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[INFP] Why I didn't want to be an INFP

OrangeAppled

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I think one of the problems with being INFP is that it seems you must take the strengths of the type to extraordinary lengths before they become valued by society (as opposed to just by your friends), whereas most other types have strengths which are esteemed even in a moderate or mediocre form.

This is a really good point. You're either great and brilliant or just mostly useless.
 

the state i am in

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where is this stigma coming from? infjs usually like infps, intps usually like infps, enfjs usually like infps, entjs usually like infps, enfps always like infps, intjs often like infps, entps sometimes like infps.

what's the problem here? entps don't like anyone impinging on their autonomy. sometimes Fi does that to others. sometimes Fe does that to others. usually entp can get infj unstuck easier than it can get infp unstuck, but some entps, for sure, prefer another p type to a j type. infps are more internally struggling with constant judgment, but infj has flare-ups and Fe implosion is probably the worst thing in the world. but we require less overall investment to get back on track, less seasons to pass to get back to good, etc. but being introverted perceiving can, at times, really be quite terrible compared to extroverted like Ne. we are so zoomed in, we feel lost AND threatened easily by the unknown, by not-knowing, which is something that, to be happy, requires either faith or more acceptance. we both get hung up, just in different ways.

infps can be exhausting, but when people are sensitive to their values and help give them their Ne a nudge, they're fucking great. just like infj needs a nudge sometimes for Fe, it helps feed us inspiration when we run out and our throats become dry (which makes us demanding and exhausting too, at times, in our own way).

infj and infp write in almost opposite ways, but they both produce valuable insights. i have more infp friends (close friends) than any other type.
 

the state i am in

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that ^^^^ is a great point, jivinjeffjones. i think most N introverts (especially infp, infj, and intp), tho, do feel this pressure. enneagram 4 and enneagram 5 only puts more and more pressure on this, bc you spend so much time being self-absorbed and using up resources just to understand yourself. your project is totally irrelevant to most people unless it becomes perfect and completed, or unless you find yourself channeling it in a different way.

at the same time, i consistently find your posts, orangeappleds posts, and udogs post to be insightful and show many meaningful things that others just don't see. just bc you feel unappreciated doesn't mean you are. there are many others out there who, i'm sure, love sharing ideas and values with you infps.

i've frequently felt awful about my lack of self-efficacy in situations and, in short, lack of world domination, fame, fortune, etc. but then i finally found a group of like-minded intuitives who appreciated me for what i was. those things do so much work for us, they hold us in place so we can stop flexing/clenching. and our skills and lifelong projects just flow with a much more natural generosity and universality, we're so much more aware of what we actually have to give (back) and contribute to others, and the desire/trust to do so. and whether it's world-beating or not, we still have so much to offer others, i can think of friends, professors, co-workers, family members, classmates, etc, whose infpness was a great boon for me to encounter along the various roads i've traveled.
 

JivinJeffJones

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True. Damn, I guess I'm too idealistic. :doh:

It gets worse. INFP weaknesses are despised by society even when only moderately expressed, whereas those of many (most?) other types are despised only when taken to fairly extreme lengths. They get us coming and going. :rolleyes: And they wonder why INFPs are prone to depression.
 

Lauren Ashley

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just bc you feel unappreciated doesn't mean you are. there are many others out there who, i'm sure, love sharing ideas and values with you infps.

Exactly. It's not like being Ni-dom scores you major points in the real world either. But some INFPs tend to always feel victimized for some reason, and it can get to seem like whining.
 

the state i am in

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It gets worse. INFP weaknesses are despised by society even when only moderately expressed, whereas those of many (most?) other types are despised only when taken to fairly extreme lengths. They get us coming and going. :rolleyes: And they wonder why INFPs are prone to depression.

by st types maybe. most N types do NOT despise infp. except those NT individuals who despise all F types. but then when it comes to settling down the xstjs LOOOOVE infps, and many NT types do too.

infp weaknesses are lack of logical planning (which is why every infp should have an intj friend or two) and fixation on specific judgments. you can't force the judgment to change, it's at the top of the food chain. but when infps are open they perceive possibilities with Ne that make them connect to new and old things in a more healthy and balanced way. just get perception flowing more freely. bc infps judgments are mostly GREAT, infp personal values are often the most inspiring of all. but they are pointless when they are fixated, unseeing, and closed off to new and different sources of input. they lose the ability to connect and re-connect with the world and to communicate with others and a world in motion.

infps just have a lot of difficulty figuring out how to work on themselves and get paid for something in the meantime. infjs have this difficulty too. we are maybe a little bit more natural at learning systems or playing a role, but we are far less skilled at improvising on the fly and anticipating the needs of people we have never before met. we are probably more dedicated to honing specific bodies of knowledge with teh idea of financial recompense, but it often fails far short of expectations for us, too. and we have the same old trap of needing meaningful, varied, and human values-centric production or bust.
 
G

Glycerine

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For the most part, I really do like them but I have met a couple that fit the really negative stereotype. On that note, I think that most of the profiles play things up way too much. To be honest, I don't really see the INFP stigma that much more relative to most of the other types. Other than the couple supposed favored types, each type probably gets around the same amount of stigma. I think we just tend to hyperfocus on what's being said about our individual types.
 

simulatedworld

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How is being proud of your involuntary personality type any better than being proud of your race (or other random uncontrollable demographic)?
 

the state i am in

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Exactly. It's not like being Ni-dom scores you major points in the real world either. But some INFPs tend to always feel victimized for some reason, and it can get to seem like whining.

whining or not half the time it feels true when you look out the window. such is life as an emotional, moody creature. judgment goes in negative directions at times and needs some nudging into a better way. the infj vs infp competetiveness is, according to my reading, totally and exclusively based on this board. nowhere else does this correspond to any real set of data.

i'm sure infx types share this sense of unappreciation very very strongly. and i do think it is especially tough for all F males and for F females who don't display their emotions at all and keep their cards close to their chest. i think the intps have a lot of fall out from this process too, and some intjs who are especially feely or aesthetic, but there's is usually less of this occasional self-toxicity and more of an out-and-out attack on the world for not recognizing their brilliance. we add two scoops of dread to our deflation.

also, i do think infps have a far easier time in relationships with s.o. than infjs generally do. infjs have more trouble getting started, whereas infps often end up committing too hard to a mediocre situation in which they are not understood, appreciated, or capable of quality communication. but then infjs are more push-pull and fickle than infps on the whole, bc Fe requires way more pit stops to refill the tank.
 

OrangeAppled

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whining or not half the time it feels true when you look out the window. such is life as an emotional, moody creature. judgment goes in negative directions at times and needs some nudging into a better way. the infj vs infp competetiveness is, according to my reading, totally and exclusively based on this board. nowhere else does this correspond to any real set of data.

This is true also. As mentioned before, TypoC is not representative of the real world, and I imagine INFJs have it a bit rough offline.

In many ways, I get less negative judgments than INTx types I know IRL. I have that romantic artsy side which excuses a lot for me :devil:
 

the state i am in

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How is being proud of your involuntary personality type any better than being proud of your race (or other random uncontrollable demographic)?

it helps people identify with others, commiserate AND encourage, and it helps people understand their individual potential far better than it does when they don't fucking communicate at all or have any discernible starting point 'cept the complete chaos and mindfuck of their own messy individual experience. it helps re-frame your own expectations into a way of looking at the world that will help you be realistic, more accurate, and more in-touch with the situation at-hand and what you can do right now to improve yourself.

you can test yourself a la Ti and construct a new story and new histories, but that doesn't necessarily have the same effect/affect on an F type. F types need to relate, they need inspiration more than they need to approach life as a game, they need resonance and emotional meaning first and foremost to get them out of bed. these things can very much be helped by psychological constructs. most nf types really get into the enneagram system too, and for many it helps them find a space they feel they can be happy dwelling within.

it facilitates individuals recognizing the value in their way of doing things that, previously, has often felt threatened, misrepresented, and underappreciated. pride is a necessary component of psychological life.
 

the state i am in

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This is true also. As mentioned before, TypoC is not representative of the real world, and I imagine INFJs have it a bit rough offline.

In many ways, I get less negative judgments than INTx types I know IRL. I have that romantic artsy side which excuses a lot for me :devil:

i'm sure the nt types annoy far more people than the nf types. the nf types just handle it so much more poorly on the whole. we want to be liked, appreciated, and valued by others. so much so that we often go to far too great lengths to protect this. which is part of what annoys nt types, ironically enough. our own uncertainty and insecurity and the resulting behaviors.

we also have a desire to be recognized for our own unique contributions, but, again, in my mind, this is due to the sensitivity of inf/nf types and the 4/5 needs that correspond with a myriad of N types. (especially infx, but also intp and intj, along with a few supposed enp types as well). the 4w3s sure take it better, but that's largely bc they know how to double-life it easier.
 

JivinJeffJones

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Exactly. It's not like being Ni-dom scores you major points in the real world either. But some INFPs tend to always feel victimized for some reason, and it can get to seem like whining.

I can see why you would say that, but I really do think what I'm saying has an objective basis in reality. "Whiny", "flakey", "conflict-avoidant", "oversensitive", and "overemotional" have to be among the least respected (and certainly least feared, which could be germane) traits a person can have in a western society.
 

Lauren Ashley

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I can see why you would say that, but I really do think what I'm saying has an objective basis in reality. "Whiny", "flakey", "oversensitive", and "overemotional" have to be among the least respected (and certainly least feared, which could be germane) traits a person can have in a western society.

So which came first, the chicken or the egg? Society shunned INFPs for being whiny and sensitive, or INFPs were whiny and sensitive which caused them to be shunned by society?
 

JivinJeffJones

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So which came first, the chicken or the egg? Society shunned INFPs for being whiny and sensitive, or INFPs were whiny and sensitive which caused them to be shunned by society?

Whichever way makes no difference -- the outcome is the same. My point being that western society generally has far less tolerance for whininess and sensitivity (wherever it's coming from) than it does for eg insensitivity and abusiveness. Look at House as an easy fictional example.
 

Lauren Ashley

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Whichever way makes no difference -- the outcome is the same. My point being that western society generally has far less tolerance for whininess and sensitivity (wherever it's coming from) than it does for eg insensitivity and abusiveness. Look at House as an easy fictional example.

Are whininess and oversensitivity inherent in the INFP (serious question)?
 

the state i am in

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I can see why you would say that, but I really do think what I'm saying has an objective basis in reality. "Whiny", "flakey", "conflict-avoidant", "oversensitive", and "overemotional" have to be among the least respected (and certainly least feared, which could be germane) traits a person can have in a western society.

western society is kind of a bullshit concept, i find, but if you are going to talk about it and associate it with a lot of the negative forms of life we nfs have come to hate about choices made in american politics, government, education, and economic life, then don't use it as a negative image upon which to project yourself. diagnose it for what it is, a rotting grapefruit, something sick and cancerous falling onto itself and full of nothing but an elaborate system of smoke and mirrors.

also is it just me or are nf words finally catching up, with the very obvious information popping up everywhere corroborating their now-prophetic words, and the alleged enfj in the white house, etc? creating and communicating personal values, real life value in subjective experience, and forms of life that appreciate and revere LIFE over whatever we have replaced it with, are the very projects we have the abilities to do. it's a very real contribution to society and speaks to something that can never be stamped out.
 

JivinJeffJones

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Are whininess and oversensitivity inherent in the INFP (serious question)?

Oversensitivity to criticism, certainly, though I don't think whininess is.

western society is kind of a bullshit concept, i find, but if you are going to talk about it and associate it with a lot of the negative forms of life we nfs have come to hate about choices made in american politics, government, education, and economic life, then don't use it as a negative image upon which to project yourself. diagnose it for what it is, a rotting grapefruit, something sick and cancerous falling onto itself and full of nothing but an elaborate system of smoke and mirrors.

I specify "western" society to distinguish from many "eastern" societies where rudeness and insensitivity are significantly more abhorred, and social harmony more valued.
 

William K

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How is being proud of your involuntary personality type any better than being proud of your race (or other random uncontrollable demographic)?

It's a no-win situation is it? If you want to change your type, you are in denial. If you are proud and embrace your faults/strengths, then it's irrational. Are you proud of being a member of whichever country you are born in (which you have no control over as well)?

And while "Eastern" societies may be more polite, a Chinese guy in his late 30s who is not married and who has no ambitions to start his own business does not have it easy either. Trust me, I know :)
 

William K

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Are whininess and oversensitivity inherent in the INFP (serious question)?

The oversensitivity certainly. My brain is like an echo chamber for emotions. Criticisms, even constructive ones, will just bounce in there endlessly. I can probably remember the exact words of most of them years later. At the same time of course, all other emotions are the same as well, so it's both a gift and a curse. A simple word of appreciation or a sense of achievement can keep my head up in the clouds for ages.

The whininess part I don't really agree with. Defensive maybe, since I don't like hearing the truth about myself sometimes, but then who does? But I am not prone to project my emotions onto other people. The "Woe is me. No one understands me" is just not my style.
 
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