. I feel nervous when someone comments after my own comment. I feel even more nervous when someone quotes me and/or replies to me directly. What if their response is slightly negative, I fret. Sure, they won't judge me as a human being, as they don't know me, but they might judge the character behind the writer of this comment, aka, me as a human being!

If the response is slightly negative, I begin to wish that I had stayed out of it, and not posted at all. Then the universe would be a better place, or something.

Any other NF's here feel the same way?
 

Edgar

Nerd King Usurper
Joined
Oct 25, 2008
Messages
4,266
MBTI Type
INTJ
Instinctual Variant
sx
Look into this:

Xanax%201%20mg.jpg
 

JivinJeffJones

New member
Joined
Apr 25, 2007
Messages
3,702
MBTI Type
INFP
Everyone has a few posts they wish they could take back. Hopefully mistakes you make here are mistakes you won't make irl (ie when it matters). If you run into some negativity just brush it off and try again. Most negativity here isn't serious anyway -- or so I tell myself.
 

souffle

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2009
Messages
124
MBTI Type
INFP
Everyone has a few posts they wish they could take back. Hopefully mistakes you make here are mistakes you won't make irl (ie when it matters). If you run into some negativity just brush it off and try again. Most negativity here isn't serious anyway -- or so I tell myself.

That's a great perspective! Thanks!
 

Drezoryx

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2009
Messages
213
MBTI Type
ENTp
i dont have such a fear infact a little opposite. something like not being sufficiently engaged (intellectually) or having too esoteric an interest that no one else does or having too wide and balanced a view which no one wants to contribute too. it doesnt induce fear tho. i like the intellectual volley argument after argument.. heated arguments especially. lots of fun but come rarely.
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
1,361
feeling strongly - anything but fear - is the INFx thing to do.

use the opportunity of the internet to learn to be yourself. you are only afraid of your reactions, if you don't allow yourself to have them. if you don't allow yourself to be yourself, you give other people the power, to bring you in a conflict with your self. and you are on the loosing side of the conflict. it's your previous intent against you and you submit. naturally you don't want end up there, and if you would rebel against it, you would still feel guilty. so you are afraid of what they write.

you don't have to react outwardly just to be yourself, but the decision to avoid or flee from a situation must be rooted in the present and in conscious presence of your internal reaction. not in a premeditation. if you choose repeatedly to stay away from fights, that is character, but if you choose once to stay away from all fights, and stick to it, that's not integrity, but false self and the birth of fear.

(even though wikipedia may contradict psychological reality and say something like: integrity is "to act as you said you would act" - wrong. you don't declare your character, you are your character.

make sure you have nothing to loose. don't get attached to your account, it may be be deleted during your attempts to be yourself.

let's get it on.
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
1,361
so we are often slaves to previous intent, but what is that? where does it hide? it's selfimage, moral ideas. being a good person. not loosing affection. it's also the echo of a desicion we once made in a rather traumatic situation. the belive that we have to react to offenders more nasty than socially acceptable (so we cant actually do it on a message board) or the believe that we must play the angsty victim to survive. (for example)

anything else?
 
G

Glycerine

Guest
I have a fear of coming off sounding stupid and ignorant (but that's a given at times). Also, the idea of potentially offending others scares me to no end (even though I don't really know any of you).
 
P

Phantonym

Guest
Any other NF's here feel the same way?
Unfortunately, very much so. There are numerous times when I've started to reply to a thread, written quite long passages and then decided against posting it or I delete it quickly afterwards. The thing that bothers me the most and affects my posting is that my ideas/thoughts might be ridiculed and that I'd probably be pulverized by "experts" in arguments.
 

Ozz

New member
Joined
Mar 4, 2009
Messages
197
MBTI Type
ISTJ
A lot of times, I feel that stuff I wrote down may not be correct or not significant enough to post it. That's what usually cause me to abandon my written posts half way. It seems that I want to keep up some kind of appearance even through it isn't likely that someone will be able to identify Ozz in real life.

So yeah.. many responses that got posted are irrelevant and off topic like the one above.
 

William K

Uniqueorn
Joined
Aug 13, 2009
Messages
986
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w5
I certainly can understand the way you feel. The anxiety can be so agonizing at times that it's almost physical.

Personally, I tell myself that this is a learning experience. Much like the best way to improve your public speaking skills is to speak in public regularly. You need to figure out when you are content enough with what you have written to just click on the Submit Reply before your inner critic overanalyzes it. It's a very fine line sometimes.

Actually, the worst thing that can happen (other than the occasional trolls) is that no one responds to your post at all. If someone corrects you over something, at least you can learn to avoid that mistake again. And from what I've seen, most of the people are very cool here unless you go over the line with personal insults.

Oh yeah, and if you see a post that you agree with, use the "add to reputation" under that user's avatar. Imagine what a perk that will give you if someone agreed with your post.
 

souffle

New member
Joined
Apr 9, 2009
Messages
124
MBTI Type
INFP
I certainly can understand the way you feel. The anxiety can be so agonizing at times that it's almost physical.

Personally, I tell myself that this is a learning experience. Much like the best way to improve your public speaking skills is to speak in public regularly. You need to figure out when you are content enough with what you have written to just click on the Submit Reply before your inner critic overanalyzes it. It's a very fine line sometimes.

Actually, the worst thing that can happen (other than the occasional trolls) is that no one responds to your post at all. If someone corrects you over something, at least you can learn to avoid that mistake again. And from what I've seen, most of the people are very cool here unless you go over the line with personal insults.

Oh yeah, and if you see a post that you agree with, use the "add to reputation" under that user's avatar. Imagine what a perk that will give you if someone agreed with your post.

Yep, you expressed how I feel really well. And I definitely agree about when no one responds to your post. The first thing I will think, is that my post sucked so much that no one thought it relevant to answer. :rolli:

I never knew about this 'add to reputation' tool. I'll have to look into that.

Ozz said:
A lot of times, I feel that stuff I wrote down may not be correct or not significant enough to post it. That's what usually cause me to abandon my written posts half way. It seems that I want to keep up some kind of appearance even through it isn't likely that someone will be able to identify Ozz in real life.

So yeah.. many responses that got posted are irrelevant and off topic like the one above.

Sky is BLUE! said:
Unfortunately, very much so. There are numerous times when I've started to reply to a thread, written quite long passages and then decided against posting it or I delete it quickly afterwards. The thing that bothers me the most and affects my posting is that my ideas/thoughts might be ridiculed and that I'd probably be pulverized by "experts" in arguments.

Yep! I've also neglected to finish and/or publish a few posts. Deleting can be soo tempting as well, especially if no one replies for a while.

Pitseleh said:
I have a fear of coming off sounding stupid and ignorant (but that's a given at times). Also, the idea of potentially offending others scares me to no end (even though I don't really know any of you).

Yes, yes, yes. Unfortunately my fear of offending others is a little selfish though- I fear it mostly because I don't want to make myself look like a mean, offensive person and make people not like me. Well okay, not like my random, anonymous user profile. :doh:

slumdogtrillionaire said:
i dont have such a fear infact a little opposite. something like not being sufficiently engaged (intellectually) or having too esoteric an interest that no one else does or having too wide and balanced a view which no one wants to contribute too. it doesnt induce fear tho. i like the intellectual volley argument after argument.. heated arguments especially. lots of fun but come rarely.

I also enjoy intellectual arguments.. as long as they don't become personal. This is what terrifies me.



Nanook- those are some very interesting insights you have there as well.

Thanks everyone for the responses so far! I'm really glad that people agree, makes me feel accepted!:D
 

Drezoryx

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2009
Messages
213
MBTI Type
ENTp
I also enjoy intellectual arguments.. as long as they don't become personal. This is what terrifies me.

Thanks everyone for the responses so far! I'm really glad that people agree, makes me feel accepted!:D

i cant agree more. . attack the message not the messenger! :D
 

Not_Me

New member
Joined
Jan 16, 2008
Messages
1,641
MBTI Type
INTj
I often critique posts, but it's never meant as an attack on the poster. Nor does it mean that I think less of them . (That's reserved for those who have an affinity for personal attacks)

I enjoy seeing the NF perspective on things. Don't be afraid to post.
 

Charmed Justice

Nickle Iron Silicone
Joined
Jul 22, 2009
Messages
2,805
MBTI Type
INFJ
It's all very similar to real life. The more you open up, the more people come to respect and disrespect you.

We NFs are very sensitive to how others, even random others, perceive us. We have a way of internalizing everything. Forums can be good practice in saying what's on your mind.
 

nanook

a scream in a vortex
Joined
Jul 22, 2007
Messages
1,361
just talking to myself...

so we are often slaves to previous intent, but what is that? where does it hide? it's selfimage, moral ideas. being a good person. not loosing affection. it's also the echo of a desicion we once made in a rather traumatic situation. the belive that we have to react to offenders more nasty than socially acceptable (so we cant actually do it on a message board) or the believe that we must play the angsty victim to survive. (for example)

anything else?

impatience.

to compassionately allow other people their inner reactions, even if they are weak, wrong, hostile, ignorant... which is sub-optimal and sad, in the eye of compassion, but the important thing is, that compassion can still witness such things and accept them. it's to understand and grant the freedom, .... duh how can i say it? they are lost (we are too, but maybe in a better place), they don't have a chance to warp-jump from their place to the place of another insight, -- you cant blame them for how mental space is constructed. its to see that they want to progress, but fail for complicated reasons, rather than to believe that they want to sabotage progress, which is what they do, but only because they don't see it for what it is. basically you don't want them to please you (your position), but themselves.

lets say i am doing wrong, speaking ill, mean no harm, plus speaking cant do objective harm anyway, but someone really hates it, and fears it, and comes back at me, knocks me out, virtually. i have to grant that from the heart, because it only reflects the actual truth at his space, something he has to live in. to witness this reality with compassion, "realize it" - it's the patience of the witness, the endurance that can hold this vision. its just a matter of time until the clouds change, but every bit of time must be granted.
 
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