Is this an INTJ shadow surfacing? It sounds like Te on massive utter dominating steriods. The reason I ask is that if you reach that point with me-utter anniliation-I shut you out in an Fe doorslam. INFJ shadow. It-like your anger I bet-only lasts a few days, then I resume the Te dominant approach, where I bet you guys resume an Fe subtle approach. (This is why I study you guys-you serve as a reflecting pool and allow me to triagulate myself)
No, just the dark side of Fe, really. You're not playing nice, so we're not going to play nice - and we're really good at not playing nice. We got smacked around for it quite a bit as youngsters. We like watching things blow up, both from a creative standpoint of seeing how something is put together, and from the sheer appreciation of destruction.
The INTJ shadow is the more "aloof" behavior we take to avoid this potentiality, simply because we were punished for it a lot as kids.
Fuck that. The problem is that Te inside my head is the harshest critic ever. I will never be good enough, smart enough, competent enough. This is why enfps never stop searching for self improvement. We cant or we count ourselves as FAIL.
So if I screw up I need to know. Even if it hurts or is painful, I need to understand what I did. Now most of the time my ENTPs are not pissed at me, just being Fe nice in discussions or whatever. But since I know it is Fe-nice, the game is up, and I know it isnt real-thus is inefficient and Te judges it as pointless. So I call them out on it. My baby entps are hysterical as they dont have a good Fe wall and say seriously obnoxious shit-which is true, thus of value.
As I alluded to earlier, it's not easy for us to do this, because we are really damn effective at it, and usually reap hugely negative consequences for it. Fe is much more of a defense mechanism than you might think. Given how Ti values verifiable truth, do you think the development of the Fe tertiary was an easy process? It's basically the realization that you have to sell out in some way to get by - for any intuitive, that would be a difficult process. So much of it is still puzzled over the seeming inability of others to get over themselves and just look at things rationally, without any concern over self-image or the image being portrayed to others.
That is hysterically ironic as I spend a lot of time validating and affirming the intellectual contributions of all my ENTPs. Verbal affirmation works, but even better is working to implement the idea-the ultimate affirmation. The lack of Fe makes you say this honestly but I’d put 100 bucks on Fe/Fi differences being the driver for the concept of this being “selfish”.
Umm, there's also a third way - point out every flaw in the problem until it gets to the point that it's clearly unworkable. Just so you know, this won't be taken as offensive.
The difference is, even if you find this onerous, it's still specifically related to the task at hand. Pointing out why one idea is good, or why it won't work doesn't just help the person with validation, it also helps everyone else with external parameters and constraints they need to know are important in solving the problem.
Fi is inherently selfish - I think you've said something to this extent. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but I'll be damned if it doesn't drive us non-xxFPs crazy.
This is the curse of Ne-Ne doms seek external validation. But instead call it “calibration”. I need someone to help calibrate my Fi judgment-my emotions-against. You need some one to help calibrate your Ti judgments-your ideas-against. In both cases the calibration has to ideally come from someone you are connected with. Fi for me, Ti for you, otherwise it is null. The more confident and developed we become the less we need external calibration. I can sneak by as NeTe with my ENTPs and semi-calibrate for them. The best is to find another ENTP-one they respect-to calibrate against.
There's a time and a place for everything. Unfortunately, the Ti-calibration is much more appropriate in a work environment than the Fi-calibration, wouldn't you agree? The Ti-calibration, which admittedly can be a little silly and pointless to others, nevertheless still gives out raw data with which to form ideas, doesn't it? Whereas the Fi-calibration process isn't exactly
productive in an objective sense, is it?
That being said, neither hold a candle to the absolute productivity sink that is Ne - people just don't
get that sometimes, we need a day where we do absolutely jack shit. Otherwise, we wouldn't be able to have those days where we advance two months in the course of six hours.
I can see this as being annoying as hell when you are in Ti mode and we seek Fi calibration-it is illogical and bumps the Ti train off the tracks. However treat it as a tool in the toolbox-annoying as hell but by using it you can get the ENFP to chill enough to apply logic. What is the end goal? To solve the issue, advance your goal. Use the tools at hand.
It's not the logicality that's the issue - most of us have come to terms with the illogicality of the world. The aggravating part is that after instance two or three, it really grinds our gears that the (mostly undeveloped, I'm guessing that you don't fall into this category) Fi dom/aux has no external sense of the burden they are placing on everyone else, nor is there any sense of this behavior doing "wrong" by others. Even in the circumstances where there is a bit of a mea culpa, it would be much nicer if it could be sublimated until a more appropriate period, like at home or over a beer after work.
You might counter "well Ti does the same thing", but like I've said earlier, that validation is generally pertinent to the organizational goals, something like "well, if you aren't going to listen to my ideas, why the hell did you bring me on board in the first place?" Not in the sense of "I need validation", but more of "if I'm just being ignored, then I'm just wasting my time here, aren't I?"
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