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  1. #211
    nevermore lane777's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    4w5 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    Contact them way too often. INFJ's have a tendency to be sort of like a stalker to someone they like.

    I've been thinking about this thread for a few days now, trying to imagine how I would show interest (seeing how I've never been seriously interested in someone so I can only speculate). If I were crushing hard on someone, I can totally see myself obsessing over them and contacting them far too much - provided that I know they're interested in me first Verbalizing my interest probably wouldn't happen at any stage of the relationship, unless forced
    To die would be an awfully big adventure - Peter Pan

    INFJ ~ 4w5 sp/sx ~ RLOAI ~ Inclusion e/w=1/0 (Melancholy Compulsive) Control: e/w=0/6 (Supine) Affection: e/w=4/0 (Phlegmatic Melancholy)

  2. #212
    Diving into Ni-space Crescent Fresh's Avatar
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    Mar 2011


    Quote Originally Posted by Lily flower View Post
    You asked if INFJ's are indecisive about who they like. I would say absolutely not! INFJ's are the opposite - we are very aware of who we like or don't like. And if we like someone, then it is a really strong emotion. But we are fickle in the sense that we get insecure about relationships and will ignore someone if we feel like we might get rejected by them.

    I think INFJ seem to be difficult to live and judge others in the gray area. It's either we perfectly know we really dig you, or the opposite. Along with the Fe, even if we didn't say outwardly that we really appreciate your existence and that we genuinely like you (due to introversion), the Fe will at least somehow drops hints or show in other subtle way to make sure that you'll get noticed that we do consider you as someone special.

    The biggest problem is as Lily flower mentioned that we do have a strong fear of rejection. This is something I'm still trying to work on myself.

  3. #213


    I just spent half an hour deeply involved in this growing romance, and there was no ending! And I can't access the blog. Autumn or anyone, how did it all go? I hope whatever happened, it was for the best.

  4. #214
    Member atlascatcher's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2014
    4w5 sp/so
    IEI Ni


    I should preface this by saying I'm not sure how much this is type related necessarily but I'll answer them just the same so I can have an E4 moment and make it about me...and since this thread was already necro'd.

    1. How would you try to catch the eye of another person?
    If I was truly interested in someone in physical reality I'd probably try to always look my best if I knew I was going to be around them, or what I perceived to be my best. I'd also probably try to find a way to engage with them and talk to them about their interests to see how much we would seemingly have in common and how we click in day to day conversation.
    2. Would you ever ask somebody out before they had demonstrated distinct interest in you?
    Maybe...but it'd be a really extreme occasion. I more or less like to be the one pursued generally even if they had demonstrated interest. If there was someone I truly felt I could develop feelings for but didn't know them very well I might say fuck it and go for it...The worst you can get is a no.
    3. Once you have made contact, do you try to define the dating relationship? Or do you go with the flow?
    Other than ensuring it's mutually exclusive I really just want to go with the flow. I'd prefer if the other person had some ideal of how things should go because I'm not always certain of what I want other than to be involved with the person romantically.
    4. On a first date, how do you usually act?
    Awkward and self-conscious but trying not to show it mixed with asking the person all sorts of odd things about themselves to get an idea of what they're about.
    5. How would you like to be approached/asked out by an interested person?
    Just flat out ask me. I had someone once "pursue" me by calling me every day for friendly conversation and it was the most absurd thing.
    6. How long does it take for you to decide to date exclusively?
    More or less I don't generally date people who are interested in something casual to start with. I'm all for taking things slowly but I want that person to be committed to me while we're figuring things out. I don't want to be dating them casually while they're going on dates with others. That is just odd to me. By the third date we should be exclusive until it's figured out whether or not we want a relationship otherwise they can hit the road.
    7. What do you do that you consider a "dead give-away" that you like somebody?
    Tell the person how I feel? I'm not really into playing weird flirting games I'd probably ask the person to hang out a couple times casually tell them how I feel and if they were interested in going on a date then great.
    8. How often do you take the initiative/make the first move/ask someone out?
    Almost never it's probably something I should work on. I rarely experience strong attraction from the beginning so it's hard for me to project whether or not it's even worth it to go on a date with someone (that may sound strange). Recently I've been doing more online dating because of lack of time with school and that's a whole other ball game. I met my current love interest online and they pursued me.
    9. What would be your ideal date (activity)?
    Hiking through the woods or doing something out in nature. Anywhere that's quiet that we can share some sort of teamwork while maintaining conversation.
    10. How should one go about pursuing you?
    Just ask me out. If I think there's potential for something more I'll say yes if I don't I'll say no.
    11. Are INFJs very indecisive/fickle when it comes to deciding on who they like? Or do they pretty much "know" and stick with that (barring any major complications/events/etc that would change their mind)?
    I more or less know if I want to get to know someone further but I usually don't know how I feel about someone the more I get to know them. Until I'm around someone day in and day out for a while it's kind of a big grey area.
    [ 4(69) "The Seeker"; IEI-2Ni (INFp) ]

  5. #215
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2014


    Quote Originally Posted by AutumnReverie View Post
    So here's the update! It is, however, epically I'll just link to my blog (you'll need to scroll down to "Romantic Developments")

    Advice and insight is needed (as usual ) and appreciated!
    What was the outcome here? I'm curious

  6. #216
    Senior Member AutumnReverie's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009


    Unfortunately the ending was not as exciting as all the build up. I decided to move out of state...but I did spend my last night there with him and his friends. We all had a very fun night and I gave him a mixed CD of songs that reminded me of him and some songs that I knew he would enjoy. Also, I gave him a card (as I did with all my few closest friend) saying that he was "The Best [insert all the unique fun facts I know and like about him] Friend that I have. And I will miss you."

    The end.
    After all,
    you're my wonderwall...

    {listen: }

  7. #217
    Junior Member
    Join Date
    May 2017


    i've hit the wall when i met another INFJ male recently.

    I thought that i'm pretty intuitive and could read people quite decently, but this guy is by far the only guy who makes me crazy whom i could sense very little from, or at least mixed signals.

    We were talking on a dating app for a week or two and he liked that I was very direct by asking for his number. In texts, he was really trying to be all good and nice and everything but sometimes he doesn't ask me much questions, usually i'm the one asking more questions than him.

    However, i was dropping hints that we could probably hang out later on a Saturday night, and he said that he had some things to pack and a short meal or something would be fine. I told him to let me know once he's done with his things. After a while he told me hes done with his stuff but we digressed a bit and stopped talking. An hour later he texted me asking what was I doing but i took it as a hint that he was wondering why haven't I asked him out. So I did although i'd be happier if he'd asked me out first. And I could see his little excitement as he was more involved in the planning than I do, though he asked for somewhere more affordable (he is a self-employed musician and travels a lot so he explained his financial status). He didn't offered to pay for my share of the meal. I thought it was understandable but I was a little taken aback.

    However, the whole interaction wasn't awkward as I imagined. He was pretty normal, asking questions, exploring a wide variety of topics. His body language told me that he wanted a hug when we were leaving but we were too far apart at the train station as I didn't expect him to ask for it. In texts, he is back to being cold in a way, only responding to questions but never ask much, though he always reply within half an hour or so.

    In general, what I sensed is him trying to maintain what he portrays on the surface (being chivalrous and nice) and at the same time very strongly hiding his true self. I couldn't tell who he really is and if he is actually interested in me or just trying to be nice. Could it be his self-esteem as well, as he tends to humble himself and disclaim that he's actually not that fit or cute or whatever and that I would be disappointed when I meet him and stuff like that. I mean, him seemingly not interested (by not asking much questions) but when I met him he seemed totally fine and that he didn't know that he was different in texts and irl. :/

    He's now away in the army for a few days so can't really talk to him. If he doesnt text me subsequently, should I be texting him, or just wait for him to text me and ask me out? I didn't wanna ask him out again or text him that much as I feel a little withdrawn after that day. I dont want to be seen as clingy or desperate.

    Sorry, I'm not the kind who expresses well, so I'm just asking for advices on what you think this INFJ might be up to.

  8. #218
    The Lost One Nico_D's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2015


    Quote Originally Posted by infinityJ View Post
    Sorry, I'm not the kind who expresses well, so I'm just asking for advices on what you think this INFJ might be up to.
    Hard to say without actually seeing it unfold but the feeling I get from reading your text (and I could be wrong) is that he's not that much into it is trying not to disappoint you instead. He may be careful not to hurt your feelings. Your reading of him wanting to hug may also be that he thinks you want a hug and is thinking about being polite and so on; your enthusiasm MAY be coloring your reading here.

    But it also could be something completely different like low self-esteem.

    Good luck.
    "The fact that an opinion has been widely held is no evidence whatever that it is not utterly absurd."
    - Bernard Russell

  9. #219
    Member Upnextup's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2017


    Honestly? I don't. Even when I'm craving interest in someone, I act regular. In that way, I'm hella shy.
    On the other hand though, I may go up and try and talk to you, but in a strictly friendly way.
    It's better to be hated for who you are than loved for who you're not.
    -a wise soul

  10. #220
    Senior Member Pluvio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2015


    I was never the whirlwind type of romantic where I am overtly obvious in my affections or actions that I wanted to be with someone. I was always subtle, but that did not meant that I wasn't hiding a smoldering passion for that person underneath. I go about things a little slower and cautiously than the average person, always a little on the shy side, but I did not mind being flirty even if it was done in a mild manner. I like to get to know that person through and through, asking them millions of questions so that they can reveal their souls to me on an ongoing basis. For this, I didn't have a lot of boyfriends back then because female classmates were much more open and moved quicker than I ever could. I love daydreaming about the person I love the most and fantasize about them. I like playing with "what if" and "what could be" between us inside my mind, and sometimes I'd take these small actions so as to start the series of events that could potentially bring us together in the long term. And if I'm unusually touchy and paying you compliments that go beyond what's platonic, then, I probably like you a lot, since it's very hard for me to throw those out at just anybody, especially face to face.

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