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[ENFJ] Hangin with ENFJ's = Exhausting

Domino

ENFJ In Chains
Joined
Nov 5, 2007
Messages
11,429
MBTI Type
eNFJ
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
An I type will NEVER meet the social energy of an ENFJ. When my wife gets in one of these "extreme energy" moods I just let it go and dont try to match it. There could be a group of 7 sitting around the table and she is the one who holds the conversation 90% of the time and everyone enjoys it. They can get a group laughing, sometimes its at the expense of others. Think of it like a comedian talking about his family, they stretch and bend the truth to hit maximum effect with feelings. Put them in a serious setting in a group and you will start to see them get unsure of themselves. They are there to get everyone to have a good time.

Her energy when things are supposed to be fun is to much for me individually, I actually prefer group settings because it takes some of it off of me and she can let her energy ramp up instead of holding back. Things like going out shopping, driving around, etc when she is not trying to "make" me happy, we really have a good time. Can the OP give more specific examples of what exactly bothers you? From the sounds it is not the energy, but the context of where there conversations go when they reach this high state of energy. They go for maximum effect and sometimes it ends up being at the expense of others.

WTH?? I don't do that! What kind of messed up ENFJs do you people know??
 

Little Linguist

Striving for balance
Joined
Jun 23, 2008
Messages
6,880
MBTI Type
xNFP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Look, of course as an ENFJ you know exactly what can help the most in a situation. The dark side of that is that you know exactly what will cut to the quick as well. I admit I do 90% of the former, and sometimes 10% of the latter when I feel used, angry, and frustrated. If what Wonka told me is correct, this would be tertiary Se brandishing its ugly childish fist (Not in a healthy way as SPs would) and Fe and Ni tells you exactly how to do it. But this is the DARK side. Most ENFJs would not hurt a fly. :cry:
 

Poki

New member
Joined
Dec 4, 2008
Messages
10,436
MBTI Type
STP
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
WTH?? I don't do that! What kind of messed up ENFJs do you people know??

If you knew her family you would understand. No holds bars on making stabs at each other for maximum effect and its funny as hell. She knows I love her family and get along really good with them so I can make that statement.

edit: When I say serious setting, I am talking like a business setting where T is dominant in a large group setting. When I say unsure, I am comparing it to how outgoing and sure of themselves they are in a group setting that is more about F.
 

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
2,062
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
The ENFJ's and ESFJ's get ripped from all quadrants around here and I don't blame them in the slightest for being defensive after months and months and months of being reasonable. I don't know why that stupid " They're evil" garbage comes up, but it's ridiculous, and if anyone is terrified of a TYPE, they need to get professional help. I don't assume all ENTJ's are jerks just because I knew one that was. Critical thinking skills, please.
 

Goatman455

Permabanned
Joined
Sep 14, 2009
Messages
105
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
The ENFJ's and ESFJ's get ripped from all quadrants around here and I don't blame them in the slightest for being defensive after months and months and months of being reasonable. I don't know why that stupid " They're evil" garbage comes up, but it's ridiculous, and if anyone is terrified of a TYPE, they need to get professional help. I don't assume all ENTJ's are jerks just because I knew one that was. Critical thinking skills, please.



No one is ripping anyone here, we are just having a discussion. The OP said that he thanks people for their responses, is sorry a flame war happened and thinks it is best to move on and end this thread. I agree with him, and I think we should respect his wishes.
 

LadyJaye

Scream down the boulevard
Joined
Nov 6, 2007
Messages
2,062
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7w6
Instinctual Variant
so/sx
No one is ripping anyone here, we are just having a discussion. The OP said that he thanks people for their responses, is sorry a flame war happened and thinks it is best to move on and end this thread. I agree with him, and I think we should respect his wishes.

Perhaps it wasn't his intent to "rip" anyone, but he's new here, as are you, and the ENFJ's who post have taken thread after thread about how overwhelming they are, and how exhausting their presence is, so this thread comes on the heels of all of this. Don't expect any of them to be wringing out sympathy for one more introvert who feels rolled over on by another big bad ENFJ. Or ESFJ. ( And we're taking their word for that typing, as we don't know these offenders ourselves). I would be fed up with it too if I were them.

Oh, and the word " whiny" used as a descriptor of the people one is disagreeing with is a poor choice if the intent was to communicate, rather than to be right. That sort of thing just makes people's ears shut off because it's accusatory.
 

Phoenix_400

New member
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
297
MBTI Type
INxP
Enneagram
5w6
Perhaps it wasn't his intent to "rip" anyone, but he's new here, as are you, and the ENFJ's who post have taken thread after thread about how overwhelming they are, and how exhausting their presence is, so this thread comes on the heels of all of this.

I believe I already apologized for the wording of my title and the negative tone it created. I believe I tried to clarify my statements further into the posts and get people to understand that I DO in fact enjoy their company. I'm just trying to get through a small rough spot due to differences in personality.

Don't expect any of them to be wringing out sympathy for one more introvert who feels rolled over on by another big bad ENFJ

THIS...THIS is crossing the line. You don't know me. You don't know my friends. I think the world of them and they mean EVERYTHING to me. Coming from a broken home, I don't have any close connections with any of my blood. My friends ARE my family.

God Forbid, I came here for advice on how to approach them about my problem. How inconsiderate of me to know how much they love their friends and how much it would hurt them to think they accidentally wronged me. God, I'm such a fucking bastard, being concerned about their happiness and wellbeing.

The fact that you are trying to paint me in the light of having ANY negative feelings for my friends upsets me greatly. In fact, it downright pisses me the fuck off. I have nothing but the utmost love and respect for my friends and you have NO right to personally attack me on this.

If you were trying to get an emotional response out me, CONGRATULATIONS!!! You've succeeded.
 
Last edited by a moderator:

Tikka

New member
Joined
Aug 15, 2009
Messages
133
MBTI Type
INFJ
Looking at this discussion, I think I might reconsider being an INFJ instead. ;)
 

Koocoomoo

New member
Joined
Mar 27, 2009
Messages
127
MBTI Type
iNFp
Enneagram
4w3?
Yeah, ENFJs can mean well but also generally have this thing that I believe roots from insecurity where their ego just takes over. They just start trying to act a certain way, and it comes across as very arrogant, it can be very annoying. Then when you try and be honest they just shut down or get angry because they can't face the prospect of someone criticizing them.

GOD that is SO TRUE!! haha.
 

Zoom

Self sustaining supernova
Joined
Feb 12, 2009
Messages
1,045
Enneagram
9w8
Do they taste like chicken? :coffee:
 

a24kar

New member
Joined
Apr 8, 2009
Messages
22
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
1
I would simply like to support Goatman445's arguement "Happyman"
 

proteanmix

Plumage and Moult
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
5,514
Enneagram
1w2
You all have obviously never ate children before.

Chilean sea bass, with a tangy flavor depending on if they've had colic or not.
 

Phoenix_400

New member
Joined
Sep 1, 2009
Messages
297
MBTI Type
INxP
Enneagram
5w6
I'm allergic to children, so I wouldn't know. Heard they go great with bbq sauce, but then, what doesn't?

Am I missing out on something here?
 

Lauren Ashley

Revelation
Joined
Aug 19, 2008
Messages
3,067
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
You all have obviously never ate children before.

Chilean sea bass, with a tangy flavor depending on if they've had colic or not.

Oh, we were talking about children? I thought we were talking about ENFJs. Hmmm... *sucks out marrow from bone*
 

Drezoryx

New member
Joined
Sep 15, 2009
Messages
213
MBTI Type
ENTp
babies sound yummm.... mind passing the leg? :devil:

enfjs or any type would not appreciate needless or judgmental criticism. be honest, be polite, learn some tact do it in private and everyone will appreciate a pointer for improvement where there is scope. if you dont have energy to approach an enfj then is it his/her problem? :D
 

Happyman

New member
Joined
Apr 28, 2008
Messages
261
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4w5
Oh, man.. I've started a serious discussion culinaire

I don't know about other ENFJs, but I taste like honey. :D
 
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