[ENFP] Hate an ENFP? Tell us why!

[Mempy]

I hate how enfp's take everything to heart. Everyone in the world can love them and then when one person doesn't they do everything they can to change that, almost destroying themselves in the process. It's not healthy!

Luckily they're split personality comes and has a conversation that goes like this...
Self 1: Dude what's wrong?
Self 2: I've been ignored for two weeks man, i feel like shit. I understand now why people consider suicide an alternative...
Self 1: Seriously? Come off it! Stop being a lil whiny ass. You're the coolest kid you know man!
Self 2: Then why is she ignoring me?
Self 1: Cause she needs a shrink and is scared and whatnot. Not your problem man. Buck up.
Self 2: Wait what? I'm cool?
Self 1: Hell yes! You're cool and funny and people love you.
Self 2: Ah yeah they do! I totally forgot... man I missed me...
Self 1: I missed you too man.

Of course this was all hypothetical and um I in no way experienced this this week....um... I uh saw a friend, yeah! A friend go through it.... :whistles:

Lol, this has been my experience with ENFPs as well. It makes you want to hug them and say, "Aw, come on, you're SOOO awesome!"

 

[arcticangel02]

No, I love ENFPs! They can become emotionally frazzled and anxious just like the rest of us, but I relate to them well and enjoy their exciting and endearing mannerisms, jokes and thoughts. They're so fascinating and poetic, with so many dimensions. They're usually profoundly poetic and use the most bang-on, unique phrasings when they write. They often have a fascinating vigor for life, and a biting (I mean, OW!) wit too (when you piss them off or snub them). Actually, I'm thinking of one ENFP friend in particular when I write all this, so it probably doesn't apply to all ENFPs. But I love her, and I LVE you guys. *group hug*

Aww. You've gotta love your type when you get this sort of response in a 'Hate me!' thread.

 

[qazzaq]

...well ..what I hate about ENFP's , and by default , myself, .. is...

A) The laziness .
It's the strong P that causes the trouble here... I wish I had some J, just a little ... and then maybe, just maybe, I could accomplish something great ...like saving the world , I'm like a lazy Superman,..
I hate it, it's a curse.

B) The semi-complete handover of decision making to introverted Feeling.
This results in unreliability , and general flakiness.
One moment they are really excited about an idea (like going to the rock concert) and make plans and pay for tickets,
only to do a complete 180 later, on a whim ,because they "don't feel like it" .


...the list could go on, but I'm tired.

 

[shen]

i hate being me when i cant make a desicion, or procrastinate, oh god ive got tons to do and i turn into the bionic woman at three in the morning and remember something....then i'm studying till noon,papers everywhere, last minute thinking, gets me everywhere....
hating confrontation, i just get all flustered....then think about it later when i'm not so overwhelmed and get angry at myself for not speaking up.
conflict with someone i love, just gets me crying i cant get my words out straight and start slavering( or go into silence cos of fear ....but that stems from a twisting bullying aggressive ex.) ive obviously done something, then paranoia sets in.
unless its someone that irritates, and ive no probs there
and when someone dont love or like me...oooo, its makes me wanna love 'em more until they finally admit they think i'm ok, then i get all excited and feel fuzzy and i feel safe.

 

[brazz]

I'm the same way. I feel like I like discussions, but not confrontations. I like sweeping things under the rug.

I feel like my dad might be an ENFP as well (we're the same in nearly everything else). And I hate being compared to him because he annoys me so much. He might be the only person I try to avoid versus try to get closer to. I don't like people knowing what I'm like.

But then again, he's very much the type of person that wants to get things out in the open. I want to keep things hidden under the rug and pretend they're not there for the sake of the relationship.

Whenever I talk about something I'm scared about talking, I tear up, even if it's not something I'm particularly emotionally attached to. It happened today; I know what I want to say and my words get jumbled and I tear up.

It's annoying.

But when someone pisses me off and gets me going political, I can find the words pretty quickly.

Does anyone else feel like they're fair? I always feel like everyone else is so concerned about themselves and don't think about FAIRNESS, but that might just be because I always think I'm right and that everyone else is wrong.

Maybe a better question would be address to non-ENFPs. Do you think that ENFPs tend to be more just or balanced?

Without getting too political and without discussing specifics, how many ENFPs here are liberal? Conservative? Apathetic?

I'm a staunch liberal and whenever I find myself siding with an issue, I think of it in a very global perspective and try to think of what would be fairest to EVERYONE (not just the majority).

 

[CzeCze]

I used to struggle with vacillating between bluntly letting people how I feel and expressing a "negative" emotion like anger, irritation, disapproval.

I think honestly, if my experience is indicative of the ENFP functions -- no matter how badly I wanted to or tried to make myself, it was SO FRICKIN HARD to be assertive in those situations.

ENFPs are socially assertive in other ways, but not in the 'expressing negativity' way. I was alway AFRAID. Of what? Just AFRAID. And specificlaly afraid of the backlash I imagined I would get.

So, again, the only way I got through it was repetition, repetition, repetition.

I had to encounter a LOT of assholes and conflict -- i.e. "growth opportunities" and with each one just eke it out a little more.

I knew if this 'gradual step by step' approach did not work, that one day I would just reach my limit and just say fuck it and go off on the world.

I didn't quite do that, but I did reach my limit.

I think ENFPs are very balance/fairness oriented, and when you look at the big picture, by a certain point in your life, you will have been a doormat and a chicken and been taken advantage of so many times in life, it is now your ethical DUTY to set the balance right by becoming a hardass.

Does that help?

Plus, seriously, once you go through the drill enough, you desensitize yourself. And you've seen enough folks tryingn to pull a fast one or rationalize or try to bully you or someone else that you have been there done that.

Try imagining you are an ISTJ or ESTJ or ISTP or something and check that person but quick!

Consider it an excercise in studying behavior.

 

[qazzaq]

I

I think ENFPs are very balance/fairness oriented, and when you look at the big picture, by a certain point in your life, you will have been a doormat and a chicken and been taken advantage of so many times in life, it is now your ethical DUTY to set the balance right by becoming a hardass.

mmmmm. interesting point.
I think there is a difference between being a doormat/chicken and looking at the big picture. I let lots of things slide that I probably shouldn't , and don't want to either, ....but I know that in the big picture those things don't really matter.

 

[CzeCze]

mmmmm. interesting point.
I think there is a difference between being a doormat/chicken and looking at the big picture. I let lots of things slide that I probably shouldn't , and don't want to either, ....but I know that in the big picture those things don't really matter.

You know I agree, there's a fine line between being able to let something go because "you don't mind that much" and letting something go because "you don't want to deal with it"

I think with ENFP, we are both global thinkers as well as care a lot about social harmony, so it's a blurry line as to the reason we let things go.

I think it's a combo for me and sometimes I know intellectually I let someone off easy but overall I don't care, I'm just relieved "everything is okay"

And sometimes I'm left fuming after the fact.

My new rule of thumb now is I have 1 shot to deal with something. If I let it go in the moment, I let it go in the future. I don't dwell on things nor do I run that movie in my head of "what if". This is great motivation to be honest in the moment, do and say what I feel I need to, and let the cards fall where they may.

And I don't think ENFP's give ourselves enough credit.

I think by 'conflict' people on the thread are referring to ANGER and HOSTILITY and SHOUTING and VIOLENCE or the THREAT OF VIOLENCE. But most conflict is not that serious. Conflict happens everyday you leave your house and even when you stay in it. It's humans interacting and not all being robots or exactly the same.

And we're PEOPLE people, that means we are hard-wired to know how to graciously handle conflict. Even when you think you are AVOIDING a potential conflict, you are actually handling it. I think ENFPs handle conflict without considering it's conflict.

I think ENFPs don't give ourselves enough credit. Seriously, we're not wusses! Well, okay, I am a wuss in certain realms, but overall I think I embody the 'crusader' part of ENFP (remember, we're crusaders! fighting the good fight!)

 

[Roger Mexico]

Anyone else ever been stood up repeatedly by an ENFP (I think) "date"?

Then tried to confront him/her about it, only to get some lame excuse for them forgetting about you that's delivered with those puppy-dog eyes, so you decide to give them another chance? Then they forget about you AGAIN?

I'm laid-back, I'm NP, I'm not a stickler for tightly maintained schedules. But goddamnit if you say you're going to be around at 10:00, goddamn BE AROUND AT 10:00!

 

[findthejake]

I would never stick up a date... but im also not a woman

 

[Roger Mexico]

I would never stick up a date... but im also not a woman

It wasn't like a commited "date" date, but still... She didn't even remember it until I confronted her, and she had the gall to take a "I was tired; why are you mad at me?" attitude. So I say OK, let's do something else... Then it's round 2 of the same shit. And it's not like she was blowing me off completely, cause when she wants to hang out it's all smiles and "don't be late." Should I just assume she doesn't understand the concept of a "plan"?

 

[runvardh]

I would never stick up a date... but im also not a woman

It's a good thing you're showing yourself to be a nice reasonable guy or this line would attract some flamage.

 

[findthejake]

Dude roger, ENFP's can be flirtatious but if immature will have a hard time following through on anything.

Interested in everyone but committed to no one.

 

[Roger Mexico]

Dude roger, ENFP's can be flirtatious but if immature will have a hard time following through on anything.

Interested in everyone but committed to no one.

Yeah, I figured. It would never work, but they always get inside my head and won't leave.

 

[LadyJaye]

Dude roger, ENFP's can be flirtatious but if immature will have a hard time following through on anything.

Interested in everyone but committed to no one.

Wow. That was succinctly put, and so accurate. It really makes me dislike my type right now.

A common problem with NF's is that it's impossible to not be aware of other's psychological needs, and have an earnest desire to contribute to the emotional well being of everyone around them. But, it can cause a false sense of specialness on the receiving side, like the person might be more uniquely loved by the NF than they actually are, which can understandably lead to hurt feelings and resentment. For myself, I know that I can't turn off my immediate response to connect with others, but I make a serious and concerted effort to curb what I say and do in order to not be misleading.

 

[CzeCze]

Wow. That was succinctly put, and so accurate. It really makes me dislike my type right now.

A common problem with NF's is that it's impossible to not be aware of other's psychological needs, and have an earnest desire to contribute to the emotional well being of everyone around them. But, it can cause a false sense of specialness on the receiving side, like the person might be more uniquely loved by the NF than they actually are, which can understandably lead to hurt feelings and resentment. For myself, I know that I can't turn off my immediate response to connect with others, but I make a serious and concerted effort to curb what I say and do in order to not be misleading.

And the flip to this is that people that I really really like and want to strengthen my ties to -- they don't seem nearly as responsive as I would like! *pout*

I don't get it. I think I'm pretty awesome...why don't they think so???

Hahahah, seriously though, I think I have heard other ENFPs mention this, how sometimes other people assume the ENFP has no time for them or is too flighty.

I think when I am interested in getting to know someone better, I'm pretty clear about it...

So maybe when people don't show as much interest in me, I should just take it that "they're just not into you CzeCze".

And I'm not just talking about romantic interests, I mean people in general.

Actually...I take this back, I make a concerted effort for a while and then I just give up. And try again. And give up. And try again.

When it comes to romantic relations, it's something that I've really been working on to be straight forward and get it right the first time and just move clearly ahead one way or the other, instead of playing this fluctuating never ending cycle of flirting and ambiguity.

Wow...I just totally validated Roger's grief, didn't I?

Yeah...I can see how others can find frustration with us...

 

[Domino]

my twin dawdles and makes me repeat myself. also, when she finally stops being the awesome supportive genuinely kind person i'm used to, she turns into what i like to call "pop-n-fresh with a ray gun" -- she's twenty times meaner than any human being alive. i have scientific proof.

otherwise, she's been nothing but a huge help to me. i really don't have a big gripe. when we manage to get into a row, it's usually "no, YOU're psycho!" back and forth for about ten minutes and then it's over.

 

[Domino]

Yeah...I can see how others can find frustration with us...

i think NFPs overestimate how much waffling around they do. the ones i've met, both male and female, have more of a tendency to declare that they're waffling and being annoying, than they actually ARE waffling and being annoying.

 

[quietgirl]

And the flip to this is that people that I really really like and want to strengthen my ties to -- they don't seem nearly as responsive as I would like! *pout*

I don't get it. I think I'm pretty awesome...why don't they think so???

Hahahah, seriously though, I think I have heard other ENFPs mention this, how sometimes other people assume the ENFP has no time for them or is too flighty.

I know you're half joking, but this is something that seems to be a constant problem for my ENFP best friend. My question is.... What exactly are you looking for in a response from someone you like? The thing I see troubling my best friend the most is that she has such high standards for this response that she writes off people WAY too soon because she assumes they are not interested. Then afterwards, her self esteem gets crushed & I'm left saying, "but he WAS interested in you! You gave him signals that YOU weren't interested!". Another thing she does when she is interested in someone is find something to criticize & turn her off about them - thus preventing getting attached. Then I'll end up dating someone & she wonders why she isn't dating someone - but she would've already written off the guy I am dating in the first week! This frustrates me because it is so hard to give her advice without hurting her feelings, but I know that the one thing she really wants is the one thing she seems to constantly push away.

I also notice that I tend to keep in touch with people better than her, while she expects to just pick up where she left off with people & everything always be the same with them. I've seen her hurt on a few occasions when other people do not respond to her when she suddenly reappears in their life after a long absence.

 

[mysavior]

I know you're half joking, but this is something that seems to be a constant problem for my ENFP best friend. My question is.... What exactly are you looking for in a response from someone you like? The thing I see troubling my best friend the most is that she has such high standards for this response that she writes off people WAY too soon because she assumes they are not interested. Then afterwards, her self esteem gets crushed & I'm left saying, "but he WAS interested in you! You gave him signals that YOU weren't interested!". Another thing she does when she is interested in someone is find something to criticize & turn her off about them - thus preventing getting attached. Then I'll end up dating someone & she wonders why she isn't dating someone - but she would've already written off the guy I am dating in the first week! This frustrates me because it is so hard to give her advice without hurting her feelings, but I know that the one thing she really wants is the one thing she seems to constantly push away.

I also notice that I tend to keep in touch with people better than her, while she expects to just pick up where she left off with people & everything always be the same with them. I've seen her hurt on a few occasions when other people do not respond to her when she suddenly reappears in their life after a long absence.

What they want, IMO is...

Constant attention and acknowledgement.

When you can't give them attention, you need to give an overdone and thorough explanation that makes it absolutely clear that you are not blowing them off in any way, and are not devaluing them, or "sticking" one to them at all.

I am throwing my opinion into the mix (I'm an INTP) simply because sometimes people can't put into words WHAT they want.