It sounds like to me you're looking at it from the POV that they've got this harem of women to choose from, pick one! But what if they don't want the options available to them? It seems like they don't have any problem connecting with these women, but none of them have what they're looking for. I can't say if they're being overly picky (what does that means in terms of a romantic relationship...are you supposed to take what you can get?) or stringing women hopelessly along. If these women have gotten together enough to notice this tendency then why are they hanging around or not making their own moves? Either they're also content as they are, or they have their own insecurities about taking it to another level.
Could you not also say that none of these women have asserted themselves enough to distinguish themselves from the others? They're waiting for these ENFJ guys to make the first move. My baseline belief is if someone flirts with me, it's nothing more than flirting. I do not assume they like me romantically. And if these are pretty flirty guys to begin with, then they may think when women flirt with them it's nothing serious behind it. It almost looks kind of pitiful to me, having all these girls around content to be in some guys harem or being chosen as the Lucky One.
I agree I wouldn't want to be a part of any kind of harem (and I have a policy of never competing for a guy - I will always step aside), but this isn't about me. I also have my ideas on flirting just as a past time and why it's mostly harmful, but that's a different discussion also.
I cannot say what these women have or have not done, or how they feel. I can only observe and go by what my ENFJ friends tell me. It doesn't seem these girls put themselves on hold and are secretly hoping, but I don't really know.
The women may not have any reason to think there could be more than a friendship because the ENFJ is not focusing on any one of them. If he's just sending flirty friend signals, they probably don't take him seriously. Like it or not, women usually want the man to initiate. The fact that they do seem to have "fan clubs" may be a turn off for these women, and actually it has been, as I mentioned above.
I think HeatherC's post described it much more succinctly. I don't think it all boils down to idealism in these particular guys though, but it's probably a part of it. It seems they doubt their own worth to broach the possibility with single women they seem to admire on every level (personality, appearance, etc). I mean, if it was an issue of not liking the options before you, then I totally get that, but that's not the complaints I am hearing. IDK, maybe they would come back at me with a list of supposed flaws in these women if I were to ask about them. Maybe I should ask, "What about so and so?" and see why they've ruled her out.
Interestingly, one ENFJ I know ended up marrying her best guy friend, in a very similar manner to what that Keirsey site says. She decided to see if they could be more than friends even though he wasn't her ideal in some ways (particularly looks), and now they are happily married. She just had to open her eyes to what was right in front of her. I'm sure all idealists need to do this at some points in their life.
I don't know anyone who is fully confident or doesn't have some sort of doubt when it comes to their romantic relationships. 99% sounds pretty good to me. People tend to get nervous and have all sorts of anxieties and fears when their heart is involved So, no offense, but I don't really view this as some particular ENFJ insight. I don't mean to sound harsh so please don't take it that way. This is the stuff most romcoms (that sounds so deliciously sinister!) and charmingly disarming independent films are made of, which to me implies it's prevalent enough for most people to identify with it.
The ever-present SELF-ESTEEM and INSECURITY bomb! Where is Mr. Munch when I need him?
Sure, but it manifests itself in different ways in different people. This is how it seems to show in ENFJs. An INFP's insecurity may prevent them from ever even forming any kind of relationship, much less taking a casual one to a deeper level.